And guess who is crazy: action film director John McTiernan. He's just directed The Political Prosecutions of Karl Rove, an inaction film of sorts about how his indictment in the Pellicano case was politically motivated.

See, McTiernan had Pellicano wiretap a producer he was fighting over money with and then the FBI called him about it, and McTiernan was all "nope I didn't do that," and, well, that is not legal, to make false statements to the FBI. McTiernan pleaded guilty and was sentenced to four months in proson. But then McTiernan got mad that he was the only rich Hollywood prick facing actual jail time over this mess, so he fired his lawyers and withdrew his plea and made this documentary, apparently. He's due to be reindicted.

Anyway. McTiernan has never really thought he should get any jail time for his crime, and he's made it clear from day one that because he is a rich and successful director who is also, at heart, a Good Person, he should not be punished for lying about having everyone wiretapped. How dare they prosecute a man who's always portrayed the FBI in a positive light?

She also scolded Mr. McTiernan for saying in an e-mail message to his previous lawyer that he was "offended" at the idea he could be prosecuted because he had "refused to make movies in which F.B.I. agents are the bad guys," and for complaining that his legal woes could get in the way of his making a "patriotic movie."

McTiernan apparently doesn't remember how when the FBI shows up in Die Hard they are all working from the old terrorist playbook, and Gruber is playing them for saps, and only McClane and lowly LAPD desk jockey Reginald ValJohnson are interested in actually stopping those sons of bitches. Remember? Agents Johnson and Johnson, no relation? God, that movie rules. Anyway. The FBI are not "bad guys" in that movie but they are getting in the way of McClane doing his job, dammit, which is why, 20 years later, director John McTiernan had to lie to them.

Sadly this new movie does not look as awesome as Die Hard, or Die Hard With a Vengeance, which is just as awesome. This new movie looks as bad as Rollerball, frankly.

According to The Political Prosecutions of Karl Rove, the entire Pellicano case was all about digging up dirt for an anti-Hillary Clinton campaign video, because that makes sense. Why else but to derail Hillary would anyone go after noted Great American Ron Burkle?

The film notes that the prosecution allowed federal officials to compel two of Mrs. Clinton's biggest contributors - the entrepreneurs Ron Burkle and Stephen Bing - to testify before a grand jury. Mrs. Clinton, the film says, was widely reported to have had help from Mr. Pellicano when her husband was accused in 1992 of having had an affair with Gennifer Flowers.

Now it is actually certainly true that politically motivated investigations and prosecutions of prominent Democrats were one of the many dirty deeds of the Bush administration, but they were more likely to go after people like Alabama Governor Don Siegelman than to target a scummy Hollywood private eye and the assholes who hired him.

We think McTiernan should cut a deal with the prosecutors: they will not re-indict him if he stops making weird conspiracy documentaries and signs on instead to Die Hard 5.

1. Ratatouille—$47.227 million
Another summer, another critically beloved animated feature that tops the box office on its opening weekend, extending Pixar's years-long consecutive hits streak. But now that the studio has proven it can push to number one a movie with a premise as theoretically unsavory as filthy, health-code flouting rodents running amok in the kitchen of a French restaurant, they'll seek a challenge that will properly tax their unparalleled hitmaking talents: development has begun on Crabs, the story of some misunderstood, but ultimately lovable, genital lice making their home in the overgrown pubic hair of a Hungarian prostitute. Summer 2009 opening weekend gross: $53 million.

2. Live Free or Die Hard—$33.150 million
As we predicted on Friday, the lure of John McClane blowing shit up on a midsummer Friday night was too strong to resist, and we cast this weekend's $14 box office vote for Die Hard, even though we found Fox's promotional efforts a little lacking. Well, except for the one where a shitfaced Bruce Willis promised us we'd have a good time at his movie:

3. Evan Amighty—$15.089 million
It seems that God has sent a clear message to Hollywood: Stop fucking up My perfectly good stories with your CGI nonsense. (A disappointing box office run hurts Hollywood much worse than a flood ever could.)

4. 1408—$10.610 million
1408 IMDb Fun Fact: the film's Young Woman at Book Signing has no other credits, but we think this is the beginning of an impressive career.

9. Sicko—$4.5 million
Illegally downloading copies of Sicko is so easy that even political candidates in Ohio can show you how to do it!

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE June 29-July 1, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

So overcrowded is the summer movie marketplace that the only way to distinguish one's upcoming blockbuster product from the blowing-shit-up competition is to hit the talk show circuit and recreate some of the fun that awaits fickle moviegoers upon their next trip to the multiplex.

On last night's Late Show, game Live Free Or Die Hard star Bruce Willis did the best he could with what was left of Fox's promotional budget following yesterday's impressive airborne display over Los Angeles, setting off a "Ka-Bruce" firework (Chinatown stall street price: $1.49) intended to preview the many thrilling big-screen explosions the action hero encounters during the film. Unfortunately for Fox , Paramount has booked Fourth of July weekend rival Transformers director Michael Bay on next Monday's Letterman show, whose better-funded stunt will involve driving a custom-made Bumblebee Camaro up to the guest chair; once Bay detonates the car following a predetermined laugh line and showers the live studio audience in a hail of deadly, white-hot shrapnel, the memory of Willis' quaint cherry-bomb spectacle will be completely erased.

• Late Show: Monday, June 25, 2007 [CBS.com]
• Previously: Fox Decides Lengthy, Profane Catch-Phrase Too Expensive For Skywriting [Defamer]

• Hollywood A Little Too Distracted To Pay Attention To Blurry Messages From Above [Defamer]

Hard to believe it really is Bruce saying that stuff on AICN. I loved working with Bruce. He gave me a big hug one month ago at the GM party and we talked for 20 minutes. We even talked about working together again! I mean it would be sad if he felt this way - he's never one to hide his feelings - I say sad, in that he wouldn't be man enough to say it to my face. But truly sad that such a big time actor would have to hide on a little talk back section. So I really don't believe this story.

I find it also totally odd that my agents at William Morris got the call from Bruce's people to inquire if I would like to helm Die Hard 4, but I was already on Transformers.

Michael

Bay's accusations that Willis is nothing more than a "Hollywood friend" ("Mikey Boy! Great to see you! You been working out? Have your guy call my guy and let's do another project! I mean it! Hey, is that the crab cake tray over there? Gotta run!") and that his "people" invited the fauxteur to ruin Beedub's comeback vehicle momentarily give him the edge in their web-enabled spat. Of course, the dick-measuring contest won't truly end until July, after Live Free or Die Hard and The Transformers have both had their opening weekends, when the public will be able to see which online shit-talker's packing more box office inches.

• A response to Bruce Willis [MichaelBay.com]
• Previously: Bruce Willis Takes To Internet To Answer Fan Questions About How Many 'Fucks' They'll Hear In The New 'Die Hard' [Defamer]

Never once in the above clip (thanks to Deadspin for bringing this joy into our lives on a Monday afternoon) do we see any booze cross suspiciously enthusiastic action star and proud New Jerseyian Bruce Willis' lips during this interview at a break in yesterday's Nets-Raptors game, so it would unfair to attribute his slurry, semicoherent endorsements of both his companion's promising career and his new movie to alcohol intoxication; clearly, his potshot at Cybill Shepherd, his seemingly insane claim that this summer's Die Hard sequel is better than the original, and his "Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker!" sign-off were fueled by the excitement of playoff basketball, and not by enough $14 jumbo Bud Lites to kill an actor of half his tolerance.

• Bruce Willis Likes Him Some Jersey Beer [Deadspin]

A teaser trailer for Live Free Or Die Hard intended to premiere in front of Eragon and Pursuit of Happyness today was "accidentally" leaked online yesterday afternoon by Yahoo! (the offending page was quickly pulled), a completely unorchestrated error that resulted in the clip's immediate proliferation on the YouTubes. (Egads! What will the studio do to counteract the publicity disaster represented by a fully finished movie commercial getting out 15 hours early? Heads will roll!) At the risk of becoming party to Fox's transparent ploy to build buzz for the resurrection of its moribund "desperate guy fighting terrorists all by himself" franchise, we present the teaser, in which so much shit blows up and so many cars are launched through the air in a single minute (without a hint of plot) that we wouldn't have been surprised to see the words "A BRETT RATNER FILM" pass across the screen.

• Previously: Bruce Willis' Comeback Vehicle To Royally Fuck Up Your Commute [Defamer]

The production company stated in its letter of intent and permit applications that it will use pyrotechnics (explosives) and "gunfire for the entire time" of the filming. One helicopter is scheduled to be used during weekend filming, and "there will be larger explosions" with accompanying smoke early morning of Sundays, Nov. 5 and 12.

There's probably an entire class of angry commuter who can't be placated by ultimately impotent wishes for vengeance; we recommend that these more proactive motorists express their displeasure by lighting on fire and then abandoning their vehicles in front of Fox's Century City studio lot ("gunfire for the entire time" is completely optional) during afternoon rush hour, offering production executives a small taste of the inconvenience their location shoot is inflicting upon the freeways near LAX.

• Live Free, Die Hard, Sit In Traffic Outside LAX [CBS News va LA Voice.org]

SAG looks to increase dues for the first time in seven years, a move that could put an unwelcome financial burden on your favorite bartender, valet parking attendant, or Starbucks barista in between slow-arriving residual checks. [Variety]
· On fledgling network The CW's premiere night, America's Next Top Model carries them to a win in the only demographic they truly care about, 18-34 year-olds, as the kids obviously put in the effort to figure out which channel is the new home of Tyra Banks' trademark sassiness. (Disclosure: We still have no idea what channel The CW landed on here in L.A. We suppose we'll figure it out eventually.) [THR]
· Adorably quirky superproducer Brian Grazer's Imagine TV is hooking up with the FBI to develop a drama about its role in the post-9/11 government. In the meantime, The Graze and his partners are hoping that new CBS series Shark will be a hit and make them incrementally richer. [Variety]
Justin Long will join Bruce Willis in the cast of the fourth Die Hard flick, Live Free or Die Hard, playing an obnoxious Mac enthusiast who scoffs at Willis' every frustrated attempt to download pictures from his digital camera onto his PC. [THR]
Thursday night ABC newcomer Grey's Anatomy defeats CBS timeslot stalwart CSI in both overall and key demographic viewership, leaving Les Moonves no choice but to promise his network affiliates that he plans on having the entire Grey's cast murdered by the end of the month. [Variety]

• Guyz Nite [Guyznite.com]
• Today In Bruce Willis: 'Die Hard 4' Gets A Release Date, Bruno Sues Childhood Pal [Defamer]

In another Bruce Willis-related tidbit, it seems that not even the Die Hard 4 release news was enough to push BruceWillis.com to the next level. What's it going to take, an official attachment to Striking Distance 2?

• Willis cops summer '07 bow [Variety]
• Bruce Willis Says He's The Victim of a Shakedown [TMZ.com]
• Bruce Willis Is Getting Really Sick Of Posing With The Fucking Raccoon [Defamer]