Honestly, no one's given a shit in the past 25 years. Yet as always, with mondo-stratospheric celeb death comes a whole stadium full of dusty grievances. With the fire vid now shocking the internets, the fire safety inspector at the shoot, Captain Don Donester ("DON DONester" - what clever parents he had!) blames director Giraldi for making Jackson stand under the sparks longer so the popstar would "look more majestic."

C'mon, admit it. The moonwalk with one's hair in flames? Chilling, yes. But it does look pretty Olympian.

TMZ called up Giraldi for a response. He said, "That's not true. Whatever." Click. Dial tone. Wow, what a prick!

In true canned spokespersonspeak, Pepsi's response was also a hair toss and shoulder shrug.

We don't know what that footage is. It's 25 years ago. We don't know who owns it, so we have no recourse as far as I know. I can only tell you what I know. We didn't put it up and we don't know where it came from.

Guess they're bitter their latest slogan, "Refresh Everything," hasn't registered with anyone anywhere nohow.

The video clearly shows Jackson doing a few pyrotechnics takes safely and then, on the sixth, everything goes disastrously wrong and his hair is set ablaze. It almost looks as though Jackson doesn't notice it at first, until some guy runs on and just sprays him in the fucking face with a fire extinguisher.

"It never looks good," Hamm admits. "It's a pain." Well it certainly pains us to see it so lank and limp. Do you overcondition, Jon? Under shampoo? Is it dyed? So many questions.

The bangs! The bangs are not right. Sure, they're sort of reminiscent of someone from a different era. But not the right person. Or era.

Egads. Hamm says he's always worn his hair long, but had to cut it for Mad Men, in which — for the uninitiated — he plays a 1960s ad exec. Apparently the stylists on the show use hairspray and blow dryers for the "hard shell" on Don Draper's head, which Hamm says has come in handy: "I've had a piece of the set fall on my head and my hair didn't move. I had seven stitches in my head and my hair didn't move. That's impressive." Not impressive? These Davy Jones-ian wisps. The GF looks amazing, though!

Weed whacker. That is the only plausible explanation. He cut his hair with a weed whacker.

That sound you just heard was a million ladyboners withering. Libido levels fall down go boom.

Behold: Jon Hamm gives up. Without the talented hairstylists from Mad Men, he has no clue what to do with the testy tresses that top his head.


Unfortunately, Don Draper's hair — and the AMC series — is still in peril: The network still doesn't have a deal with Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner to make more episodes. "We can't do the show without Matthew," Hamm tells Fox 411's Roger Friedman. "Of course, you 'can' do it, but you know you can't."

'Mad Men' Star's Hair Is 'Bane Of My Existence' [CNN]
'Mad Men' On Thin Ice? [Fox 411]
Earlier: Don Draper Steps Out Of Time Machine
Related: The 8 Worst Hairdos A Man Can Have

[Lead image AMC/Splashpic; gallery images via Getty.]

Boomp3.com

Leaving his Manhattan apartment, Tom Cruise claimed that his edgy and stylized haircut was not the result of months of focus group testing, but rather the result of sleeping on the wrong side of the bed last night. Cruise said, “The MGM research department did not meet with my hair squad to create a haircut to maintain popular internet buzz amongst gamers and bloggers. It’s windy and a bit cold this afternoon.” Cruise also mentioned that he might have used a bit too much hair gel before leaving his apartment.

Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.