• What may be Miramax's last great premiere took place last night at the AFI Festival, celebrating the debut of Everybody's Fine, the news dramedy starring Robert De Niro, and the company appears to be going out with something less than a roar. There were early hopes that the film might give Miramax — and De Niro — one last Oscar hurrah. HItfix reports however, that "the film a mess in so many ways that neither the legendary actor or the stars who play his children — Sam Rockwell, Drew Barrymore and Kate Beckinsale — can save it." [Hitfix]

• The natives are getting restless and the drumbeat grows ever louder for the NBC/Universal Comcast deal. In their quarterly earnings reports, Comcast reported their profits were up 22 percent, bringing to a crescendo pleas that they just go ahead and buy NBC already and end our long showbiz-wide nightmare of suspense. [Variety]

• At the other end of the spectrum, Time-Warner was the beneficiary of low expectations. Its profits fell 38 percent last quarter, which remarkably was above expectations and led the company to raise its earnings projections for the year. [Hollywood Reporter]

• There may be signs of life in that old DVD market yet. The Wrap reports that after the huge success of the Transformers 2 DVD release, analysts are optimistic about the upcoming crop of blockbuster home releases to fuel strong sales. [The Wrap]

• The American Film Market, where US independent filmmakers peddle their wares for international distributors, opened yesterday and Variety saw hopes that the expo may be coming out of the doldrums it has been in in recent years. In addition to a line-up of films made by and featuring some heavy-hitters, Variety says the worldwide success of a handful of indie films — including Slumdog Millionaire — has created a more favorable climate. [Variety]

• Gerard Butler will star in the directorial debut of actor Ralph Fiennes, a modern adaptation of Shakespeare's Coriolanus. [Hollywood Reporter]

We've seen this sort of behavior before, most notably with people like Jude Law and Colin Farrell, guys who were made into leading men before they had time to prove that they had the chops for such a responsibility. Let lessons be learned from the past and let's put Butler on probation.

Why does this misbehaving star deserve to be grounded? Well, after some early success in a Tomb Raider movie and the title role in the abysmal film adaptation of Phantom of the Opera, Butler and his abs starred in the surprise hit 300, grossing half a billion worldwide and making a legion of fanboys, ladies, and gay men very happy in the process. Because of this crossover appeal, his handlers thought that he could simultaneously dabble in both action and romantic comedy. That could be true, but he hasn't bothered to be in a good movie since 300. Crappy movies are crappy in any genre.

With P.S. I Love You and The Ugly Truth, his rom-coms with Hilary Swank and Katherine Heigl respectively, were both box office flops and critical duds. Gamer, released last month to deafening silence, has barely made a mark and struggled to get past the $20 million mark. It has been a series of missteps for this Scotsman. Citizen, which costars Jamie Foxx, had a good showing at the box office, but critics lit into it, which means that it probably won't rally much more in coming weeks.

While not as bad as Oscar winner Cuba Gooding Jr or professional bad decision makers Nicolas Cage and John Travolta, Butler is headed down that path if we don't intervene. If he can't pull out a decent project or two then he will be banned from all movies, tabloids, red carpet affairs, awards ceremonies, and celebrity relationships. If he can stay out of the press for three years, he may be rewarded with the starring role on a CBS procedural. This is your punishment Butler, so you better shape up.

Next year's Jennifer Aniston comedy The Bounty could go either way. Aniston was in The Break Up, the best romantic comedy of the decade, but the quality probably had more to do with the writing and direction than her abilities. It better work out, because if not, Butler is well on his way to being an over-valued, over-paid star who can't open anything bigger than a cereal box. If it does, along with maybe a prestige picture or a great cameo in a smaller film, then we will reinstate him into our good grace. Until them, he's in a professional time out.

[Image via Getty]

· Jamie Foxx and pap-busting Spartan Gerard Butler will star in Law Abiding Citizen, appropriately enough about a regular Joe who takes the law into his own hands. [THR]
· The newly sovereign, India-based DreamWorks has decided to put off its big Wall Street pitch until the market decides to crawl back out of Satan's anus. [THR]
· Mark Burnett will produce an updated version of This Is Your Life, except every week it's going to be Donald Trump's life we're reliving. (And he'll never fail to act surprised.) [TV Week]

1. A Cherry Blossom
This delicious Lowney chocolate treat, familiar primarily to Canadians, evokes the injuries both in shape and oozing red viscous substances.

2. Molls's Vagina Costume
Here we have America's favorite videographer and ToDoLogist dressed up as the most popular character at one of Anaheim's lesser-known attractions, Reproductive Land. Lay her on her side, and it's a dead-ringer for the crusty pout.

3. Rolling Stones Logo
Pretty much self-explanatory, though we could have just as easily gone with a photo of Keith Richards's liver.

4. A Pastrami Sandwich
This delicatessen classic looks a lot like a mutilated paparazzo's mouth, even more so had Butler decided to attack his pursuer with a mustard dispenser.

5. A Funny Face Made Out of Silly Putty
Oh, who really cares about that shmucky pap. Look at the silly face! It stretches! And picks up transfers of For Better or For Worse! Funzies!

• Witnesses Say Gerard Was Provoked [TMZ]

Boomp3.com

King Leonidas, aka Gerard Butler, appeared to be more enthralled by the women of New York City in their summer clothes than the latest and hottest script from Hollywood. Butler said, "I'm sorry, but that girl in the sun dress and that girl with the rolled up Juicy sweatpants that are way more compelling than William Monahan's stab at a romantic comedy." Butler pulled out another script from his messenger bag, but once again became distracted when a group of women exited a nearby Crunch. Butler threw the script back into his bag and promptly left the restaurant. Butler muttered under his breath, "Where does a man have to go to get some reading done in peace? The library? That place smells and it's full of nerds!"

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

Popular actor Gerard Butler was not in the mood for surly comments about his filmography while out clubbing in New York City. The Nim's Island star heard a mixture of cheers and jeers as he hopped from hot spot to hot spot. Briefly waiting to get into a club, Butler said, "It's either 'Tonight we dine in hell!,' or what was with P.S. I Love You. Don't get me wrong, it's good to have fans, but sometimes you don't want to be reminded of the past when you just want to go out and hear some Katy Perry and have fun!"

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Cameron Diaz' ex and 3000 star Gerard Butler (we keep trying to forget that we first noticed him in Phantom Of The Opera even though every time we see his now-rugged face we can't help picturing him over-earnestly busting out "Music Of The Night") is fortunate enough to be starring in Ritchie's upcoming Rocknrolla, which means he was unfortunate enough to run into Madge at some point during filming. And as we learned months ago, the Ritchie groupie is always equipped with a baggie filled with needles filled to the brim with Lindsay Lohan's favorite "asthma attack" cure, Vitamin B-12. But according to Butler, the normally healthy kick to the ass advertised extensively be Madonna's most fickle supporter/critic Justin Timberlake, "the injection failed to boost Butler's immune system - and left him feeling worse than before."

Even more embarrassing for Madge, Butler describes her as "the nurse" on set. Meaning she's gone from platinum singer to failed director to failed on-set medical assistant. Frankly we don't blame her if she did get some "filler in her cheeks," as a Daily Mail plastic surgery believes. A little nip and tuck, which, in Madonna's case, doesn't look as horrific as the tab makes it out to be, can go a long way in boosting one's self-esteem. Just look at Bat Face victim Nicole Kidman — it's almost like she never looks unhappy, even when she's so bored by her husband's music that she nods out for a while!

[Photo credits: Splash]

• GERARD BUTLER GOT SICK AFTER MADONNA GAVE HIM SHOT IN THE BUTT [Starpulse]
• HAVE AGE AND STRESS LAUNCHED SHOCKING ATTACK ON MADONNA'S FACE? [Daily Mail]

·You'll never believe it, but Nikki Finke also stayed home, instead publishing dispatches by the New Times chain's resident nerd-hack Luke Y. Thompson. And what a run he's had, with his marathon Thursday bringing us hints at a Keanu Reeves love-in (we'll get to that) and the indelible image of Rose McGowan's Red Sonja knife-licking. She and Robert Rodriguez apparently remain a couple despite all kinds of fun rumors otherwise and, obviously, despite the worst movie poster to ever debut at Comic-Con. That said, hemogravy is hot with the ladies these days, so maybe we're the ones out of touch.

·LYT draws praise, meanwhile, from David Poland, who also decided to crunch some numbers from the comfort of his own couch:

How ironic is it that every studio in L.A. is scrambling to get to San Diego this week/weekend, but The Dark Knight barely did anything (except for very basic viral marketing stunts) last year and underperformers Beowulf, Halloween, The Incredible Hulk, Shoot 'Em Up, Southland Tales, Drillbit Taylor, Spiderwick Chronicles, Hot Rod, and others all had a big presence at The 'Con.

Well, yeah, but none of them had a Fanboy Blowjob Train. Must we really spell it out?

·SpoutBlog has some of the most comprehensive coverage emerging from San Diego, including a real-time account of Wolfman star Benicio Del Toro falling asleep, a peek at Rocknrolla with attention-loving Gerard Butler and a Lego statue that will never be accused of assaulting its Mom.

· Amy Smart, Crank 2, public sex, etc.

· The NY Times brings a typically dignified tone to the pants-wetting in Hall H, featuring cameos by Hugh Jackman, Mark Wahlberg, the gang from Twilight, and a version of Waiting for Godot starring Dakota Fanning in the title role.

· Finally, /Film features a play-by-play of clips from the eco-sensitive Keanu Reeves remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still — better than the real thing, we're sure. Very sure.

boomp3.com



P.S. I Love You star Gerard Butler was caught out shopping on Robertson Blvd Thursday afternoon. Butler joked and explained that he was hoping to run into some hot babes, but instead he ran into his favorite people in the world, paparazzi. Butler then said that he was out shopping on Robertson Blvd to replace some t-shirts that he recently ripped while flexing his muscles. Butler said, "I'm not as ripped as I was in 300, but I still got it." Butler said that he doesn't intend to rip his shirts while he does normal every day actives like opening jars and killing bugs that live in the bathrooms of single women, but it just happens. Butler said that he's down to wearing clothing he intended to give as gifts until he finds suitable replacements.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

As Janet Charlton reports, Cameron and Kevin's alleged fling began over the weekend at a party thrown by celebrity hanger-on Ron Burkle: "Kevin obviously has a thing for tall blondes because he was deep in conversation with Cameron Diaz all evening. They were holding hands when they left together." All of these flings seem to indicate that Diaz is joining the boy-crazy bachelorette club, currently headed by Kirsten Dunst and Jennifer Aniston.The question is this: are these revenge-flings? Or should we just assume these girls are exactly what Gloria Steinem and Erica Jong had in mind for single women? We'll just wait until Diaz returns the very long and detailed voice mails we left on her publicist's assistant's assistant's office phone. Should be any minute now.

[Photo credits: Getty, FilmMagic, Wireimage]

• LOOK WHO HOOKED UP THIS WEEKEND! [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]

Judging by Cameron's Uggs, Jason's visible pudge and Sofia's far-from-camera-ready sunscreen face, we have to doubt the possibility that this scene will make its way into the movie. Not to mention the pair's shocked glares upon realizing they'd been caught in the act. Plus, this is Cameron Diaz we're talking about. Since the trauma of splitting with Justin Timberlake, Cammy's been fond of flinging herself from fling to fling (most recently she's been linked to 300 star Gerard Butler). Whatever Diaz and Patric are doing, we're not nominating them for any "Hottest On-Set Hookup" lists any time soon.

[Photo credit: JFX]

• CAMERON CAUGHT KISSING [JFX]

· Everything about her is hard: her chiseled jawline, her abs—even her eyes, which can radiate fear and anger with such force, are incapable of softening enough to make her turn as Holly, who is supposed to be klutzy and lovably unfocused, believable. [Chicago Tribune]
· This movie doesn't have enough fresh air to play on Oxygen. Its agenda might be epistolary, but its brain is covered in Post-its. [Boston Globe]

· "Pulling our strings is one thing; taking us for a fool is quite another - the puppet-master must play fair. Which is why P.S. I Love You, adapted from the novel by Cecelia Ahern, is so damned annoying - this sappy thing is a two-hour cheat that never plays fair for a nanosecond." [Globe and Mail]
· "Chick pap. FYI, there's zero chemistry between P.S. I Love You's two commodified headliners." [EW]
· "Has any two-time Oscar winner ever made as many bad movies as Hilary Swank? A protracted piece of schmaltz, "P.S. I Love You" looks like a hand-me-down from Sandra Bullock and Drew Barrymore." [NY Post]
· "This is a movie that will leave you stunned and stupefied from beginning to end, if you don't head for the exits first." [SF Chronicle]

And a positive one:

· "There are several cringe-worthy set pieces, some involving Mr. Butler and a guitar...yet it charms, however awkwardly." [NY Times]