We'll get to the details in a bit, but we know what you're probably thinking: Who? But even if Bailon's name escapes you, Jonathan Jaxson is likely enough of a gossip-culture parasite to leave a mark: The 25-year-old former publicist for the Backstreet Boys is the same freak who last year solicited Perez Hilton's aid in boosting the profile of his upstart blog, JJ's Dirt. And by "solicited," we mean "offered to whore himself out for a private Perez sex tape in exchange for interviews and other [ahem] resources." When both the sex tape and Perez's help failed to materialize, Jaxson fed their IM chats to Page Six and eventually published the blogger's phone number on JJ's Dirt.

Seven months on, when Bailon's laptop was allegedly stolen and bottomless photos of her surfaced online, who was the trusted counsel to whom the starlet turned in her bare-ass time of need? The same Jonathan Jaxson against whom Perez still has a pending lawsuit charging "libel, slander, invasion of privacy, harassment, and intentional infliction of emotional distress." And who in turn threatened to sue the leaker of Bailon's pics — who is his own client. In concert with Jaxson.

But don't take our word for it: have a look at Jaxson's appearance Tuesday on Atlanta's CBS affiliate, where he apparently has a standing invitation to roll around in the studio fertilizer on-camera for a few minutes every week. And in what we hope might be his last appearance for a while, Jaxson explains exactly how the nudie-scandal sausage was made. Spoiler alert: He's a manipulator! And, without a doubt, the worst fucking publicist in the history of flackdom. Congrats! Or something.

• Dishin' the Dirt: A Nude Cheetah Girl Scandal? [CBS 46 News]

The documentary version, which came out last year, tells the story of Burt and Linda (pictured above, with Klores on left), a New York couple who are straight up crazy. Why? Because Burt was so in love with Linda, he hired goons to throw acid in her face after she broke up with him. And she married him anyways! And they're both still together and acting crazy to this day! I imagine the fictional version can't be any crazier than the real story. Which was—as advertised—crazy. Trailer for the Klores documentary is below:

[Variety. Pic via NY Mag]

Who is Rob Shuter? Once upon a time, he was one of the most powerful celebrity flacks in America, repping clients like Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson. Eventually he got fired from his agency, Dan Klores Communications, lost his big clients, and ended up at OK!, which is really where he belongs. What went wrong?

• Shuter planted a fabricated item in Page Six about his client Paris Hilton being attacked at a club by a supposedly "jealous" Zeta Graff. Graff subsequently sued for $10 million, which compelled Shuter to give legal depositions demonstrating his sleazy method of doing business (plant fake shit on Page Six, specifically). It was all very entertaining. Paris Hilton ended up paying $2 million for this transgression.
• He treated his work on behalf of vapid singer Jessica Simpson like he was a Cold War CIA operative behind enemy lines. He planted nasty items about Simpson ex Nick Lachey. Then he decided to help Simpson get some press by fabricating a big romance between her and singer John Mayer. He convinced People and Us Weekly to put the story on their covers, and then made them all look like fools when the celebs themselves admitted there was no big romance at all. In one masterstroke, Shuter had shattered his own credibility (ha), made his own client look like a desperate liar, pissed off fellow celebrity flacks, and, perhaps worst of all, made enemies of some powerful celebrity magazines. He was then fired by Joe Simpson, for all of the above reasons.
• Having established himself as an untouchable dirtbag that no legitimate PR agency would hire and no smart news outlet would trust, Shuter was scooped up by OK!, first in a consulting role and then as entertainment editor. And now as the top guy. Just perfect.

In unrelated rumormongering, there was gossip earlier this year that Shuter may have been somehow involved in a purported FBI investigation of In Touch magazine for "payments to at least one editor in exchange for prominent placement of certain B-list celebrities." Supposedly some shady British cabal of celebrity flacks and gossip reporters was under scrutiny. We hoped Shuter was wrapped up in it! Alas, no evidence ever confirmed the rumors. And to be fair, he even has some admirers among the gossip press, who say he's friendly and witty.

So what will Shuter be doing for OK!? A good guess: helping them continue to spend big with no apparent monetary return. We hear that OK! is the leading bidder in the war for Angelina Jolie's upcoming baby pictures, with a sum rumored to be around $15 million for worldwide rights. That's in line with the magazine's history of profligacy; we also hear that they've yet to turn a profit, despite an investment in the nine-figure range.

And Shuter, the fabricating flack, will fit right in. One of the best quotes I ever heard while working at PRWeek was from an editor at OK! who gushed on and on about how nice the mag was to its friends in PR, summing it all up by explaining, "We work directly with publicists and celebrities themselves to get the real story." Sure. All together now in the race to the bottom.