15. Russian Glamour, June 2009
Beyoncé's skin looked digitally darkened on the cover of Russian Glamour — and the editors had a guide! A magazine called Joy used the same shot in December 2007. Was something lost in translation? Save your "black Russian" jokes until the end.

14. L'Oreal, August 2008
Beyoncé's skin seemed very light in ads for Feria haircolor. One theory: she was washed out by the strong lighting usually used in shooting hair.

13. Vogue, November 2009
The cast of Nine is chock-full of gorgeous women, but this shot is a mindscramble of random rays of sunlight in hair and dresses with edges so sharp they look like they're for paper dolls. As I wrote in October: "I'm guessing [Annie] Leibovitz shot them each separately and then did a composite, but when you have a person who doesn't cast a shadow on the lady next to her, then that person is a vampire." Poor Kate Hudson looks like she was slapped on as an afterthought.

12. Complex, April/May 2009
Kim Kardashian's waist was cinched, her thighs were slimmed, her skin skin smoothed out and her hairline was cleaned up. Plus, her head appears to be a different shape in the "after" image. Who would have thought a skull could be made "sexier"?

11. Self, September 2009
Kelly Clarkson's "Total Body Confidence" came from digitally slimming her waist and behind. Two Self editors explained that the cover: "is not, as in a news photograph, journalism. It is, however, meant to inspire women to want to be their best."

10. King Arthur poster, 2004
Movie marketers felt they must, they must, they must increase the bust. Ironically, Keira Knightley told the Guardian that she lost her chest, doing archery and preparing for the role:

To fight, convincingly, shoulder to shoulder, she had to do that thing that is so de rigueur, which is totally to change your body shape. "I was about three times the size I am now. It worried me, but it was cool, it was a body that was doing what it should do. I haven't got a clue because I don't weigh myself, but it was all muscle and I was big. My neck disappeared. My chest flattened even more. It wasn't the most feminine thing in the world, but it worked for the part, because there was strength there, and it was needed."

Of course, Hollywood can't imagine a world in which people would see a movie starring an athletic, flat-chested woman. So a digital boob job followed.

9. Redbook, July 2007
The crazy thing about the Faith Hill Redbook cover is not that it was Photoshopped — it's that this is the standard amount of digital altering that goes into a cover. Unlike some true Photoshop disasters, there are no alarming mistakes here to tip you off. That makes it easy to accept the retouched image without even blinking. Faith Hill is a beautiful woman. But she needed 11 different kinds of alterations before she could be on the cover of Redbook. What a world.

8. Campari calendar, 2008
Jessica Alba: Just another woman whose real body wasn't good enough. In this case, her waist needed to be nipped in so she could shill liquor.

7. Vogue, May 2008
RoboGwyneth looks like a robot, or an alien, depending on whom you ask. One thing is for sure: Her head and neck are not in the same space-time continuum.

6. Redbook, June 2003
Jennifer Aniston's head was placed on to Jennifer Aniston's body — from another photo shoot. At the time, her publicist, Steven Huvane, said: "It's a combination of three pictures. If you're going to do it, then at least match her head up to her body, and make the neck look like it belongs to her. I still can't figure out which exact picture the face came from." A Redbook spokeswoman downplayed the changes: "The only things that were altered in the cover photo were the color of her shirt and the length of her hair, very slightly, in order to reflect her current length."

The neck does look alarmingly unreal, and her head and waist are out of sync somehow. Angelina is surely to blame.

5.Redbook, July 2003
The month after the Aniston debacle, Redbook was at it again: According to USA Today, "[Julia's] head comes from a paparazzi shot taken at the 2002 People's Choice awards. Her body, meanwhile, is from the Notting Hill movie premiere [in 1999]." Julia's publicist, Marcy Engelman, said, at the time: "It's a shame they didn't use the body that went with the head, because it was a great Giorgio Armani pantsuit (that she wore to the People's Choice awards)."

4. Newsweek, March 2005
The editors used Martha's head and a model's body, because Ms. Stewart was still in jail when the issue was being put together. It wasn't supposed to be a photograph, anyway, it was art: "The piece that we commissioned was intended to show Martha as she would be, not necessarily as she is,'' Lynn Staley, assistant managing editor at Newsweek, told The New York Times. Staley acknowledged that the cover carried a disclaimer: ''In this case, we identified this piece as a photo illustration." As Martha would say, it's a "good thing" you did.

3. Seventeen, May 2003
Think about all the Buffy plots which could have been orchestrated around Sarah Michelle Gellar's weird wrist appendage over there on the left, if her arm actually looked like that.

2. GQ, February 2003.
Some people saw Titanic over and over again — but they never saw those legs, on the left. Kate Winslet was pissed about being trimmed down on this cover, saying:

"The retouching is excessive. I do not look like that and more importantly I don't desire to look like that. I actually have a Polaroid that the photographer gave me on the day of the shoot… I can tell you they've reduced the size of my legs by about a third. For my money it looks pretty good the way it was taken."

1. Ralph Lauren Blue Label ad, October 2009
In which model Filippa Hamilton was turned into a string of spaghetti.

There's already been an arrested in connection with the incident. Toronto police have charged 36-year-old American Molina Liborio with assault in the case. This sounds like Will.I.Am's manager, known as "Polo Molina," who Hilton had fingered as the man who punched him and who had previously turned himself in to Toronto cops, according to TMZ.

The attack occurred shortly after Will.I.Am repeatedly demanded Hilton stop writing about him and Hilton, by his own account, called him "gay" and a "faggot" to get under his skin.

Which, honestly, is the sort of over-the-top hissy fit anyone would expect from the Perez Hilton, Scourge of the Internet. That Perez Hilton is so shameless his brand is practically bulletproof; he runs sex pictures of a beloved gay icon and people barely bat an eyelash.

But Hilton's been trying to overhaul his image and turn more nice and advertiser-friendly. Which makes it unfortunate, for him, that he's talking defensively about his own meanness in the widely-viewed video (above) about this incident, which he also documented on Twitter (below).

Although Hilton's demolished his image rehabilitation, he can take solace that nothing he ever does will ever destroy his brand as the web's most shameless gossip. Still, Will.I.Am still looks worse here, for managing to underline Hilton's (shudder) clout as a music critic and writer with an angry confrontation. Can we somehow conjure sympathy for the guy who called someone else "gay" and "a fag" in a tawdry nightclub fight? Yes, apparently, we can.

Perhaps anticipating that eventual query, the couple went above and beyond normal wedding photography on the day they became husband and wife, inviting a photographer into their room after the wedding to photograph them in intimate repose (though we suppose that's NSFW old hat for Duhamel). Kindly, they then made those photos available to Elle, and thus, the world. Still, we're a little perturbed; if there were ever one day to photoshop a veil onto Fergie's labia, we were sure this would be it. Next time?

• Fergie, Josh Duhamel Release New Intimate Wedding Photos [Us]

Here is the brand-new, high-res photo. The cast can be seen much more clearly than in the picture that hit the web last Friday, but something is a little different than how we remember it...

LabiaGate! Clearly, the Weinsteins regretted unleashing Fergie's nether regions onto an innocent populace and have now draped the offending area in a chic black veil. Still, what about those of us who dreamed of one day sitting in a darkened theater to watch Oscar winner Daniel Day-Lewis share the screen with Fergie's pudendum? Without the lure of the "London Bridge" singer's cameltoe, Nine just became a Seven.

Eight, tops.

And that's not even counting the four Oscar winners on display: Nicole Kidman, Sophia Loren, Marion Cotillard and Dame Judi Dench. And look at Kate Hudson! Even the PA's get to be all dressed up on this movie! Dec. 11, 2009, can't come soon enough!

• Notes from the 2008 American Film Market: Part One [FilmJerk via TFE]

Just a few weeks ago, EW chose to accompany a Q&A with Angelina Jolie with a very, very close close-up of what we previously considered one of the most gorgeous faces in Hollywood. But the mag's effort to showcase Jolie the actress, rather than Jolie the pregnant actress, resulted in the very first photo to make her infamous lips look unsavory. And Scarlett Johansson suffered a similar fate on the cover of artsy mag Paste, turning her trademark chest away from the camera and posing like an effervescent candidate for the role of E.T.'s girlfriend in E.T. 2: Sex And The Extra-Terrestrial.

Maxim somehow thought Jessica Simpson looked sexiest with a frumpy 50s housewife hairdo on a cover from last year, while Vogue recently photoshopped the hell out of Gwyneth Paltrow's head, essentially decapitating her in one swift crop. Sarah Jessica Parker fell victim to the cooking and cleaning obsessives in aprons over at Good Housekeeping, reverting to her frizzy-haired, good makeup-challenged self from the early 90s.

Mariah Carey's attempt to look soft and angelic backfired on this Allure cover, where the queen diva appears washed out, completely devoid of her naturally tawny skin. Back in the heady days of Lindsay Lohan comeback covers, Maxim tricked the then-straight star out in a very cleavage-y, feisty spread, but Lohan's sullen facial expression suggest a dire need to strip off the ridiculous Victorian outfits and down the nearest bottle of perfume. And then there's poor Fergie, who apparently provided an outlet for one very miserable Cosmopolitan eyebrow plucker's rage.

[Photo credits: Go Fug Yourself, Jezebel, We Heart Angelina]

• .666 AVERAGE [NYP]

"We got a tie-dyed jumpsuit thing that we really like," he said backstage...When reporters told him it was likely a ‘onesie,’ Urban...looked puzzled and asked, "A what?"

Well now that he’s learned a thing or two about newborn attire, we have a few parenting lessons for Keith ourselves, from singing his baby to sleep (something he’s already proven skilled at!), to the difference between a Diaper Genie and a Drug Dealer:

Now that Keith has the semantics of onesies down, he ought to learn the following necessary new-dad terms as well:
Bugaboo: Though Urban might mistake the term for the feeling he used to get after a long night of inhaling long white lines during which he felt certain that blood-sucking bugs were crawling all over his body. In fact, the Bugaboo is the elite baby stroller of choice among stars.
Lullaby: No doubt, Keith already knows how to croon fans, and his wife, to la la land. But we do suggest he avoid his own hit singles such as "Tonight I Wanna Cry" or "Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me?" Most importantly, should the Kidman-Urbanlet be of the male persuasion, "Stupid Boy" is most certainly not the wisest choice.
Diaper Genie: In the music community, a diaper genie would be an ingenious kind of groupie who could save singers like Fergie when they just gotta go when they gotta go, or maybe Amy Winehouse, who could store her drugs inside a custom Coke Diaper instead of her sweater while performing. But unfortunately for Keith, diaper genies in baby world are simply very smelly machines used to discard used infant undies, or in the case of the Kidman-Urban household, dirty tie-dyed onesies.

[Photo credit: Splash]

• KEITH URBAN 'LEARNING A NEW VOCABULARY': BABY TALK [People]

The Accused: The Superficial
The Crime: Calling a woman who does not meet some predetermined and subjective ideal of femininity a man and generally criticizing her looks.
The Evidence: "Here's a shot of Fergie in the Bahamas over the weekend. While I often publicly question her gender, I will admit that maybe kind of sort of Josh Duhamel doesn't entirely hate his penis after bedding this body. At least until he looks at Fergie's face, then there's lots of weeping and cursing. Mostly at God for being 'such a fucking asshole douchebag trickster to create this manner of creature. Oh, you want to go again, baby? Shit, I'm only human. Say, would you mind wearing the pillow case this time? I mean, it is my birthday. Heart you.'" Oh, you're attracted to her, so she MUST be a woman, huh? What does it matter what she looks like? And why does your opinion matter? And why are you even writing this crap? Oh, it's right there in the title, Superficial.
The Sentence: Whipworm infestation.

The Accused: TMZ
The Crime: Calling women men; mocking them in a gallery.
The Evidence: "Dude Looks Like a Lady ... Wait, That is a Lady!" Pictures of Rosie O'Donnell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Hilary Swank, Michelle Rodriguez, Kathleen Turner, Kathy Griffin and Julie Andrews. You know TMZ is owned by AOL now, you'd think they'd class up their act a little, and not publish sexist misogynistic posts in the name of humor.
The Sentence: Ringworm, which is not a worm but a fungus. Don't say you didn't learn something new today!

The Accused: WWTDD?
The Crime: Critiquing a woman's body and insinuating that she is large.
The Evidence: "The female body is not the type of thing we usually talk about here - I don't think that kind of discussion is very classy - and I don't feel scandalous or unflattering pictures of a celebrity has any place on the internet, but these pictures of Denise Richards are going up because holy shit has she gone to hell. She used to be one of the hottest pieces of ass on earth, and pictures of her tits were every young boys secret bullseye. Now she looks like she's made of donuts. You would think someone with so much gravity could stay on a surfboard that's bigger than the high school I went too, but apparently not. Maybe they can get her someones roof and she can surf on that." Really? Denise Richards has a weight problem? She's a 37-year-old mother of two. It's disgusting that men get away with writing about women like this. Oh, and look: Bally Total Fitness is a sponor of WWTDD. Great.
The Sentence: Infestation by Chinese liver fluke.

The Accused: Yeeeah
The Crime: Implying that a woman is too fat to be seen unclothed.
The Evidence: "I just really like being naked," [says] the American Idolstar. You know how that old saying goes — people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Fortunately, I live in a house of 12% body fat and killer gluts, so I feel comfortable saying that Kelly Clarkson needs to steer clear of the glass market. Of course, the plastic slipcover market and anti-chafing powder-gel market can still be all hers." Wow. Hilarious. Fuck you.
The Sentence: A colony of chiggers that live under and feed on the skin.

The Accused: DListed
Reader-Submitted Crime: Menstruation-mocking.
The Evidence: "Kim Kardashian Wipes The Skank Off: I shouldn't say that. I don't think it's possible for Kim Kardashian to wipe the skank off completely. She would have to remove her skin and that's probably pretty painful. She looks alright without make-up, but I sort of love it when she looks like a tranny call girl. She's suffering from 'period face' here. And I bet that bitch's flow is heaaaaaaavy." The reader says: "I lurve Michael K, but I want to flick him in his balls for this... mostly because I think I have period face today, and I want to hide/die/poursulfuricacidonmydeskfornoreason. Maybe I'm just overreacting." You're not. If you don't menstruate, you have no right to tease those who do.
The Sentence: Bloodletting! With leeches, of course.
Same Defendant, Additional Reader-Submitted Crime: Making light of cutting a woman's clitoris.
The Evidence: She can catch flies with her coochie! Jenna Jameson showed up to Comic Con in New York on Friday looking like she slithered in from the forest. Let's cut off her clit and see if it grows back! Yeah, what clit? That shit probably got destroyed a long ass time ago." The reader says: "I'm sorry, but female genital mutilation Is.Not.Funny." Agreed.
The Sentence: Pubic lice, of course.

In today's episode: Don Cheadle; Aaron Sorkin and Rick Schroder; Gary Oldman; Matt Groening; Josh Duhamel and Fergie; John Lithgow; Jason Segel; Amy Smart and Branden Williams; Natasha Gregson Wagner; Tara Reid; Vernon Wells; A Martinez; Christopher Knight; Militia; David Leisure; and Angelyne.

· Feb. 13, 3:15 p.m.: While waiting for the 212 bus at the corner of Wilshire and La Brea, I saw Don Cheadle heading north in a silver Lexus that appeared to be a rental based on the wording on the rear window, fiddling with his Blackberry while waiting for the light to turn green. He seemed to be in a good mood, which I assume meant that the text on his device had nothing to do with Darfur.

· Aaron Sorkin classing up the lunchtime crowd at Orso, having a sweet Valentine's Day meal with what looked like his elderly agent. I couldn't hear their dialogue but I'm certain it was sharp and witty. No crack pipe in sight, although Sorkin did take an especially long time in the mens room. Just saying. Across the restaurant, Ricky Schroder and a publicist type. They were initially seated right next to us but asked to be moved to the back corner. Apparently the Ricker needs his privacy. While we're chatting, how sweet would a Sorkin-penned "Silver Spoons" revival be? I'd watch just to see how he could turn the train in the living room into an unsubtle commentary on the war in Iraq.

· Gary Oldman seen on Saturday night at Peppone's in Brentwood. He was hosting a very small private birthday dinner for his best friend in the little private room behind the bar. Gary in a suit looked dashing and Olivier-like. With him was his stunning date, the same Lady he has been seen with during the past months.

· I saw Matt Groening on my Virgin flight to SF on Friday evening (2/15). He was by himself and had a seat in first class. I so wanted to say something to him, but what's there to say that hasn't been said before? My girlfriend heard him call his mother as we walked past him. He's a mensch.

· On Saturday afternoon (1-16) me and my lovely lady (and her lumps) were hunkering down for a pre-wedding nosh with her mom on the patio at I Cugini in Santa Monica. Next to me sat a ridiculously good-looking guy, sipping a beer, with hair that looked like it had been used to mop the floor of a Crisco plant. Across from him sat a woman with an enormous pair of shiny glossy lips under a pair of outsized sunglasses and floppy hat. So low-key were they that I didn't recognize them as Josh Duhamel and Fergie until my fiancee whispered it to me. The bling must've given it away; she was sporting a rock the size of a disco ball.

· Spotted John Lithgow enjoying a casual meal at Comme Ca last night (2/12). He is very tall and very polite. It probably wouldn't be worth mentioning, but I loved "3rd Rock from the Sun" too much not to get a lil excited. Or maybe that was just the tasty french onion soup.

· Saturday, 2/16 — Jason Segel looking dapper at Bar Marmont. He is one towering motherfucker.

· Friday night (2/15) at the newly opened Akasha in Culver City, Amy Smart with fiance Branden Williams. Akasha Richmond herself immediately came out to greet them shortly after as they were seated and spent probably a good 15 minutes away from the kitchen chatting them up. Then some other guy (manager, possibly) came over and talked their ears off for a while longer. Branden seemed to enjoy the attention somewhat but Amy looked like she just wanted to eat in peace, and who could blame her.

· Had a weird experience at Canele in Atwater Village last night. Was having dinner with friends when I noticed a very attractive woman at a nearby table. I thought, "God, she looks familiar. Do I know her? Did we go out once? If we did... why aren't we married? Hope she's on Nerve or Match or something." Then I realized that my future wife was Natasha Gregson Wagner... and felt like a total jerk for staring at her. The beef bourguignon was amazing, though. Good times.

· Toluca Lake Thursday 3pm

Tara Reid enters building that houses a lot of reality tv production companies flanked by several black suited agent types.

Tara looks anorexic, tanorexic and drunk but I say whatever reality show she is pitching they should buy because she is a rough looking Hot Mess Trainwreck.

Note: This has not been posted by Tara Reid's representatives

· Saw everyone's favorite blonde, Tara Reid, at a Blockbuster on the west side this afternoon. (Feb 14) Could not see what she rented but she did have trouble with her credit card - forgot she had it cancelled.

· 2/14 While waiting in line for a table at the Pantry for a post Aretha Franklin concert pork chop, noticed a guy paying who looked he could have passed for Freddie Mercury at one time. Took about half a minute to figure out that I was looking at Vernon Wells, you might know him as Bennett from "Commando." Seemed like a nice enough guy out for the night to "blow off some steam."

· Good thing it wasn't the Visa Black card! Rides in a sweet Porsche!

· Feb. 14 - A Martinez at the Thousand Oaks Mall. Hanging around Penney's (like he was waiting for someone) then popped into The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Very handsome and friendly, but didn't draw attention to himself. He seemed like a nice guy.

· Saw Christopher Knight (the Brady, not the art critic, though wouldn't that mix-up make for an AWESOME "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episode?) at the table next to us at La Boheme last night, having dinner sans La Curry with two others. Dude has a very small head relative to his body. His friends made the waiter take a photo of the three of them at the table — evidently it is not enough to eat dinner with Peter Brady; one must have photographic proof as well. I was *this close* to making rabbit ear's behind his wee little head (and based on how we were seated, I totally could have pulled it off), but chickened out at the last minute.

· Saturday, 2-16, 1ish, Gold's Gym on Cole: An American Gladiator sighting! And not just any AmGlad, but Militia — the gayporniest one of them all! Dude was bedecked in Militiawear— meshy, khaki, vesty number. Face kind of like a gargoyle or one of those scary devil masks. Not speaking or looking at anyone. Just whaling on those pythons. Guy's got a helluva day job— I'd probably be in the gym too. Oh wait—I was.

· File this under 'not much of a sighting - but I'll submit it anyway' - David Leisure of Empty Nest fame - circa 1988 was in Trader Joe's Valencia Wednesday 2/13 wearing cargo pants and a blue sweater. I said 80's right? Took me a while to realize who he was - yet thanks to Golden Girl reruns and cross-over characters, the ah-ha moment hit me. I saw him do his shtick to the woman offering free linguine and clam sauce with a side of garlic toast sampler plate. He walked around with the typical 'don't you know who I used to be' look - whilst trying to act normal and fit in with the 'rest' of us shoppers.

Angelyne at Rexall at 5:20pm on Sunday, February 17th. She didn't actually park in a legal spot ... Just sprawled across the entrance.

The cynic may say that this is just transferring the negative effects of the vehicle to someone else, but in supporting Global Green USA, the charity is donating carbon emission credits for 10 years to offset the impact and in addition it is using the money to work on the important issue of climate change.

"It was the hardest boyfriend I ever had to break up with," Stacey "Fergie" Ferguson told Time magazine in an interview for the issue that hits newsstands Monday.

"It's the drug that's addicting," said Fergie, who has released her first solo album, "The Dutchess." "But it's why you start doing it in the first place that's interesting. A lot of it was being a child actor; I learned to suppress feelings."

While blaming her troubles on early career successes may come off as a predictable deflection tactic, revisiting the title sequence of her 1980s Disney Channel series, Kids Incorporated, does tend to support her claims: Packed with hideous period fashions and Alice In Wonderland-inspired choreography, it's a cracked-out fever dream that would send anyone involved in its execution scurrying for the nearest glass pipe just to keep from losing their minds.

• Fergie recounts crystal meth addiction [Yahoo/AP]

• The Black Eyed PEEESS! [Lukas Kaiser]