1) The Hangover — $33.4 million
Dude. Proving that word-of-mouth is more powerful movie mojo than any marketing trick, tool, or stratagem combined, this $35 million film has earned three times that much in just two weeks. Dropping only about 25% from last weekend's debut barnstorm, this thing is likely to keep going and going and going until it's earned over $200 million and everyone is fattened and wealthy and, yes, drunk. Would you have ever guessed that Heather Graham would be back in the top spot again? Or that Rachel Harris would ever be there for the first time? Or Mike Tyson? This is the stuff of comedy weirdo dreams and, oh lord yes, you can expect a long string of knock-offs. The K-Hole starring Breckin Meyer, anyone?

2) Up — $30.5 million
Lordy, this one can't be stopped either. Pic's already hauled in nearly $190 million, and it hasn't even opened overseas yet. Pixar has a proud history of stomping the international yard, and this flick ought to be no exception. Unless they can't get a good foreign guy to do a decent Ed Asner impression. Because that's really key. Also, Belgian people just don't like balloons. Don't ask them why. They just don't like 'em. And we all know how much the Japanese hate fat boy scouts. A lot.

3) The Taking of Pelham 123 — $25 million
Am I an idiot that I can't figure out just what the fuck subway car the thing is supposed to be? Is it on the 123 line? It doesn't look like it in the trailers. Maybe everyone else was confused too, because this movie just didn't open the way people had hoped it would. And it actually got some decent reviews. I guess the lesson is this: Denzel opens well in the spring or fall or winter, when he doesn't have slobby belching comedians and magic houses to contend with. And John Travolta? Well, I fear the era of John Travolta may have been mortally wounded around the time of Battlefield Earth and never quite recovered. That was when he finally teetered over the brink from kinda unhinged in a cool way (so great in Face/Off!) to just fucking weird and indulgent and completely unhinged in unpleasant way. That said, Old Dogs will do a billion dollars when it opens.

5) Land of the Lost — $9.6 million
Yeesh. This thing is basically dead now. With only some $35 million earned so far, the hundred-million-dollar movie will have to go big overseas (it won't—ferners don't really get our funny stuff) or do crazy on DVD (it won't—people will forget it even exists) to make any sorta profit. So, sad for everyone, but hopefully at least one good thing will come out of this. One hopes that the hideous trend that began maybe fifteen years ago of people looking at kitschy old TV shows and making movies out of them will end. I mean, yeah, The Brady Bunch Movie was kind of funny and... um... wait is that it? What am I forgetting? Lost in Space: Unbelievable trainwreck. Beverly Hillbillies: Un-fucking-watchable. Bewitched: Will, why? Starsky & Hutch: Maybe one funny joke. Miami Vice: Maybe sorta interesting, maybe also extremely boring. Basically what we're saying is: You sure you wanna do this, people producing The A Team?

6) Imagine That — $5.7 million
Buried by an almost completely-silent marketing campaign and then a raft of shitty reviews, the latest Eddie Murphy flop isn't even surprising. During his brief regaining of the BO crown—around the Nutty Professor/Dr. Doolittle age—Murphy's blend of crazy! and family seemed unstoppable. Now it's... entirely stoppable. Like less than $2,000 per screen on an opening weekend stoppable. I guess you have to respect Murphy for keepin' on plugging away. Maybe for every Imagine That or Meet Dave or Norbit there's also a... disappointing Oscar lose for Dreamgirls. Hey, at least you have The Incredible Shrinking Man and Beverly Hills Cop IV to look forward to, Eddie! At least there's... that.

A screenplay by Michael Brandt and Derek Haas (Wanted, 3:10 to Yuma) appears to have turned up as the Leaked Script of the Month selection for December, getting its first coverage by readers at Latino Review. "The studio loves the draft but Eddie Murphy is not too keen on it," the site reports, but for the sake of argument we'll just imagine Murphy going along with it because, well, that's what he does. The film (working title: Beverly Hills Cop 2009) features Axel Foley returning to California after his ex-partner Billy Rosewood turns up dead in an apparent suicide. Except Axel knows better, and he will get to the hilarious bottom of it. Or something:

[Axel's] new partner is Goodwin, a fat rookie with low self-esteem who has a crush on a lady cop in the facial recognition department. When he's not solving the mystery of who tossed Billy out the window, Axel is playing matchmaker with these two. He's also teaching Goodwin how to be a better cop. It's like the Axel Foley Finishing School. [...]

It turns out that Billy was learning about a group of corrupt LAPD officers who were involved with gun running with a Beverly Hills rich kid who has ties to the military. The mystery isn't that big a deal, and Axel mostly gets from place to place by half-assedly conning people. He makes up a fake story about who he is and then doesn't follow through on it. It's like Brandt and Haas saw the first BHC and just didn't have the energy to write anything that matched up to it.

Let's not be that hard on them, though: Fulfilling this franchise legacy 15 years after the fact is an utterly thankless task, despite the deep well of romcom subplots made available by advances in facial-recognition technology. Rocket launchers and fistfights are thrown in as well, but those aren't aren't quite as funny; perhaps this calls for the old fourth-installment standard of vodka tie-ins and thorny-orb ball thwackings. People love ball thwackings.

• Exclusive: 'Beverly Hills Cop IV' Story Details!! [Latino Review via Cinematical]

"I was at an NBA finals, Lakers versus the Celtics," Lee says. "[At] halftime [I'm] going to the restroom. I saw Steven Spielberg, Jeffrey Katzenberg and Eddie Murphy sitting together. I stopped by to say hi and Jeffrey jokes, 'Leave Clint alone' and we all laugh.

"But Steven and I went off to the side and discussed it, and I asked him to relay a message to Clint that I meant no disrespect, that I was extending the olive branch," he adds. "Steve called Clint in the morning the next day. And it's finito."

See? Think how much longer that DreamWorks deal would have dragged on without a guy like that at the negotiating table. Next up: Saving Mickey Mouse from Hamas.

• Sugar & Spike [NYP]

Nevertheless, his overall support reminds us what a fertile period it is for the villain in American cinema — and how '80s/'90s-era schlock could stand to benefit from an A-list talent injection. We consulted our own casting department for five ideal remakes, and the stars who might push them over the top:

Leprechaun, featuring Tom Cruise as Leprechaun. Both a post-Tropic Thunder capitalization for the resurgent star and a perfect UA palate cleanser after the ordeal of Valkyrie.

Child's Play, featuring Clay Aiken as Chucky. A natural crossover for the Man Who Wouldn't Be Idol. A savvy agent could package this with Aiken's new son as the male lead and Kelly Clarkson as the mother who squares off Aiken's homicidal doll in a fight to the death. The producers couldn't likely tell him about the "homicidal doll" part until after the shoot, but whatever; it's not like he needs a script or anything.

Friday the 13th, featuring Corey Feldman as Jason Voorhees. Feldman broke through in 1984 as young Jason-slayer Tommy Jarvis, but with the franchise having exhausted Tommy's psychosis and The Two Coreys essentially confirming Feldman's own, this match makes itself. Scrap the remake in the works, Paramount — or at least order some reshoots.

Candyman, featuring Eddie Murphy as Candyman. In a PG-rated romp directed by Brian Robbins, Murphy's fat-suited Candyman really does do a number on the sweets shops in town, trailed by swarms of plump CGI bumblebees and playing kiddie snicker-snack with his candy-cane hook.

Halloween, featuring Mike Myers as Michael Myers. Tagline: "Still stroppy."

• Billy Bob On Elm Street [JoBlo]

We're pretty sure the inclusion of Powers in their list of 14 franchises to kill was a serendipitous fluke (it's actually pegged to The Mummy 3 and includes Indiana Jones and Friday the 13th as well), but Wednesday's revival news nevertheless reinforced the urgency of euthanizing bad ideas before they can strike again. And why stop at 14? As long as we have the ax out, we might as well finish the job with another half-dozen after the jump.

·Beverly Hills Cop: Sure, we summoned a bit of cautious optimism when we first heard about BHC 4. But word that franchise heir Brett Ratner wants a PG-13 and Eddie Murphy's continued commitment to mediocrity has us second-guessing. Kill it.

·Star Wars: Nothing short of George Lucas encased in carbonite will likely stop his molesty corruption of a galaxy far, far away. But a blog can dream. Kill it.

· Transformers: Wait — never mind! Thanks, Shia.

· Spider-Man: Heresy? Maybe. But if Sam Raimi is more preoccupied with spinoffs and Jack Ryan than Sony's multi-billion empire, just accept the sign. Kill it first, before Joel Schumacher hijacks it.

· Hostel: How much would it cost us to have the pleasure of snuffing this ourselves in a dank Eastern European abattoir? We'll get the money, like, yesterday. Kill it — slowly.

· The Lost Boys: Not a franchise so much as a misbegotten, Haim-wounding attempt at brand-milking, bound to get worse before it gets better. Kill it.

• Running on Empty: 14 Movie Franchises We Think Should Stop [EW]

We're troubled, however, to read for what feels like the the thousandth time that the ladies aren't quite measuring up:

In an era where risk-averse studio executives have declared men the more reliable movie stars—and the more desirable moviegoers—perhaps it's no surprise that they are also the medium's top earners. The reality: Hollywood's 10 best-paid actors out-earned Hollywood's 10 best-paid actresses 2-to-1 over the course of the year.

Collectively, the big screen's leading men took home an estimated $487 million between June 1, 2007, and June 1, 2008, compared with the leading ladies' haul of $244.5 million.

However, in an even more revealing Forbes slideshow for the prose-impaired, we discovered that actresses fared much better in the "Ultimate Payback" category, which calculates the best gross-to-salary ratios in the biz. While a pre-Fred Claus Vince Vaughn ranked #1, Julia Roberts, Naomi Watts, Jennifer Aniston, Renee Zellweger and Jodie Foster cracked the top 15 as well. (That'll happen when you're relatively underpaid; top-earning actress Cameron Diaz is way down at #32.) Prepare yourself for Christian Bale's controversial post-Dark Knight ascent, followed by the touching, accompanying profile of how the strapping star went from clown's son to box-office powerhouse.

• Hollywood's Best-Paid Actors [Forbes]
• The Ultimate Star Payback [Forbes]

We've already elaborated on why we think this is, but Fox chieftain/upwardly mobile TV host Tom Rothman unwittingly proffered his own opinion on the matter last year in a chat with Goldstein:

Fox's reluctance to promote the film's sci-fi nature is actually in keeping with studio Co-Chairman Tom Rothman's long-held belief that sci-fi films and films set in the future are box-office poison. In 2006, the studio had Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey and filmmaker Jay Roach all signed up to do a big comedy called Used Guys, but got cold feet, killing the project.

Why? Rothman thought it was too expensive. But more important, the studio chief was worried about the subject matter—it was a sci-fi comedy about men living in a women-ruled world. Not long after the project was axed, when I was having lunch with Rothman, I asked him why he was so adamant about dumping the film. He threw a question right back at me. "Can you name one sci-fi comedy that's ever made any money?" When I couldn't come up with an answer, he said, triumphantly: "See!" (I was halfway home before I thought of the perfect comeback: Men in Black.)

First of all: Tom. Seriously. When are you going to invite us to lunch? We know you probably didn't see the whole "Goldstein blogs" thing coming either, but still. What's your Friday look like? Second: Actually, we have no second. Have we mentioned that nobody cares about Eddie Murphy? Sucks for Paramount, as Goldstein mentions, which has two Murphy vehicles (A Thousand Words and NowhereLand) on the way this fall. Alas, we don't make the rules. But we can make the reservations — call us, Tom!

• No one wanted to 'Meet Dave' [The Big Picture]

But the knives are out anyway, with at least one impassioned plea calling for Murphy's retirement and another damning rundown of 50 not-impressive films that had higher-grossing opening weekends than Meet Dave (which even our lowball estimate last Friday waaaay overshot). But the scope of the crash-and-burn — not to mention the relative quietude of the backlash — suggests a less-controversial denouement: Nobody cares about Eddie Murphy.

Which isn't to say Murphy is irrelevant. They're different phenomena. He's less than two years removed from his Oscar-nominated performance in Dreamgirls — a performance for which he was a 50-50 shot right up to the point when Rachel Weisz opened the envelope. And you don't need us to revive the rap that some argue kept him off the stage: A surly, studio-hating, tranny-whore-patronizing, Norbit-starring, paycheck-cashing boor. But one who, as junkie bandleader James "Thunder" Early, restored older viewers' faith in Murphy as a dynamic screen actor.

The fat suits and multiple personalities he'd adopted since Coming to America (bludgeoning the form to death in the Nutty Professor films and eventually Norbit) called greater attention to the range of his early comic work. As a throwback to Murphy's predatory live act — on TV, in concert and in movies — it was that much easier to see what culture had lost. It was even easier to see what replaced it: A crowd-pleaser for hire in an era when crowd-pleasers no longer transcend media. There can only be so many, and they can only last so long.

Considering Murphy's big-screen longevity — 26 years this December — his downturn signals anything but irrelevance. More than any recent bust by Myers or Jim Carrey, Meet Dave's disastrous showing owes less to Murphy's presence than to Fox's miscalculation of what that presence means. This is important. The half of the so-called marketing quadrants that made Norbit a hit — men and women under 25 — weren't there to see Eddie Murphy. They were there for the Trick — the concept, the execution, the ease of it all, however crude, stupid and condescending. Basically, they were there for the movie part of it. They weren't yet born when Murphy was Murphy; they didn't know any mighty had fallen, nor from how far up.

Fox counted on that perspective, however, in foisting "Eddie Murphy in Eddie Murphy in Meet Dave" — even if Murphy was too far gone for our liking, he had proven reliable enough for a few of the studio's recent family romps. Right? Doctor Doolittle? Right? Maybe our kids would dig it, while we barely tolerated it for their sake, and, by summer dog-days extension, for our own.

Except "our" kids don't care. They've got better things to do. And we don't care that they don't care. And we don't care that the millions of others who don't care (their numbers reflect indirectly in Meet Dave's box-office trough) don't care either. All we feel is sort of a relief at no longer having to pretend to care — no more calling for Murphy's head or lamenting his choices. That it should happen to such a household name reinforces only its novelty, not its unlikelihood; actors are forgotten and disused all the time. Eddie Murphy's indelibility is his only entitlement; he's achieved that much, Oscar losses and all.

His value, though? His very place? Gone. And this is us, shrugging.

1. Hellboy II: The Golden Army - $35.885 million
Every true visionary director has their own methodology, and Guillermo del Toro is no exception: Every night before going to bed, the Guadalajara native consumes approximately two dozen tins of tainted sheep and pork products, their deadly bacteria providing the nightmare fuel that produces such del Toroian visions as cat-snacking bag ladies and 20-story legumes hellbent on destruction. Apparently America has an appetite for these fever-dream delicacies, as the reluctant red hero's adventures took an easy first place win. Selma Blair, meanwhile, returns to full-fledged movie-star status, just in time for the debut of NBC's Kath and Kim, effectively making her the new Steve Carell.

2. Hancock - $33 million
This movie's central theme of overcoming potential-stifling demons in order to fully benefit from one's innate super-abilities is rich in the tenets of Scientology, making Hancock in many ways Will Smith's own Battlefield Earth, and explaining all those assist tents set up in the Grove theater lobby.

3. Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D - $20.58 million
Brendan Fraser's return to summer blockbuster action hero status begins with this immersive experience, as the once white-hot leading man tumbles into the perilous abyss in search of his former career, fighting off carnivorous plants and role-hungry Van Der Beeks along the way.

4. Wall-E - $18.509 million
Obese-Americans continue to cry foul against Pixar's dark masterpiece, claiming the portrait of the overweight painted by the movie—perennial couch potatoes, forever slurping down Jamba Burgers and texting the people directly next to them—to be an ugly and unfair stereotype. Bloggers, meanwhile, herald it as "the first accurate depiction in a mainstream Hollywood film. Thank you, Pixar, for finally legitimizing our kind!"

7. Meet Dave - $5.3 million
Or just ignore him completely.

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE July 11-13, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

WHAT'S NEW: This is a good weekend to maybe paint the house or just drink — a lot — as Hellboy II: The Golden Army, Journey to the Center of the Earth and Meet Dave jockey for Top 5 position against holdovers Hancock and Wall-E. We admit: We walked out of Golden Army's LA Film Festival premiere, annoyed with its wisecracking self-awareness and degradation of Selma Blair — but that's just us, it seems, as director Guillermo del Toro and his magical make-believe realm of creatures and bad screenwriting have dazzled most critics and are likely to nab $40 million over the next three days. Journey, meanwhile, which places Fraser in 3-D, PG-rated peril somewhere near what looks suspiciously like the Warner Bros. lot, will be lucky to surpass Wall-E for third place around $27 million.

It's a crowded weekend for indies and art houses as well, with the documentary Oscar hopeful Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired making its "official" theatrical debut after a sub-sonic run in April. The Spencer Breslin/Cuba Gooding Jr. balding-teen dramedy Harold also opens, as does Death-Defying Acts, the Weinstein Company shelf-casualty starring Guy Pearce as Harry Houdini and Catherine Zeta-Jones as the con woman who falls for him.

THE BIG LOSER: Speaking of jilted premieres, you can reasonably take Murphy's Meet Dave no-show at face value; the spiritual heir of Norbit should still break $20 million, but if Murphy's latest multi-role hackwork doesn't stop the travesty of Beverly Hills Cop IV in its developmentally-disabled tracks, we don't know what will. Oh, who are we kidding? They'll probably start shooting on Monday, box office (and worn-out welcomes) be damned.

THE UNDERDOG: We recommend the ensemble drama Garden Party with a few reservations: filmmaker Jason Freeland's forced script could use a dialogue polish or eight; it's got more twee sound cues than a Moldy Peaches set; and if wanna-be dreams come true this fast in LA, then we should all be doing lines off each other's asses today by happy hour. That said, the low-profile cast — particularly Vinessa Shaw as a cutthroat realtor (with a past, natch), Willa Holland as a teen looking for her absentee mother or a decent job, whichever comes first, and the endlessly fascinating Patrick Fischler as a skeevy, unassuming porn photographer — does quite a bit with not a lot. And there's a bonus: The most awkwardly choreographed gay-bar dance sequence since Cruising. You heard it here first.

FOR SHUT-INS: Among this week's notable DVD releases: the gross-out psych-horror thriller The Ruins; the pig-nosed Christina Ricci rom-com Penelope; the not-eagerly awaited MTV! Award! Winner! Step Up 2: The Streets; and the masterful Dallas: The Complete Ninth Season.

So what do you think? Anything good on TV this weekend, or any books you might recommend? Or is the Eddie Murphy completist in you racing to the multiplex as we speak. Be honest — nobody is judged here! Well, sort of. Anyway, when is The Dark Knight opening again?

THIS is why Eddie Murphy lost the Oscar.
And why he's so hated in Hollywood.

It's 4:45pm, his "Meet Dave" premiere - which he is the one and only star - is an hour and a half away. And he JUST CANCELLED.

Yep, all that time, money, work by everyone and dickhead Eddie just informed us he decided he's not going to show up. To his own premiere. To promote his own movie.

This is why he lost for Dreamgirls. This is why Hollywood loves to see him fail. Cause even by Hollywood standards, he's an asshole among assholes.

Yes, I am unfortunately working on this mess so I'm in the know.

Left to make the best of the embarrassing absence, Dave producer David T. Friendly told People, "He's not here because he's doing a movie and shooting - he goes back-to-back-to-back. Eddie, he'll never admit it, but he loves to work. And I think work keeps him happy," before shuffling down the press line to joke to an ET correspondent that the miniature aliens living inside his skull had commanded their spacefaring Eddie-vessel to another corner of the crappy-comedy galaxy. We leave you now to browse the sad, Murphy-less Getty Images gallery, where a close-up of Elizabeth Banks's shoes serves as tragic placeholder for a red carpet event robbed of its guest of honor.

• THIS is why Eddie Murphy lost the Oscar. [datalounge]

Pretty fancy talk from the dude who made The Adventures Of Pluto Nash, Metro, Holy Man, Norbit, Daddy Day Care, Showtime, I Spy and Vampire in Brooklyn, but at least it's a step in the right direction. So, what brought on this sudden desire to make watchable films? Find out after the jump.

Says Murphy:

"Over the last 20 years or so, because of the studios, everybody figured out there's a PG-13 audience, you know, and that's the biggest piece of the pie. And a bunch of artists, myself included, got put in this PG-13 box — artists that aren't PG-13 artists! Then comedies like Superbad, Knocked-Up, and Juno come out and people go, 'Oh, this is the brilliant shit.' And it's just people acting like real people, talking like real people. And those movies are making all the money now."

Aha, so it does all come back to money! But at least Eddie finally realizes that good movies can sell tickets too. And you can catch him practicing this new-found sense of realism in Meet Dave, coming soon to a theater near you.

• Eddie Murphy Quashes Retirement Rumors, Talks 'Beverly Hills Cop IV' [MTV Movies Blog]

Sylvester: The way I see it, these characters don't even belong to us anymore. You're just the physical conduit through which these stories need to be told.
Eddie: But does the world really need me sticking more bananas up tailpipes?
Sylvester: Fuck the world!
Steven: Look, Eddie. Don't overthink it. Just make sure the script is in great sha—JESUS CHRIST! Who does a two-time Oscar-winning director have to blow to get a charge called around here?

[Photo Credit: AFP/Getty Images]

• Previously: Seven Reasons Why 'Beverly Hills Cop 4' is a Better Idea Than it Sounds [Defamer]

1. Murphy's on-set meltdown when Ratner accidentally calls him "Chris."

2. Paramount can keep its coin. Unlike its distribution deals struck with Marvel Studios and Lucasfilm for its recent blockbusters Iron Man and Indiana Jones 4 (Dreamworks will be long gone by then), Paramount has 100% of the Beverly Hills Cop franchise to itself. Which is important, because early tracking hints this film will gross around $3,260.

3. Bronson Pinchot's inevitable holdout for more money to reprise his role as the gay, pronunciation-challenged art dealer Serge.

4. The unique apocalyptic ring to the words, "Beverly Hills Cop 4: A Film by Brett Ratner."

5. Harold Faltermeyer, a/k/a the Michael Bay of soundtrack composers, can finally have his career back.

6. We don't have to feel quite as bad about our morning drinking habit.

7. The Cannes premiere.

• Eddie Murphy Back in 'Beverly Hills' [Variety]

"`I Know Who Killed Me' is the most fabulously brainless movie since `Showgirls,'" which Razzie voters picked as the worst movie of the 1990s, [Razzie founder John]Wilson told the Associated Press. "By the end of it, you still don't know what happened. Are they twins or aren't they? Did she imagine it? Can I please have my hour and 50 minutes back?"

• Lindsay Lohan Scores 'Worst Actress' Nod [PEOPLE]

"After much consideration and discussion, we have jointly decided that we will forego having a legal ceremony as it is not necessary to define our relationship further," Murphy and Edmonds tell PEOPLE in an exclusive statement.

"While the recent symbolic union in Bora Bora was representative of our deep love, friendship and respect that we have for one another on a spiritual level, we have decided to remain friends." [...]

[A]ccording to a source, the honeymoon got off to a rocky start.

"Eddie started yelling at Tracey in front of people," says one of Edmonds's wedding guests. "He did it on a few occasions and it was very embarrassing."

We can't say we didn't see this coming: With his last romantic entanglements having resulted in messy, expensive divorce and the knocking up and eventual abandonment of Melanie "Spongy Spice" Brown (to say nothing of the sweet-faced, lift-needy Samoan streetwalker who got away), by the time Murphy got to his Honeymoon Suite, he was already lugging behind him some extremely heavy baggage.

• Eddie Murphy, Tracey Edmonds Suddenly Split [People]