According to Life and Style, the show has inked a deal with socialite Sonja Morgan. Who? Never heard of her. Well, here's the little info we could dig up on her:

• She's married to John Morgan, a great-grandson of J. Pierpont Morgan of, you know, J.P. Morgan fame.
• The couple lives in New York, but also live on an island off the coast of Connecticut and on their yacht. They have one daughter.
• Born Sonja Tremont, she met Morgan while working as the hostess at a Madison Avenue restaurant.
• She executive produced the 2006 movie The Marsh, starring Gabrielle Anwar as a lady who sees ghosts and Forest Whitaker as the ghostbuster who helps her.
• She lost 10 pounds in 2005 and was weighing in at a svelte 125. She did it with the Raw Food Detox Diet. She even wrote a review!
• She's no Bethenny Frankel.

All the rumors from the set this year have been that Bethenny is out with the group, so hopefully she'll have a cataclysmic breakdown which will lead to her storming off the show. Morgan will take her place about episode five of the new season which won't air until next year.

Morgan sounds just like (former?) Countess LuAnn, a lady with the right last name and the right husband, who got to the good life by being pretty and marrying well. She was a working girl before she met her husband, after all. For a prominent New York lady, we don't know much about her, so we can't wait for the floodgates to open. Jury's still out on whether or not this is a good addition, but consider our interest piqued.

Update: Both Bethenny's twitter and a spokesperson from Bravo say that Frankel is going to be on the entire third season of the show. When asked if Morgan was joining the third season, the spokesperson said, that "we haven't released any details for season three." Well, it's not a denial.

[Frankel image via Getty, Morgan image via NY Social Diary]

Jon and Kate say they're "separating!" They never mentioned the word "divorce." So does that mean there's hope? Oh, who are we kidding—As if we care!

You all do know what this means, right? TLC will create a Jon and Kate Plus 8 spinoff, so they'll each have their own shows, which will run back to back on the same night. Are you ready for Kate Plus 8 and Jon Plus 8? That's how you maximize advertising baby! And America will certainly slurp it all up, every last drop.

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Reports People:

"Documents to initiate a legal split were filed in Pennsylvania Monday afternoon."

Yes, shocking. Why do we care anymore? We have no idea.

UPDATE: Video of the big "announcement" from tonight's episode can be viewed here.

Gosselin Divorce Papers Filed [People]

Gigi originally wanted one million dollars a month in child support, a number now winnowed down to $40,000. She'll also get a lump sum of $4.75 million, plus around $9 million additional so she buy a place of her own, that's in her name. So she can get a fresh start! And he has to pay 500k for Gigi's lawyers.

So all told, that's definitely better than coughing up $12 million every year for his two sons' out of control basketball sneaker addictions.

[TMZ]

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[TMZ]

Image: Getty

Back in 2006, Mel was estimated to be worth $900 million, and since there was no prenup—who got those when the husband was just a weirdo Australian in 1980?—Robyn is legally entitled to half. She's sought joint custody of their one child who is still a minor, Tom, age 9. Mel's publicist has put out a statement for both of them:

"Throughout our marriage and separation we have always strived to maintain the privacy and integrity of our family and will continue to do so."

So, sigh. The sanctity of marriage gets even... sanctityer. Really, the poor lady has put up with a lot. We think she's earned that half a billion bones.

[TMZ]

However, that's exactly what Madonna is trying to pull after her own rep, Liz Rosenberg, released figures to the tune of $76 million to $92 million on Monday. Now, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are fighting this rampant, inaccurate misinformation put out by, uh, themselves:

"We have tried to maintain a dignified silence regarding the details of our divorce for the last few months whilst accepting the obvious media interest," their statement reads. "A misleading and inaccurate statement, specifically in relation to the sums of money involved, was wrongly issued...this week.

"The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well-being of our children."

So did a renegotiation go down? We're not sure, but we hope that Ritchie is ribbing the Material Girl with the appropriate taunt: "Save as draft, Madonna, save as draft."

• Madonna, Guy: Mega Divorce Settlement "Inaccurate" [E!]

Liz Rosenberg tells The Associated Press that Madonna, 50, has given Ritchie, 40, between $76 million to $92 million as part of their divorce agreement. (The figure includes the value of the couple's country home Ashcombe in western England, she said.)

Although the singer keeps the bulk of her estimated $500 million fortune, "I'd assume it's one of the largest payouts ever in a divorce settlement," Rosenberg noted.

Rosenberg confirms that Madonna will be in England for Christmas, though she's cagey over British reports that the singer will be staying with Ritchie at Ashcombe so that the children can have all of their family present for the holiday. And what a fun, freewheeling holiday it will be!

‘He is planning on having a traditional turkey dinner – although all the food will be organic at Madonna’s insistence.

‘Madonna doesn’t really like Ashcombe but she thinks it’s important that they put on a united front for the kids. She will, however, be eating a different meal as she will only eat fish. She will also be working out on Christmas Day.’

While we know that Jews celebrate Christmas differently (if at all), we admit Madonna's approach is a new one: after Lourdes, Rocco, and David unwrap presents of B12-filled syringes and New York Yankee pajamas, the pop star will retire to her thirteen-hour Christmas Day workout, stopping only to swallow a halibut whole (scales and all) and to buzz the Ashcombe intercom, taunting, "Allowance, Guy, Allowance."

• Rep: Madonna Gives Guy Ritchie at Least $76 Million in Settlement [Us]

• Guy and Madonna WILL spend Christmas together [Daily Mail]

One hopes, because there are three young children involved, that they'll keep their cool and blunder on in private. Though discretion is not always Maddy's forte and Guy will have to come to terms with the fact that he's not really famous without his muscly bride. Though juicy details about Madonna's Kaballah-fueled romp in the twenty million dollar hay with Yankees sucker Alex Rodriguez and Ritchie's supposed on-set romance with a young British chippy promise to "entertain" for some time. Plus, there are wonderful unconfirmed tidbits about Madge slapping Guy and calling him a coward for eating chocolate bars, and Guy returning fire by calling her old and wrinkly. Whee!

The tabloid press will, of course, screech and caw and ruffle their feathers, pulling smaller and smaller strands of meat from this marriage's dessicated carcass, but eventually—if Madonna and Guy play it close to their chests—they'll have to find some other moldering corpse of a blessed union to feed off of. Who's due? Um... Ashlee and Pete? Nicole Richie and that man that she married? Elton and David??

Another source tells us that Martha Stewart and Mark Burnett, the reality show maven who works with her, "had a giant blowout, over money." Along with the timing of this Sumner Redstone rumor, it paints a grim picture. Let's hope this doesn't get so bad that it filters down to the non-rich.

We asked Liz Rosenberg about this discrepancy between what she said earlier, and what's happening now. Her answer: "there was no pending divorce earlier this year."

So, we asked, does that mean that, for example, the Sun's report that Madonna "initially planned to move back to the US with their three children in July" is false? "yes," Rosenberg replied.

Well, how credible is Liz Rosenberg? She told the world in 2006 that Madonna was not adopting a baby in Malawi. Although, of course, Madonna did adopt a baby in Malawi.

What else do we know about Rosenberg?

• According to CityFile, she's "best known for having served as Madonna's flack for more than 20 years. Other clients have included the Pretenders, Cher, Josh Groban, Stevie Nicks, Seal, k.d. Lang, and Liza Minnelli."
• She does a good job of staying friendly with celebrity magazine editors, naturally—she's allegedly been showering the editor of People with free Madonna tickets for a decade or more.
• She knows how to play hardball—she reportedly managed to silence a good deal of potential press coverage of Madonna's brother Christopher Ciccone's book last summer, which portrayed the singer negatively.

So Rosenberg does her job. Regardless, no matter how much wheedling, pleading, bargaining, threats, or doubletalk a flack uses, they're not supposed to flat-out lie. But Rosenberg has quite a reputation for lying. Look! Some of the most vehement "Rosenberg is a liar" voices are the most fervent Madonna fans, like commenters on AbsoluteMadonna.com. It might be advantageous to court them, from a PR point of view!

Celebrity flacks are probably the only remaining category of PR people who can get away with bald-faced lies, and continue to be effective in their jobs. Corporate flacks run the risk of pissing off business reporters (or even the SEC), which would make them liabilities. Media flacks? Lord, they have to be friends with reporters. To lie is to die. Despite the vague public perception that all flacks are liars, they really can't be if they want to have a long-term career.

Unless they have a client like Madonna! Because the celebrity media will want to cover Madonna for the rest of her natural life no matter what she or her flack does. So Liz Rosenberg, yes, probably finds it expedient to just lie and now and then, without any real consequences.

But that also means you shouldn't necessarily believe anything she says.

[pic via Celebrity Wonder]

Film-maker Ritchie is increasingly frustrated with his wife’s habit of ‘chummying up’ to her much younger musical collaborators, who have included Justin Timberlake and dancer/producer Stuart Price.

The source added: ‘Guy finds life as ‘Mr Madonna’ unbearable. He was embarrassed by Madonna’s flirtatious relationships with Stuart and Justin.

‘Now a new tour coming up, he knows Madonna is going to be surrounded by sycophants and hot young things who will only be too eager to stroke her fragile ego.

Guy, Guy, Guy! You didn't really go into this thinking that Madonna, the pride of Rochester Adams High School*, would suddenly transform into Mrs. Guy Ritchie just because you married her? Sure, we can see how endless bollock busting from the lager louts and football hooligans of the world could get you down, but to go into this relationship thinking that Madonna would "change" just because she hit menopause is like saying that Angelina Jolie is gonna quit smack just because she got appointed as a UN Goodwill Ambassador. While we most certainly do not wish d-i-v-o-r-c-e on anyone, regardless of their level of fame, we think that you probably should've faced up to your machismo issues before you walked down the aisle with the world's most famous sexual icon. Look on the bright side, chum — if Heather Mills was able to milk $50 million out of Macca, surely you've got at least $25 mill and a lifetime of alimony payments coming your way.

*Full Disclosure - Your Uncle Grambo also attended Rochester Adams High School, albeit a good number of years later.

• Separate lives: Madonna and Guy thousands of miles apart after calling in divorce lawyers [Daily Mail]

1. The World No Longer Wants Madonna's Sex: As we know by now, Lesbian Chic is the word. And despite her reputation as being so very salacious in the Erotica department, Madonna's on-stage kiss with her female backup dancer two months ago didn't cause much of a ripple in the pop culture universe. All the stunt really did was make Lourdes cry and finally learn what all those ladies were doing crawling in between Mommy's legs in the Ritchies' many life-size portraits hung prominently in each and every house they call home. Marrying Madonna should mean being one half of a super sexy barrier-crossing team — if Madge couldn't even compete with Lindsay Lohan in making lesbianism "cool," what is she doing for his stock?

2. Guy Ritchie Does Not Have Brad Pitt Penis Envy: Just as little Maddox put the nail in Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton's bloody coffin of a relationship, adopting the Ritchies' newest asset David from Malawi was allegedly not such a joyous occasion for Guy. After rumors surfaced that Ritchie wasn't on board, his public denials after the fact didn't do much to help squash the gossip. As he put it, "We don't talk about it. We haven't talked about it for the past six months." And somehow we doubt Guy will be yammering on and on about his legally adopted son David for the foreseeable future either.

3. Madonna Officially Swept Away Guy's Filmmaking Cred: After pulling a Gwyneth in 2006 and "giving up" that whole showbiz career, the Desperately Seeking Susan scene-stealer spent years trying to figure out, Her Madgesty not-so-memorably spread her directing wings for this year's Berlin Film Festival disaster, Filth And Wisdom. And even after THR noted its sole saving grace was assisting audience members with "getting in touch with their inner slut," Madonna just announced last week how much she prefers unloading bombs like these to shimmying around stages. But when you're dating the likes of former BAFTA nominee Ritchie, whose highly stylized gems have managed to make Brad Pitt look funny and indecipherable dialogue feel tolerable, the battle between Guy's talent and Madonna's indestructible ego is enough to make anyone run for the hills. The silver lining? Madge will no longer singlehandedly wreck any more of Ritchie's films by testing out her accents on-screen.

• MADONNA AND GUY 'DISCUSS SPLIT AS SEVEN-YEAR MARRIAGE HITS ROCK BOTTOM' [Daily Mail]

As we had the pleasure of witnessing last month, Jake and Reese made one of their most public and skin-revealing appearances on the beach, with Reese all smiles in her itty bitty blue bikini, and Jake's impressive upper body on sunny display. And in a possible revenge ploy, Ryan agreed to accompany Abbie to an Australian awards ceremony, marking their first red carpet appearance as an official couple. Of course, it's basically public knowledge by now that Ryan took the divorce far harder than Reese, judging by his many weepy quotes about suicide and "vomiting" over the years, and Reese put Ryan in check mate first with those lovey dovey beach photos. No matter how many meetings, lawyers and arguments over child custody have taken place over the years, these pictures were apparently worth a thousand words.

• REESE WITHERSPOON AND RYAN PHILLIPPE FINALIZE THEIR DIVORCE [Us]