Tonight and tomorrow E! News will air a two-part interview with the former Miss Teen USA where she denies that she worked as a prostitue, that she had sex with either Dane or Gayheart and that she is the one who leaked the video. "If I was going to leak it, I would have done that a long time ago," she confesses. "If someone else was going to leak it they would have done it a long time ago…I would never leak this tape."

Of course, she also says that she was abused and molested as a child. Oh, isn't that the way these things always end up. And she's going to write a book (we told you!).

Dane and Gayheart aren't trying to cash in like their pruney-fingered pal. Neither have spoken to the press since their tape became public knowledge and the pair took off for Santa Barbara's San Ysidro Ranch, hoping that that paparazzi wouldn't follow. Of course that didn't work out so well.

Hailey said she and Jon are in a monogamous relationship — despite evidence to the contrary, at least on his part — and that this is the first time she's ever been in love. She claims that she's "not the other woman" although she can understand why people would think that, because TLC did not allow the Gosselins to publicly announce the end of their marriage for almost a year.

Hailey explained that she and Jon began dating in May, while Jon was living at her parents house, because he was "sad and bored" and she was, well, just "bored." (Her father, a plastic surgeon, performed Kate's tummy tuck, and for some reason, Jon befriended Hailey's mother.)

Hailey — who auditioned, but was turned down, for The Real World and Bad Girls Club — wanted to do the E! interview because, as she puts it, "there's so many lies and ridiculous stories being circulated. How [the media is] portraying me is not me at all." She's referring to her 2005 arrest for possession of marijuana and several salacious photos (some from her own Facebook page, others sold to tabloids by acquaintances) featuring Hailey partying it up, as well as some girl-on-girl action.

This photo, Hailey says, was taken "totally out of context."



"We had tequila night in my apartment. My roommate had like a little BB gun. I wasn't holding it to her head i was posing with it!"

Of her pot bust she said, "I do not have a criminal record. I took a pretrial diversion and I took a class and it was expunged," adding, "I didn't smoke alone!" That seems to be the case.

In regards to her sexuality and past dating history, Hailey had this to say:

But that's not all E! News had in store. Producers juxtaposed segments with Hailey with interviews with Kate Major (whom the network refers to as "Kate 2.0"). Interestingly, both Hailey and Kate 2.0 described Jon as "a great guy," and said that dealing with the fallout of their respective relationships with him "has been a nightmare." More so for Kate 2.0, who quit her job as a reporter for Star, at Jon's request, and had plans to move in with him. According to Kate 2.0, Jon said he broke up with Hailey but apparently he did not, and she had no desire to be the other other woman.

Additionally, Kate 2.0 maintains how awesome Gosselin is and said that she wishes she "could think of a single thing wrong with [Jon] but I can't." Um we can think of about eight things wrong with him (and none of them are his children).

So what does Hailey think about Jon's fling with Kate 2.0 while they were together? Well, she doesn't. Jon told her it didn't happen and she believes him. Instead, she thinks that Kate 2.0 "just wants her little 15 minutes" and that she is "cuckoo," and that we need to remember that "girls are manipulating and mischievous."

I love Giuliana Rancic's reaction to all of this.

Of her future with Jon, Hailey says she's told Jon "let's not make too future goals [sic], that's just kinda when you write things in stone. It kinda leads to disappointment when it doesn't work out."

That sounds, um, wise?

Well, Hailey, even though you're not the one looking for your "little 15 minutes," you've still earned yourself an animated gif.

An exec at the network told the New York Daily News:

If her album went to No. 1, that would be a newsworthy thing. If they were to become parents, we'd see that as worth noting. If something did happen to them, physically, we'd probably cover that. But ultimately, we were looking at it more like avoiding stories about them walking down Robertson or going to dinner. It will affect the various news shows on E! and it will affect online. ... It was just a question of overexposure and wondering how much of the news about them was truly news or contrived. It just started to feel as if they had maybe jumped a shark in the past couple of weeks and it might be time to just take a rest. It wasn't really one particular instance, it just seemed like they'd reached a point where they crossed a line in the interest level of our audience. [Emphasis ours.]

We rarely ever say this (except to you, Joel McHale, our delicious chestnut love), but good work E! (This is how it's done, Iran.)

Although! It does make us wonder... If E! followed this new revolutionary philosophy to the letter, wouldn't that kind of lead to the shuttering of the entire operation? Other than having her on their own damn network, what reason would they have to keep Kim Kardashian in the rotation? And what about that hideous stable of Dancing with the Stars washups? We're all for E! taking a principled stand and all, but one minor concession is still... one minor concession.

Though, no one ever said progress was quick.

He justifies his rationale in the ET interview above, though we don't really see why he feels the need to. It's the next logical step for young Dannielynn, who made her TV debut at age 0 being pried out of her mother via C-section, and who now closes the Circle of Reality Show life on the very same network that pushed her mother's career to the next level. We mean—what's the worst that could happen, right? [ET Online]

"It's coming back for another season," Richards told Us at the Panasonic Lounge at the Passion for Pink luxury suite in L.A. on Tuesday.

"We start filming in a few months," Richards said.

Asked if she has any well wishes for ex husband Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller, who are expecting their first child together, Richards told Us: "I am not commenting on that situation. I hope one day get to a place but I'm not commenting right now."

We, also, hope to one day get to a "place" regarding Richards, only it is a place where we can stop commenting, on account of a cancellation that sticks. Until that day comes, we can do little but huddle around a flickering light of blue flame, rubbing our hands together for warmth as an unstoppable, unkillable Denise putters around her house, occasionally chirping, "It's so fun to have a spa day with your girlfriends!"

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Denise Richards: Reality Show Renewed! [Us]

Boomp3.com

Even though the economy is in shambles and Texans are just starting to recover from the devastating effects of Hurricane Ike over the weekend, there is no force of nature that will keep Kim Kardashian and her family from getting out the word about her upcoming run on Dancing With The Stars. Kris Kardashian-Jenner, the selfless head of the Kardashian-Jenner clan, felt it was very important for her family to get out the message about voting. Mrs. Kardashian-Jenner said, “This is the single most important decision facing the American people right now. We have to keep my darling Kimmy on that show for the next three months. I mean, everybody loves Kim. So, it shouldn’t be a problem, but everybody needs to get out there and vote!”

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Sunset Tan worker Amber Peterson tells E! Phelps asked her out to dinner Friday night after she gave him and his friends complimentary airbrush tans. “He wore a disposable brief and it reminded me a lot of his trademark Speedo,” said Peterson. She also said the scantily clad Phelps had a tattoo on his right hip, a symbol of the Olympic gold rings.

Throughout dinner Peterson said Phelps was the perfect gentleman, even making her feel better after spilling a drink on his lap. “I spilled a Shirley Temple in his lap! He was a great sport about it and didn't get angry. He just laughed and said, ‘It happens and it will dry!’" [...]

The two discussed Phelps desire to swim again in the next Olympics, his preference of frosted flakes over Wheaties (he’s the new face of frosted flakes), and his excitement for the upcoming MTV VMA’s. “He was excited to be a part of the show and said his tan was going to look good on TV,” said Peterson.

After dinner the two went to Moon nightclub where Peterson said they “danced the night away.” They also exchanged phone numbers and Peterson says they “have exchanged texts” since.

Indeed, Phelps did look great on TV. What's more—it sounds as if something pretty special might be blossoming between these two. Just take a look at some of those exchanged texts:

"Had a great time with u!"
"?"
"It's Amber from Snst tan... Sry about the Shrlee Temple ;p""
"O hey whats up?"
"Not much. Want some more airbrushing? My treat :)"
"Nah I'm good. O did i leave a medal in your car?"
"No but ill check. Get 2gether soon?"
"Yeah, def."

Could the pitter-patter of little beflippered, deeply bronzed feet be far away? Time will tell!

• Sunset Tan [E]

"The numbers started out pretty good - just over 1.5 million tuned in for the premiere episode," a source told The Insider yesterday. "But the audience has dropped off. "

What, now, will we turn to when our desire to see celebrities coax masturbatory fantasies out of their nephews goes unslaked? You gave it your best shot, Denise — but unlike your character in The World is Not Enough, it looks like Christmas won't be coming early this year.

[photo credit: AP]

• DENISE SHOW IS CANCELED [NY Post]

You scoff, but think about it. Where were we before he was hatched in a Merv Griffin-underwritten research laboratory somewhere on the NM/AZ border? No, not wealthier in every sense of the word and filled with boundless hope for the future! We were utterly Seacrestless—set adrift on an open red carpet landscape, without a clue as to how to best conduct a Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna interview at the Daytime Emmys without seeming as though we were just biding time until Joy Behar made her way down the press line. So begrudge Ryan not when you read that his ever-expanding empire is expanding some more.

Seacrest is more than just a sublime inevitability. He's the mold for a new breed entirely: The mogulsexual, that flawlessly manicured Captain of New Industry, whose blind commitment to embodying all other annoying urban-male neologisms resulted in the steady accumulation of mind-boggling levels of wealth, power, and fame. You don't hate Ryan Seacrest. You want to be Ryan Seacrest.

Defamer, out.

• Yet Another Deal For Ryan Seacrest Inc. [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

For instance, this week's episode begins with the girls gathering together for an impromptu table read of the script for House Bunny, the soon-to-be-released Anna Faris vehicle. After pouring through the script, not only do they find out that their appearance is limited to a single page (Page 78, if you must know), but they also bemoan the fact that they've been reduced to bantering about such silly topics as whipped cream drenched pillow fights. Don't worry, ladies; when Brett Ratner finally decides to get onboard with the project he was born to direct, there'll be plenty of time to sleep your way into a role playing someone other than yourself (so long as it's still a Bunny).

• The Girls Next Door [E!]

While we won't know until next week whether or not The Ollys were successful in their attempt to reclaim their rightful positions as the ultraviolet heirs to the Sunset Tan empire, we're fairly certain that the E! Network's promotional Olly blitz — see their Battle Of The Basic Cable Stars competition video below — means that good things are in store for the blonde bobbleheads. After all, there is only one thing that's more important to the team that runs Sunset Tan than moving a few extra cases of Banana Boat: getting renewed for Season Three.

• Sunset Tan [E! Online]

Rancic, who hosts E! News with Ryan Seacrest, is suing her former agency for "breach of contract and fiduciary duty," according to her lawyer, Lavely & Singer bulldog Paul Sorrell. "They put the interests of other clients they had ahead of hers," Sorrell said. "It was a major conflict of interest, so she fired them."

Now that the Dam of Obviousness has been breached, we expect lawsuits against WMA any minute on the grounds that "they exist," "they take ten percent commission," and "they're mean." We've contacted William Morris for comment, though we've been assured "they'll get back to you soon, they're just at lunch — I mean, 'really swamped right now.'"

• SUE THE AGENT [New York Post]

At least the other guy gave multiple-choice options for his idiotic, "Who'd you rather divorce/skullfuck/play-Halo 3-with?" line of questioning. Matenopolous, on the other hand, seems perfectly happy to just let random keywords drawn from the press materials hang in the air, strung together festively by a string of ellipses: "Vietnam...clearly...how did this happen?...genius...Oscar...[chuckle]...Avengers...Stiller...Chaplin?" Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to shoot some smack between our toes. If we're going to nod off, we might as well enjoy the experience.

• Painful-to-Watch Video of the Day [WOW Report]

Even the brave souls at E!'s Sunset Tan were not immune to the quake, though they faced it with their clothes already off:

“Sunset Tan” sales rep and cast member Holly Huddleston was stuck in a tanning booth when things started to vibrate during an FHM photo shoot promoting the E! series.

“I was in nothing but a bra and panties and wearing these high heels when everything started shaking,” Huddleston said. “I kind of stopped and looked around to see if it was just me, if I was the one shaking or if I was just positioned funny.

Satisfied that the shaking was due to natural causes and not a few too many Stoli/Red Bulls, Huddleston went back to work, bravely illustrating the (paraphrased) axiom that "a woman can do any earthquake a man can, she just has to do it backwards, in high heels, while a photographer grouses, 'Can someone keep those nipples iced up?'"

• Reality TV stars react to the Los Angeles quake [Los Angeles Times]
• Video: Earthquake Hits The Big Brother House [THR]

We, just like most of you, watched the Sunday finale of Dina’s pet project somewhat naïvely, unsuspecting of any cameos by canonized porn producers or guest spots made by directors intending on using Ali’s potential role into a “private instruction” on how to turn an otherwise innocuous ‘80s film remake into a “delicious” and sexy flick made magical by “people in China.” While the Troll director’s instructions guide Ali through much of the embarrassing audition, we have a sneaking suspicion that Davy’s presence is to blame for the wee Lohan’s need to imitate the “acrobatic” lead’s performance as Eunice, the “guardian against dark magic,” by imagining the casting room’s crew of greasy-haired Skinematic and Blowtime veterans are “really big movie people.” Typically, we await tomorrow, when Dina releases a statement denying Ali was ever in such a room whatsoever, and that any footage documenting the fact that she was were created by vicious haters is pure “bull doodie.”

• ALI LOHAN TO PORN LEGEND: PUT ME IN YOUR FLICK! [TMZ]

1) Guarantee Daughter Flops An Audition By Giving Her The Script The Day Before! As we noted a while back, Ali is reportedly slated to appear in the “Worst Movie Ever Made,” a remake of cheap horror dramedy Troll. And though it’s quite obvious to everyone else that the producers are intent on casting a Lohan to get their movie some publicity, Dina manages to make the situation as difficult as possible by handing her the script one day before her audition. But we can’t really argue with this nugget of wisdom: “If you’re a really good director, you will know and you will see if someone has talent whether they know the lines or don’t know the lines.”

2) Show Support During Said Audition By Telling Daughter, "You Don’t Need Mommy"! After noting how scary it can be for someone like Ali, who doesn’t exactly have the most mature parents in the world, to meet real-live “adults,” Dina responds to her tween’s meager request for assistance during the meeting with the flick’s director by telling her, “You don’t need mommy.” Way to bolster her chances for an inevitable estrangement “just like Lindsay!”

And that's a wrap! While we have yet to learn whether or not they'll be a Season Two of Living Lohan, one thing is certain — whether or not Ali succeeds in her career, Dina will surely find a way to continue to keep her name in the news. After all, isn't that what living Lohan is all about?

• LIVING LOHAN [E!]

1) More Tips On Downsizing Prepubescent Son’s Balls! Simple, really: assign them the task of assisting your blatant famewhoredom, ignoring how obviously disinterested they are in participating, then follow up by denying you ever enlisted their help whatsoever. Most importantly, perform this task on television.

2) Repeatedly Remind Fragile Tween Daughter Just How Big Of A Failure She Is! With no call-backs or word from producers regarding Ali’s non-existent and doomed career as a white rapper, Dina reminds Ali that she only had “one shot and you don’t blow it.” Insinuating, of course, that she blew it. Resolution? Tell her to go ahead and be “a little girl.” Then proceed to make the easily influenced Ali jealous of your own fantastic body by subtly sauntering up to her after a work-out and displaying just how much hotter your abs are than hers.

3) Fix Your Kids’ Sour Moods (Caused By You, Naturally) By Embarrassing Yourself In Public! And what better way for Dina to do the above than “dance” in her own Vegas performance, failing to actually put any of those Rockette Lies to rest at all. And no, that wasn’t just your screen — Dina really did just use Bring It On’s guaranteed-to-fail Jazz Hands move. More than once. But as long as your kids are mortified by you, you’ve sacrificed your own dignity to make ‘em laugh. Like hyenas. At you. Success!

• LIVING LOHAN [E!]