In the clip above, Tina says that while she was doing the Bazaar shoot she thought, "Yeah, I look like this!" ... then they turn the wind machine off.

Below, she explains that her daughter is now old enough to pick her own Halloween costume, so the days of stuffing her in a ham sandwich costume and laughing at her are over. Tina doesn't want her to go as a "Barbie butterfly princess," but at least she doesn't want to be one of the Girls Next Door.

Yes, someone would: Hugh Hefner's main Girl Next Door, Holly Madison, who has finally tired of her post as Playboy's "Playmate Editor," an arduous gig that involved lip gloss selection and the expert Photoshopping of pubic hair mounds. Sadly, the thrill of such tasks is gone, says Madison on her Celebrity Myspace:

So it's out on the gossip sites that I quit my job at Playboy, which is true. I quit for several reasons: 1. I moved to Vegas and that job doesn't pay enough to make a commute worthwhile ( I never cared about the salary when I got the job-I made my money doing Girls Next Door and I just did the job because I loved it.) 2. After two years of it, I no longer found it challenging. It got to be routine, which was sad for me, since I was initially so passionate about the job and the creative aspects involved. 3. It was awkward. Not that anyone tried to make it awkward or didn't treat me fairly . . . it just was.

It annoys me when people call the job fake as if it was just a set up for the show. If I had wanted a fake career for Girls Next Door I would have stuck with the jewelry line because that required very little of my time. I spent way more than full time directing shoots, editing, making mock layouts and approving retouching.

So as you can imagine, when one is trying to move on with their life, it isn't beneficial to spend so much time on something that doesn't pay much and sadly enough is no longer rewarding to you.

Will Hef fill the hole (uh...we're letting that one go) with new paramours Kristina and Karissa Shannon, who will bring their unique talents of face-kicking and semi-incest to the ceremonial position? We hope so—there's no Playboy pictorial that couldn't be livened up with broken beer bottles, a concussion, and a bloody smock from Wing House.

• Annoying!!!! [Myspace]

Like a rebellious wild child turned much less fun football wife, Wilkinson is renouncing her former lifestyle ("Now I'm totally against [Hefner's] way of life") in a tell-all to Us Weekly. And what better way to do it then let the air out of the sexy, polygamous balloon by admitting that when she wanted to get laid, it wasn't with any of the magazine founders, fellow Girls, teenage sons, or strangely aggressive peacocks on the grounds of Hef's Holmby Hills estate?

"I had to have sex every now and then, so I had to kind of sneak it," Hugh Hefner's 23-year-old ex tells Us Weekly.

The buxom blonde says "of course" she and the Playboy founder were intimate, but notes she often only saw him once a day - in passing.

"Besides the nights we went out, I only saw Hef, like, once a day walking through the halls to his office. There were never solo dates," she said.

"The most we kind of say to each other is, 'I love you,' 'Love you too,' 'I hope you have a good day,' 'Did you have a good day?'" [...]

"Bridget told me that she's been faithful all these years, and I was like, 'How the hell can you do that?' I had to have [sex] so I could feel my age, like a healthy human being."

We're sad to learn of Wilkinson's unconscionable betrayal; after all, what could be sexier than retiring to Hef's four-poster bed at night (after a flinty Holly narrows her eyes in the bedroom hallway and growls, "Your turn") to find the 82-year-old Playboy founder splayed out in an uncomfortably hiked up kimono, tongue lolling? "Kendra, I want to put my hand on your breast," he would say, limply. "Will you lift my hand and do that?"

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Hugh Hefner's Playboy lifestyle isn't what it seems, says Kendra Wilkinson [NYDN]

Holly Madison isn't the only Girl Next Door to find a new press-pleasing public relaysh. Our snoopy Seattle sources say GNDoor Kendra Wilkinson's BF, Philly Eagle hunk Hank Baskett, proposed to her atop the Space Needle this past weekend. Dreary Northwest weather, so romantic.

But it gets better:

Both fams were present for the proposal, and Ken-babe seemed completely shell-shocked at the revealed ring. H.B. even got down on one knee to pop the big q to the former Playmate.

Nearly readable, Ted — thanks! According to Us, Hef is fine with the development. "I have given her my blessing and will be giving her away at a very special wedding ceremony at the Playboy Mansion this coming June," he said. In lieu of wedding gifts, both bride and groom are asking that donations be made to the Young Playmate Panties Divestment Fund.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• 
  Kendra Engaged to Hunky Eagle Hank [E!]

In a video interview conducted at the mansion's Halloween party (and out of sight from her publicist), a visibly tense Wilkinson interrupted one of the reporter's questions to state, "There will only be the original Girls Next Door. We built this show, and we worked our butts off to be here."

Then, gritting her teeth, she added, "These girls are coming here afterwards, which I have no problem with, [but] we've made this for them. I would appreciate it if they would be a little more thankful." When pressed further, though, a suddenly circumspect Wilkinson froze and said, "I don't know if I can open my mouth anymore... Shh. It's a secret!" What girl-on-girl rivalries might be existing behind the scenes at the Playboy Mansion? And, most pressingly, do they involve pillow fights? Developing!

• Hef Girls (New and Old) Party at Playboy Mansion [E!]

When a TMZ cameraman recently asked her if she can get him into an upcoming Halloween bash at the Playboy mansion, she replied: "I have no pull anymore. Hef and I aren't together."

Madison then took to her Myspace blog for an an ellipsis-filled elaboration:

Current mood: lonely

Hef and I care about each other immensely and will always be best friends . . . I do have my own place, but I am still at the Mansion, too, right now . . . I'm too busy to move even if I wanted to! hahaha . . . Bridget, Kendra and I are all still best friends and plan on doing several projects together in the future . . . even though Bridget is in Europe right now and I am sad and lonely without her . . .

You will see how it all happens in Season 5 . . . Sunday nights on E! . . . How lame, I just turned that into the most shameless plug ever . . . lol!

Love-Holly

We've heard rumors that Hef has replaced Madison with a pair of younger twins, representing a savvy divestment of his portfolio and an example of the "buy low" philosophy that distinguishes the sex mogul's business savvy. Kendra and Bridget, you'd better watch out: today, you may be flying high in a Holmby Hills mansion, but before you know it, you bunnies may be bounced, forced to turn to a foreclosed mansion (filled with bobcats) in Lake Elsinore.

• Holly Madison: "Hef and I Aren't Together" [Us]

Clearly, Criss Angel — who has always scored a ridiculous amount of tail for someone who wears guyliner — is one to fawn over. He's got way more going for him than Hef: sperm count, lots of cool tats, and most importantly: magic.

But Holly still isn't copping up to her tricks, even after photos surfaced last week of the two canoodling in Sin City. Yesterday on her MySpace, where she suspiciously (guiltily?) lists the magician's A&E's show Mindfreak as her fave television show, she had this to say about her two-timing ways:

Anyway, Criss and I are just friends right about now . . . I love how that totally innocent picture of us means we are not just dating but "going public"...

But today, her denial was nowhere to be found on the page. Hmm...maybe Criss Angel made it dissappear?

The Hef-ster also says he and Holly are still an item ... for now.

"She is still my girlfriend," he tells Usmagazine.com in a new interview. "Now will that last? I don’t think anything lasts forever.

At least not without Viagra.

[Photo Credits: Getty Images, X17]

• Playboy's Hugh Hefner: Holly Madison "Is Still My Girlfriend" [US Magazine]

1) How To Cure Pre-Teen Son’s Boredom: Place Silicone Breasts Directly In Front Of Child’s Face! While Ali burns eardrums away in the recording studio, Dina finds herself in a horrifying place: alone with Cody, the one kid she has nothing in common with. And Cody was bored, as many a boring person becomes when left unentertained by others. So! Off to meet the Girls Next Door and their owner Hugh Hefner, where any swinging dick, no matter how pre-pubescent, will promptly blush, explode in giggles, and shamefully retreat.

2) How To Undermine Your Daughter: Ensure They Never Succeed In Showbiz! After Dina hires the aforementioned Mr. Hot, a clearly under-qualified music producer who specializes in "guy songs," Ali musters up enough courage to question her mom's decision. But the poor tone-deaf kid obviously still doesn't know who she's dealing with — whenever her expert opinion is questioned, Dina knows to respond by instantly blaming the inadequate results on your child, and secondly, repeat the under-used and always infuriating "I told ya so!" mantra.

3) How To Feel Sexy When Pushing Fifty: A Little Trick Called 'Me Time'! If you're like us, you've often stared into the flawless abyss that is Dina Lohan's wrinkle-free face and wondered how, (HOW!?) can anyone be so impossibly beautiful after pushing out three and a half kids. Dina's secret? Odd and embarrassing workouts involving melon-size green aerobic balls used as disco-blaring speakers only the insane can bop along to! Oh, and mani-pedis, of course.

• LIVING LOHAN [E!]

If you've had the great pleasure of catching an episode of Denise Richards' star vehicle, It's Complicated, or watching one of her many defensive "I'm A Good Person, Not A Sperm-Stealing Slut" promotional appearances, you may have noticed her quiet insistence on clearing up all those rumors that she stole Bon Jovi guitar hero Richie Sambora from former BFF Heather Locklear. Adding salt to Heather's wound is her assurance that the two weren't even friends — Richards told The View she just met Heather through shared ex and current pay-for-sex repeat offender Charlie Sheen. But Locklear's camp tells the NY Post that the blonde "has phone records that prove Denise was calling Richie while Heather was still married to him...Heather was such a good friend to Denise. She gave Denise clothes and offered her a shoulder to cry on...there are even photos in the press of Heather taking Denise out after she and Charlie split."

Well we're sold. If Heather says she has phone records, says she has pictures, and says she gave Denise actual clothes (since when does the husband get the wife's wardrobe in divorce court?), we don't need further proof. After all, Locklear told us "glamour is all about what you feel inside" in those L'Oreal spots, and truer words were never, ever spoken.

As for Hefner's wild bunch, TMZ reports that producers of everyone's favorite sunny and sparkly show best played on mute, The Girls Next Door, have found themselves in the middle of number one prostitute girl Holly Madison's and trailer park refugee Kendra Wilkinson's battling egos. Though mere (yawn) jealousy is at the center of the fight for Hef's Viagra-bolstered bedroom moves, we're confused about the reported "flying fur" producers are dealing with. Are wigs being torn off? Bikini wax remnants saved and thrust across the pool? We'll have to actually watch the damn thing to demystify that enigma.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• CLAWS OUT AT THE PLAYBOY MANSION [TMZ]
• DENISE'S 'REALITY' CHALLENGED [NYP]

We rarely like to take a mental walk down memory lane when it comes to the Most Nauseating Celebrity Hookups of all time, but news of the latest addition has unfortunately led us to revisit the grotesque list. We’ve already seen Liza Minelli and Phantom Of The Plastic Surgery Ward David Gest exchange saliva, Star Jones give Al an awkward lap dance and guiltily pleasured ourselves by witnessing wrinkly charmer Hugh Hefner and his thin lips attach themselves to the Girls Next Door. But after reading about one beach yoga-practicing, SUV-abandoning actor known for generally annoying everyone in Hollywood, and one scratchy-voiced “punk” rock chick known for generally hating everyone in Hollywood playing tongue twister in LA this past Tuesday, we may have a winner. The canoodlers in question, and just how far they went, after the jump:

Yes, sadly but truly, none other than the Pivster and recently divorced singer Pink (whose name makes absolutely no sense anymore considering she is currently Jet Black) were reportedly seen getting "hot and heavy on the dance floor" this week, according to the NY Post. As a source put it, they were "all over each other and dancing really close," which really gives an entirely new meaning to "Hug It Out, Bitch," no?

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage]

• DANCE PARTNERS [NYP]

After telling her what he looks for in his clients ("a) potential, b) looks...and the owner's interest level"), he attempts a joke by saying he's required to do an inspection of the dog's residence. In this case, the Playboy Mansion. Smart as a whip, Bridget actually agrees to the sleazy come-on seconds before he pulls out the "Just Kidding" card. Oh Nick. When will guys in LA learn that girls on reality television will pretty much say yes to anything?

I just wanna clear some things up for u who read the article on page six in the New York post. ITS NOT TRUE!!! hahahaa!!!! I am very happy in my life and I love Hef with all my heart.

Holly, Bridget and I are perfectly fine and there is nothing wrong!!! I do not have a contract to live here like the article said, I am here because i want to be here and cuz Hef wants me to be here. There was one thing in that article that they got right and that was the spelling of my name hahaha!!! So like i said before, don't believe every stupid article u see cuz most of them are coming from very jealous, evil people! Anyways, I love u all and i wish u all the best in 2007!!!

Maybe you should start a rumor about the Post? since that seems to be what they did to you?

Well consider the source.... it was the media! They love to mess with people's lives.

MODEST MARIAH [NYP]
page 6 article in new york post [Kendra Wilkinson MySpace]

[Photo: Getty]