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The waves of Malibu apparently weren't too kind to hunky actor Matthew McConaughey over the weekend. The Fool's Gold star seemed rather honest about his lackluster surfing performance in the famed Pacific Ocean. McConaughey said, "I could say that I wasn't feeling the vibes because I wasn't feeling the ocean breeze bouncing off my pectorals, or I could say that I saw a dolphin and I got a bit scared that it was going to go after my driving paw. That wasn't it though. I was just no good out there. That, and there were too many people." McConaughey seemed frustrated by the amount of people hogging all the of the waves and wished that the politicians would fix the global warming problem soon. McConaughey added, "It should be cold in September. Or, at least chilly, you know?"

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

As the Daily Mail reports, Kate's turquoise Galliano gown severely clashed with the bright blue carpet she and Matthew walked across, presumably meant to reflect the abundance of ocean water in the movie (not that we saw it or anything, but we did see those airbrushed posters). So Kate managed to maneuver into a more diplomatic little black dress for the after-party. What is it about London and tooting old movie horns that makes otherwise well-behaved female stars let their guard all the way down? At least Kate didn't pull a Renee and waltz out of the "ladies' toilets" covered in mascara goop.

[Photo credits: The Sun, Alan Davidson via Daily Mail]

• STAR IS MCCONAUGH-EYING UP KATE HUDSON [The Sun]
• QUICK-CHANGE KATE HUDSON PARTIES ON IN LBD AFTER COLOUR-CLASH AT PREMIERE [Daily Mail]

Jessica Alba's not lacking in the mammary department, yet producers still felt the unwatchable Into The Blue could benefit from a little boost for Alba:

Emma Watson was not a girl but not yet a woman when Harry Potter: The Order Of The Phoenix came out, but marketers wanted her to be a woman, goddammit!

Perhaps the flattest of them all, Keira Knightley, famously had her barely-there bust bazoomed on the King Artur poster in an attempt to get more people to ignore how boring films set in the Middle Ages tend to be:

And yes, we did say Lindsay Lohan's miraculous rack was enhanced in the past, but it was actually quite memorably reduced on the Herbie poster so as not to scare the kiddies:

• ACTRESS KATE HUDSON GETS A DIGITAL BOOB JOB TO PROMOTE NEW MOVIE [Daily Mail]

"Who is she? Oh, that girl in 27 Dresses?"

But is Hudson's naiveté genuine or might she just be jealous of the fact that Heigl's 27 Dresses tap danced all over Fool's Gold at the box office (27 Dresses has a cume of $74.4MM, while Fool's Gold is stuck at a $58m gross to-date). Call us crazy, but we think that Kate's feigned ignorance of the Emmy winning emasculator is a direct result of the latter.

• 'GOLD' STAR DISSES '27 DRESSES' BEAUTY [AOL News]

1. Fool's Gold - $22.010 million
Though the reunion of How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days co-stars Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey did healthy business over another slow, pre-Oscars weekend, we feel like it's time that the onetime Sexiest Man Alive leave easy-money gigs like Fool's Gold behind and start seeking out more ambitious projects that better utilize his staggering gifts.

The technology now exists for the actor/producer to finally get to work on the genre-defying, CGI-enhanced vanity-opus he's been quietly planning since the summer of 2006, Matthew McConaughey Presents Matthew McConaughey In: Beach-Yoga Fuck-Clones of Malibu, an artistically pure endeavor that will help him shake the misconception he's nothing more than a well-sculpted bongo enthusiast just livin' his way through his movie career.

Bonus! Follow this link to a photograph of a surfboard-straddling, shirtless McConaughey pointing to something out of the frame in hunky, carefree fashion!

2. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins - $17.127 million
Is there anything Martin Lawrence can't do? Cross-dressing, fat-suited romps, Michael Bay blowing-shit-upstravaganzas, road movies about frustrated surburbanites' leather-daddy awakenings, and now, a Tyler Perry-style "families are crazy!" film. We can't wait to see what surprises the next twenty years of Lawrence's career brings.

3. Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: The Best Of Both Worlds Concert Tour - $10.508 million
Watch out, Olsen Twins, Miley Cyrus is coming to destroy your billion-dollar-a-year, tween-pickpocketing empire, and she has the unfair advantage of not having to share a brain with a conjoined business partner: "'She's moved into the space that the Olsen twins used to own,' Wood says. 'She has almost more potential. The Olsen twins' empire was built slowly over many years. But Hannah Montana has risen so quickly she's exploded into every genre.'"

4. The Eye - $6.630 million
5. Juno- $5.725 million

[no ranking] The Hottie and the Nottie- $25,000
At $225 per screen, Paris Hilton seriously challenged Jessica Simpson's $165 Blonde Ambition average, but the generosity of a distributor willing to put The Hottie and the Nottie into 111 theaters pushed her into the five-figure territory that prevented a real run at her peer's $6,422 opening.

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE February 8-10, 2008 [BoxOfficeMojo.com]