· In the biggest film festival coup since maybe ever, veteran Sundance director Geoff Gilmore has defected to Tribeca Enterprises, where he will serve as "Chief Creative Officer." Which will surely thrill the festival's dozen regular attendees. [THR]
· Patrick Goldstein asks: "What happened to the fabled Oscar bounce?" And, right on cue, David Poland says he already answered that question. Much hair-pulling ensues. [LAT]
· Chinatown scribe Robert Towne will collect the AFI Dallas Film Festival's lifetime achievement award. Congrats to Mr. Towne. [Variety]
· Breaking: Actors are poor! [The Wrap]

Elton John: I’ve got to try and write a film musical for Ben Stiller.

GQ: What’s that about?

Elton John:It’s about a guy on Broadway who is gay, has HIV and AIDS, and has to go back and face his wife and his kids that he left. It’s very funny.

GQ: It wasn’t sounding funny, so far.…

Elton John:No, it’s very funny. The premise doesn’t sound funny, but it is. All right?

We admit that we too are having trouble seeing the humor in the premise of an AIDS-sufferer facing down the family he abandoned to pursue the Broadway lifestyle. Once the material falls into Stiller's capable hands, however, we have no doubt he'll find the funny in soulful numbers featuring the supporting harmonies of Rescriptor, Sustiva, and Virmanune— a backup trio of doo-wopping pills-on-legs, better known as The Meds.

• Sir Elton John's Weird Third Act [GQ via Yahoo!]

The story involving Lohan is hardly new, and appears to be taken directly from last year's suspect News Of The World feature in which one of Lohan's cohorts turned over a tape allegedly showing Lohan snorting lines at Teddy's. The item, accompanied by grainy stills from the tape which have yet to convince us Lindsay's the girl peer pressuring everyone around her into joint key bumps, did provide a classic Lindsay quote: "I'm going to New York tomorrow to fuck Jude Law!" Funny. And sad, because of just how funny that objective would be today. As for the other excerpts, Johnny Depp is the actor who said he'd spent most of his life in a fog, but his comments on cocaine and all the "teeth-grinding" that came with it were made in retrospect during a 2001 interview with The Guardian. The star who relied on the drug socially? Shockingly (!), Elton John. Who provided the book's quote to the LAT back in 1992. And guess what? Robin Williams, believe it or not, was once fond of the same drug! Too bad that news is so old Williams was still using the memory of it to plug movies to People in 1988.

The book's authors also promise revelations from the secretly drug-filled lives of Whitney Houston, Courtney Love, Amy Winehouse, and George Michael. But rather than sit around in heated anticipation of the day you can waste $28.95 on the hardcover, we'll give you the Cliff's Notes:
Whitney Houston: "Crack is whack."
Amy Winehouse: "They tried to make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no."
George Michael: "Why can't I set my monkey free?"
Courtney Love: "im sur ei am quite Nuerotic."
[Photo credits: Wireimage]

• DOPE STYLES OF THE BOLD-FACES [NYP]

Elton John 16th Annual AIDS Foundation Oscar Party:

Elton John coddled Best Actress winner Marion Cotillard, while model Petra Nemcova and Sean Penn canoodled all night as the newest couple in Hollywood making their big debut on Oscar night.

Harrison Ford (victim of perhaps Jon Stewart's worst joke of the evening) arrived with the (finally) well-dressed Calista Flockhart; Courtney Love managed to clean up her act; Seal turned the cameras on the cameramen.

Kate Beckinsale proved having kids does not a schlumpy mom make; Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres continued their Lesbians Are Cool, Just Deal With It Tour; Jeremy Piven took a break from his yoga pursuits to swing by The Rocket Man's shindig.

Other guests included:
Simon Cowell, Sharon Stone, Diddy, Minnie Driver, Heidi Klum, JC Chasez, Chace Crawford, Len Wiseman, Al Roker, Billy Joel, Chris Noth, Chris O'Donnell, Christian Slater, Faye Dunaway, Tara Reid and Zoe Saldana.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images and Wire Image]

In today's episode: Jeremy Piven; Jennifer Aniston; Val Kilmer; Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor; Elton John, David Furnish, Fergie, Jason Statham, Saffron Burrows, Naomi Campbell, Joe Pesci and Rashida Jones; James Woods; Kiefer Sutherland; Nick Nolte; Stephen Hawking; Aimee Mann and Michael Penn; Matthew Fox; Kal Penn; Tim Daly; Jeremy Sisto; Giovanni Ribisi; Hilary Duff; Ian Ziering; Sean Hayes; Amy Smart; Tim Gunn; Dr. Phil; Kevin Weisman; Kyle Howard; Matthew Lawrence and Cheryl Burke; Wilson Cruz, John Ameche and Tiffany Fallon. In Vegas: Warren Beatty and Annette Bening.

· I saw Jeremy Piven dressed to the nines Friday (3/30) night outside of Citizen Smith. He was wearing man jewelry, a fedora, and he was holding an unlit cigar. He went to the valet, changed his mind, and went strolling up Cahuenga instead. He was—no shock here—with a very tall brunette model type.

· Another Friday night of strong cocktails at the Tower Bar. Tonight, the view from the stool is enhanced by a casually-dressed Jennifer Aniston celebrating something with The Gays, a somewhat dumpy female manager/publicist type and (what looked like) Orlando Bloom (no promise there). Lots of red wine, lots of gift bags, lots of attention from Dimitri and really frequent and long ciggie breaks on the patio (like the whole table smoked).

· So, I'm in Zuma Jay surf shop on main street in Santa Monica. I see this kid who looks like one of the kids in Dogtown and Z boys and sitting there talking to him about surfwear is a guy that appears to be his father. I'm thinking to myself kid, with that burned out, beer bellied, sunburned loser as your dad, you are really up against it. Then I heard the guy talking loud and my god if he didn't sound just like Val Kilmer. But he looked like hell, I mean he looked worse than Jim Morrison after he Od'd. Completely unrecognizable. Like I said, Fat, beer bellied and sunburned. Think Val Kilmer mixed with Jim Morrison in the summer of 1971 then devoured in a Chocalate Sundae by Marlon Brando. Bad.

· While idling just south of Sunset near Beverly Hills, spotted Ben Stiller getting out of a black car-service car. The driver gave me a look like "OMGZBenStiller" and I was happy for him. Stiller, who is surprisingly broadshouldered for a little guy, then greeted wife Christine Taylor who was waiting further down the street. I can't figure out why they meet in the middle of the city instead of, like, at home, but they got in Christine's black Benz—Ben took the wheel—and rolled off in the direction of B.H.

· Major celeb cluster at the GQ party at the Beverly HIlls Hotel, 2nd April. (Note this was the British edition of GQ, so bad teeth, smoking on the patio and Brit atti-tood.) Elton John was there with life-partner David Furnish. (Elton was wearing black ankle booty things, like comfy granny shoes from a catalogue.) Fergie arrived in stilettos with a gal pal. Jason 'Crank' Statham dragged his 'bird' around, looking short but densely buff with cartoonlike dark stubble and gulping the champagne. Saffron Burrows swanned in with big blond hair and gold lamé dress. No acting career as such, but supermodel hot in the flesh. And then the capper - in marches Naomi Campbell dragging Joe Pesci by the hand. Random! He's a homunculus with so much nip and tuck and tan, he looks like a Mayan petrified head. She's a total Amazonian - big and tall. Can you imagine the angry sex that goes behind the blinds. Back down to earth, Rashida "The Office" Jones and her model waif sister Kidada. Rashida were there being normal, but apparently my wife says Rashida has long arms.

· 4/1 - Saw a guy walking a dog down Burton Way, and when I was about to shout, "Hey, cute doggy!" I see that it was James Woods near the Hermitage where I always see him and I didn't say anything. He did check me out on my bike though.

· 3/29/07 at around 3pm saw Kiefer Sutherland at the Mayfair on Franklin. He looked trim and relaxed, wearing what looked like paint-spattered Adidas.

· very unsettling sighting yesterday 4/2. had to go to a doctor's appointment in Santa Monica (at St. Johns) in the afternoon. got off the elevator and headed towards my doctor's office. as i was walking up to the door, this really disheveled guy was coming out. his hair was ratty, face was beat down. it's at the end of a narrow hallway, so we came quite close as we passed each other. as i looked up at him, i realized it was NICK NOLTE. the really sad part? he looked just like that crazy mugshot that was making the rounds a few years back.

· Saturday, March 31st, Denny's at Sunset and Gower: Brian fucking Wilson.

· Perhaps some will disagree, but I think my Friday (3/30) sighting kicks butt on the traditional "Tara Reid chugging everclear in the Ralph's parking lot" sort of thing. The husband and I were at the Getty Center around 3:30pm and found ourselves standing next to Stephen Hawking, right under that flatulent art organ thing of Tim Hawkinson's that's hanging overhead in the lobby. Hawking was in his tricked-out wheelchair of course, with the communication device and whatnot, and was dressed casually. He appeared to be there on pleasure instead of any super-brainy physicist business, and was with some folks who could have been family, aside from one dude who looked like a bit too bleach blonde, black-clad and rico sua-ve for the rest of the group assembled. Perhaps he was an escort of some kind or just a well-manscaped relative. We didn't bother them, but was very cool to see Hawking in person. I mean how often does that happen on the space-time continuum?

And later that evening, stoic indie music power couple Aimee Mann and Michael Penn sat near us at the UCB theatre for the Doug Benson Interruption (sans Benson but still hilarious). Apparently they do laugh sometimes. It looked like they came to see Andy Kindler, as they were chatting it up with him outside on the sidewalk after the show. He's never been my particular cup of geek, but was funnier than expected in person, who knew?

· 3/30 - Matthew Fox + entourage (including big bald bodyguard in a black Killers tshirt) came out for tv on the radio at Fonda tonight. He met up there with "Nikki," (Kiele Sanchez) the new chick on Lost. I don't know her real name. He was very tall and fucking HOT in some tight dark gray long sleeved thin material shirt. He even had a Jack-esque black necklace on. And she was very skinny of course. I think he came with his wife, but maybe not, now that I think about it. She was some very pretty asian woman but I think his wife is hispanic. He was rocking the fuck out and singing along to all the old TVOTR songs, and left before the encore dripping with sweat. I love this guy so much. But I was too shy to say anything to him even tho he's on my favorite TV show.

· 3/30 - Friday night at the Century City food court saw Kal Penn with a bunch of hipsters. He actually locked eyes with me and smiled as I made my way up the escalator towards him. Flirting perhaps? Worth considering if there are some free White Castles involved.

· 4/1 - Tim Daly getting a few coffees to go at the Starbucks at Santa Monica and Wilshire. He looked good. Not terribly exciting, but there you have it.

· Wednesday the 28th: Elton/Billy Chenowith hotness Jeremy Sisto at Jeffrey Sebelia's fashion week show. He's super tall, and I tried to brush by him, but our bodies never met. I cried myself to sleep and cut off my tattoo.

· Saturday 31st: Prince of Scientology Giovanni Ribisi in a motorcycle jacket at Alcove in Los Feliz, 10am ish. No dark vultures circling overhead. No voice of Satan. Very pleasant and adorable. Perhaps worshipping across the street?

· Tuesday morning, 12:30am - Burbank Bob's Big Boy

Hilary Duff and a few equally (frightfully) skinny loud girls stumbled into Bob's. Seriously - if you are going to pick an establishment to come into, and be loud enough to guarantee you get noticed, your first choice is Bob's!?!

A few people even shushed her and her posse of skeletons before they sat in a large booth in the back, and sipped milkshakes.

I sat and tried to enjoy my Chili Spaghetti, while other customers were not-so-quietly mocking her with phrases like "you tell them, Hilary", and "What?"...clearly mocking how loud they were all being.

They left in an ugly white Range Rover with equally ugly white wheels, after being snapped by the Paparazzi.

I liked her better with the blonde hair...and the original teeth.

· Saw Ian "Twinkletoes" Ziering at the Griddle Sunday 8 AM, where I've seen him a bunch of times before, but this time is different! Because he's hot hot hot again! Ride that wave, Sanders! He was with an older man I assume was his lover/provider, and was eating something healthy-ish, despite the pancakey temptations all around him.

· i went to house of blues last night (thursday) to have a drink with my cousin from nashville, the tour manager for jeremy camp. apparently he is a very popular christian singer, the show was sold out, and there was no parking on the strip. we were in the balcony vip shouting conversation to each other when my wife pointed out sean hayes eating ribs with two people in the foundation room, right up against the glass partition. it seemed strange for a gay advocate to be around so many christians shouting "hallelujah" with their hands in the air. lucky for him, i don't think anyone else noticed . . . or did he want to be noticed? pretty weird.

· I saw Amy Smart (currently a brunette) at Yu-N-Mi sushi in Beverly Hills Thursday night when I was leaving after my dinner. The restaurant is small and was crowded, so she and her fellow diner were sitting on a bench waiting to be seated. so yes, even celebrities must wait sometimes....

· saw tim gunn stride through the lobby of the standard, downtown. looking dapper, dressed in a comfortable suit sans tie, he was on his way to the parking lot to wait for a car to pick him up, but took time out to stop and chat w/ crew people unloading equipment out of a van for the project runway auditions scheduled the next day. tim couldn't have been more nice, genuine, and warm to the workers. he seemed so pleasant, in fact, i dropped all semblance of blase l.a. star sighting cool and actually went over to the man and introduced myself. i blurted out what a big fan i was of him and he smiled, took my hand, shook it, listened ever so graciously as i babbled how given his courteous, diplomatic skills at negotiating conflict he should run for president. he only chuckled, thanked me again, as i walked away. what a nice man!

· Last night (4/1) as my friends and I were dining on some fine Italian
cuisine at the Rainbow, in walks Dr. Phil and some friends, who were then seated at the table behind us. Of course we all considered asking him for advice, but didn't want to interupt him as he was knee deep in chicken parm.

· It was supporting tv character night on Franklin tonight (4/1) - Kevin Weisman (Marshall from Alias) was at the next table tonight at the fabulous Pimai Thai, with a large group of people. He spent a lot of time outside pushing a baby around in a stroller. Next door at Mayfair, Liza Weil (Paris on Gilmore Girls) was in the next checkout line waiting to purchase her yogurt.

· thursday - starbucks at beverly and charleville, just an assistants throw from william morris, i saw the cute-as-hell Kyle Howard, currently of tbs' "my boys" and formerly of the hideously underrated "grosse pointe." he looks good and at about 6' tall is considerably taller than i imagined. however, the thrill of the sighting was undermined by some tedious dressed-all-in-black agent assistants ordering their lattes, blabbering about a whole lotta pretentious nothing, at a decibel level usually reserved for a judas priest or iron maiden concert.

· Lesser Lawrence brother Matthew Lawrence and the girl dancer who won Dancing with the Stars with Emmet Smith (my lady informed me her name is Cheryl Burke) waiting patiently for a table at Casa Vega in Studio City on Sat night (3/31). They were holding hands, definitely a couple — wasn't Joey on that show? I guess that was his brother's window of opportunity. Seemed normal, I guess. She's not that cute. They were bitching about having to wait more than 45 minutes for average Mexican food in the valley — but then again, so was I.

· Leatherfest was this weekend, so no surprise that there was an inordinate amount of hot homo guys at Marix in Weho on Sunday, but who would have predicted the high (homo) celebrity factor? First, John Ameche ( Mr. Out NBA) walks in towering above everybody. Looking a little shabby - just jeans and a t-shirt - but cute nonetheless. Had arms around some cute (and much shorter) guy. Then, among all the testosterone and steroid enhancees, walks in Wilson Cruz - from TV's pathetic Noah's Ark. Again, tight T-Shirt and tight jeans. Someone should tell him that the gym has other machines, than the one that works the chest.... just a (bitchy) suggestion. And, seated front and center, surrounded by all this man-flesh was former Playmate of the Year, Tiffany Fallon at a table of more hot guys. (The only straight guy at our table identified her) Unfortunately, with this crowd, her brand spanking new hard-to-get Louis Vuitton "Runway Bag" got more attention than she did. What can I say? I work in retail.

Special Warren and Annette Vegas Magic Edition:

· Not sure if this counts since it was Las Vegas but... last Wednesday I
was at MGM's David Copperfield show (you know you want to see it) and in walks Warren Beatty sporting a black leather jacket and a well-teased hairdo. He had a strange yet serene surprised look on his face as he looked around. (The look read: Yes, it's me - in the flesh.) Later after the show he emerged from the theatre with Annette Bening who look beautiful but with what seemed like ratty hair. When a fan stopped to shake Warren's hand the older daughter (?) seemed to yell something at the fan and Annette shushed her. Warren still had the surprised expression on his face.

Elton...has lined up music genius John Legend to treat VIP guests to tracks from his hit album Get Lifted at the Pacific Design Center. [...]

"I am so thrilled that he won three Grammys last week and even more thrilled that he will be playing at our Oscars party."

Our insider tells us: "Vanity Fair and Elton always throw the hottest parties but this year the competition is stiffer than ever. [...]

We have it on good authority that the chosen few will also walk off with goodie-bags filled with jewellery, perfume and exclusive hair products.

While the rivalry between Sir Elton and Graydon Carter is entertaining, this year things have gotten somewhat out of hand, with reports that the two plan on settling their differences at the Governor's Ball buffet table, with a winner-takes-all match of naked truffle-oil wrestling.

• OSCAR BRAVO [Mirror.co.uk]
• Previously: Vanity Fair s $2 Million Orgy [Defamer]

please read "... ABC's comedy pilot executive produced by Elton John" instead of "... ABC's comedy pilot inspired by the life of Elton John."

In paragraph 2, please read, "The project revolves around a fictitious, popular rock star..." instead of "The project revolves around an over-the-hill gay rock star..."

One can only imagine the chain reaction of coffee mug flinging going down at Rogers & Cowan when the first version of the story hit the streets, with the PR high command on every available phone in a groveling frenzy with their irate, newlywed client, and the rest of the mid-level flacks using their Blackberrys to chew out THR's shoddy reporting, shouting, "And you also left out the part in the release about how the popular rock star has a full head of thick, lustrous hair and is good friends with Hugh Grant!"

• CORRECTED: 'Buffy' star starring in ABC's Elton John comedy [Retuers/THR]
• Reuters: Elton John Is Not An Over-the-Hill, Gay Rock Star [Gawker]