"If you choose to attack me again may I suggest something witty about me creating the show Yes Dear or just simply a joke about the fact that I’m bald. Both true.

"As far as you being psychotic, anyone who thinks NBC wouldn’t do everything they could to promote a great show like 30 Rock, which they own, over a show like My Name is Earl, which they don’t, is a tad nutty.

"Good luck with the Emmys and don’t forget to tune in for the one hour season premiere of My Name is Earl September 25th."

I asked Garcia how it was so many blogs had decided he was a Scientologist. "It started with a story in [the London] Mirror," he said, which had pronounced him a Scientologist because several Earl cast members are Scientologists. "It amused me and, since then, it's just become common knowledge. But I am in fact born and raised Catholic."

"Maybe the reason enough people aren’t watching 30 Rock to make Mr. Baldwin happy is because Alec Baldwin is so unlikable as a person. 30 Rock is a really funny show. And Alec Baldwin is funny as long as someone else is writing his words. When left to his own devices, he sounds like a psychotic narcissist who whines about being rich for 8 pages in The New Yorker."

"Instead of blaming NBC, I think Alec should consider that some people in America may not want to watch a man who cusses out his own 11 year old daughter on a phone message, calling her a “rude thoughtless little pig.” It’s a shame that the people who produce such a funny show have to put up with such a distasteful man on a daily basis. It makes me thankful to have such a wonderful cast on My Name is Earl, a show that is still going strong and has helped bring an audience to 30 Rock over the last few years. You’re welcome, Alec.

Oh, and the reason NBC occasionally puts on an hour-long episode of Earl is because an hour of Earl gets better ratings than an Earl followed by a 30 Rock. It’s called math, stupid."

Huzzah! We've got to admit, nothing warms our cockles like a good ole fashioned catfight between two strong anchors of NBC's Thursday night lineup. We would think that Ben Silverman would be able to bring peace to these warring factions, but then again, it's a crapshoot as to whether or not he's even showing up for work these days. Our only piece of advice at this point is directed to Greg Garcia: if Alec Baldwin decides to ring you up this afternoon, be sure to let that call go straight to voicemail.

PREVIOUSLY: Inside Alec Baldwin: A 'Nudist,' A 'Homosexual,' A Rock Music Aficionado, And a Tormented Soul

"This wound up a really positive thing," Garcia said.

"It didn't turn me off from fast food. In fact, it was really the opposite. The place was unbelievably clean. The people whom I worked with were great. And the work itself was fun. Really. I worked hard — cashiering, cleaning the bathrooms. A few days in, they liked me so much they asked me to join their management team."

And on his way out the door, besides coming clean, Garcia gifted one co-worker whom he had befriended with a cashier's check for $10,000, which left the employee "confused, then excited. It was just something I felt I wanted to do."

But how did the people in charge of the restaurant react when they got wind of who Garcia really was?

"They were concerned at first because they were worried I might be doing some sort of expose," he said. "After we spoke, they felt good about the whole thing. And so did I."

We suppose it remains to be seen whether or not Garcia will actually adapt his fast food experiences for an Earl episode or be content leave it as a fun and heartwarming story he decided to share only with some friends, colleagues and several thousand trade-paper subscribers. In any case, getting off the set long enough to reconnect with one's creative inspiration is an idea virtually any artist toiling in the sheltered world of sitcoms should seriously consider; we look forward to one day hearing a moving story about the lucky exotic-dancing beneficiary of Two and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen's largesse, and how she was able to make a down payment on a new house following the 30-day stint as a Spearmint Rhino DJ the actor used to revive his flagging enthusiasm for a character he's been playing for five seasons.

• Garcia's a regular (or diet) guy [THR]