That millennial milestone may be nearer than any of us thought: A documentary called The People Vs. George Lucas issued a teaser late Tuesday, foreshadowing the promise of a unified front against Lucas as well as a preview of the complex defense he may mount. He may not have a chance against evidence this damning, however, from Jar-Jar Binks to expert testimony ("If you wanna fix something, fix Howard the Duck") and other corroborating witnesses from fanboy culture. Assuming the precedent of $4 billion class action lawsuits stands, expect ambitious lawyers to circle the doc as a potential gold mine upon its release next year. Just as long as we get our share of the settlement, we're in.

• 'The People Vs. George Lucas' Teaser [YouTube]

Much has been made of how onetime galactic visionary George Lucas has somehow lost his way on a biblically epic scale, performing acts of icon-sodomy and auto-cannibalization so unspeakably heinous, watching them with your eyes open has the power to melt your face clear off.

Of course, we often forget Lucas always had that power.

To this day, the words Howard the Duck are tossed around as some benchmark of bad. But when was the last time you actually sat through it? Just try. It becomes an almost brain-collapsing self-reflexive act, as you watch yourself watch yourself watch yourself watch one of the worst movies ever made. Did we just see Lea Thompson rifling through a wallet belonging to a midget in a duck mask, and pull out a ducky-rubber? We believe we did.

• Howard the Duck [Hulu]

E! notes today that George Lucas has sold his blessing to Star Wars: A Musical Journey, which will premiere next year in London with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra providing accompaniment to series excerpts screened in chronological order — from The Phantom Menace to Return of the Jedi. The bad news: No Clone Wars, and thus no showstopping Ziro the Hutt number. The good news: Reports also cite the inclusion of "a Stormtrooper kick line and singing Wookiees [accompanying] John Williams' Oscar-winning score."

While that may not sound good (or even legitimate), we must keep hope alive that Journey may yet provide a new generation with a conflagration similar to the Star Wars Holiday Special — that infamous 1978 spectacle so exhaustively explored today by VF's Frank DiGiacomo:

[When Bruce] Vilanch heard Lucas’s storyline at a development meeting at Smith and Hemion’s L.A. offices, he quickly realized that a “big challenge” lay ahead. Lucas was intent on building The Star Wars Holiday Special, as it would be called, around Wookiees — specifically, the family of Chewbacca, Han Solo’s shaggy sidekick, as they outwitted Imperial forces to come together on Life Day, the Wookiee equivalent of Christmas. Suddenly, Vilanch says, the special was in danger of looking like “one long episode of Lassie.”

“I said: ‘You’ve chosen to build a story around these characters who don’t speak. The only sound they make is like fat people having an orgasm,’” the 250-plus-pound Vilanch recalls. “In fact, I told Lucas he could just leave a tape recorder in my bedroom and I’d be happy to do all the looping and Foley work for him.”

The Musical Journey producers, meanwhile, insist you can expect a little more class in 2009. Translation: Ms. Fisher, your agent's holding.

• The Han Solo Comedy Hour! [VF.com]

• Cue the Ewoks, Star Wars Hits the Stage [E!]

Green conceived the story for The Freshman with Hugh Sterbakov, who penned the title with an assist from illustrator Leonard Kirk; Green and Sterbakov are currently scripting the film. Set on a socially stratified college campus, the Top Cow series follows the misadventures of a group of dejected students who acquire peculiar abilities after a lab mishap irradiates them.

io9: How did you decide The Freshmen would make a good movie?
Seth Green: Hugh and I conceived this a couple years ago as a film. What we found was the marketplace at the time was really unreceptive to comic-book properties. X-Men had just come out, and people were still hesitant to believe that a comic book could translate cause it had so much baggage [plot-wise]. So we had an opportunity to make a comic, and we said, “Well, fuck it. Let’s just entrench it in the marketplace.” Although the movie actually will be different than the book.

io9: It would have to be. First of all, there would be a whole lot of vomit.
Green: [Laughs] You know, honestly, Elwood [who can intoxicate others when he’s drunk] remains largely unchanged. He’s got it hard because he’s a straight-A dude who doesn’t really indulge in anything, and his views are so conservative. And the one night that he tries something new, like lets his hair down [by getting drunk], he gets fucked for life.

io9: So how will the movie be different from the book?
Green: The kids aren’t going to wear costumes, obviously. Except for Paula [who can enchant anyone into falling in love with her] and [the group’s powerless leader] Norrin. Cause Paula makes her costume, and Norrin—the costume’s all he’s got. We also had to eliminate characters just for the sake of telling a story in the most concise way. I don’t want to really talk about who, but it’s a heartbreaking thing to do.

io9: Is Ray, whose superpower is essentially having a huge penis, going to stay?
Green: Oh yeah. What I’m touching on are these personalities, and what happens to kids and where they’re coming from and what they go through. And how they become who they are. And that kid, that path—oh my gosh! All I can say is it’s gonna be heartbreaking.

io9: Not to be crass, but I just have visions of Boogie Nights.
Green: It’ll never be that graphic. But he does use it as a weapon. You know, it’s long and indestructible. [Laughs] I mean, there’s a protective sheath constructed for him.

io9: Clearly, this is an R-rated movie!
Green: Yeah, definitely. Your college experience should be rated R.

io9: Will the movie cover the origin story told in volume one, which also touches on the mad scientist’s evil plot?
Green: Essentially. So much of what works well in a comic won’t work well in a movie. So thematically we’re just addressing it. The Beaver [a character who’s turned into the animal] is prominent in the film, but I don’t know that we’ll get into that dam.

io9: You’ve said you’re looking at a $35 million budget.
Green: Hey, it’s all estimations. We haven’t budgeted the script or anything like that. But I know that I need this Beaver to exist in real life. And I know that’s gonna be expensive computer-generated graphics, over like 15 percent of the film. This isn’t an effects driven movie, though. This is a character-driven movie.

io9: Sort of like a purgatory tale.
Green: It’s similar to that. We do play it for laughs, but at the same time this is a very grounded story about real kids dealing with something significant. The changes that you go through when you leave high school and go to college are huge. You’re embracing your own identity for the first time, telling the whole world who you will be for the rest of your life. This is a world where superpowers don’t exist. And I’m not talking first season of Heroes. This is today, this is actually happening, this is right now.

io9: Did you go to college?
Green: I did not go to college. (A) I had terrible entry scores—I’m a bad tester, and (B) I was already working professionally in the field that I was pursuing. So it just seemed silly for me to spend my time in a scholastic environment. [Instead] I went to the used bookstore and just bought a ton of stuff that I wanted to read.

io9: Wouldn’t it be tough, then, to direct a movie about the college experience?
Green: Oh, I spent a ton of time at colleges. All of my friends were in school, and that’s where I’d discuss with them what their experiences were. It was really just responsibility for the first time. For the first time in someone’s life, they set their own alarm; they do or don’t go to school; they do or don’t eat properly. You know? They do or don’t do all the things they’ve been instructed are crucial. That’s what I’m fascinated by.

io9: How far along are you with the script?
Green: Well, we wrote a script and we wanna take another pass at it, but we got it on paper.

io9: Have you sold it?
Green: I spent a bunch of time talking to George Lucas about how he makes his movies. And I really like his philosophies. So we’re writing it, and we’re figuring it all out. I spent a good deal of time producing over the last eight years, so this kind of thing I can handle. We’re gonna partner up with somebody we believe in and who believes in us, and make the movie that we wanna make. At press time, we haven’t picked a producer.

io9: Would you reach out to George Lucas or Joss Whedon for advice about directing?
Green: Absolutely, yes, always. When you’re fortunate enough to get to work with masters, without being a nuisance, take advantage of that.

io9: When would you ideally like to start production?
Green: Um, well, schedule really becomes a product of availability. Hugh has a show that he’s sold to the Sci Fi network. He’s doing a bit of work on that right now. I’ve got Robot Chicken—we just wrapped [another] Star Wars [episode], which is gonna be out Nov. 16. Then I have a movie in April. So it always becomes about where do you put it? But what I will say is that I wanna make this movie. I’m really excited about it. I’m really excited to show it to people.

io9: What do you think of Hollywood’s almost indiscriminate love for comic books now?
Green: It’s making a universe. It’s creating, like, a taxable marketplace. I think that’s what Marvel’s been doing so succinctly: trying to combine all their franchises into something that’s just really serving the fan. What’s nice is that Hollywood studios are essentially banks and don’t really care what the content is as long as it’s turning a profit. They become more and more willing to trust these storytellers who’ve been telling good stories all along.

io9: Yet if you talk to most comics creators and editors, they’d probably argue they’re more or less left out of the process.
Green: Well, you know, everybody’s got their process. As a filmmaker I’m just excited by the prospect of a filmmaker putting their stamp on something that they already love. Jon Favreau was a huge Iron Man fan and look what he gave us.

io9: But there are comic-book companies that solely want to develop…
Green: I know. There is no such thing as selling out anymore. 50 Cent who is the hardest gangster—or at least sold as the hardest gangster around—made $50 million selling Vitamin Water. If you don’t have a clothing line and a record or a comic book or a scent, then you’re just not participating. And it’s a funny thing to accept, as a citizen of the world. I hope this doesn’t sound disingenuous, but I’m not driven by financial gain. All my life I’ve liked to make stuff. And I’ve found myself in a position of opportunity to make some of the things I’ve been wanting to for a long time. And I’m just taking every advantage of it, absolutely.

io9: How big of a comics fan are you?
Green: I think there’s a misconception about me and the size of my comic-book geekiness. I grew up reading comic books. My dad and I did together, and I learned how to draw and I got interested in that storytelling. But around ’96, I just flat-out stopped buying them. The whole collecting market started frustrating me cause all of these companies were doing these ridiculous multiple printings with different covers to gouge the average fan. And I just found the whole thing grotesque and turned my back on it.

io9: Do you want to make anymore comics?
Green: I didn’t write The Freshman. We co-conceived the characters and the stories. I haven’t really given [creating more comics] a lot of thought. You know Geoff Johns is a buddy of mine, and he writes comics all the time. Oh my gosh, that guy is awesome. He and Matt [Senreich, Robot Chicken’s other co-creator] are going to make a movie. But, no, I haven’t really thought about it cause I haven’t had a story I wanted to tell in that medium.

io9: If Joss asked you, would you ever consider taking on the Buffy comic?
Green: See, I don’t think I’m instinctive for those characters or that content. I always put myself in their hands. I was like, “Write me something awesome.” And they never disappointed. I don’t think I’d be a good candidate. I don’t think I have valuable instincts for those characters.

io9: What was your costume this Halloween?
Green: I’ve prepared a Dr. Henry Jones Sr. costume. I love Sean Connery in The Last Crusade. I was Axl Rose one year. That was a very strong costume.

io9: Superficially, you’d appear to have a fascination with Amish people—what with The Freshman’s Amish character, Liam, as well as your role in Sex Drive.
Green: I dressed up as an Amish person when I went with [actor] Todd Grinnell to the Playboy party a few years ago. But I don’t really have some kind of fascination. It’s just come up a bunch recently.

io9: Can you tell me a little about the upcoming Star Wars episode of Robot Chicken?
Green: Oh my gosh, I cannot wait for people to watch this. It exceeded all of my expectations. We have a little bit of a linear story—we kinda discuss the bounty hunters. I’ve always been interested in those guys and who they are and how they got there. Do they have agents, or did they answer an ad? Do those guys compete all the time? Do they hate each other? Are there rivalries? What’s the story? So, start to finish, it’s the bounty hunters story. And mixed up throughout are channel flips that are all over the universe and timeline.

io9: You’re all over the place lately. What can you tell me about your upcoming spot on Heroes?
Green: Oh, I can’t [laughs].

io9: I know that you and your old buddy Breckin Meyer play comic-book nerds in Atlanta who help one of the Heroes.
Green: You possibly know more than I’m allowed to tell you. Yeah, Breckin and I are both in it. And all our scenes are together.

io9: And shots from the set reveal that you have a beard that sorta makes you look like Morgan from Chuck.
Green: Oh. Wow. That hurts a little bit.

io9: Oh, please. You know the girls love you, Seth.
Green: [laughs]

io9: Would you ever do another Star Trek spoof on Robot Chicken and have Zachary Quinto voice Spock?
Green: Not for Star Trek, no. Zach came on and did a Sylar bit for us. And he did some other stuff. He is so funny. He has got to do a comedy, cause he always plays these really scary and serious characters and he’s so fucking funny. We don’t have any new Star Trek bits. We want to see the movie first.

io9: The next episode of Entourage is intriguingly titled, “Seth Green Day.” Explain.
Green: [Creator] Doug Ellin asked me if I wanted to come and do something. And I was like, “Of course I do!” [Laughs] And me and Kevin Connolly get to fight some more. That’s funny. It’s so silly.

top Seth Green photo courtesy of bonniegrrl

"It's automatic, really, we did well with the last one and with that having done well and been a positive experience, it's not surprising that some people want to do it again," Ford said.

I asked Ford who specifically is stirring up the idea of another revival, whether it was Lucas, Spielberg or the star himself? "Really, it comes from the ethos, from the ether. It's natural. It's a way of nature, of course, success breed opportunities ... also we don't stay as closely in contact as we have in the last year, that's part of it." [...]

"It was never a lead-pipe cinch," Ford said. "It was a calculated business risk but I believe it paid off. I was somewhat surprised and gratified to see it did the business that it did. It was successful in almost every market. The first time we showed it to a disinterested outside audience was at Cannes. That's a crap shoot of the first order. Not only is that audience sophisticated and film-knowledgable, it's French! And it's their country and their festival and we somewhat expected to be seriously slapped around. But we were not, we were embraced...it was very gratifying."

No problem — we can help with that. Still, we can't foresee even the most spectacularly acclaimed Indy film outpacing the last one for sheer anticipation and return on investment; have you taken a look at the Indiana Jones PlunderWatch™ Ticker recently? You want a crap shoot of the first order, Harrison? Beat that.

• Harrison Ford says George Lucas in 'think mode' ... [Hero Complex]

After the jump: Mamma Mia! conquers yet another country, George Lucas goes director shopping, and Michael Sheen goes to Wonderland.

· After months of controversy over how George Lucas might integrate a jive-talking Hutt sibling into Red Tails, his film about the Tuskegee Airmen, the world sighed with relief as the producer handed off the directing reins to the more modest ex-Wire and CSI helmer Anthony Hemingway. [THR]
· Psst! Hey buddy — wanna buy a lion? Or, like, part of a lion? [Variety]
· In its fourth week of release in Korea, Mamma Mia! dispatched a native hit to overtake the top box-office spot, nudging its ABBA Global Conquest™ war chest over $450 million to date. [Variety]
· Biopic veteran Michael Sheen is joining the casts of both the Samuel L. Jackson thriller Unthinkable and Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, prompting observers around Hollywood to wonder what tony British cultural figure might be hastily written in to do acid with Johnny Depp. [Variety]

Might "nuking the fridge" have been more palatable if it were followed by a scene where Indy, Mutt, and Ray Winstone spy on Cate Blanchett through a peephole in the high school locker room? Or are we subtly being prepared for an Indy 5 involving the mythical Quest for Teenage Tail?

• Shia LaBeouf Defends 'Nuking The Fridge' And Other Fantastical 'Indy 4' Moments [MTV]

Howard Roffman is the bigwig in charge of all of toy licensing for Lucas Film....in other words he is the guy who decides what little kids and little boys will be playing with, you know like lightsabers they can cross and things like that.

Anyway, on the side and this is pretty well known within Lucas, Howard Roffman is also known for his gay pornography photos of handsome young.....and i mean YOUNG....guys in action.

Sure enough, we did some internet digging, and pulled up two very different online bios for the President of Lucas Licensing. His lucasfilm.com profile dryly lists his qualifications, explaining that "Roffman was able to combine business executive functions with creative marketing skills" to eventually oversee duties for "the licensing and marketing of all Lucasfilm properties in ancillary consumer markets, including the Star Wars and Indiana Jones films."

Then there's the Roffman described by himself at howardroffman.com:

I am a 52-year-old white, Jewish man who grew up in a decidedly white middle-class section of Philadelphia, who now lives in San Francisco with his partner of 31 years and whose career has nothing to do with photography. So how do I find myself publishing book after book of photographs of deliriously beautiful young men? I often find myself asking that very same question.

We invite you to peruse Roffman's eleven published collections of nude black-and-white studies; while this might not be material for everyone, we doubt anyone would deny Roffman's natural ability for capturing the contours of a very young man's blossoming body. Obviously, some parents might find this news of grave concern—but we're sure that a consummate professional such as himself can be trusted not to greenlight child-inappropriate Lucasfilm products like a Mutt Williams Vine-Swinging Loincloth or Handsy Solo and the Millennium Chickenhawk playset.

• howardroffman.com
• Howard Roffman [lucasfilm.com]

It’s not the look or design that pushes it over the top into stereotype, of course, but the voice (performed by Corey Burden), a lispy, high-pitched twang purposively reminiscent of Truman Capote. So how did a character who wasn’t even supposed to speak English wind up sounding like that? Because George Lucas insisted on it, Clone Wars director Dave Filion confessed.

“Zero, Jabba’s uncle, originally spoke in Hutt-ese, like Jabba and then he had a different sluggish voice just like Jabba, and then George one day was watching it and said ‘I want him to sound like Truman Capote.’ He actually said that and we were like ‘Wow!’” Filion revealed. “It’s a hybrid of it but the inspiration is definitely there on Capote. It’s one of those things that takes him from being an interesting character and I think really does put him over the top and does something. He’s a favorite among the crew here.”

Filion bafflingly stopped short of acknowledging Ziro's sexual orientation, however ("He’s of questionable [sexuality] at least as a slug. They tell me that these slugs can be either male or female depending"), leaving it to Lucas to wait and see how the currently developing Great Sissies of History trilogy does on its own before permuting it for a more fabulous galaxy far, far away.

• Is Zero the Hutt The First Gay Alien In ‘Star Wars’ History? [MTV Movies Blog]

Boomp3.com

An Imperial Scout Trooper placed a quick phone call to shore up his ride situation before an advance screening of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. In a muffled tone, the scout explained that people have a difficult time understanding what he's talking about a majority of the time. The scout said, "My outfit doesn't have any pockets for my phone; if it did, I would just text message my ride the details back and forth. When I'm in character, it's just too hard to break the illusion." Before going back into the line, the scout trooper realized it was actually pretty fortunate that he was wearing a helmet and gloves while using the pay phone. As he explained to the Wookie who held his place in line, "You never know what kind of germs live on those things, anyway."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pic]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Naturally, Knowles capitulated — he did break the Lucas/Warner Bros. review embargo, we guess — but his insight into a true travesty of imagination has resurfaced elsewhere. And for sheer bile (excerpted after the jump), we've got to say we're really quite proud of the plus-size pushover's efforts:

(T)hey introduced Baby Jabba aka Rotta the Huttlet aka Stinky. ... (But) wait ... Little Stinky the Hutt isn’t the worst character in the history of STAR WARS… because Stinky got introduced earlier in the film. As much as I hated lil Stinky… I was weathering Stinky. I seriously was. But later there was a character of such immense **** – offensively bad. The character was so bad, so incredibly awful – that it was a slap to the face. It woke me out of my ****-accepting stupor and made me angry. SUDDENLY my “inner fanboy rage” was awoken. ...

I watched this terrifyingly awful character named Ziro the Hutt. A seemingly female Hutt – with tattoos and make-up that sounds like a racist take on a Black New Orleans Crack-Dealing Whore. Because this Hutt speaks ENGLISH – and it is many times worse than I’m actually describing. This character was actually too much for me. So bad that every flaw I was looking past, was now a road sign to inadequacy and mediocrity. ... I hated the score, the animation, the shots, the characters and most of all the retarded ******** idiot story.

I hated the film. HATED IT. REALLY HATED IT.

More like this, Harry, seriously. And: If we've said it once, we've said it a thousand times: A jailed George Lucas is a harmless George Lucas. Send in the SWAT team.

UPDATE: Good news! AICN is now emphasizing that Warner Bros. enforced the review embargo, not Lucasfilm or George Lucas himself. We knew the man responsible for Stinky the Hutt and Indiana Jones 4 could never lash out at his fans so indecorously.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• “Harry Knowles Hated The Clone Wars” Review [Hollywood Newsroom]

We're pretty sure the inclusion of Powers in their list of 14 franchises to kill was a serendipitous fluke (it's actually pegged to The Mummy 3 and includes Indiana Jones and Friday the 13th as well), but Wednesday's revival news nevertheless reinforced the urgency of euthanizing bad ideas before they can strike again. And why stop at 14? As long as we have the ax out, we might as well finish the job with another half-dozen after the jump.

·Beverly Hills Cop: Sure, we summoned a bit of cautious optimism when we first heard about BHC 4. But word that franchise heir Brett Ratner wants a PG-13 and Eddie Murphy's continued commitment to mediocrity has us second-guessing. Kill it.

·Star Wars: Nothing short of George Lucas encased in carbonite will likely stop his molesty corruption of a galaxy far, far away. But a blog can dream. Kill it.

· Transformers: Wait — never mind! Thanks, Shia.

· Spider-Man: Heresy? Maybe. But if Sam Raimi is more preoccupied with spinoffs and Jack Ryan than Sony's multi-billion empire, just accept the sign. Kill it first, before Joel Schumacher hijacks it.

· Hostel: How much would it cost us to have the pleasure of snuffing this ourselves in a dank Eastern European abattoir? We'll get the money, like, yesterday. Kill it — slowly.

· The Lost Boys: Not a franchise so much as a misbegotten, Haim-wounding attempt at brand-milking, bound to get worse before it gets better. Kill it.

• Running on Empty: 14 Movie Franchises We Think Should Stop [EW]

Which is why a revealing London Times profile of Lucas has us so torn today. Yes, we can accept Lucas's preoccupation with raising a female cagefighter by himself as a likely contributor to Howard the Duck's downfall. Fine. But, no — no, no, no — we cannot believe he actually thinks Indiana Jones 5 is an idea worth squabbling over with anyone, let alone Steven Spielberg:

Really, though, [Indiana Jones 4] was a challenge getting the story together and getting everybody to agree on it. Indiana Jones only becomes complicated when you have another two people saying ‘I want it this way’ and ‘I want it that way’, whereas, when I first did Jones, I just said, ‘We’ll do it this way’ — and that was much easier. But now I have to accommodate everybody, because they are all big, successful guys, too, so it’s a little hard on a practical level.

“If I can come up with another idea that they like, we’ll do another. Really, with the last one, Steven wasn’t that enthusiastic. I was trying to persuade him. But now Steve is more amenable to doing another one. Yet we still have the issues about the direction we’d like to take. I’m in the future; Steven’s in the past. He’s trying to drag it back to the way they were, I’m trying to push it to a whole different place. So, still we have a sort of tension. This recent one came out of that. It’s kind of a hybrid of our own two ideas, so we’ll see where we are able to take the next one.”

Wow. Just as we think that's a thinly veiled acknowledgment of the film's inarguable awfulness, we know it portends a billionaire battle royale between Spielberg's hoary throwbacks and Lucas's planned '70s-era LeBeouf showcase Indiana Jones and the Doomed Left At LaBrea. With another trillion at stake (give or take; according to the still-active Indiana Jones PlunderWatch Ticker™), here's hoping for an inevitable resolution we can all tolerate through nubby, ground teeth.

• George Lucas: Mr. Emperor strikes back [Sunday Times]

WHEREAS, said franchise is the most lucrative in the history of cinema, having generated nearly $4.3 billion at the box office alone, and

WHEREAS, the creator of said franchise, George Lucas, has established additionally lucrative revenue streams from Star Wars licensing, animated series and his post-production empire at Skywalker Ranch, and

WHEREAS, recent news reports reveal that Lucas plans to re-release said franchise theatrically in 3-D, and

WHEREAS, the terrible second half of the franchise already capitalized on the celebrated phenomenon of the first half, and

WHEREAS, said first half was previously exploited by Lucas's urge to re-release them with bad CGI and boring deleted scenes, and

WHEREAS, said first half was further exploited by more home-video versions than anyone could count, and certainly more than anyone wanted to buy, and

WHEREAS, a 3-D Star Wars re-release further cynically exploits a celebrated phenomenon that was just fine as it was, and

WHEREAS, The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith will always suck no matter how many dimensions they're screened in, and

WHEREAS, Lucas still does not yet have the technology to make his screenwriting multi-dimensional,

WHEREAS, the conversion process will likely cost Lucas at least $15 million per film, with another $30 million of marketing on top of that, and

WHEREAS, we are tired of spending money on George Lucas's old shit, and

WHEREAS, we are tired of Lucas expecting us to spend money on his old shit,

NOW, THEREFORE, LET IT BE RESOLVED BY DEFAMER:

1. George Lucas cease and desist in his threat to re-release any or all of the Star Wars franchise in 3-D, and

2. The Star Wars franchise shall be remanded to protective custody until Lucas is judged fit and modest enough to take care of it, and

3. Lucas serve a five-year probation during which the cash-mongering recycling of old properties is subject to a fine of $5 billion dollars and/or life in prison.

RESOLUTION PASSED this 25th day of July, 2008.

SIGNED,

DEFAMER

[Photo: Getty Images]