Our tipster notes that Nancy is "just emailing everyone she knows, asking you to pass it on! So I did." As will we. No need to thank us, Nancy. Since you gave $10 million to Scientology, you need every penny.

Some pictures of the bed follow.

It's one of the ironies of Morgan's career that he's found bigger stardom as the star of a parody of Saturday Night Live than he ever did on the real thing. And in his upcoming book, I Am the New Black, he mentions who treated him like shit, namely then stars Chris Kattan and Cheri Oteri. Morgan writes, "All I have to say about that is, where's Chris Kattan now? Where's Cheri Oteri now? That bitch can't even get arrested."

But the grudge apparently runs even deeper, because when Morgan sat down to record the audio version (in the clip above) of that passage, he started ad-libbing, expanding on his earlier points: Morgan says he still counts Will Ferrell, Molly Shannon and Colin Quinn as friends, but as for Oteri and Kattan: "Fuck 'em."

Amazing. It's not everyday you hear Tracy Morgan acting like a demanding, slightly unhinged television star who feels underappreciated by his co-workers. It's more like every week.

We're told Mogan will be at the Union Square Barnes & Noble Thursday Oct. 22 at 7pm if you want to see if he'll curse more old colleagues.

Gawker Media has not yet received the official court filing, so no one here is able to respond in full. Our overlord Nick Denton, however, filed this very to the point retort on on his twitter feed:

To quote the great Marty Singer — Eric Dane's lawyer — if you don't want a sex tape on the internet, "don't make one!"

We are as anxious as anyone to see what the happy pair allege, so we'll share with you what we know, when we know it, but for now, feel free to take a trip down memory lane to the video that started it all.

The last we paid attention to Spector, 69, he had been un-wigged and locked up for likely the remainder of his life after Clarkson "kissed the gun" he put in her mouth one drunken night in 2003. But he still has supporters, including Sandra Horine, a 43-year-old mother of two from Alice, Texas, who has become one of his prison pen pals.

A letter that he wrote to her in July (reproduced in full below) paints a picture of Spector as an angry and bitter man, remorseless about his crime and consumed by a victim complex. Spector, who signs off as the "Wizard of Iz," listed a raft of complaints about life at the Corcoran State Prison where he is locked in a 7 foot by 3 foot cell 23 hours a day, from how the guards intimidate him, to not being able to see his wife, Rachelle, to the "cruel" way that he was sent away before he had a chance to settle his business affairs. "They call this a "civilized" society. Bugs live more civilized beneath their rocks!"

Though it was more than six years between is first indictment for Clarkson's death until his sentencing last May (his first trial resulted in a mistrial), he complains how "cruel" it was for authorities to send him to jail before he had a chance to "tidy up my business affairs." He writes that it's "insane and very dangerous" when guards declare a lockdown six times a day. He accuses prison officials of playing "mind games" and being "jealous" of him when they won't allow him to see his wife Rachelle. And of the judge who sent him away, he writes, "I'm enraged with hate at that ... judge for sending me here and [it's] hate that keeps me going." Perhaps most galling to Clarkson's friends and family, he concludes, "They call this a "civilized" society. Bugs live more civilized beneath their rocks!"

A few of Spector's jailhouse missives have emerged since he was sent away last May. A letter he wrote to his friend Steve Escobar complained that he had been locked up in the same prison as Charles Manson, though he's held in a different complex reserved for prisoners undergoing substance abuse treatment. And as much as he says he hates Corcoran, he successfully protested being moved to another prison where his wife told the New York Post he thought he'd be killed.

Horine, who designs signage for a beer distributor, told Gawker that she closely followed both of Spector's trials and thinks that he is innocent. After he was sent to prison, she began writing him unsolicited letters. "I never in my wildest dreams thought he'd write me back." She's now lost count of how many letters they've exchanged — the latest, which she had in her purse when we reached her on the phone, arrived on Aug. 28 — and they even sometimes speak on the phone. More recently, she says, Spector's spirits have been up: "He's much better since he's gotten to see his wife."

At first, Horine forwarded the letters on to members of a "Free Phil Spector" email list she belongs to, and the internet being the internet, it ended up being passed along to us. But she's since started keeping her Spector correspondence private. "I don't want to share them with just anybody because these are letters he's writing me," adding, "Even though he's in there, he's still Phil Spector."

It's kind of gross, yes, but celebrity long ago superseded infamy. And, besides, there's no moral calculus in which corresponding with a murderer is worse than murders. For anyone who think what Spector did was heinous, the sputtering anger of an old man who's facing death alone and scared, this letter is evidence of justice being done.

The scans of the letter are tough to read, so we tried to transcribe it. There were some parts that were illegible, which we put in brackets, sometimes with our best guess of the missing words or letters.

[Rec]eived your 2 letters and I thank you [for] both of them and your kind words of encouragment + support. I am deeply most appreciative living in this "hell hole" which I call "The [Tar]antula Arms" or God's little acre [jus]t east of a rock + west of a hard place. I'm enraged with hate at that [ ] + judge for sending me here and [it's] hate that keeps me going. Some say hate is a good motivation. But I don't know how long it can last. This 24/7 lockdown life is slowly driving me insane and killing [me]. Did you know that six times a [day] they set off an "alarm" where [ ] you have to get face down on the floor wherever you are and remain there until the alarm goes off. Anyone who does not and is seen standing is "shot at"! They don't [tell] you if they use real bullets or not but they could. People have been known to die in this "drill." It's a warning to all prisoners not to "get out of line." And a way to keep the guards "sharp." It's insane and very dangerous. They play real [ ]ious "games" here in this prison.

Another note. Very rarely I am allowed out of my cell. In never go out-[ ]s as the desert heat daily is 112 degrees. But indoors I sometimes have access to a phone - sometimes. And [rar]ely. If I do I call Rachelle or my [daug]hter. Would you like me to try to call you if possible? The rules are strict and simple: I can only call collect (no credit cards are accepted). And I can only call to a land line - no cell phones. Rachelle forwards her land line to her cell phone to not miss my calls because she never knows when I might call. Would reimburse you at the end of the month through my trust fund for the amount of would appear on your phone bill "if" you wanted to do it and if I could call. [You] of course would have to send me your phone (land line) number. And if I could ever call it would be between the hours of 9:15 AM and 11:15 AM California time and one o'clock PM to 3:45 PM California time, weekdays only. Let me know if you are interested.

The appeal will take about a year and I [ ] I can endure this hellish prison [ ]e for that long. Rachelle has still not been "cleared" to see me. I have not seen her in person in almost 2 months. I think the prison is playing "mind games" with me. They are also [hol]ding back the mail she is sending [or] "pretending" she is not writing when I know she is. It's a thing they do with "celebrities" which they consider me. And older men who have younger wives. It's a "game" they play. [I th]ink they are just jealous. July marked the 3rd month I've been [ ]sely imprisoned 24/7, in a 7' by 3' cell. I have not felt this depressed, [alo]ne or lonely since my little boy (Nicole's twin brother) died at age 10 in 1992. This is a terrible + helpless feeling. Just as it was when they took me away in one minute with no chance to say goodbye or [ ] anyone or tidy up my business affairs. How cruel but apparently not unusual. And they call this a "civilized" society. Bugs live more civilized beneath their rocks!

I'm gonna go now. And remember in order to get from what was - to what will be - you've got to go through what is - and I'm the - "Wizard of Iz"

Love,
Phillip

[The above video is NSFW for T&A. Our filthy-minded comrades at Fleshbot will be posting an uncensored version for those of you who want a gander at McSteamy's intsruments. Update: It's up. Go forth and review! ]

In the video (which we edited down from a 12-minute original), we see the apparently inebriated threesome — at one point Gayheart says she needs to lay down because she's so high — lounging au naturel in the fallen beauty queen's Studio City apartment, passing around the camera and, for giggles, discussing what their porn names should be. Dane settles on "Tuff Hedemen" (his favorite champion bull rider). Soon the threesome move to the bathroom where the two ladies disrobe and get into a jacuzzi tub while Dane takes over the camera duties.

The line between Hollywood success and failure is razor thin. The acting couple (the married in 2004) may not be at the pinnacle of the Hollywood talent heap, but they're about as successful as they could have hoped in their teenage years. Oh, and they're hoping to start a family! Dane, 36, moved to L.A. in his teens, landing bit parts in early 1990s TV shows like Saved by the Bell and The Wonder Years, palling around the Hollywood club scene (once dated Lara Flynn Boyle!) before winning stardom in Grey's Anatomy. Gayheart, 38, had her first big break in 1992 as the Noxzema Girl, and aside from accidentally killing a teenager crossing the street, she's made a career of film and TV roles here and there.

Peniche, 25, probably had a similar future in mind when she was crowned Miss Teen USA in 2002, but it wasn't to be. She was stripped of her crown for posing in Playboy (NSFW link). Peniche tried to leverage the controversy into a career, and knocked around on the Hollywood Z-list for a while. She got engaged to Backstreet Boy Nick Aaron Carter for a minute. There were a handful of TV and film roles, but lately, a source in Hollywood tells us, she's ended up working as a madam, working the Hollywood club scene as "Tristan Bailey." Her m.o.: When horny club dudes would hit on her, she'd tell them she was seeing someone…but, she could hook them up with someone who knew some smokin' hotties-for-hire. The dudes would then be redirected back to her service, and she'd occasionally turn a trick herself.

Recently she was thrown off Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab (where she was being treated for sex addiction) amidst back-and-forth accusations that she punched out a cameraman, entertained unsavory drug dealer types at the Sun Valley sober house, and stole money and personal belongings from her roommate, country singer Mindy McCready. As of late July, the Hollywood vice squad got a hold of Peniche's client list and the above video, which Peniche herself had been showing around to friends. The most damning part segment: Peniche lying topless in bed reading off a credit card into a phone. (Or maybe she's just ordering out?) Here's the evidence receipt, with the identities of the cops and the person who turned it over blurred out.

Oh, and a fun fact: This isnt't the first time Gayheart's been seen naked and high in a hot tub. This past June, the National Enquirer printed a 2003 photo of her in a bathtub with an unidentified woman and a crack pipe. As Dane comments while his wife gets naked with another woman again, he pays Peniche, who's facing a criminal investigation while they are not, a back-handed compliment: "You're, like, a good hang. I see you on the street tomorrow, you're one of Rebecca's friends."

Update: Dane and Gayheart's adorable lawyer Marty Singer hasn't sent us any legal threats yet, but he did get on the phone with TMZ to issue a threat against, well, us because the tape is "private, confidential." I haven't heard from him but you do have to chuckle when a man speaks of what he knows:

"From what I've seen it's a naked tape, not a sex tape." Singer added, "At most it's 3 people maybe wanting to have sex."

Oh, and look, his take-down request just arrived. Let me go read it.

With reporting by Mark Ebner.

Hilton (né Mario Lavandeira) is being sued for breaching a legal settlement that prevented him from mentioning Jonathan Lewandowski (a/k/a Jonathan Jaxson), the young blogger from whom Hilton allegedly solicited sex tapes in exchange for promoting Lewandowski's blog. When Lewandowski's name cropped up in a post on February 3, he claimed Hilton had violated the agreement. But Hilton was shocked — shocked! — that someone assumed he wrote PerezHilton.com. You see, it was really his sister, Barbara, who wrote the item.

A tipster forwarded us the lawsuit, which was filed on Wednesday in Los Angeles federal court and you can find in full here.

His lawyer wrote in a letter to Lewandowski's counsel that Hilton's sister wrote the post:

Hilton has hinted at his sister's involvement; he told Time that he worked on the site with his "sister, who's my assistant and helps a little bit." But this is the first time he's confirmed that he has a full-on ghost writer.

Guanabee, meanwhile, has reported that Hilton has had other ghostwriters going back to 2006.

Which wouldn't be a scandal, if Hilton were to only acknowledge the help he gets. Yet he continues to hide the making of his gossip sausage, as though his readers are deeply invested in his oh-so-elegant image as an articulate man of letters and glamorous Hollywood gentleman. Hilarious.

[Lavandeira vs. Lewandowski — court filing]

We got leaked this parody video starring the network's marketing heads Mike Benson and Marla Provencio in which they "pimp" a made-up show called The Smoking Clown. Supposedly it was made a while back for an internal meet-and-greet within the network in which each department tells the others what it is that they do. It's not clear if this was ever shown or if the idea of video showing a bunch of television executives smoking and drinking in the office was squashed before the meeting.

For fourteen profanity-laden minutes, the crack team guides us through the soulless business of commodifying and selling something you absolutely hate. Everything is covered smarmily—from bitchy contract-waving actors, to competition with other networks, to strategies for ensnaring lucrative and elusive kids' eyeballs.

And while it's all pretty ha ha, sure, it's also pretty insidious. In that, while The Smoking Clown doesn't exist, utter ABC dreck like Private Practice does. And, through all of the nefarious means depicted here, the show is fed to and lapped up by brain-addled regular Americans just like you and me. We're being manipulated, people! And they're just sitting back and laughing at us.

Keep an eye out for Lost co-creators Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse playing themselves. Network cross-promotion!

Almost everything uttered by the mother and daughter in the Maysles' 1975 documentary, on which HBO's film is based, is quotable, but much of it came off as the delusional ramblings of two women suffering from folie à deux. But by digging into their backgrounds in the new film (starring Jessica Lange and a lispless Drew Barrymore), their motivations and bon mots become much clearer, and often brilliant. Like when Little Edie said, "The hallmark of aristocracy is responsibility." Her parents were pressuring her to get married, as soon as she turned 18, to a man who could secure her future and provide her with the same kind of lifestyle in which she'd been raised. Her father Phelan told her mother that marrying off Little Edie was her job and her "sole responsibility."

Little Edie had a pipe dream of entering show business and didn't want her ambitions to be stifled by marriage and children, the way that her mother's were. However, Big Edie's philosophy on life was a little shrewder, essentially telling Little Edie to marry for money, which will give her the freedom to do whatever she wants. This shed a whole new light on the conversation the two had in the documentary, in which Big Edie told her daughter that she's "not free if [she's] being supported, to which Little Edie replied, "I thought you said you're not free when you're not being supported."

The film shows how and why Little Edie gave up her life in Manhattan (which included an affair with married man Julius Krug, Secretary of the Interior, played by an aptly cast, bloated Daniel Baldwin) to live with her mother at Grey Gardens, as well as the breakup of Phelan and Big Edie's marriage of convenience, a situation that became increasingly inconvenient for Big Edie when she refused to scale back her lifestyle and burned through her Bouvier inheritance. She and Phelan never legally divorced — although he did eventually get a "fake Mexican divorce" — and Big Edie lived off the meager $150 allowance her ex-husband provided for her until his death, when all of his money was left to his "new fake wife."

The Beales' lack of financial stability was evident in the documentary, but no one really knew why they didn't just sell their massive East Hampton estate, as the land alone would've provided plenty of money for them to live comfortably. Here, Big Edie explains her reasoning, when her sons are pleading with her to be more financially responsible in the wake of Phelan's death.

After the county raided their home, Jackie O (Little Edie's first cousin and Big Edie's niece) finally stepped up to the plate and paid for cleanup and renovations to the dilapidated mansion. The relationship between Jackie and Little Edie was a tense one, due to Edie's jealousy over Jackie's celebrity. Her acrimony toward Jackie (played by dead-ringer Jeanne Tripplehorn) is seen here:

Perhaps the biggest question fans of the documentary have had is "What the fuck happened to Little Edie's hair?" It turns out that she had some kind of anxiety condition since she was young, which caused her hair to fall out. After her father died, she was left bald.

The best part about HBO's Grey Gardens is that — like the documentary — it shows these women to be nonconformists who would rather cut themselves off from society, than have to give in to its rules. They'd rather forfeit luxury than their dreams, even if it meant that they were just dreamers living in squalor. Finally getting to see the limited choices that life presented to them, their eccentricities now seem seem relatively sane.

It was also fun to see recreations of how the infamous estate looked before they let it go to pot.

And of course, there are plenty of Little Edie's fashions on display. (A gallery of Grey Gardens fashion is coming tomorrow.) And while this isn't the most revolutionary costume, I think it's the best costume for the day, you understand.

His flacks are offering sponsorship of the party's VIP room—including naming rights!—for a mere $25,000. Let's hope Ex-Lax goes for that buy. They're also selling naming rights to the whole party for an undisclosed sum. It's a bargain at any price! The pitch claims that a single mention on Perez's site reaches more than 300 million people—more than the entire population of the US, in other words.

Yea.

Below is the entire "deck" they're sending around trying to sell this year's Perez party—last year's event was so star-studded, how could you resist? Half a billion "media impressions!" You'd be crazy not to pay to associate your brand, in the midst of a recession, with this...stuff:

Goldthwait is attending Sundance with the comedy World's Greatest Dad, his second festival entry in four years and a striking, pitch-black collaboration with old pal Robin Williams. The Oscar-winner plays Lance Clayton, a high-school poetry teacher with unrequited literary aspirations and one of the worst sons (portrayed by Daryl Sabara) in contemporary cinema. Similar to Goldthwait's previous film, the underrated, bestiality-tinged romcom Sleeping Dogs Lie, a macabre twist entitles Lance to pursue his life's ambition even as it endangers his job, relationship and pretty much every other facet of his life. Williams cunningly navigates both extremes, charting the outer limits of unconditional love with a cynic's eye and a comic's map, finally discovering himself in the festival's most batshit ending this side of Brooklyn's Finest.

And while we're loath to give much more away, there was no reason we couldn't ask the candid Goldthwait a few other questions about Dad, Williams, Sundance and his aversion to prime-time sellouts:

D: Knowing what we presume about a traditional "Sundance Movie," audiences might be blindsided by a dark comedy like this. How has World's Greatest Dad fit in so far?

BG: I don't know. I'm glad they've taken these last couple movies, but I don’t know where it fits in because I don't think of it that much while I'm making it. It wasn't until I was watching this one for the first time with a crowd that I thought, "Wow. This is really... dark." I know I sound full of shit, but I try not to think about it.

D: This is your second film here in four festivals. What appeals to you about screening here for this audience?

BG: This one's a little different. I think the people who were first showing up to our screenings were just blindly showing up because Robin was attached. Everybody who showed up the last time were people who didn't get into the other movies. That's not my self-loathing; that's just the reality. It's not a big ticket.

D: The logline sells itself, though.

BG: Yeah: "The dude from Police Academy makes a movie about a woman who fellates a dog." But I had this great thing where all these people who like movies showed up and they got past it. They seemed to kind of enjoy it. There was a woman who was trying to walk out, and her friend talked her into [staying]. And then I look over, and my daughter goes, "Look at her now." She was crying about an hour into it. And my daughter goes, "Yeah, you cry, bitch. You cry."

D: But ultimately both films share the themes of people hiding very dark secrets and explore the consequences of keeping those secrets. What about that appeals to you?

BG: I must be terrified about being exposed. Another thing that's similar in my movies is that people are always walking up to the other person and startling them. I'll try not to put that in my next movie. Strangers probably frighten me. But if I keep making movies, I want to make movies that explore these absolutes that don't hold water. Everybody and everything has to bend.

D: And yet these are comedies. What makes those absolutes funny to you?

BG: I think the comedy I'm interested in is the comedy that's awkward. I don't really care about the joke-driven comedies or the gag-driven comedies.

D: It walks a very fine line between humanity and total misanthropy.

BG: Even the characters I kind of have contempt for, I still see them as people. Even the person you might see as the villain in World's Greatest Dad. Kind of by the end of it, I felt bad for him. I feel like he got chumped. He's kind of full of himself, but I'm not sure he needs to be taken down a couple of notches.

D: Robin Williams is an inspired choice for the role of Lance, and it works out as one of the most dynamic roles of his career. How and when did he sign on for this?

BG: Robin's an old, old friend of mine, but I've never really pimped him or exploited him. He always acts like we're peers, which is really weird; it reminds me of Marlon Brando hanging out with Wally Cox. But I didn't write the part with him in mind. I was telling a mutual buddy about it over dinner, and he was like, "What about Robin?" Robin really liked Sleeping Dogs Lie, and he read this, and he said, "I'd like to be in your movie." [Laughs] It's so weird. I even had to rewrite it because the guy I had was younger.

D: What do you think drew him to it?

BG: This character winds up being kind of a hybrid of me and Robin. We even said that at one point when we were making it; we kind of laughed at how we really are.

D: Are your films autobiographical?

BG: Everything I make is usually autobiographical. The stories aren't, but all the people are if you poke around. Sometimes I don't even really know it. In this movie it's funny: There would be someone I don't really care for, and I'd hear them say something asinine. So I just threw it in the script while I was writing it.

D: We were reading your bio accompanying the press notes, which read in part: "As an actor he has appeared in innumerable embarrassing movies and was huge in the '80s. He greatly prefers directing." What is it about your comedy and these "innumerable" embarrassments that you think informed your films?

BG: I do think that all the stuff I went through kind of prepared me for this phase. And really, what's going on my life now — kind of like Lance — I just stopped five or six years ago and said, "You know what? I'm flattered that they're calling from UPN or the WB, but..." The real shame about being a comedian who's well-known is that you don't immediately become a has-been. They just keep dragging you out. Trust me. As soon as Howie Mandel hit pay dirt hosting a game show, I got a million fucking calls to host a game show.

D: Really?

BG: Of course! I mean, Hollywood? "Hmm, who else was an annoying '80s comedian? Oh, Bobcat Goldthwait! Let's get him!"

D: Don’t be so hard on yourself.

BG: But it's the truth. I had this character when I first started; I wasn't even doing stand-up. It was really abstract. And then I got to be a comedian, and I started performing, and I had an act. Now I realize that I stopped being a comedian and became an entertainer, you know? You'd book me in a comedy club in the middle of the country, and my working-class ethics would kick in. I'd do a good show for the people. But I was miserable, man. And I'll still go out and do stand-up. Now I don't mind it, because it affords me the chance to make indie movies. I'm not looking to get discovered. I'm just hoping to keep making these movies that are small and personal.

When we spoke to Griffin, she had just left Los Angeles (where she'd eaten Christmas Eve dinner at Cher's house) and had flown to New York to co-host CNN's New Year's Eve coverage with Anderson Cooper. Did she see the Coop's notorious 60 Minutes interview with Michael Phelps, we asked? "Of course I did! Who didn't? Even my mom was titillated."

So Kathy, a lot has happened since Defamer last spoke to you, both for your career, and for the world.

Oh yeah! I don't know if you came to any of my Kodak shows last week, but I had the most unusual, weird, wonderful combo of people come backstage. I wasn't doing any meet-and-greets because usually it's just a bunch of agents who don't really know me, so I had a "no meet-and-greet" policy. But every night I would hear that little walkie-talkie: "Dave Grohl wants to say hi." So that was extremely exciting, I got to meet him. And then the next night was really good because we had the unusual combo of T.R. Knight and Dave Chappelle.

Did they come backstage at the same time?

Yeah, both at the same time! So that was a great moment and I wish there'd been some 360 flipcam action going on. T.R. was really sweet and I was dying to ask him about Grey's Anatomy, but Chappelle kinda cockblocked me. Chappelle had no idea who T.R. is so I'm sitting there trying to explain what Grey's Anatomy is and T.R. is very much enamored and very much a fan of Dave's. And you know, to me, a Chappelle sighting is kind of like Elvis.

You alluded to T.R. Knight's backstage drama, and I wanted to ask you about your own. What was up with the Bravo renegotiation for the next season of D-List? There were rumors that you were jumping ship, then Bravo told us they'd signed you...

They definitely said I was signed when I wasn't. It was just a bloodbath of a negotation. It was a very D-list negotiation. I'm not in this situation you hear about where people get Porsches from their networks. Can I say what Bravo got me for Christmas?

Sure.

It's an eco-friendly blanket. Yeah, it was a bloody negotiation. All I can say is, you should see the other guy.

There's also talk that the format of My Life on the D-List is going to change a little bit? How so?

Yeah, I'm excited about that. We've already actually started. You know, Bravo originally talked to me at one point about doing a talk show, and I'm not sure about that. I feel like the best way to do that is to try to learn and see what you can do well instead of jumping behind a desk, at least for me. So I said, "Well, what if we take The D-List and instead of having me do things that aren't really part of my life anymore, we keep the elements of The D-List that you love—cut to my mom with a box of wine—but this year we have it be more celebrity-oriented. So half of it is like a talk show with A-listers and the other half of it is the D-list stuff you've come to expect for me to be horrified by.

Kathy, what was up with Andy Cohen and Daniel Craig having that shirtless frolic in St. Bart's? How did that happen?

Andy Cohen who?

Andy Cohen from Bravo.

ANDY COHEN FROM BRAVO had a shirtless frolic with Daniel Craig?

You need to get yourself on the internet after this interview to look up those pictures.

That sounds like a gay photo shoot to me.

It kind of is. There's a lot of bare chests and Daniel Craig emerging from the surf in short shorts.

That makes me vomit, because all that tells me is that that's what Andy Cohen is doing instead of promoting Season 5 of My Life on the D-List. The double Emmy-winning My Life on the D-List.

We have to talk about Rosie Live. That was such a...

...such a clusterfuck backstage, is what you were going to say? [laughs] I had more fun backstage at that than at anything in my life. It was really just the most bizarre, odd combination of people sharing dressing rooms, because it was an off-Broadway theater. At one point I looked in my room and there was Jane Krakowski in like a zip-up teddy and heels and fishnets, and there's Liza in a cashmere, sparkly Halston rehearsing over and over, then Gloria Estefan is in a wool dress fanning herself because there's no air conditioning, and then Alec Baldwin walks in and he's so hot that he uses the cool setting on a blow dryer to blow his face. And then in comes Clay [Aiken]! And it doesn't get any better than that.

And he was frosty to you. I assume that was the first time you'd seen him since he came out of the closet.

Frosty, yeah. You're damn right he was. Yeah, it was the first time I'd seen him since he "came out of the closet," but then that's all relative, isn't it? [laughs]

Why do you think he picked that time to finally come out?

I guess because of the kid. My guess is that he was going to be walking around with the baby and someone would ask, "Who's the mom?" And he doesn't want to have to say, "Harold," or whoever.

While we're on the subject, gay people are very mad at Obama right now because of Rick Warren. Did he screw up on that one?

Yeah, he did. Big time. Most straights aren't thrilled, either! Rick Warren...he's bad news, this guy. I just try to ignore those guys. It's funny, I make a joke about religion and then I get in trouble, but those guys ultimately are the joke. Who listens to anything Rick Warren says after that?

A lot of people, it seems.

What, his flock of morons? Let 'em have him.

What do you make of Jennifer Aniston's current press tour to promote her nude GQ photo shoot...I mean, Marley & Me?

I am so jealous of that GQ photo shoot! I want to put on a man's tie and look 25. I loved it. I don't understand the animosity toward Jennifer Aniston, I don't know what she's done to people, and it's kind of startling to me because I didn't know she had it in her to evoke such passion in people. This is the girl who was on Friends and she does movies now and then, but people are like out to get her now and I'm a little confused by that.

Speaking of animosty, let's discuss Elisabeth Hasselbeck and The View. We've had a crazy journey with her during this political year, and we've heard that there's been a lot of backstage drama. You've co-hosted there before—can you shed any light on the subject?

You know, I have an extremely annoying voice, so I should talk, but when I hear that chipmunky high-pitched screeching of hers, I just tune out. Maybe it's just from me being there so many times, but I know that backstage, you do the hair and makeup and you have an hour off to go to your room and do whatever you want, study or read the paper or whatever. And [with Elisabeth] all that happens is that Bill Geddie, the executive producer, goes to her room and gives her the Fox talking points. Everyone who's co-hosted the show knows that. So when I hear those things coming out of her mouth, I don't even know if those are her thoughts, as deep as they must be.

Finally, Seth wanted me to thank you for introducing David Archuleta to Defamer.

That was a fun conversation. I didn't know what he was taking from it or not. I mean, he's not always "present," shall I say? But to this day, that video of the screaming girls...that is my Prozac. If I'm having a bad day, I can play that and feel just fine about the world. It's so fucking funny.

All right Kathy, thank you so much.

Are you going to watch my New Year's show with Anderson?

We'll definitely DVR it.

OK, great. And remember, Ryan Seacrest can suck it.

DEFAMER: There's a legend that Harvey Weinstein dispatched an associate to buy the rights to The Reader, saying not to come back without them. How soon after you were familiar with the book did you know you wanted to direct its adaptation?

STEPHEN DALDRY: Just as soon as I read the book. It was not immediately after it was published; it was a couple of years later. I immediately started to phone up to see who had the rights, and it was my old friend Anthony Minghella. I asked what he wanted to do with it, and he said he wanted to do it himself — write and direct it. And so I kept badgering him over the years: "Are you going to make it, or are you not? What's happening?" I think in the end Anthony realized he wan't going to get around to it for at least a few more years, and he felt a responsibility to [author Bernhard] Schlink to get it made at some point. He eventualy relented very generously and allowed me to make it, with him and [Minghella's producing partner] Sydney Pollack.

D: 36-year-old Hanna's seduction of 15-year-old Michael has proven pretty controversial in the last week, essentially hijacking the discussion of why these two have a relationship in the first place. Do you resent that the conversation has taken that turn?

SD: It's funny, isn't it? Did you watch Mr. Schlink's interview with Oprah Winfrey when the book first came out? The first thing Oprah started talking about was the abuse. Interestingly enough in that interview, it took Mr. Schlink some time before he realized that what Oprah was talking about was not the atrocities Hanna was involved in, but rather the abuse of a 15-year-old boy. He was slightly taken aback, and later said, "This seems to be a peculiarly American question."

But the key element of that relationship is the sins of of the past — not the sins of the relationship. Does the boy love her profoundly and maybe too much because it's his first love? Yes, he probably does. Should she be involved with a 15-year-old boy? Inevitably, different cultures will have different ideas about that. And I do understand that it's a bigger moral issue in America than it might be in other societies. Having said that, I think I'd be disingenuous if I didn't say yes — there is a controlling element about a 36-year-old woman having a relationship with a 15-year-old boy. But I don't think the subject of this story is child abuse. And of course he's not a child; he's going on a 16-year-old sexual being.

D: At least it's deflected some attention from the Scott Rudin/Harvey Weinstein meltdown a couple months ago. As the filmmaker, what was your impression of that imbroglio at the time, and how do you think it impacted the final product?

SD: I don't think it did impact the final product. It's funny, isn't it? I spent two years on this. People talk about the sex scenes, and we took two days shooting those. People talk about the argument between Harvey and Scott, and that took two weeks. In the overall scheme of things, these aren't necessarily pivotal moments for me. In finishing the film, we absolutely did need more time, and Scott was absolutely fantastic — and in the end, so was Harvey — in getting a solution that we were all very happy with. So the fact that subsequently, Harvey and Scott couldn't get on, was a sadness for those two. But it came to a very happy resolution for me.

D: These guys tangled over your film The Hours, too. Did you ever see this coming, or at least have any reassurances early on that such pyrotechnics could be avoided on The Reader?

SD: Yeah, I've been through it with them, and I know how they do it; they have a good old time! I'm just being ridiculous, but yes — they have a combative relationship. There certainly wasn't a creative burden. It was more a practical point about resources and time. And neither of those two were my immediate producers. My immediate producers were Anthony Minghella and Sydney Pollack.

D: What was your reaction when Rudin took his name off the film?

SD: I thought it was absolutely the best thing for him, given the potential meltdown those two were heading into on a personal level.

D: To what extent do distractions like these — especially all the awards-race politics — rattle your faith as a filmmaker?

SD: It's only in the United States. To be frank, the discussion only happens when I get to Los Angeles. I'm sure that the infighting on movies is much more interesting here than it is anywhere else in the world. You have to take it all with a big pinch of salt. I don't think one can worry too much about it. It would, again, be disingenuous of me if I suggested that I'm not aware there's a marketing advantage to the so-called "awards season." But I think that one has to perceive it as a marketing exercise, not get caught up in the idea that it's too important. I don't come to Los Angeles very much, but what's great about it is that everybody's sort of here, and it's like a mini-film festival. Everybody's rushing from screening to screening, and you meet your friends, and there's something rather collegiate about it — not a competition. It's rather lovely.

Is it true, John? Email us if you know more. This would be quite a blow for, ah, journalism—how many people have interviewed both Mariah Carey and Hans Blix?

We've gotten these other harrowing reports from the trenches as well (new reports added to the top):

• "Its bad at Vh1 on Hudson Street. Dozens let go. Security guys on each floor "observing". Lots of staff across the board gone, some that have been here for many years. The mood is bleak."
• "Awkward day here at MTVN. I'm a humble Production Assistant for Nickelodeon, and we just found out all we low level staff are okay for the time being. The layoffs on our floor were pretty dramatic: an entire department laid off, and our senior vice president, and a department head at N@N. Looks to be more of a management/higher-up bloodbath from here. And Nickelodeon is one of the few brands actually making money..."
• "I work at 1515 Broadway (the Viacom building) and in the elevators, the newstory about the 850 layoffs keeps coming up on the captivate tvs. Pretty classy..."
• "So far at least 5 people have been let go from MTV.com. Mostly producers and associate producers who were supposed to be creating original content. Well, they haven't been producing anything for awhile and the writing was on the wall."

At least we'll always have this Conor Oberst interview. To remember the good times.

Barack: This Dude Even Changed Comedy Tuesday
By Jordan Carlos

The political balance of power may not have been the only thing that shifted Tuesday. The world of comedy got a bit of a shake up too. Though it's difficult to predict the misty future with any certainty, Obama's win does beg a couple of obvious questions; namely, "Do Black comedians have much to complain about anymore?" Now before you tear my nuts off for asking this, let me say I'm just raising this extreme question for the sake of argument. I don't actually think Black people don't have anything to complain about anymore, though cabs were remarkably easier to come by yesterday in the city. But things have changed—and who are many comedians of color, if not people who point to the old saw of differences between white and Black and all the hi-larious inequalities surrounding those differences? Remove that brand of humor from the mix, and what's left for Black comedians to fall back on?

Plenty, of course. The world is full of comedic opportunity. But it will be intriguing to see how audiences will respond when a Black comic moans about the everyday racial politics he or she faces when a Black person holds the highest office in the land.

For anyone who can do an impression of Obama, congrats! Your stock just went through the friggin roof! Bush impersonators, report to your local soup kitchen or shanty town. Obama impersonators are guaranteed at least 4 years of career opportunity. For me, a fairer-skinned black dude with newly close-cropped hair and larger-than-average ears, things are looking up. I've already been able to do my impression for TV (once on Headline News and once on a Japanese morning TV show – Yeah, I know. What the F?) and I look forward to at least four more years of it. Though I was asked by the folks at Gawker to give my take on Fred Armisen's impression of Obama, I'm gonna have to pass. Other art forms encourage a lover's quarrel among artists – boisterous roundtables and bustling salons, etc. — comedy, not so much. Take it from me, comics are a sensitive bunch – me more than most (we're not talking Kanye West levels here, but you get where I'm going with this). We want to be liked (obveeez!!!). Did I dance around that enough? You can watch my Obama impression here, OK? [Ed.: And also here]

I think the existential question of what comedians can complain about now is shared by not only Black comedians, but also the good folks at The Daily Show and Real Time with Bill Maher. They got what they wanted, right? So now what? Feast on Obama like they did Bush? That would be kinda weird. Recently on his show Bill Maher declared a new rule: that President-elect "Obama must give comedians something to work with." When questioned about this statement by America's favorite old man, Larry King, Maher said, "But look, [Obama]'s going to be the president and we're going to have to get over our nervousness about making fun of a Black person. He's not a black person. He's the president." OK, Maher lost me at the whole, "he's not a black person" bit, but you get what he's trying to say. Eventually ALL comedians are going to have to take off the kid gloves and skewer the newly anointed commander in chief. How they do it will be something that I, for one, am interested to see. To me there's plenty you can make fun of when it comes to Obama:

— Because of him the high concept movie about a jazzy black dude being president is dead and over.

—People maybe just maybe expect too much from him.

—He's got huge, honking ears.

—You can make fun of the fact that it's hard to make fun of him.

—You kind of have to do a lot of self-deceiving to back the guy (doesn't believe in gay marriage, tough on immigration, tosses friends when they become political liabilities – Rev. Wright, Ayers).

—He may kinda owe Oprah a place in his cabinet.

—Does Jesse Jackson still want to cut his nuts off like he said? And why the hell was he front-row Chicago victory rally after saying something like that? Obama must have known he said that. Where's my front row seat? I didn't call for castration.

You could make sketches out of all that stuff and more if you've got the salt. You should always be able to laugh at your leaders – even if they're awesome people who happen to be Black.

Lee Kline, the Technical Director at The Criterion Collection, was in Italy. He had tracked down an original print of Il Posto, the classic 1961 Ermanno Olmi film, and he needed a digital master of it. The problem? It was far too valuable and delicate to ship to the States, so he had find a local studio to handle the transfer for him.

Sitting down in the lab, the local technician started the process of loading the film up, running it through the incredibly expensive machine to create a 2K super-high-def digital copy for Lee to take back to the States with him. The technician was deftly handling the irreplaceable film and the machine with both hands. All the while, a cigarette dangled from his lips. Lee, neither the owner of the print nor an employee of the lab, could only sit back and bite his tongue, hoping no wayward chunk of smoldering ash would find its way onto the decades-old piece of film. You could call it one tense moment in a film nerd's life.

When you go to the headquarters of the Criterion Collection, you sort of expect it to be a gigantic library. You know, one with lots of dark wood, a fireplace and a globe, complete with a dapper man in a smoking jacket sitting in an overstuffed chair. Instead of books, though, the walls would be lined with some of the greatest films ever made, DVDs that set the bar in terms of image quality and extras and packaging and liner notes. Criterion is the undisputed champ in all these things, yet the Criterion offices are simple, its walls adorned only with a collection of movie posters and framed letters from directors. There is a lovely screening room with a gigantic screen and projector setup, and there are edit suites, but it doesn't feel like you are entering into a world belonging to film historians. Until you talk to the historians.

Essentially, the people at Criterion are a combination of film geeks and A/V nerds, equally excited at the prospect of getting a great print of a classic Fellini film as they are about creating a killer 5.1 surround sound audio track.

These people act as a curator and a publisher, hand-selecting a wide variety of films, mostly foreign, classics and indies. They painstakingly create the definitive digital version of that film, completely restoring both the audio and video, gathering up the most complete supplementary features available and releasing it all in beautiful packaging. It's a film buff's dream.

The Criterion staff gathers their own supplementary features themselves, traveling to find talent and record original interviews and audio commentary tracks, finding scholars to write essays and gathering up any additional footage or video that they can find.

It's an incredible company, responsible not only for introducing hundreds of films to audiences who would otherwise have no other way to access them, but also pioneers who helped introduce many DVD features we take for granted now, such as commentary tracks, elaborate special editions and even letter boxing. And now they're preparing to deliver innovation to a new format: Blu-ray. And man, are they excited about it.

David Phillips, who works on DVD Development for Criterion, told me that "We're offering people the ability to see what is essentially 95% of the visual quality of our high-definition tape masters, something that we've dreamed of for a long time." After all, these guys have been working with digital masters that clock in at about 2K resolution for some time, which is far higher than HD. "As good as standard-def DVD looks, we've been looking at these HD images for so long and feeling like it's a shame that we can't share this." HD is the way most of these films are meant to be seen, and the people at Criterion get visibly excited when talking about the possibilities.

But with that huge uptick in resolution for the consumer, Criterion is faced with a lot of problems that they didn't have when their masters were converted to standard definition for DVD. After all, they're often dealing with old films, created before there was fancy low-grain filmstock and digital processing. And with the technology they have today, how much restoration and processing is too much?

Really, the mission of Criterion is "trying to replicate the original experience of seeing that movie when it was first released," according to Phillips. While they certainly have the ability to process old films until they look like they were shot on a DV cam, that's not the goal.

"Grain reduction has become such an industry standard that people, when they see grain, they think it's a problem rather than what film looks like. Film is a physical medium that has this grain structure to it," says Phillips. That being said, they realize that consumers buying restored HD films on Blu-ray are expecting near-pristine quality prints. It's a tough balance to strike. Essentially, "it's trying to stay on the side of not overprocessing but not leaving so much film artifact that it's distracting from getting engaged in the film."

So how do they go about getting a film prepped for Blu-ray? Well, they start with the best version available, be that a camera negative, a positive or a print, depending on the qualities available. Most of the time, they need to travel to the negative rather than having it shipped to them, especially if it's an original print. So if it's a Kurosawa film, they go to Japan; if it's a Truffaut film they go to France; and if it's an Olmi film, well, they go to Italy.

Once they get their hands on the film, they use Thomson's Spirit DataCine to digitize the print at a local facility. If available, they'll try to get the director to consult on the color of the print, making sure it's accurate to the original as they digitize it to tape in 2K—sometimes even 4K—resolution. Once done, they have their tape master, which they then can bring back to their headquarters to begin the restoration.

Once they have their master back at their offices, it goes through what they call the restoration workflow, which involves painstakingly restoring both the audio and video frame by frame. For video, this involves using a system called MTI Film, which allows a technician to go through the film and not only remove dirt and edit marks, but also fix warped frames and things of that nature. This isn't some automated procedure, either. It involves a technician sitting at an edit station with a stylus going frame by frame, ensuring that each one looks as good as possible. With two shifts a day working on a film, it still takes weeks to get through this part of the process.

For audio, they work in ProTools HD to both create surround-sound audio tracks as well as to clean up the original audio. They often get prints with extremely hissy or distorted mono tracks, so much like with the picture, they need to go through with a fine tooth comb and clean it all up. Their goal, according to Kline, is to "create a track with the original acoustics, bringing it back to clean and straightforward mono that sounds crisp and clear." I stood in while an audio technician was working on the opening of Lars Von Trier's Europa (due on DVD in December), and the difference between the original print's audio and the restored audio made the narration and the sound effects resonate much more without feeling like the original had been sterilized.

What about films they've already restored for DVD? Can they just be released on Blu-ray without much extra effort? Unfortunately, not usually. The good news is that once they've done their tape master, they have a high-def copy of it on hand and don't need to re-transfer the original print. The bad news is that once they've got those masters, half of the process needs to be done again because the original restorations were just done in standard definition. Making a quick rerelease of all of Criterion's films to Blu-ray something that just isn't going to happen.

Once they've finished their process, though, it's like viewing a film for the first time. I got a chance to sit in on a quality-control screening of their restoration of Wong Kar-Wai's Chungking Express. A scene in a crowded marketplace seemed to jump off the screen, and the surround sound perfectly placed the bustling sounds of the market behind me while keeping the dialogue front-and-center. I felt like I was in a theater in Hong Kong, watching the first, perfect print of the movie when it was first released. It was breathtaking.

These are the releases that film buffs have been upgrading their home theater setups for. After all, the best way to take advantage of thousands of dollars of AV gear is to give it material pulled carefully from the source.

—-

Criterion is releasing its first Blu-ray films in November, starting with The Third Man, The Man Who Fell to Earth, The Last Emperor, Bottle Rocket and Chungking Express. They plan to release two films a month in Blu-ray next year, with HD releases ramping up as sales shift from DVD to Blu-ray. [Criterion Collection]

Asked, "You and Samantha have been going out for how long now?" Lohan giggled and demurred, but Stryker pressed on. "Like two years?" he asked. "One year? Five months? Two months?" Finally, Lohan allowed, "A very long time." The MySpace pundit then accepted compliments on her relationship, eventually signing off in a bit of Italian that stumps the hosts (is that how lesbians talk?). Our congratulations go out to the newly confirmed couple. Stryker, you'd better prepare for tonight's inevitable Michael Lohan call-in. [Loveline]

Ok, sad thing first: a good Samaritan reset the password and tried to alert Sarah. But he also posted the new password, causing multiple people to try to log in at once, freezing the account for 24 hours. And now, the account has been deleted! Which is, as we said, maybe destruction of evidence? So for now this is, we think, all we'll get to see from this email account (if anyone finds evidence of saved emails, let us know.)

The full timeline of events, with corroborating evidence of the legitimacy of these screengrabs, is here. Here's why it all looks convincing:

• The emails to Ivy Frye, a Palin aide who's mentioned in the earlier email stories specifically wondering how best to hide her correspondence with the governor.
• The attached contact list (below) features an email address for husband Todd Palin that is legit. As well as an apparently genuine phone number for Bristol Palin and an address for Beth Leschper, Palin's deputy communications director.
• The email from Amy McCorkell, a known associate of Palin's from Wasilla who might have the governor's personal email address.
• Emails to and from Lt Governor Sean Parnell about a local radio talk host.
• Calls to the phone number listed for Bristol Palin apparently go to her voicemail.
• The public profile for the gov.palin address dates its last update to April of this year—well before she became McCain's running mate. So if it's a hoax, it's a hoax that began long before anyone outside of Alaska cared about Palin.
• We haven't seen these family photos before. Have we?
• The previously accessible public profiles for gov.sarah@yahoo and gov.palin@yahoo were both deleted at the same time.

Here are the screenshots of the emails saved before the account went dark, along with the contact list. It's newsworthy and we will not be taking it down!

CONTACT LIST

Beth Leschper (Beth Leschper SOA) [Edit]
beth.leschper@alaska.gov
Blanche Kallstrom (Blanche) [Edit]
mbkrdk@starband.net
Bristol Palin (Bristol) [Edit]
bristol_palin@hotmail.com
Chuck Heath (Chuck) [Edit]
chckheath@yahoo.com
fek9wnr@yahoo.com (Todd) [Edit]
fek9wnr@yahoo.com
ftb907@yahoo.com (Frank) [Edit]
ftb907@yahoo.com
Heather Bruce (Heather) [Edit]
khbruce@gci.net
ivy.frye@alaska.gov (Ivy SOA) [Edit]
ivy.frye@alaska.gov
ivyfrye@yahoo.com (Ivy Personal) [Edit]
ivyfrye@yahoo.com
Judy Patrick (Judy Patrick) [Edit]
jpphoto@mtaonline.net
kris.perry@alaska.gov (Kris Perry SOA) [Edit]
kris.perry@alaska.gov
krisandclark@yahoo.com (Kris Personal) [Edit]
krisandclark@yahoo.com
paymckhea@yahoo.com (Molly) [Edit]
paymckhea@yahoo.com
Roseanne Hughes (Roseanne Hughes SOA) [Edit]
roseanne.hughes@alaska.gov
Sally Heath (Mom) [Edit]
salheath@mtaonline.net
Sean Parnell (Sean Personal) [Edit]
sparnell@alaska.com
Sharon Leighow (Sharon SOA) [Edit]
sharon.leighow@alaska.gov
Sleighow@aol.com (Sharon Leighow Personal) [Edit]
Sleighow@aol.com
Track Palin (Track) [Edit]
track_44@hotmail.com

UPDATE:

ARLINGTON, VA — Today, McCain-Palin 2008 Campaign Manager Rick Davis issued the following statement concerning reports about Governor Palin's email and an invasion of privacy:
"This is a shocking invasion of the Governor's privacy and a violation of law. The matter has been turned over to the appropriate authorities and we hope that anyone in possession of these emails will destroy them. We will have no further comment."

Point one: legitimacy confirmed! Point two: I guess we'll have to blow up the internet now?

"If you choose to attack me again may I suggest something witty about me creating the show Yes Dear or just simply a joke about the fact that I’m bald. Both true.

"As far as you being psychotic, anyone who thinks NBC wouldn’t do everything they could to promote a great show like 30 Rock, which they own, over a show like My Name is Earl, which they don’t, is a tad nutty.

"Good luck with the Emmys and don’t forget to tune in for the one hour season premiere of My Name is Earl September 25th."

I asked Garcia how it was so many blogs had decided he was a Scientologist. "It started with a story in [the London] Mirror," he said, which had pronounced him a Scientologist because several Earl cast members are Scientologists. "It amused me and, since then, it's just become common knowledge. But I am in fact born and raised Catholic."