In preparation for its fifth season, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is staging a road show built around a stage performance of the final episiode of the fourth season. While to many, Sunny remains an obscure basic cable show, and many others have expressed perplexity at the appeal of a show about five relentlessly unpleasant buffoons, judging from the scale of the crowd formed outside the Beacon, craning their necks for a glimpse at the stars working the pressline on the yellow carpet, there is a sleeping giant out there eager to praise jerkdom.

Inside, the social origins of the full house were difficult to gauge. For a Californian such as myself visiting New York it is distressing that here — in the capital of the fashion industry — there is no coherent nerd to cool fashion continuum to which all the city's entire citizenry is compelled to obey. There were many in sort of nondescript workplace casual — oxfords, plaids, lots and lots and lots of scarves. Do these equal cool here? Semi-cool? Where I come from "professional dress" = loser, but maybe here that's socially acceptable?

Anyhow, the evening's entertainments were opened by a band who announced "We're from Brooklyn" which I took as my signal to go hunt down some potato chips in the lobby for the remainder of their set (although it sounded pretty good from out there.)

The Sunny portion began with a screening of an upcoming episode from this season. Not the premiere episode which will be broadcast tonight, but an episode to come which must've been selected because it was one of the funniest of the season, because it was pretty darn funny. Up there with Sunny's strongest work.

The stage show had the energy of a revival meeting, or Joss Whedon convention, with the audience wildly cheering familiar lines, bit players and singing along from memory with the songs, as seen in my fuzzy video below. The musical within the show is the Charlie characters delightfully incompetent and unintentionally perverse story about a little boy held captive by a troll, molested each evening by the dreaded Night Man from the darkness who, keeps him from being with a princess. Insane, horrifying and very catchy as well. A delightful theaterical evening.

After the show, the cast adjourned to the rooftop of the Hotel Empire where we were treated with a no frills but acceptable buffet featuring a pasta bar. The hors d'oeuvres were probably more successful than the main course with some very decent crab rangoon bites. The mini-burritos were a minor triumph. The crowd seems heavily Fox business affairs with whom the Sunny crew duly schmoozed until midnight. Interesting to note that all the Sunny cast have apparently decided to marry each other since the show started. Charlie Day ("Charlie") is wedded to his on air love interest The Waitress played by Mary Elizabeth Ellis. Mac and Dee tied the knot last year. Only Dennis (Glenn Howerton), ironically the show's pretty boy, was left to have to marry someone who isn't on the show.

As the party wound down, the cast climbed in to their big yellow Sunny in Philadelphia bus and headed off for the show's namesake town, where they will next perform live as they take their theaterings on a cross country tour.

The former Shield star, himself having been once duped in a Ponzi scheme decidedly smaller than the $50 billion variety that took down untold numbers of Hollywood investors, needs a new gig. Enter House of Cards, which Chiklis has been developing at FX since February. The series focuses on the head of the scam; Chiklis will executive produce but not star, offering his unique technical counsel from his own pyramid-plot days:

For Chiklis, his monetary loss was compounded by his regret of convincing friends to invest too.

"That was the worst part of it," he said. "It's one thing when you lose your own money, but here you lose your friends' money while your true-hearts-hope was to make them money."

Meta! FX is in the hunt for a showrunner as we speak.

• Chiklis developing Ponzi scheme TV series [The Live Feed]

· Foreigners aren't picky. They love 10,000 B.C.! [Variety]
· Big Brother is sent back to the summer TV gulag, after a freakish, strike-necessitated winter edition, which never quite caught on with the show's easily confused, seasonally dependent viewership. [THR]
· Ken Davitian has been cast in Fox's Bernie Mac sitcom Starting Under, where audiences will do everything they can to wipe away the image of his flabby, fur-covered ass cheeks squeezing the last gasps of air from Sacha Baron Cohen's heaving lungs. [THR]

· Hard-to-kill Heroes cheerleader and Official Friend of the Dolphins Hayden Panettiere joins the cast of teen comedy Daydream Nation, possibly opposite a Culkin. [Variety]
· FX has abruptly decided not to order any more episodes of Dirt or The Riches because of the strike's interruption of their production, but hasn't yet ruled out the possibility that they might renew the shows for third seasons that will have to awkwardly resolve all the plot threads cut in the middle of this abbreviated run. [THR]
· CBS is its moving Survivor brand into fitness products, starting with something called "Supercharged Sunflower Seeds," a snack undoubtedly rich in the nutrients one needs to live while stranded on a deserted island or trapped in a remote part of China. [Variety]

· Monday may be the last day of picketing before the Guild breaks for the sure-to-be-depressing holidays, probably returning the lines in the first week of January. Merry Strike Christmas! [Variety]
· On a Tuesday night with virtually nothing to watch (trust us, we tried—oh, how we tried!), NBC fat-marches to Nielsen victory behind The Biggest Loser. [THR]
· FX unveils its new "FX: There is no box" branding campaign, a slogan that ultimately won out over early, edginess-promoting favorite "FX: We can say 'shit' on our shows; suck it, Bravo!" [Variety]

"Nip/Tuck" creator/executive producer Ryan Murphy said that O'Donnell will be returning for "several episodes" of the show's upcoming fifth season, starting with Episode 4.

As for talk about a potential spinoff featuring her character, Dawn Budge, Murphy said, "The character was so instantly popular. We've spoken about (a spinoff); it's an ongoing discussion."

Having already tasted the forbidden fruits of resident slutty surgeon Dr. Christian Troy, we imagine the writers have begun to brainstorm a whole new selection of partners, sexual positions, and animal hides on which to perfect them. Whether or not her horny escapades could sustain a spinoff series remains to be seen—but having just watched her Price is Right dreams evaporate, we can think of no better consolation prize than to portray a woman addicted to lipo and gigolos in The Days and Nights of Dawn Budge.

• O'Donnell signs on for more 'Nip/Tuck' [cnn.com]

After weathering a flatly written exchange in which Aniston's lesbian character tells Cox, "This is no way to live! You don't deserve to be alone," (oh, the bitter irony), then some innuendo about past dalliances between the characters (four implied times!), and one brushed off ass-grab (easy there, lesbian tiger), we finally get the kiss: A closed mouth cutaway unlikely to moisten the panties of even the show's most incontinent viewers. Have a look, trying not to sigh too loudly over this squandered opportunity to exploit ten seasons' worth of crackling, Sapphic sexual tension.

• Dirt - Courteney and Jennifer kiss! [YouTube]

"Is it 'Bring a Jackal to Work Day'? " Lucy [Cox] says when she sees Tina Harrod (Ms. Aniston), her longtime frenemy and editor of a rival gossip magazine in her office.

Tina fights fire with fake warmth, calling Lucy "sweetie" and mixing solicitude with salacious innuendo. (They kiss on the lips, but briskly.) The finale, which ties up loose ends with over-the-top drama, should be a blast. Yet like Ms. Cox, Ms. Aniston seems to be sleepwalking through her part, not so much enjoying it as enduring it.

We suppose that those truly obsessed with the idea of a proper Monica-on-Rachel hook-up can pray that Dirt gets picked up for another season and Aniston becomes a recurring character; maybe with the pressure of a possible cancellation off, the actresses will allow themselves to relax enough to finally give their dedicated fans the spit-swapping, nonpenetrative televised encounter they've desperately craved since those deliciously tense moments back in their Friends kitchen.

• Frenemies Forever in the Game of Fame [NY Times]
• Courtney Cox Doesn't Want You To Watch Her Make Out With Jennifer Aniston For The Wrong Reasons [Defamer]

"There is no tongue and it is really not a big deal to kiss," the 42-year-old actress tells syndicated TV entertainment show "Access Hollywood" in an interview set to air Wednesday.

"I am not saying, `Don't tune in to watch Jennifer on the show,' because she is fantastic and you get to see us together again," Cox says. "But if you think it is just about a major make-out session, you will be disappointed."

We hope that the executives at FX figure out a fitting way to punish their uncooperative star for trying to derail their ratings-attracting stunt; demanding a three episode arc in which she and Friends sibling David Schwimmer explore the darkest, kinkiest recesses of their sexualities should teach her a much-needed lesson about interfering with the promotion of their series.

• Cox: Aniston TV Smooch Is No `Big Deal' [AP]
• Previously: The One Where Monica And Rachel Finally Make Out A Little [Defamer]

Call them Friends with benefits. You already know that when Jennifer Aniston guests on the March 27 season finale of Courteney Cox's FX drama Dirt, she'll be playing her bosom buddy's archenemy, a rival tabloid editor. But what I've learned — muahaha, exclusively! — is that Aniston's character is a lesbian. What's more, she won't just mouth off to Cox's tightly wound counterpart, she's going to share a liplock with her. An FX rep declined to comment, but Joey Tribbiani had this to say: "Yeah, baby!"

For a cable network so committed to pushing the envelope by exploring exciting new sideboob and strap-on sodomy frontiers, a lesbian-lite kiss seems decidedly safe, even if it satisfies the third most popular Friends slash-fic scenario behind Joey-on-Chandler or Ugly-Naked-Guy-on-Ross couplings. Perhaps FX has one of their edgy surprises in store for us (we've still not had a good night of sleep since Rosie O'Donnell was ravaged on that zebra-skin rug onNip/Tuck), and they'll find a way to work Cox's signature vibrator into that innocent liplock.

• Exclusive: Aniston-Cox Smooch Exposed! [TVGuide.com]
• Previously: FX President Hopes You'll Stick Around Until 'Dirt' Gets Better [Defamer]

Having a new series draw critical praise and high ratings is ideal, he said, but if he had to choose, at the end of the day the man wants a hit.

The "Dirt" premiere was the second highest-rated debut in FX's history, mainly due to Cox's star wattage, but its tough to believe the viewership will hold. Landgraf said he expects the second episode to drop in the ratings as well, and possibly the third episode as well.

One point of criticism Landgraf conceded is that "Dirt" lacks a sense of humor about itself. That was one of his notes too, he said, and starting at about the fifth episode, the show significantly improves.

"I really love the show from about midway through the season on," he said. "Whether the audience sticks around that long, we'll see."

Addressing the note about the troubling self-seriousness of a show about celebrity gossip, the president promised that critics who make it to Episode Five would be pleased by a recalibration of Dirt's attitude, when Courtney Cox's take-no-famous-prisoner's tabloid editor hilariously "catches" schizophrenia from her mentally ill photographer, kicking off a running gag where she hallucinates that her vibrator comes to life each time she fires it up, becoming a wisecracking sidekick with whom she can dish about Jennifer Aniston's love life.

• The 'Dirt' Panel [Critical Eye]
• Previously: Defamer TV Preview: 'Dirt' [Defamer]

I just watched the first 2 eps of the new FX show, Dirt. It's completely preposterous, but should get some of the Nip/Tuck crowd, I suppose - it's the same kind of 'guilty pleasure'; shamefully watchable, blah blah blah.

There's lots of belabored parallels to real tabloid stories (sex tapes, lots of coke, etc.), and an awkward mixing of real celebs and fake ones, which never quite works (i.e. someone will list a bunch of names, like "You know, Tom Cruise, George Clooney, Holt McLaren..."). David Fincher, the director, is in it, for some reason, and there are multiple scenes of a very thin Courtney Cox masturbating with a vibrator. In envelope-pushing cable TV fashion, "shit" is every other word and there's a handful of ass shots. The highlight of the whole show, though, is former L.A. Laker Rick Fox, as a Los Angeles basketball star, getting sodomized in fairly graphic FX detail by a girl with a strap-on. Like, there are thrusts, and he's bent over a hot tub.

The "Uncensored" section of the show's official website promises an online area called "Dirt Uncovered with David Arquette," but offers no hint of what behind-the-scenes delights might eventually be found there. Our fingers are crossed for uncomfortable segments in which Cox's goofball, co-producing househusband tries to offer helpful input into the star's crucial vibrator choice, but instead accidentally reveals a little too much about her real-life sex toy preferences, letting slip, "Oh, don't pick that one, it's waaay smaller than the one you use at home."

• Dirt [FX]

"Surgeons and hospitals have been a big part of our lives. We were always told that she would have to have more surgery when she got older. The time has come," the actress revealed. [...]

Nip/Tuck creator Ryan Murphy said: "It was sad, but Joely came before her character." [...]

Miss Richardson... has also dated her co-star John Hensley, who curiously plays her teenage son Matt, despite being only 12 years younger than her. [...]

At the age of 24 she embarked on a fling with Scottish landowner Archie Stirling who was more than twice her age and also married to actress Diana Rigg. [...]

In 1992, she married [the teenager's father, Tim] Bevan, co-founder of Working Title, the studio behind Bridget Jones's Diary.[...]

Bevan left her for 24-year-old Amy Gadney and Miss Richardson filed for divorce in 1997. A fling with Robbie Williams...followed.

We're not entirely sure why the Daily Mail chose to end a depressing story about an actress forced to leave the work she loves over her daughter's serious illness with a meanspirited laundry list of her failed and sometimes misguided past affairs. That said...She dated Matt? Seriously? Our TV watching universe hasn't been turned this oedipally upside-down since the soul-scarring day we learned the ugly truth about Greg and Mrs. Brady.

• Joely quits Nip/Tuck to take care of her ill daughter [DailyMail.co.uk]

If you are anything like us, your wall calendars are currently covered in a series of large, red Xs ending at yesterday's encircled date, with the words "Rosie's Big Nip/Tuck Sex Scene!" enthusiastically scribbled within. The steamy encounter between Dr. Christian Troy and O'Donnell's lottery-winning lipo patient, Dawn Budge (video above), answers many of our lingering erotic questions relating to the current title holder of Loudest Voice on The View. Namely: 1. What's the going rate for ten minutes of coming into naked contact with her? ($420,000.) 2. Does she talk during sex? (Yes, about mac and cheese.) And, finally, 3. Is an invasive procedure like liposuction guaranteed to make a noticeable difference in the contour of your jiggly lunchlady arms? (Apparently not.)

So far, no one from the church has contacted FX or Murphy. Repeated phone calls to the church by the Los Angeles Times were not returned.

"I think I would have serious questions about whether we want to essentially go to battle against any religion. I don't think that's where any business ought to be," [FX president and general manager John ] Landgraf said. "The flip side of that is that if Ryan's writing something that's creatively valid and it's creatively balanced, I don't think it serves the interests of the religion to somehow personally attack Ryan, or me, or one of the actors. That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I guess time will tell."

It's a shrewd strategy for Landgraf to warn the notoriously touchy Church that nothing would be accomplished by attacking their valid and balanced portrayal, hoping that such a challenge will almost certainly catch the attention Scientology's Truth In Media Technicians** and prompt a response; he'll laugh quietly to himself when a bullhorn-wielding Jenna Elfman, waiting for him by the entrance of the Fox Tower parking garage, launches into the litany of accusations in her Baby Rape Inventory***, knowing that this week's episode of Nip/Tuck is going to virtually promote itself.

[*This is exactly the kind of gratuitous punchline that FX will strenuously avoid.]
[** This one too.]
[*** At this point, there's no way we could avoid the too-easy Jenna Elfman joke. We are so weak.]

• 'Nip/Tuck' warms up to Scientology [LAT]