The appropriation continues! Another old-timey throwbacky kinda thing will be made into a movie, because no one knows what else to do anymore. Remember Castlevania, that sorta-creepy, sorta-silly vampire videogame from long ago? It will be a movie now. Directed by the guy who directed Saw. Sigh. [Variety]

Wow, does Mila Kunis keep defying the odds (whither Wilmer, Laura, Topher, and Danny?) and getting work. She'll next star opposite Natalie Portman in a new Darren Aronofsky movie. Quite a get! The film is Black Swan, a "supernatural drama" about a ballet dancer (Portman) who is haunted by a rival (Kelso's girlfriend). [THR]

Robert Downey Jr. is jumping on another gravy train, this one called the Todd Phillips express. He's signed on to star opposite Zach Galifianakis in Due Date, a buddy road trip comedy. Which Phillips does a lot of! So, capable hands and all that. [Variety]

Moon Bloodgood, who didn't embarrass herself in Terminator Salvation but didn't ennoble herself either, has been cast in the Spielberg-produced TNT pilot that is about aliens invading. The tentative title is Not 'V', Sorry Elizabeth Mitchell. (Not really). [THR]

Speaking of the Kunis-factor! Her new Mike Judge comedy Extract, got a "warm" reception at Comic-Con this year. What this movie has to do with comics is a mystery. Is it that Jason Bateman sorta looks like a cartoon? [Variety]

Out of 15 TV channels, HBO has topped (heh) GLAAD's Network Responsibility Index. NBC and CBS failed. Unsurprisingly. Please make David Caruso gay on CSI. 'Twould be hilarious. [THR]

The editor of the Gay Socialites blog reveals that he was recently asked to take part in...well, we're just going to let you find out yourself, because discovery is fun:

After a few minutes of talking with one of the Associate Producers on the telephone today, I found out that I'm not gay enough for Tyra Banks. The AP told me that Tyra was looking for someone who was a bit more "queeny" to participate in "Gay Town", a reality experience for "The Tyra Banks Show."

From what I was told, Tyra is going to lock a bunch of gays, lesbians and bi-sexual people in a room and observe how they act in different situations. Then in a few days, Tyra will bring the gays on-set to talk about their experience.

Excellence in Media! We can't wait to see Gay Town (run by Mayor William Sledd and hysterical Deputy Mayor Chris Crocker) flourish in a boom stereotype economy, only to crumple when crafty producers take away video cameras, internet access to Pink is the New Blog, and flat-irons.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Not gay enough for Tyra Banks? [GaySocialites.com]

First of all, some background: as we know all too well at this point, Joaquin Phoenix has grown out a beard and is pursuing a stunty fake career as a rap singer for what is clearly, clearly a mockumentary directed by Casey Affleck.

Also, your associate editor was inebriated at the party where he snapped this picture.

Anyway, let's try to figure this thing out.

REASONS WHY IT COULD BE JOAQUIN PHOENIX:

· Phoenix had a high-profile rap performance in Vegas on Friday (pictured at left). That's close enough to Park City!

· The beard growth is about the same on both d-bags. The blond wig on the Sundance d-bag (which threw us off) is clearly fake.

· Seriously, the Sundance idiot was so douchey that he approached self-parody (which is apparently Joaquin's new vocation). He was dancing like a loon and had oven mitts on his hands, for God's sake.

· The build (including the slightly bulging tummy) is about the same.

REASONS WHY IT MAY NOT BE JOAQUIN PHOENIX:

· It was at the Queer Lounge kickoff party? Which is not to say that New, Awful Joaquin is gay-unfriendly (though he is a rapper now), or that he's unaware of the fact that gays throw the best parties. But still, something to note.

· The Queer Lounge people we've talked to don't know a thing about it. Casey Affleck wasn't there and neither were any cameras (as far as we could tell).

· Though we're currently well-insulated in a Sundance bubble, we haven't heard any other news reports that place Joaquin at the festival.

· Actual Joaquin appears to have a more sizable soul patch and different nose (though the angle and iPhone camera could account for the differences).

THE VERDICT:

Hollywood is filled with douchebags.

"In talking about Ryan's first role, I realize that what I said came out wrong. I certainly didn't mean any malice. I agree it was a dumb thing to say, and I apologize."

The ruckus started on March 19, when Leno urged Stop-Loss star Phillippe to pretend "that camera is your gay lover" in order for the actor to give it "his gayest look." For his part, Phillippe declined (and almost walked off stage). The following week saw the anti-Leno website My Gayest Look hit the scene, as well as a statement from GLAAD.

Now that the appropriate amends have been made, we urge everyone to get back to the important business of not caring what Jay Leno says or does.

• Jay Leno Apologizes for Remarks to Ryan Phillippe

Unlike Washington, however, we doubt the cuddly outtee (how far he's come from the "hope the fact that I'm gay isn't the most interesting part of me" days) had any motive outside of encouraging others to do as he did on National Coming Out Day. (No—you didn't miss it. It's October 11th: Pretend to look surprised!)

• In Recognition of National Coming Out Day, GLAAD Unveils a Powerful Message from T.R. Knight [GLAAD]

In the 2007-08 TV season, broadcast series will feature seven regularly seen characters who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, down from nine characters in 2006 and 10 the season before, GLAAD said. Most are on one network — ABC.

The new figure represents 1.1% of all regular characters on ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox and CW, compared to 1.3% in 2006, according to the study to be released Monday. [...]

By comparison, cable shows will feature 40 gay characters as series regulars, GLAAD said.

Indeed, without ABC's providing of such Queer-nurturing environments as Wisteria Lane, Mode magazine, and the Walker family's kitchen pantry, the increasingly rare Spotted Primetime Gay would be facing near extinction. In its place, we'd face a bleak TV landscape, peopled entirely by the sexless, corpse-obsessed breeder principals of countless Law & Order and CSI spinoffs. Heed our words, network execs: Add more gays, lest you want the remainder of your dwindling audiences to quit you in favor of the rainbow-colored promised lands of cable and YouTubes, where an informed and impassioned defense of Britney Spears is never further than a click away.

• Study: Gay characters decline on network TV, increase on cable [usatoday.com/AP]

Despite Lewis catching himself just a moment too late in what would best be characterized as a momentary lapse of comedic discretion—not to mention having raised almost $63.7 million for the cause—gay-taunt watchdog organization GLAAD has come out against his use of the word "fag," and are demanding an apology. It's a move that would have been virtually unheard of in the comedian's Rat Pack heyday, when not only would the comment have been greeted with hysterical laughter, but would have been likely followed by Frank Sinatra insisting the unfortunate boy in question be trotted out and forced to absorb a round gut-punches from Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop.

UPDATE: It didn't take long for Jerry Lewis to issue the demanded public apology.

• GLAAD CRITICIZES JERRY LEWIS' ON-AIR USE OF ANTI-GAY SLUR [GLAAD.org]
• Jerry Lewis Telethon Controversy [Daily Motion]

Isaiah Washington, who came under fire after using an anti-gay slur, will appear in a public service announcement on behalf of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network.

"We're gonna have - I want to say at least two versions of it at this point. We may broaden our message a little," the actor's publicist, Howard Bragman, told The Associated Press in a phone interview Wednesday.

Bragman said ABC, which is owned by The Walt Disney Co., was planning to shoot the ad in the next few weeks.

We'll assume T.R. "I Just Focus on the Work" Knight had little say in this matter, and that his inner-bullied-gay-child will swiftly induce a gag reflex every time any version of his tormentor's PSA airs. Which brings us to our next point: Just how many versions do they need to adequately "broaden [their] message?" It strikes us just one—featuring the actor peering vulnerably into a camera lens and announcing to the world, "Sure, calling your co-worker an ugly word for 'polesmoker' might let off some steam in the short run, but it really just ends up hurting everyone"—would be more than enough to express his publicist-approved regret.

• Isaiah Washington to appear in gay rights PSA [thetrack.bostonherald.com]

This past Saturday I, along with 3000 other gays, got all fancied up for the annual GLAAD Media Awards. Have to say that it was quite impressive this year. Here are a few highlights: The Show...

· Sat near Marlee Matlin, her husband, translator and a few L-word cast members. Marlee looked fantastic...I have no idea how old she is but she looked very distinguished/Helen Mirren-esque.
· TR Knight opened the show. Okay, I get that he was discriminated against and Isaiah should have been fired, but it was a little odd that he got a standing ovation. He was very "shocked" with the ovation, didn't really deliver a very good speech and it just sort of started the night off a little weird.

· Next was Doogie...I mean Neil Patrick Harris. Great speech, very funny — he made a reference to everyone standing for TR and not clapping loudly enough for him. · Martina Navratilova was the lifetime achievement award winner. Awkward jokes, dressed in a what can best be described as a modified tux/t-shirt combo with a gold stripe down each leg. Very odd. Best part was she looked like she's had a little work done and she made fun of her decades of bad lesbian hair · Brothers and Sisters/Ugly Betty/Grey's Anatomy won awards — majority of the supporting cast from both shows were there (e.g. no Mc-anything showed from Grey's but the tranny from one of the episodes showed up along with Sara Ramirez) · Ms. Lance Bass presented — girl is about 2.5 feet tall but gave a decent speech · Eva Mendez was to my left chewing gum the whole night and looking a little out of it. · Jason Lewis presented...I don't think he can read because his presentation was more of hooked-on-phonics lesson than an actual speech. Damn hot though so I could care less if he is illiterate. · At one point in the evening there was an awkward call for donations. They trotted out volunteers and asked the celebs to literally stand up and join the media circle ($2K donation I think). Jason Lewis was one of the first to stand...good on him...again, so hot that I don't care if he is illiterate. · Ben Affleck — okay, he can't even get a joke right. He made a reference to it being easier for him to win an Oscar than to marry Matt Damon. I'm not really sure where he was going with the joke but the delivery was horrible. Soft clapping ensued. · And I saved the best for last...every gay in the place lost it and nearly tossed their panties on stage when Jake Gyllenhaal walked out to present an award to Jennifer Aniston. SO. DAMN. GORGEOUS. When the crowd wouldn't stop hooting for him, he said, "settle down cowboys", which made us clap even louder. He made some speech about Jennifer being good to the gays, etc...she walked up to get her award in what looked like a tea cozy...fabulous legs though. She and Jake had an awkward joke about reconsidering their "friendship" since he is so hot. Yawn. I just wanted him to take his shirt off and dance for us.

The dinner...

· Ms. Lance Bass stayed long enough for me to watch a gay literally toss himself at Lance to ask for a kiss and a date. Lance obliged with an awkward "sure" while the gay hugged him then walked away.
· Same gay tossed himself at Michael Urie (Vanessa William's assistant on Ugly Better). Have to admit that if I had been a little more sauced I might have tossed myself at him too.
· Balthazar Getty stayed for dinner and lugged out his 80lb gift bag...the man is very good looking in person but was no doubt disappointed with the gifts inside. No need to report a free bag of Starbucks to the IRS.
· Sara Ramirez posed for lots of pictures and looked like she wanted to say "...okay, gays...im done now, and no, I cannot set you up with McSteamy."
· I stepped on Patricia Wettig's shoes as I walked past her to my table...she is quite pretty and didn't look at all pissed
· Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell are one hot couple...and about 100 ft tall...they chatted nicely with the gays and then left after dinner

· A-list Gay-Friendly* Royal Jake Gyllenhaal surprised the crowd by showing up to introduce Jennifer Aniston, who received—due in no small part to her revelatory, Courteney-Cox-ass -groping-turn on Dirt—the Vanguard Award. The gathered crowd—traditionally a placid, well-behaved bunch—could barely contain themselves, and his admonition to "Settle down, cowboys" didn't much help matters. Organizers anticipated just such a reaction, however, and promptly piped in a mild, temporary paralytic gas, leaving the impeccably groomed crowd twitching involuntarily on the floor as a gas-mask-equipped Jake finally got to read his prepared statements in which he praised his former The Good Girl co-star as being "totally cool with the gay thing, and thus richly deserving of this award." [Popnography]
· Ben Affleck was on hand to present Little Miss Sunshine with the Outstanding Film-Wide Release award, telling the crowd, "It strikes me as unfortunate that we live in a time when it was easier for Matt and I to win an Oscar than it was for us to get married." The audience responded to the comment with hysterical laughter, as a confused Affleck stoicly looked on, a single tear welling in his left eye and eventually crawling down his cheek. [LA Daily News]

*According to official bio

The gays are atwitter and I got in a debate with my pal Troy about it on Saturday night when I took the position that the org can depend on fair portrayal of gays from their own people and they are about pushing fair portrayals in mainstream media. [...]

Speaking of public images, I think the SFPWOL, the Society for People With One Leg, should revoke any tributes they have planned for Heather Mills. It is not working, Heather. Sorry, but it is not. The lady on Amazing Race last season was a true inspiration for us all. You are not!

And with one seamlessly executed segue, Cohen manages to clarify all the hot-button LGBT media awards issues, while demonstrating his facility with the time-honored skill of the bitchy gay aside. No, no one is safe from Cohen's acid tongue—not even Dancing with the Stars's resident Beatle-divorcée amputee, whose calculated attempts at hijacking America's sympathies through prosthetic-enabled foxtrots are completely transparent to Cohen's showbiz-jaded eye.

• Image Awards! [BravoTV.com]