Don will hear a familiar canine whimper during a smoke break. Is it— could it be— Chauncey?


Betty will stand by her (super) Man.


The Sterling Cooper gang will prepare for their network-synergy dance-off with the cast of Breaking Bad.


These men will be old.


Peggy will be smug.


Betty will become disillusioned with material possessions.


Really disillusioned.


Like, "Who am I, really, inside?" disillusioned.


Joan will wonder why all the good-looking men are either married or rapists.


Sal will wish he could just find the right lady to settle down with.


The guys will prepare for their skill-matched dance-off with the cast of The Big Bang Theory.


And, finally, an actual spoilery-type-thing: Don and Sal will have dinner with stewardesses (for Don) and a pilot (for Sal)!

It was the first time he'd met the media since advancing the much-pilloried sushi excuse, and for the most part, he kept his stories straight. Piven was "brought to his knees" by the mercury overload, he told both People and Us, adding "It feels like the heaviest bout of mono you've ever had in your life." According to Piven (now fish-sober for five months!), he'd actually gone all the way out to Connecticut for a diagnosis "just so it wouldn’t turn into a circus," which is naturally why he would choose an unrelated TV bodybuilder to announce the mercury poisoning to the media.

But what of Moss, who notably "sobbed" at the close of the first Piven-less Speed-the-Plow? People says she got face time with the actor on the red carpet:

"She knows that the second we said go, I've been battling this," Piven says.

Moss also holds no hard feelings over Piven's abrupt departure. "I hadn't actually spoken to him since he left the play," she tells PEOPLE. "It was good to speak to him."

"Sorry, Elisabeth, babe," Piven was heard to have said. "I meant to call, but then I got wrapped up in this whole Sherri Shepherd thing, and then I had to take Ashley to get headshots in Tarzana. How are things going in New York? Not so good? Ah, well, actually I'm not that interested. Sorry—gotta do KNBC and Telemundo before Lindsay Lohan starts wondering why I haven't made it to 'our stall' at Bardot!"

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Jeremy Piven: Mercury Rising [Fox News]

• Jeremy Piven Says Mystery Mercury Illness Was "Crippling" [Us]

• Jeremy Piven Embarrassed by Illness Backlash [People]

First, the New York Post caught up with Piven's "visibly angry" Speed-the-Plow costar, Raul Esparza, "We have not heard from him. We do not know where he is. It's very disappointing when your co-star leaves." Esparza made his level of disappointment clear in the curtain call following yesterday's matinee, says Fox News:

According to those who saw this, Esparza — famous for being outspoken — reamed Piven while [costar Elisabeth] Moss, my sources say, “sobbed.”

“’He said, I’m sure you’ve read the headlines about the silliness in our show.’ Then he said, Today was the first time I really enjoyed playing this show.’ I hope you weren’t expecting a big TV star.” It was pretty emotional.”

So how does Piven combat the actors, playwrights, and investors ("We didn't have star insurance, but we should have had asshole insurance") who have allied against him? With the unbeatable trump card that is a testimonial from Fisher Stevens:

"I believe him. His numbers are off the charts," Stevens, who suffered from mercury poisoning this year, told Page Six. Stevens says that while he was producing his upcoming Sundance entry, "The Cove," a documentary about the slaughter of mercury-loaded dolphins in the Far East, he ate fish four or five times a week. "I started feeling really sluggish and had no energy. It turns out the larger the fish, the higher the levels. I only eat small fish now."

Sadly, this unexpected endorsement found no quarter among Piven's ditched colleagues, who point out that his "mercury poisoning" didn't inhibit his well-documented late-night partying. Also fishy? Piven told friends visiting him that he was "bored out of his mind," and he attempted to line up his friend Steven Weber to replace him. Investors clearly weren't convinced of Weber's star power, preferring instead to conserve it for a touring production that would reteam the Wings star with his former NBC crew (eventually culminating in a terrible curtain call in Iowa City where Tim Daly would denounce Weber as Crystal Bernard buried her Maybelline-streaked face in her hands, weeping, "I never should have done this without Shalhoub!").

[Photo Credit: AP]

• PIVEN'S FISH TALE BEGINS TO STINK [NY Post]

• 'Entourage' Star Bashed For Being Diva [Fox News]

• TOXIC AVENGER [NY Post]

Tina Fey (30 Rock), Glenn Close (Damages), America Ferrera (Ugly Betty), Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine), Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives), Mariska Hargitay (Law and Order: SVU), Kyra Sedgewick (The Closer), Minnie Driver (The Riches), Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men) and Jeanne Tripplehorn (Big Love): these were the women who were nominated for Emmys, by-in-large playing strong, capable, well-written roles. And what's more, most of these women are, gasp, over 35.

Are there so many more available roles for women of a certain age on TV because producing a television show is that much cheaper? Are aging bodies less obvious on the small screen, and so they're more acceptable? Are Hollywood honchos just stuck believing that women don't see movies, or that men don't want to see movies with anything but eye candy? It's probably a combination of all of the above, and even though those televised, meaty roles are something to be proud of, there is not a single black actress on the short list for Best Actress Emmy (there are two Latinas: Ferrera and Eva Longoria-Parker).

I know I've said this so many times before, but there is something concrete we can do to help: go see movies made by women, or made with women in respectable roles. I'd tell you to go see something specific this weekend, but the only recent release with a plucky female protagonist is Kit Kittredge, and if you're not a Jezemom, I'm guessing that holds limited interest for you. Sigh. We clearly have a long way to go.

Warner Brothers Decides To Embrace The Women [Deadline Hollywood Daily]
Why Won't Warner Embrace The Women? [Deadline Hollywood Daily]
Warner's Robinov Bitchslaps Film Women [Deadline Hollywood Daily]
Sarah Silverman Lands In The Top 10 List Of Emmy semifinalists For Best Comedy Actress! [Gold Derby LAT]
Looks like Mary McDonnell Of 'Battlestar Galactica' And Elisabeth Moss Of 'Mad Men' Are On The Emmy Top 10 List [Gold Derby LAT]

Earlier: Ultimate Chick Flick The Women Is Finally About To See The Silver Screen