Abdul made the morning show rounds this a.m., ostensibly to bang the synth-drum loudly for the upcoming Idol season, and perhaps address some questions regarding the tragic suicide of Xtreme Abdul superfan Paula Goodspeed outside the singer's home last month. In the clip above, GMA host Robin Roberts is somehow held hostage by Abdul's endless spiel for her "Forever Your Girl" line of pill-bottle-totes and faux-fur krazy-kozies. Roberts is obviously a patient and lovely woman, but we think the occasion really called for her to grab Paula by the shoulders, shake her firmly, and shout, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, STOP TALKING ABOUT MESH BANDANAS FOR THREE SECONDS AND SHOW A LITTLE GRIEF FOR SOME KID DELUDED ENOUGH INTO THINKING YOU WERE WORTH STALKING!"

A little later at The View, noted fascinatingologist Barbara Walters managed to get the singer to open up about Goodspeed's death. In the potpourri of sluggish Paulaisms compiled for you below, Abdul reveals their relationship pre-dated Idol by a decade. That fact didn't seem to prevent Goodspeed's humiliating audition from making it to air, though we understand this year's background-check questionnaire will be markedly more stringent: So much as a "mildy agree" response on question #17 ("I have sacrificed an animal in the name of one of the show's judges or hosts") will result in immediate removal from consideration.

Tinker Bell isn't traditionally the first Disney starlet one's mind wanders to when hoping to be aroused by hand-drawn family entertainment. She's not Ariel, glistening with salt water in a revealing oysterkini top. She's not the gorgeous Esmeralda—the Demi Moore-voiced Hunchback of Notre Dame gypsy enchantress who seduced the deformed gonger with one bat of her emerald eyes. She's not Pocahontas, Mulan, Jasmine, or Belle, either. What is she, anyway? Is she a child? A grown woman? Would she fly up your pants in a darkened theater? And—perhaps most of all—what is it that makes her first-ever broadcast interview with GMA's Chris Cuomo so deeply unsettling? Probably their sexy/creepy chemistry. Jeez, get a room or take it behind the Wishing Tree, will you guys, already?

• Disney's Creepiest Sexy Animated Female Leads Awards [Village Voice]

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• The Bachelorette

Since Nixon, mother of two, started her four-year relationship with education activist Christine Marinoni, Nixon's children had to adjust from the standard Mommy and Daddy household to the more modern two-mom arrangement. And as Nixon explains, she most often answers to "Mommy" and the shorter-haired Christine is known as "Mom." But confusion still abounds: "Sometimes my son says 'Mom!' and it's obvious he means both of us." In any case, relationships lasting this long are a rarity in Hollywood, and we're glad Nixon's found a way to make the gossip-attracting union last. While the timing of her announcement is slightly suspect (Nixon was diagnosed in 2006, and SATC: The Movie comes out next month), we're going to give her the benefit of the doubt and applaud her for telling her story at a time when she's guaranteed to get the most press. Manipulative? Who cares. The bigger an audience she has, the better.

• GOOD MORNING AMERICA [ABC]

During an inspired riff in which she coveted Diane Sawyer ripe, pillowy lips, the iconic screen comedienne lamented how scoring such a genetic good fortune would have allowed her the luxury of not having "to work on my fucking personality." However many millions the slip ends up costing ABC in FCC fines, however, we'd argue was worth it, for it really required something as potent as an f-bomb dropped by a toilet-mouthed showbiz veteran in a turtleneck to finally dispel the stubborn whiff of brainwashing hanging around the studio since yesterday's broadcast.

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