Gawker: defamer, earthquakes

Don't Tremble The Earth Beneath Judge Judy's Legs And Tell Her It's Raining

Seth — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 21:00:20 EDT

· Did we say we were done with earthquake stories? We lied. Shake it, Judge Judy! (And Judge Penny, whoever you are.) [Access Hollywood]
· Were three dimensions not enough for you to enjoy the dead-eyed zombie children delights of The Polar Express? Well, all aboard! TOOT! TOOT! The Polar Express 4-D Experience is on its way. What does the additional D get you? "Upon your arrival at the North Pole...it actually begins to snow inside the 4-D Special FX Theater and when the conductor sings 'Hot Chocolate' and the dancing waiters begin to pour, the audience can smell the delightful aroma of every cocoa cup!'" [NY Post]
· Despite a hospitalization, Elizabeth Taylor's flack insists she is nowhere near death: "Her hospital visit was precautionary. She will be returning home shortly. At present, she is surrounded by family, friends and fabulous jewels." And Pepperoni & Bacon Pizza Pops—her favorite. [ET Online]
· All hail Siaosi Tupou V, Tonga's new king! [Yahoo/AFP]
· Posters for The Canadian Filmmakers Festival feature some fine Canuckistanian send-ups of classic film images. [Super Punch]

As Earthquake Hits, Amateur Comedian James Woods Cracks, "Tumbler? I Barely Know Her!"

Kyle Buchanan — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 20:01:03 EDT

And now, we promise: our very last earthquake anecdote, courtesy of reliable Hollywood lech James Woods. The former Shark star was climbing into his red SUV outside Joan's on Third when the fearsome 5.4 earth-shaker began. Then, says Page Six:

"He held tight to his door handle as some Beverly Hills ladies lunching outside held onto the table," our spy said. "When it was over, this gal with a pair of fake boobies the size of the Hollywood Hills blurted, 'Oh my God! Did you feel the earth move? Did you feel that?' Woods responded, 'Ah, so it was good for you too, my dear?' "

[Photo Credit: AP]

QUAKE COMEDY [Page Six]

Earthquake Stories: Shake It Up With The Cosmos Gal!

Seth — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 21:25:41 EDT

Your All-Earthquake Special Edition:
· A shared traumatic experience provides thousands of deeply moving stories: This one, about the crew of an online horoscope show comforting each other in their not-quite-darkest hour, is one of them. [theCosmosGal's YouTube page]
· LAist has some great security footage of a bicycle store in San Dimas doing the earthquake shuffle. We'd probably be tossing kids and grandmas out of the way to get the hell out of there, too. [LAist]
· "Where was I when it hit? Oh, I was in stirrups with my gynecologist's hands in my vagina. What about you?" [Twitter]
· We must commend the LAT for being so quick on their slideshow-compiling feet: Here's a tribute to Earthquakes in the Movies. Ah yes, who could forget NBC's 10.5, and its sequel 10.5 Apocalypse—both of which registered about a 10.5 in the scientifically-shaky-ground department. [LAT]
· CEILING TILE DOWN. WE REPEAT: CEILING TILE DOWN. [Curbed LA]

Shaken Southlanders Describe Their Experiences For An Earthquake-Curious America

Seth — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 16:03:28 EDT

Well, hopefully by now you've mixed yourself a nice cocktail to settle the post-earthquake jitters, didn't climb behind the wheel of an F-150, and are not currently in need of hand surgery. With everything seemingly still standing—even that wobbly nightstand that holds our framed, signed Eugene Levy headshot—we thought we'd celebrate with QUAKE '08: The Survivors' Stories, courtesy of your de facto natural-disaster-coverage destination, CNN. We particularly love the guy in the record store, contemplating his own narrowly avoided foot-mangling beneath a toppled rack of Gypsy King CDs. We also have video of KCAL's breaking news report after the jump, which confirms what we knew all along: This earthquake lasted a really long time!

UPDATE: Some toppled streetlights and broken pipes have been reported. An official press conference on the rumbler is underway.
UPDATE #2: More damage: We have a sighting of broken jars of pasta sauce being mopped up at the WeHo Trader Joe's!

Earthquake rocks Los Angeles [CNN]

Earthquake!

Seth — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:57:02 EDT

We interrupt your daily nonsense feed to report an earthquake, estimated magnitude 5.8 and centered 29 miles east-southeast of downtown L.A., just scared the shit out of you for what felt like an eternity. LATimes.com was down for a bit but was back up. Land line and cellphones are down. Developing...

Strong Earthquake Rattles Los Angeles [KCAL]

Run for your lives! Quake! Wait, it's already...

Mark — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 15:27:21 EDT

Run for your lives! Quake! Wait, it's already over? Damn. Oh well, there should be another one rolling through any time now. Go make sure your boss crawls out from under his desk safely while you wait. [quakes.us.gov]