After the jump: Watson crouches in the dress!

We captured the bizarre scene for you via iPhone's handy PapApp, in which a guarded Watson—flanked by an army of handlers—obliged a number of aggressive Harry Potter fans corralled behind a rope. She was pretty gracious considering the insanity, as we suppose we too would have been spooked if a grown man with feathered hair and a "Hogwarts U." sweatshirt had been shouting, "Emma! EMMA OVER HERE! Cast me an episkey epidermem spell for my psoriasis! Please! Emma!" at us.

In another photo, Watson—who recently told the Guardian she'd do a nude scene "for Bernardo Bertolucci. It depends. I’m not getting my kit off any time soon, but it is part of my job"—crouches to give a young fan (or some kind of tiny, magical dwarf-creature; it was difficult to see) an autograph. That's the difference between American and British starlets: Nothing of consequence is ever exposed unless an Oscar-winning Italian eroticist (or Balthazar Getty) first demands it.

She was sighted at approximately 10:30 yesterday morning at Quincy House by Chase Russell ’11 and Brian P. Hill ’11. [...]

Hill said he nearly collided with one of Watson’s escorts while leaving the House, before unthinkingly saying he was on his way to class. Watson then went to visit the room of the next student she approached, much to Hill’s chagrin.

“I actually called my mom; I was so distraught,” he said. “It was all I could think about for the entire morning.”

Other unconfirmed reports placed Watson around campus at the Admissions Office, the Barker Center and Annenberg Hall — which is often said to evoke the Great Hall at Hogwarts, the fictional wizarding school at which Hermione studies.

Other unconfirmed reports had sixth-year senior Chris Oberkfell '07 far less distraught after running into Watson on her downlow "pub evaluation tour" of Boston, at the end of which Oberkfell was paid handsomely to delete grainy cell-phone images he had snapped while the young star tested each establishment's wares for quality. Luckily, we'll always have our memories. We can hardly wait to see how the Washington Square News follows this tomorrow.

• ‘Hermione’ Enchants Campus With Visit [Harvard Crimson via CollegeOTR]

Watson, who apparently garnered straight A's in high school finishing exams (Ooh! Sounds fancy!), says she hopes to be a part of a liberal arts program in the U.S. But after recent reports that new student James Franco was being stalked by hordes of psycho freshman while studying at the Columbia University library, we've learned the campus grounds aren't the safest confines for the cream of Young Hollywood's crop.

In fact, some schools are flat out rejecting stars for the unwanted distraction they bring to the classroom. Last spring, Brooke Hogan was denied admission at three colleges in Florida when she was told the nine-camera production team behind her VH1 reality show Brooke Knows Best would disrupt the academic livelihood of other students - which is unfortunate, as she clearly needs the education.

At the University of Southern California, the fine institution from which I recently graduated, there were many "star" students. Freshman year, Lee Thompson Young, vaguely known for his starring role on Disney's long-lost series The Famous Jett Jackson, was constantly ridiculed for his penchant for wearing exclusively all-white ensembles around campus ... classy. When Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos was boning Paris, girls used to flock to his English classes in the hopes of impressing him with their knowledge of Kafka. And rumor had it that David Gallagher, who played that goody-two-shoes with a bowl cut Simon from 7th Heaven, was a huge stoner who shacked up with a stripper in a house off campus.

Point being: Hermione - no matter what you do, you're probably screwed.

• Emma Watson Applies to U.S. Colleges [People]

boomp3.com

Harry Potter film series star Emma Watson appeared to be the life of the afterparty in Windsor over the weekend. With the aid of what Watson referred to as her "Hermione Juice," Watson bounced around the party, serving as a makeshift hostess looking for an afterparty after the original afterparty. After searching for a few minutes, Watson discovered an after-after party in a dorm room at a nearby university.

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Despite having represented Chanel's Coco Mademoiselle fragrance in addition to appearing in campaign after campaign as the brand's moody red-lipped rep since 2001, Kate Moss and her contract were kicked to the curb months after the supermodel's famed cocaine tape hit the tabloids in April 2005. Though Keira Knightley was loudly announced as Moss's replacement, Kate very quietly usurped a bit of Keira's thunder by re-entering the house of French glamour after her comeback hit its stride a year later. But by far the most publicized partnership between Chanel and star occurred when Nicole Kidman appeared in a short film directed by Baz Luhrmann to promote her new role as iconic fragrance Chanel No. 5's porcelain-faced embodiment.

But all the hullabaloo and fanfare came to a stop when Kidman became pregnant, irking Chanel and causing them to pull yet another switcheroo, hiring fellow French star Audrey Tautou to take over the reign. As Tautou's star remains lukewarm, industry insiders began buzzing with the surprising and off-kilter news that none other than heiress to the grunge throne, Frances Bean Cobain, would begin appearing front and center as Chanel's new ad girl. But Cobain's upward momentum towards the fashion world's limelight never materialized, and having perfected the art of sudden blows, Knightley is now rumored to be ousted as Watson prepares for her year or so of acclaim and glossy ads. We just hope Emma manages to keep the apparently very short attention spans of the Chanel bigwigs, or at the very least, has the stamina to turn her inevitable drug- and Britney-flashing downfall into a glittery comeback like Kate.

• 'POTTER' STAR WATSON GETS BIG PAYDAY [MSNBC]

Not to get too personal or anything, but when we were 18, we weren't exactly jumping on board the waxing trend either. But we also made sure not to let the whole world know it. But considering Emma's most recent paramour, that shaggy-haired mind-bogglingly gorgeous girl-attracting Razorlight front man Johnny Borrell, Hermione may be determined to grow up faster than her peers. Our only other theory? Harry Potter superstar Daniel Radcliffe has been stealing Emma's thunder for, well, practically her entire life. And now he's set to reveal all on Broadway. Could this be his hotter-by-the-second co-star's way of redirecting the spotlight towards her and her own assets? In any case, we do give the girl credit for covering up, even if "covering up" means pretty much showing us all exactly whether or not the carpet matches the drapes (it does).

UPDATE (1:45pm): By popular demand, here's a link to Egotastic's gallery of Her Moaning Granger.

[Photo credits: Getty]

• CHEER UP, HER-MOANY GRANGER [The Sun]
• EMMA WATSON CELEBRATES 18TH BIRTHDAY WITH POTTER CAST, BUT WHERE ARE HARRY AND RON? [Daily Mail]

Jessica Alba's not lacking in the mammary department, yet producers still felt the unwatchable Into The Blue could benefit from a little boost for Alba:

Emma Watson was not a girl but not yet a woman when Harry Potter: The Order Of The Phoenix came out, but marketers wanted her to be a woman, goddammit!

Perhaps the flattest of them all, Keira Knightley, famously had her barely-there bust bazoomed on the King Artur poster in an attempt to get more people to ignore how boring films set in the Middle Ages tend to be:

And yes, we did say Lindsay Lohan's miraculous rack was enhanced in the past, but it was actually quite memorably reduced on the Herbie poster so as not to scare the kiddies:

• ACTRESS KATE HUDSON GETS A DIGITAL BOOB JOB TO PROMOTE NEW MOVIE [Daily Mail]

After we saw her very adult new style debut at this summer's Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix premiere in London, we sensed a shit-to-hit-fan movement ahead, as her underage curves heaved their way across the red carpet. But we're still curious as to why upon why Watson would follow the lead of rocker dating rehab alums like Lindsay Lohan (Jamie Burke of Bloody Social), Britney Spears (Howie Day) and Mischa Barton (Cisco Adler)? At this point, we only have one theory to go on. We blame Kate Moss.

[Photo Credit: Daily Mail]

• WHAT WOULD HARRY SAY? EMMA MAKES A NEW FRIEND [Daily Mail]

[*i.e., if she's actually drinking the beer, just posing, or having a swig in a country where it's not illegal.]

UPDATE: As pointed out by a commenter with better vision than your editor, the door in the background seems to say "W.C." indicating that she may have been legally imbibing somewhere in the UK. Still, we ask: Corona? Haven't the Lohans of the world taught us that teen stars should be shoring up their tolerance with hard liquor?

• Where Is Your Hermione Now? [YTMND.com via Gawker]