1.) 105-year-old celebrates birthday at male revue

Love her. I also love her door-knocker earrings, purple nails, and Baby Phat track suit.

2.) Glassy-eyed Fanilow
Paula Abdul attended a Barry Manilow concert, where Entertainment Tonight caught up with her backstage.

3.) Hailey Glassman
Jon Gosselin's girlfriend was on The Insider this week to discuss how hard it is being famous. In this clip, she pays Kate Gosselin a compliment, then insults her, then goes into detail about when Jon first stuck his ween in her.

4.) Boys don't cry.
Mary Hart tried her damnedest—during her exclusive interview with Chaz Bono regarding his sex reassignment process—to get Chaz to break down and cry over how horrible all of this must've been for him. Chaz wouldn't bite. It's kinda great watching him kind of get off on being withholding.

5.) Big-ass joint
In the History Channel's docu-drama Manson, the reenactment of Dennis Wilson getting high with the Family seemed cartoonish.

6.) Man down, code 10!
Keyshia Cole's mom Frankie hosted BET's Red Carpet pre-show for the Hip Hop Awards.

7.) Babs!
She was in rare form this week.

Really rare.

8.) Holly Montag
Who would've thought that Heidi's sister would turn out to spike the punch of The Hills with her dance "fights."

9.) "Nuptial Decadence"
Why does that term sound so delicious?

10.) Ew.
I don't know which is more disturbing: the fact that the woman in this commercial is afraid of her husband, or the fact that frozen mussels actually exist.

1.) Synergy
Jon Gosselin's answer when asked for his thoughts on the Balloon Boy hoax:



We're thinking that Balloon Boy might give the same exact answer when asked for his thoughts on Jon Gosselin wiping out his family's bank account.

2.) Tricia Walsh-Smith threatened to walk off The Insider.
She didn't understand that people were telling her that she is smart.

BTW, why does The Insider consider Marla Maples part of "The Real First Wives Club"?

3.) "Tardy for the Party" is based on a true story.

Kim might have another hit on her hands, thanks to Jimmy Kimmel.

4.) A different type of tardy at the party
I love Kim's wasted face.

5.) The best excuse for tardiness
Courtesy of Bridezillas

6.) Spry seniors
Larry King's promo picture for his blog is awesome.

And this week, Elizabeth Taylor took Paris and Prince Jackson to Universal Studios theme park.

7.) Courtney Cox was a menstruation pioneer.

8.) What Al Reynolds is up to now
Musical theater-y things, regurgitating, and not being normal. His words, not mine.

9.) Tyra colonic
Last Friday, Tyra featured a colonic on her stage, which the host claimed was the First! Ever! Televised! Colonic! Except it wasn't. I remember Dave Navarro getting one on his reality show about his marriage to Carmen Electra. Tyra also said that a colonic was "the opposite of diarrhea." In fact, a colonic is the opposite of that. It is diarrhea, and it drips down your leg.

10.) A lesson on life from Judge Judy

1.) Who farted?
Bigger than the mystery of whether or not this whole thing was a publicity stunt is the mystery of which Heene family member's heinie gave a Bronx cheer.


Entertainment Tonight is all over this thing.


2.) Speaking of potty humor…
I love this girl.


3.) "Well, fuck you."


4.) 12¢ Cheeseburgers


5.) Wendy Williams fucked up a lot this week.
More than usual.


6.) This kook says she's spoken to Michael Jackson since he died.


7.) Balloon Boy will not steal Jon Gosselin's thunder!
This week Jon was, again, all over The Insider and Entertainment Tonight (which led to the lawsuit TLC filed against him today). After his appearance in court earlier this week, when a judge ordered him to return $180,000 he took from Kate and his children, Jon appeared tense. Here, he explains his clenched jaw.


Entertainment Tonight managed to get Rod Stewart's opinion on Jon, as though Rod is some kind of father of the year. (Rod's children have, in fact, been on reality TV, and one of them appeared on Celebrity Rehab, which is a giant parental fail.)


8.) Asians don't need Botox, according to Jon Gosselin.
But he would like to get new hair plugs.


9.) Jon is trying to distance himself from Michael Lohan.


And that's probably a good thing, considering that Lindsay's dad filmed an episode of Maury this week, which, as of yet, has no scheduled air date.


10.) 30 Rock is back!

1.) Jon Gosselin
I know it's nearly impossible that anyone in America managed to miss him since he was all over TV talking about how he doesn't want to be on TV anymore. On Monday on The Insider, Jon faced off with Nancy Grace. Later in the week, The Insider tried to propel that insanity by airing "footage you didn't see" from the event. Here, Jon admits that his earrings are CZs.


Jon also ran back and forth between The Insider and Entertainment Tonight, showing "bank statements" proving that he did not steal money from Kate.










However, even the correspondent on The Insider recognized that this one transaction receipt proves absolutely nothing.




2.) "I'm showing America how it works."
God, he's like the fountain of spoof.


3.) In other grossness: Tamerlane Phillips.
Remember two weeks ago when people didn't care about the Gosselins for four days because Mackenzie Phillips' rape and incest bombshell stole the show? Tamerlane Phillips misses those days.


4.) The best intervention ever, courtesy of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.





5.) Kaity Tong Drunk?
Speaking of interventions…sheesh.


This man-on-the-street from the story she was introducing is awesome.


6.) Shut up, Joy!


7.) People are still getting "The Rachel"?


8.) Does Kim know that wig hair doesn't grow back?


9.) Khloe Kardashian's 9 Carats


10.) WWWWD?
She would think WWJJD.

Hathaway found out firsthand just how little the ET anchor cares for her knowledge-knowing at the Palm Springs International Festival, where the actress was being honored for her work in Rachel Getting Married. Sadly, her acceptance speech struck the wrong note for some, who will only tolerate her erudite rambling when she's kohl-eyed and interrupting her sister's wedding party:

Anne Hathaway, a Desert Palm Achievement Award recipient, seemed to lose the audience while discussing “process metaphysics.” That prompted a surprised comment from almost always perky emcee, Mary Hart. “Did I hear that from backstage correctly? We just got into metaphysics? Whatever happened to good ol' blonde bimbos?” she quipped.

Why, they emcee awards shows in Palm Springs, Mary!

• Palm Springs International Film Festival [My Desert]

• WATCH VIDEO

• WATCH VIDEO

Last night The Insider devoted 3 minutes and 25 seconds to the anorexic twins, while Entertainment Tonight devoted 3 minutes and 9 seconds to Temptresse's and her mother's obesity. Overall, The Insider spent 12.76 minutes reporting actual news, while 7.85 minutes were spent teasing what would be reported. The other 9 minutes were devoted to commercials.

Entertainment Tonight spent 13 minutes reporting, 6 minutes teasing, and 11 minutes on commercials.

"Was it helpful to the situation? Regrettably, no. It was not, and I have to acknowledge that and I do," the talk show host told his audience Thursday during taping of a "Dr. Phil" episode that will run Monday.

"I definitely think if I had it to do over again, I probably wouldn't make any statement at all. Period."

With that, the studio ceiling split into two, and a dazzling column of light poured through the rupture, tapering itself, as if through magnifying lens trained onto a hapless insect by a sadistic youngster, onto the hosts's highly reflective scalp. Squinting as they slowly began to regain their vision from the sudden white-out, the audience's stunned silence soon gave way to gasps and scattered shrieks as they began to realize that all that remained of the syndicated therapist was now a three-ounce pile of still-smoking ash.

• Dr. Phil Says He Regrets Statement on Britney [abcnews.go.com]

"I don't know what happened," JANE SEYMOUR says of OWEN WILSON's reported suicide attempt, "but I know he's a great guy and this too shall pass...He has a great family and people who love him," she says. "He'll be okay."

Other stars have also come out sending their well-wishes to the popular actor. "We're with you," KELLY PRESTON said. "If you need anything, call us, seriously."

"Call us Owen, we love you," her husband JOHN TRAVOLTA added.

"I just hope he gets better fast," AISHA TYLER said.

"We're all thinking of you," JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT said. "You're such a talent. Stay strong and tough. Lots of love and stay well."

Like yesterday's love-affirmation from Bernie Brillstein and Tom Arnold, these good wishes are almost certain to comfort a recuperating Wilson, who'll more than likely receive them this evening when he tunes into the syndicated celebrity news magazine from his hospital bed to help get his mind off things. Even so, after learning from a mental health professional of the dangers of irresponsibly throwing around terms like "succeeded" and "failed," we're now hypersensitive to word choice; we only hope their well-meaning entreaties to "get better" and "stay well" won't place unnecessary, value-labeled stress on the patient. A healthier approach was that of the Travoltas: All Wilson really needs to know right now is that his friends are there for him, and that if he calls them up asking for a cup of mental-health-inducing vitamins, they'll be on his doorstep, no questions asked.

• Jane Seymour on Owen Wilson [ETOnline]