An anonymous employee at the kiddie network told us that they received the following email this afternoon, in which an emergency is declared and a strict timetable for when all Brown-related Kids Choice Awards material needs to be off the website. The timetable is: IMMEDIATELY! 'Cause, you know, the stuff's been up there for weeks now, and it's probably about time old programmer Gus shuffled in with his mop and bucket and cleaned up this mess. Curious, considering they were all set to stand by him just yesterday. Maybe this is a hoax memo?

Subject: KCA EMERGENCY!

All,
We have to remove Chris Brown from Voting, Nominees & any other content (Flipbooks, Video, UPick)
The plan is to remove CB from Fav Male Singer & Fav Song in Voting as well as Nominees.
[blank] is reformatting the Voting page now. [blank] is working on the Voting backend.
Here are the lists of tasks & responsibilities

Voting:
Reformat Voting by 2m
Voting edit by 3pm

Nominees:
3pm
4pm

Other content:
Video:
Flipbooks:
UPD:
All Site inits:
Message Boards:
SEO:

Producers: Please scan the site & call out any mention of Chris Brown anywhere.

Please report back with your progress.

And, you know, if this email is bogus, we'll know soon enough. What was it, 4pm?

Update: Brown's name and face have, in fact, been deleted from the offending pages.

Ryder rep Nancy Buxbaum later explained that the actress was admitted only as a "precautionary measure," assuring the AP that there was no emergency and that Ryder was discharged in short order. The airline wasn't much more help, issuing only a statement that its crew radioed ahead to land as soon as possible to get the sick Oscar-nominee to a doctor:

"Our cabin crew looked after the female passenger as much as they could onboard and our passenger services staff also accompanied her to the local hospital," the statement said. "We wish her well."

As do we. The shmucks at the AP, meanwhile, tastefully point out Ryder's history with prescription drugs, but we're not ones to presume anything; rather, we leave that to our readers. Speaking of whom, Hollywood PrivacyWatch bonus points to any tipsters with information leading to the arrest and capture of Ryder's airborne crisis — preferably with pictures. We know it's midnight in London, but step forward at your earliest convenience.

• Winona Ryder Briefly Hospitalized [People]

• WINONA RYDER HOSPITALIZED [AP]

"Everything was destroyed - all of Stevie's memorabilia, photos, musical instruments, history, clothing, furniture, everything," said our source. "It's all gone. It was his main residence and he is utterly devastated. Stevie's had to put his tour and appearances on hold while he deals with this." Wonder's personal rep couldn't be reached and a rep for his label, Universal Motown, declined to comment.

Brutal. Wonder is currently on tour in Australia and New Zealand, where he'd face postponing eight shows indefinitely while attending to the disaster. Failing a mournful, Nolte-esque encomium for the torched belongings today on HuffPo, we'll piece together an inventory as details trickle out. Heartfelt Defamer condolences in the meantime.

UPDATE (9:20 a.m.): TMZ now notes: "Contrary to news reports, Stevie Wonder's house did not burn down in the L.A. fires. He just called to say it's bulls**t." So who tipped Page Six? Liz Rosenberg?

UPDATE (12:45 p.m.): Wonder's representative issued the following statement to Reuters: "I'm grateful to say that my house was not burned down in the fire. I extend my sympathies to anyone who may have been touched by this horrendous event." Us, too.

• Blaze Victim [NYP]

Nobody, however, had a house like Nick Nolte's. [...] We are told — in fact, it is part of my job to tell you — that celebrities are just like the rest of us. But that wasn't the case with the way Nolte lived here. For starters, it wasn't just one house but six separate houses on a six-acre compound by the Pacific. Nolte moved into a small pink house there shortly after 48 HRS and he slowly amassed a whole subsection of the neighborhood.

Tour the "Frankenstein-style science chamber" and "Dance Dance Revolution room" after the jump.

In a room off his bedroom, Nolte (at that time, at least) maintained a Frankenstein-style science chamber to monitor the condition of his blood. Under a giant cardboard cutout of Jesus, which Nolte plucked from the set of Lorenzo's Oil, the actor kept IV drip bags, hospital-grade oxygen canisters and flat-panel computer screens flickering with data about white and red cell counts and who knows what else.

Nolte asked that day if he could have a drop of my blood. I declined. But he delighted in telling me about others who had taken the dare. Director Ang Lee's blood was "fascinating," he told me, saying he'd never seen anything shimmer like that. "You watch white cells surround bacteria. You see the death of things. It's better 'n television. His blood was glorious." [...]

Nolte flashed a crooked smile and gestured to a now-popular Japanese arcade contraption known as Dance Dance Revolution. It blinked with colorful lights atop booming speakers and there was a light-up dance floor. Nolte fired it up and said, "We all have hand-eye coordination but not eye-foot. This machine challenges you to find a whole new set of learning muscles."

And there's more, including Nolte's poignant, semi-eerie declaration of love for the joint: "This is where I'm going to die. And then after I'm dead, this is where they'll bring my casket and where I'll rest in peace." Yikes. Considering Tuesday's alternative, is it awful of us to be relieved he'll have to resort to plan B?

• Why I'll Miss Nick Nolte's Burned-Down House [HuffPo]