Earlier today, a large number of hard-core Twitter dorks — sorry, "influencers!" — noticed DeGeneres was following their accounts. Many were flattered, followed back and tweeted about it. "I am looking fwd to being a guest... now that she is following me," one wrote. But DeGeneres wasn't making friends; she was on a rampage. Near the start of the spamming, she was following 6,100, according to the notification one influencer received after DeGeneres followed him (see below, with the name changed). Within a couple of hours, she was up to nearly 6,700.

How did DeGeneres suddenly find 600 geeks to follow? Closely-watched Silicon Valley blogger and marketing specialist Louis Gray figured out the answer: Lists. Of the many lists already out there, the most popular include several lists of "influencers" and "thought leaders" and so forth. In other words: A celebrity twitterer's social media "consultant's" dream, and an effective way to load up on followers without following just anyone. DeGeneres' need friends just happen to line up with those on the top lists. Go figure!

It's one thing for everyone to be famous for 15 minutes. But it's starting to look like everyone will be a fame broker for a period, too, on the internet. Maybe channeling fame will pay better than obtaining it.

Pink's "Get This Party Started" accompanied Abdul's entrance and, considering the lyrics, — "I'm Coming Up" — makes us wonder whether Abdul was trying to intimate that Ellen has a big ego. Plus, "I'm coming up" sounds like "coming out," which could be a dig at Ellen's lesbian ways. Then, looking back earlier in the day, Abdul said that American Idol would be a "different show" with Ellen in the judge's seat.

If you ask us, that sounds like a backhanded compliment from a woman whose love of money cost her a position in America's biggest spotlight. Now she's forced to make a spectacle of herself while dressed as the woman who replaced her.

But, have to admit: Abdul does do a knock-out job mimicking Ellen's mannerisms.

An army of record companies filed a lawsuit against Ellen's eponymous talk show for using their beloved, popular and oh-so-profitable songs without paying the price. Motown, Atlantic, Virgin and a host of other companies claim Ellen and her producers used their products in the talk show host's "dance over" segment, which involves the comedienne dancing toward her daily guest. It's all very fun, but, according to the record companies, also illegal. And Ellen knew that!

As sophisticated consumers of music, Defendants knew full well that, regardless of the way they rolled, under the Copyright Act, and under state law for the pre-1972 recordings, they needed a license to use the sound recordings lawfully.

Humph. Here we thought the music industry was about bringing happiness into an otherwise dismal existence. Now we learn they're only about profits. The horror!

For their part, Ellen's producers apparently responded to the lawsuit by claiming they don't look into licenses because they don't "roll that way." Fair enough.

In national politics, fundamental procedural changes come but once every hundred years or so — the electoral college will likely outlive us all. Whereas with Idol, those citizens who deeply care about the future of their society, the honest, hard working Americans who stay up late speed dialing votes, who devote their families savings to make signs and printing t-shirts for their favorite contestants — all because they dare to dream of passing on a better world to their children— those people now find their America turned on its head, as they see their judiciary shaken up once again with the news that there will now be four judges on American Idol, and one of them will be a comedian.

While it will be for history to decide what the long term effects on our society were, some first thoughts about what this means for the most important show in the history of the world, and why it happened:

• Mixing It Up: At the beginning of last season, Fox's Reality Chief Mike Darnell told me that the challenge of the show from here on in would be constantly finding ways to keep it fresh and surprising in its eighth and ninth seasons, at the point where most TV shows are adopting orphans and relocating the series to Miami in desperate attempts to regain some interest. But that is what shows typically do when they are in free fall towards the bottom. Idol, despite being off its heights, still remains the #1 show in television by a mile and in that position, very few shows are willing to take chances with the basic formula. Say what you will about Fox and Idol, they are not afraid to take risks.

• Judges Rule: In exile from Idol, former showrunner and So You Thing You Can Dance boss Nigel Lythgoe has been offering the opinion that the judges' soap opera has gotten so carried away it is eclipsing the contestants. Last season, many Idol watchers were dismayed by how much the hi-jinx at the judges table sapped gobs of attention from the performers. And off-stage, every week the headlines were dominated by another judges story. It is Lythgoe's view that the show lives or dies on the strength of its contestants, not by the soap opera on the floor — which with four judges had become a monster. When Paula departed it was the hope of many that this would be used as an opportunity to deflate the panel back to its original size. It was not to be.

• Tivo Alert: Last season, the pile-up at the judges table caused the show to run over almost every week. Most egregiously, Adam Lambert's finest performance of the season, Mad World, was not seen by Tivo viewers. Despite howls of complaints it seemed impossible to rein in the judges. The addition of another judge who is already a star, with a very healthy ego of her own who will no doubt want to make sure her points get heard, will not help this cause.

• Nice Lives: Comedian though she is, Ellen has been the BFF to many an Idol contestant, having them all on her show and supporting each and every one. Likely, she has been thought of as one who will bring this caring concern to the cold-hearted panel.

• Quip-o-Rama: It has been said that this will bring a different element to the Idol judiciary, namely comedy. But in fact, that has more or less been Simon Cowell's function, providing just the right metaphorical one-liner to explain why a performance sucked. It's not like he provides serious musical instruction. Will the judging now become the equivalent of a Friar's Club roast?

Certainly, Ellen DeGeneres has been around the block in entertainment. But this is no little ABC sitcom, this is no Oscar telecast with Bruce Villanch there to back you up; this is American Idol and Ellen has just graduated from AAA baseball to the Indy 500. How she fares will depend very much though, not just on talent, but how seriously she takes the sacred responsibility that has been thrust upon her. History waits to judge.

DeGeneres, who has to be the hardest working woman in show business, is absolutely ecstatic over the news.

I'm thrilled to be the new judge on American Idol. I've watched since the beginning, and I've always been a huge fan. So getting this job is a dream come true, and think of all the money I'll save from not having to text in my vote.

We too are thrilled thrilled, because it's just plain wonderful DeGeneres got this gig. First, she fulfills something we feared would be lost in Abdul's absence: genuine niceness. Sure, that Kara DioGuardi chick likes to pretend she's nice, but her condescending tone reveals her true colors. Abdul, though a bit off-kilter, brought some tenderness to an otherwise cut throat competition. As cynical and hard-hearted as we can be, it's nice to get a little unadulterated excitement every once in a while.

Another reason DeGeneres gives us a thrill: she's a lesbian. Shocking, yes, but it's true. After homosexual Adam Lambert made it so far last season, Idol producers are now publicly acknowledging — or, at least, accepting — the show's innate gayness. (Although, lesbians are far less controversial than those sissy boys, but still.) This isn't only a step for out celebrities, but for the show itself.

Third, DeGeneres is funny, and not sad, pathetic funny like the oft-ridiculed Adbul. She's a comedienne and can actually make us laugh, something that doesn't intentionally happen that often when Simon, Randy or that other girl judge contestants. So, that's good.

Finally, we feared that Idol producers would try to reinvigorate a long-lost pop star's celebrity status, as they did with Abdul herself. Or, just as worrisome, they could have tried to bring on a sensational, but ultimately pathetic, celebrity, like audition judge Posh Spice. Such a move would have looked either like a blatant, desperate ratings ploy or simply an attempt to make lighting strike twice. DeGeneres is well-respected, highly popular and, most importantly, still famous, all of which are good. Also, she doesn't need the money, which, we're sure, made contact negotiations a breeze.

Ellen (DeGeneres, of the talk show) asked about the breakup and the rumors that Lohan had a restraining order issued against her by Samantha's sister Charlotte, in her usual funny, friendly way. And Lindsay gamely, well sorta gamely, played along. In that bitchy girl from high school trying not to act bitchy because you guys are stuck at your lame parents' dinner party because they're friends and she wants to be good so she'll get a car but mostly she just seems really disinterested kind of way. So it was disinterested, evasive stuff: "I didn't even know..." and "what could I do?", in reference to the alleged restraining order.

But mostly, yeah, Lohan claims she heard about her breakup in the big awful Media before she heard it from the horse's mouth. Which is too bad. Remember when that happened to poor Minnie Driver?

Ellen missed her goal by 877,147, even after posting a pic of her hot wife. Who Twitters better?

Former Defamer editor Mark Lisanti. Lisanti spotted the Hollywood director sending out a photo taken in the toilet of an airplane on his way to SXSW, the grotesquely fun and pointless music-movie-Internet festival in Austin, Texas. See, Ellen? That's how you earn your Twitter following.

(Photo by Jon Favreau)

So intense is his Method commitment to the role of parent, Watts says, that Schreiber looked into the possibility of donning an artificial pair of breasts to bond with their first child. This, then, is the sad state of Hollywood today: even its more virile, hairy-chested actors are pressured into getting fake boobs. When Alec Baldwin starts looking a little fuller on top, it will be time to panic.

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Much like Patrick Dempsey before him, who left his thoughts on the Grey's gaywashing unspoken but clearly evident, Dane told DeGeneres that he couldn't confirm reports that Heigl and T.R. Knight will be leaving at the end of the season. That came, however, after Dane bored his eyes into DeGeneres's very soul for a long, silent, uncomfortable moment, hoping to telepathically convey the information, "Yes! Finally, time for the Danester to move up on the call sheet...#6, here I come!" Sadly, his extended stare at DeGeneres was construed by ABC brass to be indicative of lesbian leanings, and after he left the pipe-busting Ellen set, he was summarily fired.

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It wasn't a fire, a pipe burst in one of the stages. Why it burst nobody knows but it was limited to that one pipe and the damage is very minimal. Basically a lot of stuff got wet.

Carry on.

I work on the WB lot and I think there's a fire going on at the stage where they tape the Ellen show...

From where I am, I can see lots of fire trucks, fire fighters, and water pouring out of the barn doors of the stage. Can you guys find out more?

We'll try! Cooking segment gone awry? Overzealous aisle-dancer? Smoking in the green room? Send anything you know here.

His name is Dr. Wayne Dyer, and he's a frequent guest and DeGeneres favorite who's big on "self-actualization." According to Wikipedia, "his 1976 book Your Erroneous Zones has sold over 30 million copies and is one of the best-selling books of all time." With that title? Who knew!

If you're interested and would like to check out his oeuvre the next time you're at Whole Foods, you will enjoy learning that "spiritual energy is the energy of abundance," whatever that means. Also, this fellow, this Dr. Wayne Dyer, is one of those mind-over-matter types who never gets depressed, not even when his wife runs off with another man, breaking up their happy family of eight (!) children (one of whom is named "Saje").

Still, he is apparently a big deal, so it's nice that he gay-married these two famous celebrities. Too bad that "self-actualization" thing can't stop the union from being (maybe) nullified!

• Ellen

The talk show host attempted to extract a veritable personal ad from Hathaway (must love getting shitfaced and "processed metaphysics"!) on her show today, though her prey put up a fight:

"If you need someone, I will find you a boyfriend," the TV host tells the Bride Wars star on the Ellen DeGeneres Show to air Thursday. "I'm really good at it."

"Did you see how nervous I just got?" responds Hathaway.

"You don't even have to date," advises DeGeneres, who herself is married, to Portia de Rossi. "You can straight to commitment." [...]

In terms of what she's now looking for in a guy, "At this point I would just like him to be law abiding," says Hathaway.

We're afraid that the newly insistent DeGeneres is merely giving the anti-gay marriage foes more grist for the mill; imagine an ad where a happy, beaming Mormon explains, "I have lots of gay friends! I just don't want them to become smug marrieds."

• Ellen DeGeneres to Find Mr. Right for Anne Hathaway [People]

On today's show, she attempted to force Jim Carrey into proposing to his lhasa apso-haired sweetheart Jenny McCarthy before the audience realized it was just another one of her weird charity ruses. But do you know why everyone was fooled? Because she does this shit all the time now! Whether she's attempting to set up Jennifer Aniston with Shemar Moore or telling Ryan Seacrest he should ask Eva Mendes out (something the actress's longtime boyfriend would no doubt appreciate), DeGeneres has now become that obnoxious married person that won't settle down until she has coupled up all of her friends. Ellen, we don't care what celebrities do behind closed doors. We just can't stand it when you keep pushing it in our faces.

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Sure enough, on today's edition of DeGeneres's show, the two did more dancing than singing, and they did it to the pleasing holiday notes of "Womanizer" (a contemporary redo, we believe, of the seasonal classic "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"). While DeGeneres got into the spirit and her neighbor appeared to find the tableau strangely erotic, Spears herself was subdued enough to lure producers into complacency, finally bolting for the nearest bus before her father (wielding a taser and a skillet of cheese grits) tackled her, dragging her back to the porch stoop, then to Robertson to close out his bill at Kitson.

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Kudos to quick-thinking Ellen, who hops over her writhing guest to launch the next segment, and even heartier congrats to Sweeney, who we hope made it safely to a nearby delivery room in short order. We'll get our "It's an Apocalypse!" cigars at the ready as the story develops. [Ellen]

UPDATE: We're shocked and saddened to learn that Alison Sweeney did not, in fact, go into labor during today's Ellen episode, according to a denial from a Warner Bros. staffer. Fair enough — we wouldn't want the Doomsday Baby on our hands, either.

First, DeGeneres pleaded with Pitt to give her some sort of idea how to lure the long-absent George Clooney onto her set, prompting Pitt to detail an unorthodox trap involving speedos, greased pecs, and peroxided hair. Then, the talk show host thanked Pitt for contributing "to Proposition 8" (actually, he contributed against it, but y'know, whatevs!), a good deed that Pitt attributed to shoring up his base "an issue of equality." Clip above.

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