Ron Burkle: Our tipster reports: "Ronny Burkle was lurking around the William Rast show last night with his pal Danny A. (Model wrangler extraordinaire who is BFF with Leo DiCaprio. Danny A. is the guy who is mostly responsible for filling Burkle's jet with attractive females.) A cloud of around 15 teenage girls swarmed Justin Timberlake (Rast is his label) as he left the show; I can't imagine Burkle was far behind." Yea, if he looked more dashing he might be able to get away with it. But that ratlike visage just sinks him. Give it up, Burkle.


Bill Clinton: You need to stop hanging out with Ron Burkle first of all, Bill! Even a serious Bill fan who considered the whole blowjob-in-the-Oval-Office thing to be really punk rock has got to admit that the time has come for Bill to retire from skirt chasing. (Not that there's any proof he still is!). Now you can enjoy sleeping with the Secretary of State, Bill. Can we call you Bill?


Steve Bing: Real estate heir, big time developer, Hollywood money man, Burkle and Clinton pal. He's 43 and he fathered a baby with Elizabeth Hurley out of wedlock. And he had another paternity battle with his other ex, who was Kirk Kerkorian's gal! All we're saying here is find a nice lady and settle down for fuck's sake. This Burkle-led triumvirate has spent more than enough time being the old dudes up in the club.


Mario Batali: The portly ginger-haired restaurateur enjoys whizzing around on his moped, wearing Crocs, manipulating salamis, traveling about Spain with Gwyneth Paltrow, and doing who knows what to young lasses in the back rooms of restaurants across Manhattan. We like your Olive Oil Ice Cream dude, but you're almost 50, and we just don't want to think about Mario Batali's sexuality. That's all there is to it really.


Ron Perelman: The bald-headed corporate raider is thrice-divorced, richer than god, and prone to playing the field, as many billionaires are. We don't like your looks, your gruff personality, or your shady PR firm, Perelman. When you next get married, consider very carefully whether you would like to stay married to said lucky woman.


But we do like:

Salman Rushdie: Yes, he could be accused of being a creepy old man, what with his hobbit physique and penchant for dating women absurdly out of his league (you would think, at least). But give the man his props. He writes some bitchin' books. Stares down death threats. Then goes out with Padma and, currently, with Pia Glenn, who we saw in Will Ferrell's Broadway show and, we must say, does one mean dance. So Salman Rushdie can't be put down. He's smarter than all the guys above and cavorts with badder women.

Using a predominantly gray color scheme, Christian wowed the crowd with his ruffled, flowing masterpieces. They looked similar to his work on P.R., but even more mature and wearable. It wouldn’t be surprising to see women all over the world donning his duds. But then again, I’m just a straight dude who knows nothing about fashion. So, what did the experts have to say about it?

Runway judge Nina Garcia chimed in: “Not everybody at his age could pull this together so effortlessly. I am blown away and proud and excited and happy—I feel like a doting mother."

“It was very classy and beautiful," Hedi Klum teutonically intoned.

But there could be no more ringing of an endorsement than the one from Tim Gunn, who said of Christian, “He really is the next great American fashion designer."

High praise, indeed. Shocking as it seems, maybe something good can come out of reality TV once in a while. Maybe.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Christian Siriano Did It Again! [NY Post]

Boomp3.com

Backstage at the Michael Kors fashion show, Hollywood legend Bette Midler offered a bit of advice to up and coming Gossip Girl star Blake Lively. Midler knew that Lively was probably wearing a Kors design, but mentioned to her that her hemline could've been a bit longer. Midler said, "Honey, it's far too early in your career to pull a Julianna Margulies. You don't have to be a old lady who's in her thirties just yet, but right above the knee is nice length for you to wear. Classy and sexy." Lively chuckled as she told Milder that she was going to write that bit of advice down on her Blackberry.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Although Us describes K. Fed as being "no stranger to fashion," this is mainly due to his long-ago aspirations to do a line with Britney back in 2005. The name of that doomed line, you ask? Pair A Dice. Why? Because, according to K. Fed, "dice are lucky for us." Isn't that special? As for the show tomorrow night, we really think two elements are missing from MJ's plan of press dominance: invites for Sean Preston and The Other One. He does have a Little Marc line after all.

• EXCLUSIVE: KEVIN FEDERLINE TO ATTEND MARC JACOBS FASHION SHOW [Usmagazine.com]