Diane Lane has signed on to star in a biopic about Triple Crown-winning racehorse Secretariat. When asked about the project, Lane told reporters "I'm just excited to finally be working with Sarah Jessica Parker." [Variety]

Oh you get so excited when you first hear that Hollywood has big plans for a zombie franchise called Deadworld. Because, even though you fear them more than anything else, you really love zombies and zombie mythology and zombie movies and zombie books. So a franchise about a post-zombie apocalypse is totally awesome. And then you read this: "Protag is King Zombie, a Harley-riding corpse who holds a grudge against the survivors who made him an outcast." And then you feel sad. Why? Because zombies don't ride motorcycles. They just don't. [Variety]

Gary Ross, who wrote and directed films like Seabiscuit and Pleasantville, has been tapped to pen the script for the biopic about cancer-surviving, pedal-pushing, wife-leaving Lance Armstrong. When asked about the project, Ross told reporters "I'm very excited. I'm hoping there's a part in here for Sarah Jessica Parker, because we had such a great time working on Seabiscuit." [THR]

Poppy Montgomery, from CBS' Without a Renewal, has signed on to star in Cinderella Pact, a Lifetime Movie Channel movie about ladies losing weight. Seriously! That's what it's about. Also, it's about a harried magazine editor. Because that's a ladyjob! [THR]

Two writers from Heroes have signed two year deals with NBC, where they'll continue to write for that drama and also develop their own projects. And I just... I mean... Heroes has writers? That NBC wants to see more of? Flabbergasted. Simply. Anyone need a roommate in LA? 'Cause they're just giving network deals out at the door, apparently. [Variety]

Matt Prokop, that dickbag from High School Musical 3: Senior Year who was like the new Troy Bolton or whatever, has just signed on to star in Furry Vengeance, a family-type comedy also starring Brendan Fraser. He'll play "a sarcastic city kid" whose mean dad moves him to rural Oregon and then they end up doing battle with animals who are mad at them. Roger Kumble, the man behind Cruel Intentions, is directing the feature, so expect a scene where Prokop has his junk ground-upon by his stone fox step-sister, and then suddenly a raccoon breaks in and everyone dies. [THR]

Oh girl, heyyyy. Lipstick Jungle's resident old lady banger Robert Buckley has landed a promotion, y'all! He's going to star on the best series on television. It's about a single plant, standing lonely atop a mound. Creatively, it's called One Tree Hill! Buckley will play a conflicted character named Jonahz, a youngish man who talks a good game and has a smooth-yet-vulnerable charm with the ladies but there's also something mysterious and maybe broken about him. Ha, actually he'll play Clayton, the "brash young sports agent" (so expect lots of lame Entourage-esque posturing), a role that Brian Austin Green had been maybe gonna do, but then that "fell through." Meaning Green finally sat down to watch an episode of the show and about ten minutes in said "Oh hellllll no." [THR]

WHAT'S NEW: Shia LaBeouf reunites with his Disturbia director DJ Caruso for the thriller Eagle Eye, featuring our young hero as a man trapped (alongside Michelle Monaghan) in a mysterious mire of surveillance, espionage and murder also featuring Billy Bob Thornton and Rosario Dawson. Hitchcock comes up in more discussions of the film than he doesn't, with the rap being that Eagle Eye represents North by Northwest to Disturbia's too-influential-for-comfort Rear Window, but that's just adults being adults. The kids will toss rose petals and dump around $30.6 million out their wallets, further anchoring LaBeouf as his generation's most bankable star without a driver's license. Congrats, Shia!

Meanwhile, that generation's parents can shuffle into the auditorium next door for the Gere/Lane reteaming Nights in Rodanthe, adapted from a Hallmark card novel by Nicholas Sparks with enough inoffesnsively creaky cliche and Mom Jeans-wetting romance to attract around $13.1 million.

Also opening in limited release: The Palahniuk adaptation Choke; the Charlize Theron-led propaganda ensemble Battle in Seattle; Tim Robbins' and Rachel McAdams' Iraq-themed The Lucky Ones; Wayne Wang's modest immigrant mish-mash A Thousand Years of Good Prayers; the misanthropic Easter bunny comedy Hank and Mike; the race-baiting terrorism saga Shoot on Sight (tagline: "Is it a crime to be a Muslim?"); the Filipina-tranny doc The Amazing Truth About Queen Raquela; and the lyrical, Indie Spirit Award-winning drama August Evening.

THE BIG LOSER: It's not like we actively root against films around Defamer HQ (all right, maybe that one time; it had it coming), and we really would like to see Spike Lee pull off Miracle at St. Anna, his epic WWII semi-mystery focusing long-overdue attention on the Army's 92nd Infantry Division — the only all-black unit to see combat in Europe. He may yet do it with Disney's micro-marketing prowess, but let's be honest: The reviews are brutal, it's 160 minutes long, it's rated R, it rotates between English, German and Italian, and at least a quarter of its intended audience is likelier to defer to one of two sturdy holdovers — Burn After Reading or The Famliy That Preys. If this breaks $5.5 million, we'll be shocked. Sorry, Spike; there's always Inside Man 2.

THE UNDERDOG: We alluded to it earlier this week, but Kirk Cameron's Fireproof — with its born-again title, God-fearing creds and bankable-enough star among Christian audiences — should sneak up on the mainstream, possibly pulling in as much as $4.2 million on 800 screens. Those are Dane Cook-beating numbers, and Lord knows a good Dane Cook beating is something to behold.

FOR SHUT-INS: New DVD's this week include Sex and the City, Leatherheads, the underrated Simon Pegg comedy Run, Fat Boy, Run, Dario Argento's gore opus Mother of Tears and, at long last, Two and a Half Men: The Complete Fourth Season.

So are you planning to drive Shia to the theater, or is it more of an old-people-fucking kind of weekend for you? Are we giving Spike a fair shake? And what to do about this glut at the art house? Call your shots!

Here are a few reasons why we think his films are so popular:

1.) They're completely unrealistic, and we love it.
Clearly, the main reason women love romance movies is that they are ridiculously far-fetched. Sure, our boyfriends would jump on to a moving ferris wheel a la Ryan Gosling to ask us out on a first date! And pale, feeble, Cross-bearers like Mandy Moore could certainly tame popular cool cats like Shane West in A Walk to Remember in real life. We know it's all bullshit, but a girl can dream.

2.) He gets the right people to play the parts.
Okay, when you were in high school, you totally thought pre-ER bad-boy Shane West was a fine piece. And clearly whoever is casting these things still has the knack for it: Channing Tatum is set to star in the upcoming adaptation of Dear John, and obviously Miley is in demand. Plus, James Franco cameo as Richard Gere's son this weekend? Do us.

3.) True love can survive anything.
Gosling goes off to war. And then McAdams-turned-Gena Rowlands goes totally insane at the end of The Notebook and wanders all over the hospital post-midnight. It looks like the house in Rodanthe is about to rot into a piece of driftwood. Are these obstacles too grand to stop a Sparks plotline? Never! True love prevails over all.

4.) Speaking of houses - the ones in the movies are fucking sweet.
Gosling builds McAdams a house. Like, are you serious? It has a ridic balcony so she can paint fields and rainbows and swans on the lake and shit. And though we haven't seen Rodanthe yet, it has blue shutters and is so close to the water the sand stains the windows. We want to live there.

5.) And finally, even old people can get it on in a Sparks flick.
We weren't totally repulsed when Rowlands and James Garner made out at the end of The Notebook, and that's saying something.

In today's episode: Diane Lane; Katherine Heigl, Josh Kelley, and Sara Ramirez; Kirsten Dunst; Alex Trebek; Cynthia Nixon and Rob Schneider; Rose McGowan; Jonah Hill; Dominic Monaghan; Alice Cooper; Wilmer Valderrama; Rich Sommer; and Blake Lewis.

· 12/8 - Diane Lane and daughter, both looking lovely with similar pixie cuts, braving the holiday madness at the Century City mall Saturday evening. I immediately started searching to see if hubby Josh Brolin was around - damn that man is having a fantastic year - but sadly he was nowhere to be seen.

· Walking out of the Variety screening of JUNO at the Arclight on Tuesday, I saw Katherine Heigl (with Josh Kelley) and Sara Ramirez (with unnamed man). It looked like they were double dating. Sara was thinner than I expected but it was incredibly refreshing to see two working actresses who wouldn't fall over if a stiff breeze came along.

· I saw Kirsten Dunst at the Arclight around 4:30 pm on Saturday, December 8th. No make-up on, looks exactly like you'd think she would. Not very tall and she was in heels. Very thin and absolutely no butt to speak of. She was with an older producer-type gentleman. Thought they'd head in to the theaters, but they made their way up the ramp towards the restaurant. I mentioned that they could've picked a better place to eat to my friend, to which she responded, "She doesn't eat."

· Friday, December 7th at 12:45 p.m. fellow-Canuck, Alex Trebek at the Sherman Oaks Galleria on Ventura Blvd. God only knows what the Canadian Quizmaster was doing in that pathetic excuse for a mall; then again I was headed to Paul Mitchell. The gent was sporting two nondescript brown-paper shopping bags; sans adequate labeling for further prying eyes. Maybe PF Chang's takeout - so ending the mystery once and for all.

· It seemed like a slow Monday night at Chinois on Main in Santa Monica until Cynthia Nixon and two other dykish gals walked in for a bite. Shortly after Rob Schneider and a group of 3 came in as well. I'm sure they all ordered the fish!

· And in the random sighting of the month, saw Rose McGowan in the Aaron Brothers framing outlet on Sunset and Western, Sunday afternoon.

· Dec 9 - Mr. Superbad Jonah Hill entertaining a table of Los Feliz's finest hipsters...recomended: half pastrami and half franch dip.

· On Tuesday, December 10 I went to the Blick Art Store on Beverly Blvd. to pick up some molding hooks. Walked in and spied Now-Dead Lostaway & Hobbit Dominic Monaghan waiting in line to purchase spraypaint. When he finally got to an available cash register to pay, the cashier gal (who clearly had no idea who he was) saw the spraypaint, looked at him, and asked if he was eighteen. His reply? "I have a beard!" Awesome exchange to see, especially knowing that now-unemployed Dominic is either a tagger or a huffer.

· Funny sighting sunday at the Rose Bowl flea market... Alice Cooper, accompanied by a cute young woman (a daughter maybe?). They were very cool, and super nice to the dealer..but here's the funny part: they were debating between buying a box of "Jesus Wheaties" or a box of "Hitler-O's". Some kind of vintage gag cereal items, I guess. They ultimately went with the Hitler-O's. And they didn't even haggle over the price. Oh and Alice looks pretty good, for being like 200 yrs old.

· Saturday 12/8 I spotted Fez aka Wilmer "i like young thangs" Valderrama at the Bev Center with a gaggle of teenage darlings sporting the various requisite westside teen uniform of leggings, newsboy caps, and handbags that are five times bigger than their heads. ok so i wear that crap too but i drive a camry and they probably drive range rovers. color me jealous.

· 12/8/07 - Saw Rich Sommer ("Harry Crane" from "Mad Men" and "Other Guy" from "Devil Wears Prada") at the Ralph's at Burbank and Van Nuys, buying a wee half-pint of store-brand heavy cream (which he carried out in-hand...perhaps too eco-conscious to take a bag for one item...or just very proud of his purchase). I don't think I've ever actually seen anyone buy heavy cream, even out here in the backwater Valley. He looked thinner than on TV, though, so the cream isn't doing any damage, I guess. He was alone, sort of distracted and fidgety, wearing glasses, and very, very tall.

· At LaLa's on Melrose Saturday night (12/8) and who should boisterously enter and sit down at the table next to us? American Idol runner-up Blake Lewis, of course. He acted as though he really wanted to be recognized. However, I saw no fan approaches. Sorry Blake, maybe you'll read this and feel better.