So overcrowded is the summer movie marketplace that the only way to distinguish one's upcoming blockbuster product from the blowing-shit-up competition is to hit the talk show circuit and recreate some of the fun that awaits fickle moviegoers upon their next trip to the multiplex.

On last night's Late Show, game Live Free Or Die Hard star Bruce Willis did the best he could with what was left of Fox's promotional budget following yesterday's impressive airborne display over Los Angeles, setting off a "Ka-Bruce" firework (Chinatown stall street price: $1.49) intended to preview the many thrilling big-screen explosions the action hero encounters during the film. Unfortunately for Fox , Paramount has booked Fourth of July weekend rival Transformers director Michael Bay on next Monday's Letterman show, whose better-funded stunt will involve driving a custom-made Bumblebee Camaro up to the guest chair; once Bay detonates the car following a predetermined laugh line and showers the live studio audience in a hail of deadly, white-hot shrapnel, the memory of Willis' quaint cherry-bomb spectacle will be completely erased.

• Late Show: Monday, June 25, 2007 [CBS.com]
• Previously: Fox Decides Lengthy, Profane Catch-Phrase Too Expensive For Skywriting [Defamer]

I am Walter B
by Walter B
i am John Mafuckin'Clane. What if I came to you all, just as as guy who in the last weeks of post, facing a 5 week, World-Wide press tour, an crazed at the prospect of it, just wanted to take a simpler approach to talking to this enormous group of people, who depsite pre-judgements from many, praise from a smaller minority, and some just waiting to see "what shakes out", merely wished to have an outlet to chat with people I seldom get to chat with, and what if I just listened?

And then thought about what I was going to say, and wrote back honestly. I had a website up for a while, I shut it down for an indefinite period, but now, getting ready to launch the longest shot of my careeer, I feel a strong personal pull to hear from an audience I do not know, sans Bullshit,(And that means I tell the Truth), sans gossip, just the straight, tight shit. I would personally hope it might be more about my work, good and bad, just us. Harry can chime in if he likes, but frankly it's not cumpolsory........HOW WOULD THAT BE? in veritas Beedub

Understandably, this self-declaration of movie-star authenticity was rejected as insufficient proof that Willis was mingling with the unwashed internet masses. But to his credit, rather than allow naysayers to taint the board with their disbelieving negativity, the actor fired up his video-enabled iChat as a show of good faith (pictured above), proving beyond the shadow of a doubt that he has nothing better to do with his time than commune with those who would make the heretical claim that Michael Bay would've been a better choice to direct the new Die Hard than Underworld's Len Wiseman. Which reminds us:

Bay
by Walter B
Would have ruined DH4. Few people will work with him now, and I know I will never work with him again.

Knowing that Bay is no stranger to the internet himself, we hope he takes appropriate umbrage at his former Armageddon partner's slight, joining the fray to let Willis know that his unprovoked attack makes him no better than the other internet dickwads whose opinions he could care less about.

• FOX - Vern has some words for you about the pansy-assing of the 4th DIE FLACCID movie. [AICN]
• Is Bruce Willis a Talkbacker? - UPDATED [Freeze Dried Movies]
• Previously: Bruce Willis Just Really Loves Playoff Basketball [Defamer]