1.) Synergy
Jon Gosselin's answer when asked for his thoughts on the Balloon Boy hoax:



We're thinking that Balloon Boy might give the same exact answer when asked for his thoughts on Jon Gosselin wiping out his family's bank account.

2.) Tricia Walsh-Smith threatened to walk off The Insider.
She didn't understand that people were telling her that she is smart.

BTW, why does The Insider consider Marla Maples part of "The Real First Wives Club"?

3.) "Tardy for the Party" is based on a true story.

Kim might have another hit on her hands, thanks to Jimmy Kimmel.

4.) A different type of tardy at the party
I love Kim's wasted face.

5.) The best excuse for tardiness
Courtesy of Bridezillas

6.) Spry seniors
Larry King's promo picture for his blog is awesome.

And this week, Elizabeth Taylor took Paris and Prince Jackson to Universal Studios theme park.

7.) Courtney Cox was a menstruation pioneer.

8.) What Al Reynolds is up to now
Musical theater-y things, regurgitating, and not being normal. His words, not mine.

9.) Tyra colonic
Last Friday, Tyra featured a colonic on her stage, which the host claimed was the First! Ever! Televised! Colonic! Except it wasn't. I remember Dave Navarro getting one on his reality show about his marriage to Carmen Electra. Tyra also said that a colonic was "the opposite of diarrhea." In fact, a colonic is the opposite of that. It is diarrhea, and it drips down your leg.

10.) A lesson on life from Judge Judy

Boomp3.com

There’s a new doctor in a Brentwood ready to serve all your psychoanalytical needs. Oscar winner Halle Berry has shifted into the self-help area as she continues to recuperate from recently giving birth. Berry’s decision to move into self-help was inspired by another self-help guru, Dr. Phil. Berry said, “I’m smarter than Dr. Phil. So, I could probably do a better job than him. Not to mention, I’m a lot more compassionate than he ever will be.”

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

He was amazing. And his voice has gotten even better. Best moment was when he pointed out Dr. Phil sitting in the audience and tore him a new A-hole for sitting there lifeless. The crowd booed Phil. George said to him.. it looks like you have a problem.. maybe you should see someone about that.

The story is corroborated in another rave review published this morning, with Michael reportedly adding, "In the sea of smiling faces, he's looked miserable for the last hour," as the video screens displayed Dr. Phil and his wife. It's such a shame; Michael couldn't possibly expect his more casual listeners to know the insult-comedy provenance of the name Wham! (or that Andrew Ridgeley's superior takedowns accelerated the duo's split), and at the end of it all, McGraw didn't even have a down-home, drawling comeback. Really, we're kind of glad we skipped out.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Live Review
  George Michael - The Forum, Los Angeles [Artist Direct]

Next thing you know, he's making all the necessary stops on the publicity circuit, forced to explain why he chose to so flagrantly disregard the Hypocritical Oath he took upon graduating from fake-doctor school. Appearing today on The Early Show, Phil (whose moustache, according to the chyron above, has been cleared by animal control of all racoons and opossoms and is ready for action), reiterates that he always had Britney Spears's best interests at heart—unlike those other "vultures" in the media. Not to mention that lady with the lesbian hairdo currently hosting CBS's eternally third-placed morning program!

• The Early Show [CBS]

Insisting that his cameraman-accompanied visit to Spears's hospital room was "never intended to do a show with Britney at all," McGraw reiterates his regret over having delivered his professional diagnosis (an acute case of "this gal needs some serious help, and pronto! Am I right, folks? And we'll be right back after these messages from Febreze...") to celebrity news cameras, instead of to the family members who requested his help in the first place.

• drphil.com
• Breaking His Silence [Today Show]

"Was it helpful to the situation? Regrettably, no. It was not, and I have to acknowledge that and I do," the talk show host told his audience Thursday during taping of a "Dr. Phil" episode that will run Monday.

"I definitely think if I had it to do over again, I probably wouldn't make any statement at all. Period."

With that, the studio ceiling split into two, and a dazzling column of light poured through the rupture, tapering itself, as if through magnifying lens trained onto a hapless insect by a sadistic youngster, onto the hosts's highly reflective scalp. Squinting as they slowly began to regain their vision from the sudden white-out, the audience's stunned silence soon gave way to gasps and scattered shrieks as they began to realize that all that remained of the syndicated therapist was now a three-ounce pile of still-smoking ash.

• Dr. Phil Says He Regrets Statement on Britney [abcnews.go.com]

7) Hyde - Because NOBODY goes there anymore.
6) The library - No, not The Library Bar. We mean an actual library. You know, the place with card catalogs?
5) Daycare - Clearly Sean Preston and Jayden James have ample time to bite each other at home.
4) Cedars-Sinai Hospital - That was last weekend.
3) NA Meetings - Just because she (allegedly) spends $13,000 a week on drugs doesn't mean she has a problem!
2) The Golden Globes - Then again, Ben Silverman's gotta get TRPs somehow...
1) Dr. Phil's house - Obvs.

[Photo Credit: X17]

The representative further castigates the celebrity therapist for having made "inappropriate" public statements regarding Britney's mental state. A betrayal of trust does appear to have occurred here, as of the approximately 16,000 licensed mental health professionals currently working in California, the one the Spears family painstakingly selected to help a relative deeply in need, with nothing to gain from going public with this access save for perhaps a massive ratings boost on his nationally syndicated show, marks a clear breach of TV-therapist / bottomed-out-pop-star-patient confidentiality.

• Watch Video
• The Today Show

• Watch Video
• Britney: The New Dr. Phil Exclusive [ET Online]

Apparently, all that was required for her release was the hospital's staff's determination that she was no longer a danger to herself by demonstrating she can execute a proper diva-conniption without assistance, a confirming diagnosis of temporary stability from leading Hollywood tough-love specialist Dr. Phil (possibly rendered in exchange for a promise to appear on his show—that tough love doesn't come without strings attached, after all), and a quiet walk through an underground tunnel to freedom. Stayed tuned to your local TV stations for footage of the dramatic ambulance ride that will return Spears to her padded suite at Cedars by Sunday evening at the latest, following an incident in which the troubled mom protests the loss of her visitation rights by taking hostage the first two children she can scoop out of the ball-crawl at her favorite McDonald's PlayPlace.

• Britney Sprung from Joint [TMZ]
• Britney Takes Phil Pill [TMZ]

A private charter bus packed with people heading to a taping of the "Dr. Phil" show crashed this morning in Hollywood, and the driver reported that the brakes failed as she exited the 101 Freeway at Gower St, authorities said.

Nineteen people were taken to local hospitals, said Brian Humphrey, a spokesman for the L.A. city Fire Department. No one was reported seriously injured, he said. Humphrey described the ramp where driver lost control as being at a "steep descent."

The bus struck a car before crashing through a wrought iron fence and striking two trees on the property of the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood in the 1700 block of North Gower Street, church officials said. [...]

The "Dr. Phil" show tapes at Paramount Studios in Hollywood, a short distance from the accident scene.

Thank heavens the injuries reported so far we're only minor: In a few months, the rattled survivors will surely look back on all of this as merely a Hollywood adventure, laughing about the mishap at a raincheck-taping, when Mr. Phil jokingly points to each and every one, and in his best mock-Oprah intones, "YOU get a scar! And YOU get a scar! Everybody GETS a SCAR!!!"

• Bus heading to 'Dr. Phil' crashes in Hollywood [LAT]

• Late Show [CBS.com]
• Previously: The Britney Spears VMA Trainwreck Explained [Defamer]

Join us THIS THURSDAY, November 10th for a special Happy Hour Party at a cool bar on Melrose. The producers of the Dr. Phil Show will be there to find out how the singles in LA party! Only 50 spaces are available for the first 25 Women and 25 Men, Ages 26-42 who sign up. Party Like The Stars! You may even get discovered! INCLUDES: Complimentary Appetizers, Free Fun Shots and 50% OFF all Beer, Well Drinks, and House Margaritas. [...] WOMEN: CLOSED ...ALL SPACES HAVE BEEN FILLED MEN: CLOSING SOON ... ONLY A FEW SPACES LEFT

Yes, sadly, the women's spaces filled up quickly, with the word hitting some sooner than others (we have it on good authority that Tara Reid's Blackberry is equipped to scan the internet every half hour for the words "free fun shots" and page her if there's a match), but there are still a few spaces for you local fellas! C'mon, what are you waiting for? That salt isn't going to lick itself off of her lipo scars!

• HAPPY HOUR PARTY FOR THE DR. PHIL SHOW [LockAndKeyEvents.com via LA.comfidential]

They're taping in the B Tank today, meaning execs can't park in their regular parking spaces, which is really just a minor inconvenience. They're making their audience (all women) sit out in the hot sun. They're also making their audience wear these bright blue shirts with their insecurities written in large white letters on the front. And they're giving them crap. So the women are jumping up and down, screaming with joy because they're getting a cell phone, which apparently makes them forget that they're appearing on national television with "Big Butt" written in large letters across their chests. He's not giving them plastic surgery, or butt-reduction jeans. The cell phone may be free, but service ain't cheap. So why is this a gift?

It's not a gift for them, it's a gift from the producers to the budget. It's much cheaper to lure real unemployed people with self-esteem issues onto the show with free cellphones than to order up a bunch of out-of-work actors with the same issues from Central Casting.

• Related: Paramount Lot Littered With Cruise Doubles [Defamer]