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Eldersex Is Comedy Gold

Richard Lawson — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 11:15:00 EDT

Today little men take on big roles, J.Lo finds her vampiric costar, Gore Vebinski takes a breather for himself, Leah Remini glows like moondust, and old people get it on in hilarious fashion.

Gore Verbinski, who's directed some of the biggest hits in Hollywood from Mousehunt to The Mexican (oh, kidding, also The Ring) will not direct the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie. He directed the first three, but now he's done. He wants to take time to sit down, have a glass of red wine, gather his creative thoughts, and do something artistic. Like directing Bioshock, a movie based on a videogame. One for us, one for you, Gore. [Variety] Meanwhile Larry Charles, the fellow behind Borat, Bruno, and Curb Your Enthusiasm, has settled on his next movie. It's called Winter's Discontent. And it's about old people fucking. So. [Variety]

The sexy hunk of undead flesh from Moonlight, Alex O'Loughlin, has landed the starring role in the next Jennifer Q. Lopez film. It's about artificial insemination and, one would assume, big butts. [Variety] Sexy glowing green hunk of space rocks Leah Remini, who whirs like a spaceship and can speak Venusian, has landed a role in the hilarious-sounding ABC comedy pilot Don't Try This at Home (like the warning thing from things!). It's about, get this wacky plot, marriage and relationships and having kids in the suburbia and stuff. I know it sounds really out there, but give it a chance. I mean, we need new ideas in these worrisome times. [THR]

Notoriously short actor Al Pacino will be playing notoriously short warmonger Napoleon in a new film to be directed by the guy who did The Painted Veil. I just want to see Pacino in the hat. That's all. [THR] Speaking of power-mad world leaders who will stop at nothing to slake their unslakable bloodthirst, Sony has picked up international distribution rights for the new documentary We the People: The Election of Barack Obama. The filmmaker, sadly, has been missing since he turned in a print of the polemic to his producers, six months ago. He's expected to be found in a ditch somewhere in Colombia, his head cut off. Because that's the kind of guy Obama is. Just awful. [THR]

Warners Buys 'Drink, Play, F@&k' On Strength Of Title Alone

Seth — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:10:00 EDT

· Warner Bros. purchased the rights to the upcoming book Drink, Play, F@#K, a parody of chick-lit bestseller Eat, Pray, Love, in which a man "goes on a bender in Ireland, takes a gambling jaunt to Las Vegas and a embarks on a sex-tourism trip to Thailand." The hope is to launch a new guy-friendly franchise, with a sequel—Puke, Broke, AIDS—already in the works. [THR]
· Incomprehensible-pirate-trilogy-directing genius Gore Verbinski has signed a three-year deal with Universal, where his adaptation of the videogame Bioshock is currently in development. [Variety]
· Mark Ruffalo, last of the great Ruffalos that once covered the majestic American plains, will direct Sympathy for Delicious, about "a paralyzed DJ struggling to survive in his wheelchair on the streets of L.A." We think we can picture it: Sort of Wheels meets Glitter. [Variety]
· Aging tween idol Amanda Bynes has shaken free of CAA's deathlock embrace, disappointed that the best material they've brought her in the past six months is a script for She's The Man 2: Basic Training and an opportunity to parody the Nikki Blonsky airport beatdown on Mad TV. [THR]
·CBS is hoping to develop a series based on the book Confessions of a Contractor, but producers keep pushing up the pilot finish date and demanding more money if they expect the wiring to meet city standards. (Honk!) [Variety]

'Bioshock' Eludes Uwe Boll's Kiss Of Hacky Death

Seth — Fri, 09 May 2008 16:15:00 EDT

· We're not really sure how studios divvy up video game titles, deciding a Postal or Bloodrayne needs to land on the pile with flies buzzing around it marked "For Uwe," while saving a property like Bioshock for a crowd-pleasing effects wizard like Gore Verbinski, but there you have it: Verbinksi will direct Universal's big-screen adaptation. (We know, we know: It's a classic. Release it from its Microsoft shackles, so we can at least all be on the same page.) [Variety]
· Alexander Payne has been attached to direct the buzzed-about pilot Hung—featuring a well-endowed protagonist who "figures out a way to use his best asset"—for HBO. His agents are currently awaiting their package fee. Rimshot! [Variety]

· Stephen McPherson has signed a "multiyear deal" as president of ABC Entertainment. A Snookies basket, card attached reading, "Congrats on the re-up, D-girl! Love, Ben" is on its way as we speak. [Variety]
· The Gong Show is coming back, in a revival on Comedy Central set to be hosted by Dave Attell. On a personal note, this comes as thrilling news to us, as we've not yet found a wide enough platform with which to thrill millions with our "Have You Got a Nickel?" act. [Variety]
· MTV has purchased a competitive reality show from Justin Timberlake and FreemantleMedia called The Phone, which is based on a Dutch format (what is it with those Dutch and their wacky reality show ideas!) that "[plunges] the contestants into a real life Bourne Identity." We're not sure what that means, but we hope it involves having them break each other's windpipes with the spine of a paperback. [THR]