When R.J. Cutler's documentary (out August 28!) about the making of Vogue screened at Sundance, the gossips picked up on Miller being called "toothy, and we finally have the moment between photog Mario Testino and design director Charles Churchward (who left the magazine last summer) discussing her dental work and how much work her neck is going to need to be presentable. You heard about it, but seeing it is even worse.

If you think that is bad, just wait to see the face that she elicits from the usually stoic Anna Wintour when she first sees Miller in the dress that she is meant to wear on the cover. It is somewhere between disgusted surprise and unamused scorn.

Is Miller the only celeb who would agree to be on the cover of the issue knowing they'd have to deal with the accompanying potentially unflattering documentary footage? Maybe Anna's face says, "Jesus, this is what I'm forced to put on the cover of my magazine?!" And if so, what a way to repay her.

Just like she can't help getting on Anna's bad side, Sienna can't really be blamed for the cinematic abortion that is G.I. Joe (actually, she's one of the best parts about it), but its release seems like the perfect time to go after her. Dragging out the dead horse about the famous-for-being-famous for a few more pounds, Amy Argetsinger uses Miller as the lynchpin for her lynching of the "famesque."

Right about now you're thinking, "Who's Sienna Miller again? Remind me why I'm supposed to know her?"

It's okay! There's absolutely no reason you should know who she is—not even if you're a religious follower of the celebrity press that tracks her so closely. She's an actress, but odds are you've never seen a single one of her movies or TV shows. Miller is a pioneer in a new kind of fame that is changing our celebrity culture, a fame that is increasingly disconnected from the star's success in the field for which he or she is ostensibly famous.

That is a new kind of fame? As Argetsinger points out, people have been obsessed with people for no particular reason since Zsa Zsa Gabor, but still Argetsinger needles Miller through her entire article.

Sure, Miller may be most famous for baring her tits and sleeping with married men, but it's gotta suck when you become the celeb punching bag du jour.

Roger Ebert says G.I. Joe wasn't as bad as Transformers 2. But it still sucked ass:

"G. I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" is a 118-minute animated film with sequences involving the faces and other body parts of human beings. It is sure to be enjoyed by those whose movie appreciation is defined by the ability to discern that moving pictures and sound are being employed to depict violence. Nevertheless, it is better than "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen."

Richard Corliss from Time thinks the entire thing is self-parody, and furthermore calls out the - and I'm paraphrasing - bitchass bloggers that were shown the film for being cornered into studio hype:

One of the few smart things about G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was the decision by Paramount Pictures to refuse to screen the movie for the press. The studio's previous summer toy story, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, had earned a sheaf of pans, then took in more than $800 million in its first six weeks of release. Hoping lightning would strike twice, but without the annoying critical thunder, Paramount showed G.I. Joe, which it hopes will be the first in a lucrative series, only to a few reliable bloggers. Less docile scribes like me had to catch a public screening last night at midnight. As the old line goes about some long-ago lemon: The movie wasn't released - it escaped.

Shots ring out! Rolling Stone's Peter Travers-king of the publicity pull-quote-got all poopie-pants when the movie wasn't screened for him! Watch his tantrum, as he first summarizes the film, then recommends a better Paramount movie:

The goal is stop arms dealer McCullen...from destroying the world with warheads packed with cockroaches. Well, they looked like roaches to me. McCullen calls then nanomites. No one really bothers to explain how these nanomites morph from insects into green slime. And this in a movie that helpfully tells us, via subtitle, that Paris is in France...There is an antidote if you see G.I. Joe and feel unclean. Get a copy of Team America World Police, the 2004 puppet musical from South Park's Trey Parker and Matt Stone. It totally skewers the 'America Fuck Yeah' idiocy on parade here.

It might be worth noting that one of the film's major set-pieces has the Eiffel Tower getting taken down by a missle-turned-green-slime in a piece of Anti-France porn sentiment that's even outdated for hicks by like, six years. This movie sucks so bad, even Young Republican Kyle Smith of the New York Post - who ragged on Do The Right Thing as patently wrong - hated this movie. His review sucked, but here's some more of what it's like:

That movie [The Mummy] and this one share a director, Stephen Sommers, who also inexplicably places the Joes' HQ beneath the Great Pyramids (hell, sand worked before), uses the guy who played the Mummy as a baddie named Zartan, and even dusts off Brendan Fraser, who pops up in the Joes' training center but has nothing to do but watch G.I. Joe for five minutes.

Unfortunately, insanely, perpetually crunchy New York Press film critic Armond White has yet to see it, but expect fireworks when he does (he will probably call it a masterwork of brilliance; this is the same guy thought Up was terrible). Others have weighed in on how much this movie sucks, and you can read their Metascores here. It's almost depressing how shamelessly ready these studios are to pump out sincerely mediocre fare. This is the kind of thing that makes Funny People look like Citizen Kane. Then again, any movie where you can watch the bottom line on an entire industry get lower in front of you might be worth the nine bucks to see. Probably not, but still: impressive.

But upon browsing the packaging for a set of G.I. Joe movie tie-in action figures, we were instantly struck by how much of its cast echo the singer's wildly morphing looks throughout the years. And why shouldn't they, really, as Jackson's Neverland Ranch played host to some of the most legendary all-boy G.I. Joe paintball survival weekends on Santa Barbara Police Department record.

• Cobra Commander From Sommers' G.I. JOE Movie Revealed, Sorta!! [AICN]

An entire batch of character file cards were obtained by HissTank.com, a Joe-devoted website whose URL looks very different without selective capitalization. The cards, whose photography and costumes suggest they were taken in a child's basement, reveal Gordon-Levitt (to our left as an origin story version of Cobra Commander), Christopher Eccleston (below, as a pre-masked Destro), and many, many more paycheck-seeking actors. We've included some of the corniest here; print them out, affix them to popsicle sticks, and then play your own game of Joe where the real battle is over whose quotes will be significantly lower after this film comes out in August.

• G.I. Joe Movie Rise Of Cobra File Cards Hi-Res Images [HisStank via /film]

Sadly, the main one isn't present in this spate of Matrix Reloaded-reminiscent characters posters: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who's been cast as the villainous Cobra Commander. That sort of unconventional choice almost makes us want to see the finished film; then we remember that it's directed by bigger-budgeted Peter Hyams clone Stephen Sommers (Van Helsing, The Mummy) and suddenly, all the CG in the world wouldn't be able to place us in a theater seat.

• New G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra Posters! [LatinoReview]

Posters (and reactions) after the jump!

At left, we have Step Up star Channing Tatum as audiences are most used to seeing him: buried under several layers of clothes. Next to him is Snake Eyes. Though he looks reasonably cool, ninjas didn't help cartoon adaptation Speed Racer any. One suggestion to Sommers to avoid ninja ignominy: add more ninjas. And finally, at right, there's Sienna Miller uncomfortably slumming as Baroness. Coming so soon after Cate Blanchett's Eastern-accented Indiana Jones villainess, we can only hope that Miller, too, gets a chance to fight off CG monkeys while driving a Jeep.

• G.I. Joe Promo/Teaser Poster! [Latino Review]

Fraser has already filmed a cameo as the grizzled, handle-bar-mustached, vest-but-no-shirt wearing Marine, Gung Ho. And the role of Shipwreck, a sailor-suited Navy seal with a parrot on his shoulder is being offered to Dwayne quote-unquote "The Rock" Johnson.

Evidently the "Don't ask don't tell policy" doesn't extend into the Joe army. And perhaps it doesn't extend into C.O.B.R.A. either. After all, Cobra Commander wore cape and spoke with a lisp. And hopefuly that's how the recently-cast Joseph Gordon-Levitt will play him. So now you know... and knowing is half the battle.

• Fraser Gung-Ho For G.I. Joe And The Rock To Get Shipwrecked? [Latino Review]

"G.I Joe" is hardly the only potential 2009 blockbuster rushing to meet the strike deadline. Oscar winner Paul Haggis is plowing through James Bond 22. Since Oct. 1, Oscar nominee Scott Frank has been holed up with director Shawn Levy trying to pound out a shootable version of "Night at the Museum 2."

For the last two weeks, Billy Ray has been polishing up "State of Play," a political thriller starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton that has already passed through the hands of "The Kingdom's" Matthew Carnahan, "The Bourne Identity's" Tony Gilroy and "The Queen's" Peter Morgan.

Just last week, 20th Century Fox issued an announcement that the studio was laying claim to May 1, 2009, as the release date for its big-budget sci-fi spinoff "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" starring Hugh Jackman. This was just days after it issued an urgent SOS to the major agencies looking for a quick rewrite person. Another 2009 movie recently looking for polishes was "Four Christmases," the Vince Vaughn-Reese Witherspoon holiday yarn. The studios pay top "script doctors" $250,000 to $300,000 per week to polish screenplays. [...]

Indeed, there is a palpable fear around town that even if the strike is averted or short-lived there will be a replay of 2001, when, due to a threatened writers strike, the studios jammed sub-quality films into production, just so the pipelines would stay filled.

"Next year, there's going to be a plethora of bad movies — movies that were rushed because of the supposed strike," said producer Todd Black, who has two films in pre-production at Columbia: "Seven Pounds," a romantic drama starring Will Smith, and a remake of the crime thriller "The Taking of Pelham One Two Three" starring Denzel Washington. Black insists that there's going to be "no rushing" on his movies. "I don't want to make bad movies. And whatever is going to happen is going to happen."

It's a disturbing situation that seems to become grow more nightmarish by the day: Not only may we have to endure a prolonged period of local sidewalks clogged with panhandling, baby-craving agents, but one where a usually escapist trip to the movies will offer no relief from the unrelenting horror surrounding us. Instead, each visit to the theater will bring only the queasy feeling arising from the knowledge that the holes in Wolverine's backstory could easily have been plugged if the studios had budgeted enough time to let the usual complement of fifteen uncredited writers work their script-doctoring magic.

• 'Wolverine' rewrite needed ASAP [LAT]
• Previously: WGA Gives Up Reality TV For Now, Studios To Explore Nonunion Staffing Options [Defamer]