Trying to sell real estate in this economy is going to be rough for our three flamboyant barons, Josh Flagg, Madison Hildebrand and Chad Rogers so Million Dollar Listing just went from a real estate porn show to a "people with shitty jobs show." It is in some very good company, but do these mini-real estate tycoons have the crappiest jobs on the tube?

Million Dollar Listing
Position: Realtor to the stars!
Dangers: Not making any money in this shitty economy, losing your car, having people make fun of you, starving to death.
Payout: In the five to six figures, if they can make a deal.
Perks: Going through rich people's medicine cabinets.
Risk/Reward Index: We'd do it, if we didn't have such a stable media job.

Deadliest Catch
Position: Crab fisherman.
Dangers: Um, death! By freezing in the rain, falling overboard, dealing with surly captains, or random crustacean uprising.
Payout: In the mid five figures, for only a few weeks of work.
Perks: Free crab!
Risk/Reward Index: We'll use imitation crab in our California rolls, thank you.

Position: Former action star, Louisiana police deputy.
Dangers: We haven't seen the show yet (it starts in December) but we assume dealing with shirtless meth fiends running from the law while dealing with Above the Law jokes.
Payout: We're guessing in the low five figures for the police gig. We're not sure what being washed up pays.
Perks: A comeback!
Risk/Reward Index: Totally worth it (for the viewers).

Ace of Cakes
Position: Baker
Dangers: Cavities, fatness, the torture of touching all those delectable sweets and not being able to have any, living in Baltimore.
Payout: Low.
Perks: Three words: Five Second Rule.
Risk/Reward Index: Pretty good, if you don't mind being poor.

Sunset Tan
Position: Tanning Assistant.
Dangers: Being too stupid to say "melanoma" or know what one is, other people's cellulite.
Payout: Minimum wage.
Perks: Not any really.
Risk/Reward Index: At least you get free McCafés at McDonalds.

Flipping Out
Position: Jeff Lewis' assistant.
Dangers: Your insane OCD boss you needles you more than a heroin addicts arm.
Payout: Probably low. Jeff keeps whining about how he has no money.
Perks: You get to work with a funny maid and meet Andy Cohen at the reunion show!
Risk/Reward Index: After mental health bills, it's cost prohibitive to work here.

1.) Models of the Runway
It's boring…and "dumb."

I love Heidi's reaction to them.

2.) Speaking of Dumb
Who the fuck forgets the words to "God Bless America"? Especially if it's your job to remember them.

3.) Gosselin Kids Promise Not To Murder Their Mother

4.) The Insider: "Michael Jackson…A Ladies Man?"

Did they mean like this?

5.) Anal Retentive
That OCD guy from that Bravo show doesn't allow his employees to poop in the office bathrooms, and if they do, and he finds out about it, he gets revenge.

6.) Anal Retentive, Part 2
On the TLC show Truth Be Told, people with who are obsessed with their pets were profiled. This woman swears she's "not a crazy pet owner," although she does admit to—and is filmed—wiping her dogs ass after she (the dog, not the owner) shits.

I wonder if this dog sleeps in her wig.

7.) Kim Sleeps in Her Wig

What would NeNe think?

8.) Everyone Thinks Spencer Pratt Is An Idiot

9.) Steven Seagal Is Working
Is anyone else as excited about Steven Seagal's new reality show as I am?

10.) My Sentiments, Exactly

This is the deep question facing us today, as insane Flipping Out star Jeff Lewis and Ugly Betty actress Ashley Jensen (the Scottish chick) tangle in a war of words, threats, and lawsuits. Each is on a show that is among television's campiest, so when these two players go to war, does it produce an ironic overload, or will the anecdote collapse inward on itself like a souffle?

According to the documents filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court, Jensen and [her husband Terence] Beesley live next door to a house Lewis is currently renovating in the tony Los Feliz section of the city. The couple took issue earlier this year when they realized a deck Lewis had constructed on the fixer-upper home had encroached on their pricey property. [...]

After all parties were alerted to the violation, Jensen and her hubby claim that Lewis offered them $10,000 to buy an easement and simply let the deck stand. However, after consulting with other real estate experts, the couple say they were informed that the property Lewis had encroached upon was actually worth $100,000—10 times the amount of his lowball sum.

Clearly unhappy with the new figure, Lewis, the papers claim, paid a late-night visit to his neighbors' home and countered with a $30,000 offer, as well as a threat to make their lives miserable and generally talk nonstop smack about them on the new season of his show.

Apparently it wasn't the best business tactic.

As a result of Jensen and Beesley's lawsuit, which also named Lewis' business partner and reality-show costar Ryan Brown, earlier this week the court issued a temporary restraining order against Lewis, ordering him to stay 50 feet away from Jensen's home and not harass, assault or trespass on the property.

Perhaps things would have gone more smoothly if an inattentive Lewis hadn't mistaken a visiting America Ferrera for his housekeeper Zoila, barking, "Zoila, PLEASE get me a drink that's 70 percent bourbon, 20 percent punch, 10 percent I'm gonna kick this Ugly Betty broad's ass all the way down Hillhurst if she won't give in. You want your gays to keep watching your show? Then don't mess with the guy who nets Bravo consistent highs in HH and total viewers!"

• Jeff Lewis Flips Out on Ugly Betty Star [E!]

• Flipping Out [Bravo]

"When I got into it, I told the production company and the network to show all sides of me," he says over lunch at a Los Feliz restaurant the day after the second episode aired. "After all, I'm human. I have bad days, I have meltdowns, just like everybody else."

What he didn't expect was the way he felt once he saw himself in the unflattering mirror of his television.

"You can have people tell you how you are, but until you see yourself on a 40-inch plasma TV, you really can't know," says Lewis, 37, who grew up in Orange County.

And so he decided he had to change. [...]

Times were bad, both financially and personally. The cameras captured every tantrum.

"It brings back a period of my life that I'd rather not re-live," Lewis says. "And it's alwayson reruns. Zoila has it on her TV constantly. I walk by her room and hear myself screaming."

The way he has been portrayed, two episodes into the six-episode run, is not an exaggeration. "I really was, at that time, I was a monster," Lewis says.

"If nothing else, I've been able to watch myself and change."

He has apologized to his assistants - several times over.

"Last night, I watched the show with Jenni. And there came a point that I had my hands over my face. The part where I said, 'You wouldn't have a house if it wasn't' for me, you wouldn't eat if it wasn't for me.' And I apologized again."

We must admit to being more than a little disappointed by Lewis's outwardly healthy strategy for dealing with the harm he inflicted during those dark, TV-friendly days; hugs, apologies, and healed wounds would really interfere with the successful production of the second season we already find ourselves craving. Still, despite his above indications that he's trying to change his ways, we can hold out hope that Lewis is just experiencing a Paula Abdul-style psychological break, and that Evil Jeff will soon be calling up the LA Times to deny all the vicious lies being spread by his weak, conciliatory alter ego, and promising that "next time around, I'm going to bury one of my incompetent assistants underneath the gleaming hardwood floorboards of a four-bed/three-bath fixer in Beachwood Canyon."

• TV's 'Flipping Out' star began flipping in O.C. [OC Register]
• Previously: Bravo To Introduce Yet Another 'Successful Crazy Person' Reality Show Tonight [Defamer]

Jeff Lewis is a very scary man, and he isn't scary solely because he treats his employees like dust mites or consults a psychic to assist him in the running of his business or sends his cat, Monkey, to an acupuncturist. No, Jeff Lewis, a Los Angeles real estate speculator, evokes a chill because he is so leveraged, a man balancing multiple mortgages like bricks on a noodle.

Mr. Lewis's houses look like the generically upscale ones found in House Beautiful. He doesn't possess style; he copies it. What he does have, by his own admission, is obsessive-compulsive disorder, and the show's producers, to their credit, do not treat his O.C.D. as if it were a winning asset, the key to whatever success he has had. Like many sufferers of the disorder, Mr. Lewis ignores the real mayhem right there in front of him, so fixated is he on the idea, say, that all the bottles of water in his refrigerator be stocked so that the labels always face him. This is a task dispatched to one of three assistants, from whom he demands formal, written apologies when they behave insubordinately.

For years now, the comic detective series "Monk" has equated O.C.D. with intuitive brilliance. We've long required a corrective interpretation, and "Flipping Out" is it. Mr. Lewis isn't a genius of anything. He's just a delusional jerk.

In a town with one of the highest densities of non-genius-level delusional jerks on the planet, Lewis hardly stands out. And if the best Flipping Out has to offer us in the way of abuse is the occasional chewing out of an underling and some handwritten mea culpas, we'd prefer that Bravo somehow gets its cameras into a major talent agency to document the excruciating burns suffered when an OCD-afflicted agent tosses scorching latte after latte into the face of his assistant, unable to stop until he gets it just right.

• A Los Angeles Speculator Sold on Himself [NY Times]