Superproducer Jerry Bruckheimer is teaming up with Disney to produce the movie version of the upcoming book Horse Soldiers. While both you and me are imagining a film about horses who wear gun hats and every time they neigh, the gun hats shoot bullets, and we win WWII and the human kid, Danny, finally gets to kiss the cute French girl who helped them because she knows a lot about horses like how to click at them and how to fix gun hats, unfortunately we are both mistaken. It's about real-life US soldiers who rode into Afghanistan on horseback and helped broker deals with warlords in order to topple the Taliban. Sigh. [Variety]

Jeff Goldblum and Diane Keaton have joined the cast of the potentially-embarrassing-for-everyone-sounding Morning Glory. The film is about Rachel McAdams trying to solve a feud between two news anchors, Keaton and Harrison Ford. It's filming in New York, and that person who wrote Devil Wears Prada has crafted the screenplay. Lord help us. [Variety] Terrence Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Bryan Cranston have all joined up for Red Tails, the George Lucas-produced WWII flick about the Tuskegee Airmen. Whether or not they run into any horse soldiers with gun hats on their heads depends on how historically accurate they're trying to be. If they're going for vérité, then yes, there will be gun hats.

In case you were worried that you might have to go to the beach or sit outside drinking sangria and enjoying the breezes this summer, don't worry. The CW has finally decided to enter the full-year programming game, and will air some new reality shows in the hottest months. Your choices will be as varied as Blonde Charity Mafia, about a group of idiots milling about Washington D.C., and Hitched, about a bunch of idiots mulling about the idea of getting married. [Variety] Nerd alert! Dollhouse and Battlestar hottie boombalottie Tahmoh Penikett has been cast in the Sci-Fi (or, sorry, Syfy) channel movie event Riverworld, about a couple who dies only to find themselves in what is questionably the afterlife. Alan Cumming will guest star, and the whole damn thing could become a series. But what does this mean for the still-getting-better Dollhouse's fate? Hopefully nothing. [THR]

The people who made that show Til' Death (which is still on the air), Alex Barnow and Marc Firek, have signed a new deal with Sony TV. They'll leave that Brad Garrett laffapalooza and head on over to a new series, which is still in the works. So the good people are working. We can be glad for that. (And yes, I know J.B. Smoove is funny on that show, but still). [THR] Also there's this: Jennifer Garner is set to star in a movie about butter carving. No, not churning. Carving. The competitive world of. So. The movie is called Butter, completing the triumvirate begun by Milk and continued by Salt. [THR]

Kevin James continues to land a series of improbably hot wives. First it was Leah Remini, who later became an alien and disappeared out of the motherhood and into the celestial ether, and now it's Maria Bello. The smoky voiced blonde will play his wife in that jam-packed comedy about a high school reunion that also stars Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Maya Rudolph, and Salma Hayek. The genius behind I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry will direct. [THR] Speaking of hilarity, here's something terrific. Hunk of yesteryear Antonio Sabato Jr. has won an acting award for a movie in which he plays a serial killer. The prestigious Beverly Hills Film Festival bestowed the best actor prize upon the former soap stud for his work in Drifter: Henry Lee Lucas, about this charming fellow who maybe killed 600 folks, and maybe didn't kill anyone. You may remember that the estimable Michael Rooker played the fellow in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer some years back. [THR]

And it's not like rookie distributor Variance Films didn't have a trailer (follow the jump), a decent cast (Liv Tyler, Dax Shepard, Mike White) or even a fun poster to market. So what happened?

Part of it is Keaton's own fault. After a tandem comprising Something's Gotta Give (her most recent Oscar-nominated role) and The Family Stone, Keaton has coasted chronically through paycheck after paycheck. We'd seen hints as recently as 2001, when her mob comedy Plan B went straight to video, but her reputation as a selective stateswoman of American cinema slid for real with Because I Said So and the heist flick Mad Money. They combined for $62 million domestically but were generally reviled as beneath their star. And they were beneath Keaton; The Family Stone wasn't going to make anyone forget Annie Hall as a whole, but as late-career matriarch roles go, she was as good as she'd ever been.

Then came the DVD- (and hell-) ready Mama's Boy, co-starring Jon Heder and essentially remade as Smother with a date-movie-palatability quotient bumped up. Neither found traction with critics, but Variance didn't bother with press or preview screenings at all. That settled it for critics, with Ebert-thwacking indie grump Lou Lumenick positing "Diane Keaton Scrapes the Barrel" and another reviewer asking: "Does Diane Keaton owe some loan sharks a considerable amount of cash? Are there incriminating photos of her that she’s insistent never see the light of day?" We wouldn't rule it out.

And the thing is, she's still so smart and funny and beautiful — too much so for all of this. Smother, Diane? Really? The optimist in us has to move ahead assuming it's a rough patch, but so help us, if we her selling credit reports in a miniskirt on Pimp Ed McMahon's arm, we'll come save her ourselves. This is serious.

Boomp3.com

Proving that there’s no age limit on sex appeal, Al Pacino had the women swooning at the after party for Righteous Kill. Pacino chalked up his reinstated animal magnetism to the fact that he wears sunglasses at night. Pacino said, “Girls love a guy in shades. True story. I learned that on the set of The Godfather from Diane Keaton.” Pacino also felt that the shades allow him to get away with more. Pacino explained, “I was hugging Carla and I told her that I thought she was Bobby because you know, I couldn’t see anything with the shades on. It was nice.”

Photo Credit: Getty Images

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

In today's installment: Paula Abdul, Courtney Love, Diane Keaton, Salma Hayek, Jason Schwartzman, Forest Whitaker, Elliott Gould, Mischa Barton, Craig Ferguson, Seth Green, Luke Perry, William Peterson, Michael C. Hall, Peter Krause, Maria Sharapova, Robin Tunney, Craig Bierko, Ian Ziering, Rodger Lodge, Max Martini and John Calipari and more.

SATURDAY, JULY 5
· A strange duo at the LAX Luftansa business class counter around noon: Six Feet Under's PETER KRAUSE (and son, I presume) with The Unit's MAX MARTINI (again, with son). Both looking quite virile.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 23
· Tennis Darling/Nikon shiller MARIA SHARAPOVA shopping at the Anthropologie in El Seguendo Plaza. She was rummaging through racks and stacks like everyone else (Stars! There just like us.)

SATURDAY, JULY 18
· Saturday night at Bar Marmont, I saw my future ex-husband, MICHAEL C. HALL, of Dexter fame. He seemed shy, but very polite.

MONDAY, JULY 21
· DIANE KEATON, hand-in-hand with her adorable young son (looked 7 or 8), walking him in to day-camp at the Ocean Institute in Dana Point. Amidst the sun-aged, OC wanna-be MILFs, Diane looked sophisticated and straight out of Annie Hall in long sleeves, dress slacks, blazer, scarf, and felt hat.

TUESDAY, JULY 22
· I JACK STEHLIN (DEA Roy Till on Weeds, thx IMDB) at the Whole Foods on Barrington and National. He was helping two cute little girls (his daughters?) at the salad bar. He has very very blue eyes. Later, out in the parking lot, I saw ELLIOTT GOULD pulling into a parking space. Looks exactly like Elliott Gould pulling into a parking space.

THURSDAY, JULY 24
· I went to LAX last Thursday and saw WILLIAM H. PETERSON, dressed head to toe in black, including some sort of black baseball Castro-styled hat, and oddly because it was very warm, a dark scarf. He was so "incognito" it was hard to miss him. Of course no one noticed him anyway. I will say he greeted his driver very warmly - which was saved me from really being annoyed with his trying-so-hard-not-to-be-seen-that-of-course-you notice-him 'tude.
· 3:30 p.m.: RODGER LODGE, of Blind Date and sports talk radio fame, chatting with his wife while pushing a double stroller through the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Unshaven and dressed for the pool, but still quite manorexic and brow-waxed. Two kids under 4 years old scampering about and being loud. An animated thought bubble appeared over his head: "How did I get here? My God, what have I done?"
· Saw Memphis basketball coach JOHN CALIPARI talking on his mobile phone in front of the InterContinental Hotel in Century City this morning...Had a terrible tick and was mumbling something along the lines of "Guard Chalmers! Guard Chalmers!" No sight of Memphis Tiger bandwagoner Justin Timberlake.
· LUKE PERRY at El Toro Cantina on the Miracle Mile. With a pretty, skinny brunette, both totally into each other. Was disappointed to see he was wearing sweatpants, once he stood up to leave. He still looks amazing, not gonna lie.

FRIDAY, JULY 25
· Spotted SALMA HAYEK at the ArcLight looking terrific — didn't she just have a baby? She was with what looked like her girl posse ... did not see what movie they went to, but wanted to cheer girlfriend on for breaking the engagement to Francois-Henri Pinault.
· This is the type of star sighting that urban myths are made of. I saw COURTNEY LOVE, America's Sweetheart of babble-blogging used-to-be-rock stardom, shopping for paints in Cox Paints in Santa Monica. From behind a turnstile of Benjamin Moore samples came the raspy strains of a woman on the edge...the edge of re-painting the inside of her Malibu home with a cacophony of kaleidescopic colors in various finishes. The most important was finding a red that had to match something of the red glitter variety. Oh Courtney...you are bat s**t kooky crazy and skinny as an adolescent whippet which is exactly what I look for in a celebrity.
· 11:30 a.m.: CRAIG FERGUSON, CBS' wildly underappreciated and underpromoted late-night host, hunkering down in a corner of the Starbucks in the middle of the MGM Grand in Vegas. Wearing a black T-shirt and big, thick sunglasses while talking to a hot, age-appropriate blonde and being quite charming to people who recognized him. He's gonna grind Jimmy Fallon into haggis after NBC commits Lorne-assisted suicide next year.
· This morning at 10:00 am I ran into CRAIG BIERKO at the Beverly/Detroit Starbuck's. If I ever get a TV gig, I have to have his DP and makeup crew. For this lucky guy, the camera subtracts 10 pounds.

SATURDAY, JULY 26
· ROBIN TUNNEY at Dan Tana's for a birthday party with Heidi Klum's ex-husband Ric Pipino. Hairdressers get all the hot girls!
· I was coming out of The Dark Knight at Arclight and my friends and I saw one paparazzo take a picture of someone on our way to the parking garage. We had no idea who it was and kept walking to the elevators, when we got a closer look and saw it was MISCHA BARTON. She didn't look as emaciated as one would expect and was with a normal-looking guy who was about her height, maybe a little shorter. The guy seems to be an upgrade from her past men - he looked like he showered.
· IAN ZIERING is training a (his?) very well behaved shaggy dog by Cafe Primo on The Strip.
· Saw PAULA ABDUL at the Borders on Ventura in Sherman Oaks. She had a handful of books in one hand (Three Cups of Tea was the only one I could see the title of) and a coffee in the other. She was looking at the travel books and seemed alone. Planning a vacay maybe. Sundress, ponytail, pretty.
· Spotted SETH GREEN last night at a friend's Comic Con after party. Way shorter than expected and seemed to be unable to enjoy himself for fear that he would be recognized. Honestly, the whole place knew he was there and no one was bugging the guy. Ignored a friend who tried to strike up a friendly conversation with him outside the party. Acted like he was busy on the phone instead. Overall impression, lame.

SUNDAY, JULY 27
· Heidi Klum's current hubby SEAL at the Coffee Shop, downstairs at the BHH. Also spotted, real estate reality TV stars JOHN BERSCHI and KURT RAPPAPORT. JACK OSBOURNE also poked his head in, but wouldn't wait for a stool.

TUESDAY, JULY 29
· FORREST WHITAKER indulging some fans outside ONE Sunset. Not as big as I thought he'd be.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 30
· I spotted JASON SCHWARTZMAN in the Staples on Sunset. He wasn’t holding any office supplies, but he did look like a man on a mission. Very handsome, although much smaller than I would have expected.

10. Tom Cruise, Top Gun

9. Renee Zellwegger, Chicago

8. Keira Knightley, Edge Of Love

7. Nicole Kidman, Moulin Rouge

6. Rupert Everett, My Best Friend's Wedding

5. Diane Keaton, Radio Days

4. Scarlett Johansson, Lost In Translation

3. Gwyneth Paltrow, Infamous

2. Zooey Deschanel, Elf

1. Heath Ledger, 10 Things I Hate About You

• Kate Hudson Joins Cast of Movie Musical Nine [People]

During an inspired riff in which she coveted Diane Sawyer ripe, pillowy lips, the iconic screen comedienne lamented how scoring such a genetic good fortune would have allowed her the luxury of not having "to work on my fucking personality." However many millions the slip ends up costing ABC in FCC fines, however, we'd argue was worth it, for it really required something as potent as an f-bomb dropped by a toilet-mouthed showbiz veteran in a turtleneck to finally dispel the stubborn whiff of brainwashing hanging around the studio since yesterday's broadcast.

• Watch Video
• GMA

In today's episode: Daniel Day-Lewis; Diane Keaton; Jake Gyllenhaal; Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau, Justin Long, Jonah Hill and Peter Billingsley; Doris Roberts; Joe Pesci; Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane; Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman; Adrian Grenier; Randy Jackson; Alexis Bledel; Bob Saget; Danny Masterson; James Roday; and Sean Gunn.

· At the Arclight Wednesday (01/09) - Daniel Day-Lewis at 5:35pm screening of "Sweeney Todd" checking out the competition. The concession guy was boasting about the photo that he got with him on his phone, and then my friend and I got seated next to him and his female companion who we think was Rebecca Miller's sister. Take that, concession guy! DDL seemed amused and even chuckled a few times at Helena Bonham Carter's bits. He sat forward in his seat a few times echoing his posture in "There Will Be Blood". He was dressed totally vintage in dark frayed slacks, workman boots, and a fedora-ish hat that he threw on after the lights went up. He went straight to the pisser afterwards. Just your average everyday Oscar winner.

· 1/5 - While on the ticket line at AMC Century City on Saturday afternoon, I turn to see a woman walk in wearing a hat, glasses and black coat wrapped chicly with a wide, brown leather belt. I'm thinking a) nice outfit and b) she's clearly inspired by Diane Keaton because there's no way this Diane Keaton fan is lucky enough to experience an actual Diane Keaton sighting. As she comes closer, I realize yes that's the unmistakable smile and swagger of Miss Annie Hall. Not only that, she's gracing the popcorn bags (to promote Mad Money) and I later learned that day was her birthday (she looks great for 62). Okay, I'm done obsessing now.

· Jan 4 - Last night, waiting to pick up my takeout order at the insanely crowded Gingergrass in Silver Lake, I could have sworn I saw a handomsely bearded (I mean that in the facial hair sense, not the Penelope Cruz sense, although...) Jake Gyllenhaal chowing down with a group of 3 other normal looking people. There was a girl to his left and her back was to me and I didn't have the time, the room, the lack of dignity, or the energy to do a walk-by, so I can't add a +Reese sighting.

· it's official: my former favorite vodka bar is a dingus-filled celeb hangout. saturday 1/5 at bar lubitsch: vince vaughn, jon favreau, justin long, and jonah hill all hanging out together. also with them was favreau's producer peter billingsley, better known to most of you as the "you'll shoot your eye out" kid from a christmas story. despite the justin "oh, the pastiness" long sighting, no drew barrymore to be found. ah well.

· My grandmother (sorry, Doris Roberts) enjoying a leisurely lunch with some daughter-types Wednesday (1/9) at Orso on 3rd. All done up, tasteful suit, matching purse, makeup, hair done. Adorable!

· Wednesday 1/9. After watching another Clippers loss, my new friend and I headed back to the Valley and stopped over to Jerry's in Studio City. Sitting diagonally across from us was Joe Pesci. Joe was sharing an ice cream sundae with a VERY young looking woman who I'm hoping was his daughter. Joe was naturally dressed in all black with a black leather jacket and VERY dyed black hair.

· I ran into Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane (again!) at the Arclight in Hollywood the day after Christmas. They were walking with a group of friends after seeing the new PT Anderson Flick "There Will Be Blood" which they were raving about. Eric's hair looked completely grey and was slicked back, and he was completely clean shaven. Rebecca looked cute and casual in jeans and a sweater with her hair up.

also saw Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman on a flight returning from Cabo San Lucas on 12/22. They were in Business class (no 1st class on those AA mexico flights) - it was a short flight with lots of delays. They kept us on the tarmac for like an hour before we left and after we landed due to busy airports. Jimmy kept busy reading the newspaper while Sarah was typing stuff on her iPhone. They had to go through customs at LAX and wait in the long annoying lines like everyone else. Sarah took funny pictures of Jimmy while they were standing in line at immigration.

· Jan 6 - Just saw Adrian Grenier braving the rains for some fine vegan cuisine at Real Food Daily on La Cienega. Very cute and friendly as he waited for his friends at the bar.

· Sheer bliss: Wednesday night on Hollywood Boulevard outside the IO West Theatre near Cahuenga, American Idol's Randy Jackson was riding around on a big matte black Segway (or whatever those standing motorized things are called) in best Gob Bluth style, with a woman hanging on behind him as his passenger. She was short enough that he loomed over her (but, no, it wasn't Paula). Everybody on the sidewalk was turning to one another and saying, "Wasn't that Randy Jackson? Damn, that WAS Randy Jackson!"

· Thursday, 1/10, 11.13 PM: Saw Alexis Bledel (Gilmore Girls) at the Airborne Toxic Event residency at Spaceland, bobbing to the music with her boyfriend and looking adorably clean-cut in a sea of hipsters. I didn't know celebs followed hot new indie rock bands, except for maybe Heath Ledger, who is obsessed with Alex Ebert from Ima Robot. I have a whole new appreciation for Alexis now. Lingering question: was that Scarlett Johansen I saw dancing along at ATE's show last Thursday at Spaceland, or just another really pretty blonde girl?

·Jan 11 - 12:57 p.m. Stalking Bob Saget at the Apple store in Century City bitching about his iPhone battery

· Saw Danny Masterson at Koji's Shabu Shabu in the Hollywood and Highland Complex on Sunday night 1/6/08. Sat at the bar waiting for a table with a male friend. Pretty non-descript except for the scariest moustache I have ever seen. I checked IMDB and didn't see any Sherlock Holmes or Inspector Clouseau roles for him anytime soon.

· The guy from "Psych" - James Roday, IMDb tells me - at the Arclight around 10pm on Tuesday Jan. 8, with a petite special lady friend. He was sporting a beard - strike beard or just plain old hiatus beard, I could not say.

· Tuesday (1/5) Los Feliz Gelson's. Sean Gunn (Kirk from "Gilmore Girls"), pushing a cart and looking positively terrifying with a black spikey mohawk. Not a fauxhawk — dude went all the way with it. Hopefully the cancellation of the show hasn't sent him into a Travis Bickle-esque state of mind —

In today's episode: Tom Hanks and Larry David; Vince Vaughn; Diane Keaton; Robin Williams; Laurence Fishburne; Jason Bateman; Mike Tyson; Bill Paxton; Kevin Smith; Tommy Lee; Cuba Gooding Jr.; Eliza Dushku; Michael Des Barres; John "Johnny Rotten" Lydon; Sanjaya Malakar; Pauly Shore; Rick Rubin; Coley Laffoon; Doug Benson and Samantha Ronson.

· Was at Buffalo Club in Santa Monica on Tuesday, June 12 and saw Tom Hanks having lunch with none other than Larry David. They laughed a lot and generally seemed to be having fun. They drank water and Larry paid the bill. I hope they are planning something together.

· 6-16 Tom Hanks, polo shirt collar up, and his ? Two boys gist leaving Swingers in Santa Monica. Looks terrific. That's what Paul McCartney money will do for a guy.

· Vince Vaughn hanging out on the smoking patio at the Seven Grand downtown on Saturday Night (good strong drinks). He is very tall and currently non-bloaty. And surprisingly, not drawing attention to himself, aside from the black pimp shirt un-buttoned one too low.

· Saturday afternoon (6/16), Diane Keaton opted out of the "chilly bliss" and enjoyed the real stuff on the patio of Piccomolo Italian Ice Cream in Pacific Palisades. She was with two children and was sporting her usual Annie Hall garb (black bowler, black blazer, shirt buttoned up to her chin).

· June 17th: Went to see a friend perform at the Improv, when about half way through the show the host surprised the audience by introducing "the man of Mork and Mindy fame, Mr. Robin Williams." He did about a 45 minute set and was absolutely hilarious, the guy definetly has talent, as it seemed to be pretty much entirely improv. Amazing.

· I miss out on all the Coffee Bean sightings, because I don't normally drink coffee or tea.. but thankfully they brought back Lavender Mint and I was able to enter the Matrix! On my second run of the weekend (6-18) I saw Laurence Fishburne at the Wilshire & 9th Coffee Bean. He was dressed casually and drove off in a black G-wagon.

· Jason Bateman hit the Hollywood Farmers Market on Sunday (6/17) with his wife and very cute baby girl.

This is very out-of-date but I spaced on reporting it earlier, so if you still care: on June 7 while stuck in rush-hour traffic on the Sunset Strip, we spotted Mike Tyson - dressed to the nines in a very expensive-looking suit - sitting outside some tattoo parlor. A passer-by walked up excitedly and asked if he could snap a photo, which Mike agreed to while looking off into the distance quite forlornly. It made me kind of sad to see...

· About half an hour later (still crawling down Sunset) my spirits were
resurrected by watching a smiley Bill Paxton finishing up the press line at the Cinerama Dome for the season premiere screening of "Big Love". Whee!

· Saturday, June 16, 2007: Kevin Smith, aka Silent Bob, at AMC Century 15, in the 7 p.m. preview screening for "Ratatouille."

· Happy Fathers Day! Saw Tommy Lee at the Dugout Club at Dodger Stadium 6/17. He was wearing black baseball cap, grey t shirt and copious b.o. Sort of a combo of old cigarretes, old cigarettes and old cigarettes. Stanky! Ran into him a short time later in the men's' room (i swear i wasn't trying to get a glimpse of "li'l tommy). Dude exited the stall and did not wash his hands! Later still, saw enthusiastic fans taking pics and shaking hands with Tommy. They better get themselves checked for hepatitis c.

oh yeah. also saw Cuba Gooding Jr. Is he still making movies?

· 6/17: LA Dodgers v. Angels Tommy Lee in the dugout club, maybe there for fathers day, didn't see kids but you never know. Separately saw Eliza Dushku there as well looking hot with her dimples.

· 6/18: Mambos in Burbank, Murdoc from MacGyver (Michael Des Barres) looking appropriately crazy in tinted blue shades, bright red button down open to bellybutton and adidas warmup pants.

· 6/14- Johnny Lydon (Rotten) having lunch in Venice by Washington Pier. Talks really loud so people will turn and look at him.

· 6/15/07 - Sanjaya Malakar (I know, this is hardly newsworthy) at the Derek Trucks/Susan Tedeschi Soul Stew Revival concert at the Ford Ampitheatre.

· 6-19 Pauly Shore working out at Equinox on Sunset. I dont know what he's taking, but the man hasn't aged a day since 1994.

· Sunday June 17th- Went down to Newport this last weekend to celebrate father's day with my Kenny Rogers-looking dad (pre surgery but post Roasters chow down) and who goes tooling past me on PCH but uber music producer, label owner Rick Rubin in his Johnny Cash black Bentley. Of course Bentleys are a a dime a dozen in coastal OC but when someone looking like the 4th member of ZZ Top goes zipping by, he blends in about as much as Newport's favorite son, Dennis Rodman.

· Is Anne Heche's porn-and-poker-loving ex-husband (i.e. healthy American male) Coley Laffoon a celebrity? What if I sweetened the deal by adding recently won shared-custody prize Homer on his shoulders? Saw the two at the Farmer's Market Friday evening June 15 by 326 Bar at the Farmer's Market. Laffoon is tall, handsome, Homer is the blondest, cutest 5-year-old kid you ever saw, and the two seemed positively beaming with the kind of happiness you get after freshly shedding a Certified Organic Crazy Lady.

· Monday, 6/18, Around 1pm I'm not sure if he qualifies as a celebrity, but I see comedian Doug Benson of VH1's "Best Week Ever" getting chatted up by a diminutive bear at Gold's Gym Hollywood. The Thunderpuss Remix of something is blaring, so I can't hear what the bear is saying, but I'm pretty sure he's just a fan. I think.

· 6-18 I'm not sure it counts as a sighting... but I saw Samantha Ronson working out at my gym tonight. She looks greasy in person...

In today's episode: Robert Downey Jr.; Diane Keaton; Paris Hilton and the Hilton Family; Keith Urban; Johnny Reznick; Aisha Tyler; Luke Wilson; Jeff Goldblum; Adam Brody; Frankie Muniz; Kisten Dunst; Damon Wayans; Michael Rapaport; Minnie Driver; Clark Gregg and Jennifer Grey and Melissa Gilbert.

· Christmas day (night really), Robert Downey Jr. in what looked like pajama bottoms eating in the lobby of the Chateau with the new wife. As we sat lamenting over why no Christmas with his son, in walks ex-wife Deb Falconer and the boy, Indio. The kid sits there sullen behind long hair for over an hour, saying nothing, and then the "old" family gets up and leaves. No giant shrink bills in that family or anything.

· Christmas Eve, and who should be sitting near me at Patrick's Roadhouse in the Pacific Palisades? Annie Hall herself, Diane Keaton, who seemed to be enjoying the Sunday L.A. Times with a very handsome younger man and two very well-behaved young children. Is that her beau? The beau's kids? Can't be her kids, right? I'll tell you, that chick is nothing but class.

· Christmas Day. Saw Tina Fey's favorite piece of shit lunching with the fam at Morels in the Grove. Yes, Paris Hilton and the entire Hilton clan. Sitting at an outside table, so everyone could see them, on Christmas! Classy, Hiltons, real classy. I made a quick u-turn and passed by a second time just to make sure. I had planned to see "Children of Men" but it was sold out... seeing the family Hilton brought a little holiday joy into this Jew's lonely Christmas.

· Keith Urban, shopping solo at the gift shop, Fred Segal Melrose. Looking clean, sober and healthy. In his "outfit" of tee, jeans and boots. No Nicole in sight. So the Christmas surprise isn't ruined, we won't mention what went in the shopping bag or what it cost.
And, 10 minutes later, Keith Urban's rock doppelganger, Johnny Reznick of the Goo Goo Dolls doing the "one for me, one for them" last minute Christmas shopping at Chrome Hearts on Melrose. Buying gifts and wearing his new black hoodie out the door.

Wow, who knew famous musicians are "just like us" with their last minute (like 4PM Christmas eve) shopping

· Saw ex-Friends plot device Aisha Tyler at the Hollywood and Western Blockbuster Friday night with what appeared to be her (kind of regal) mother. At the counter, she politely asked the clerk if he would put her unwanted picks back on the shelves for her and he began thanking her for not just "leaving them around like everyone else," to which she responded with an awkward "You're welcome."

I'm also 85% sure I passed a horseback riding Luke Wilson while jogging on the Hollyridge trail above Beachwood Canyon last week, though without my glasses he was pretty much just a hot, dumbstruck-stoner blur.

· I'm a virgin at celeb sitings—but saw Jeff Goldblum talking to a dangerously angular looking woman in a too tight ponytail on the second floor of CRUNCH today. He, wearing the trademark Bono age-defying shades, seemed totally into her, hanging on her every word. But she kept darting her eyes around as if to say "no one is watching us, are they? Look, could you just pretend you're my dad, okay?" BTW, someone needs to do a Goldblum intervention—he rolled the cuff of his jeans at least six inches. Dude. Get a tailor.

· I passed Adam Brody and a male friend talking animatedly as I was walking to my car in the Canter's Deli parking lot and they were headed up the street. Adam has kind of a loud voice, a little squeaky, and he's taller than you'd think. He's a cutie, but he seems less low key than ever.

· Sun. Dec. 17: Saw Frankie Muniz trying not to be spotted in the McDonald's at LAX Terminal 5. Sorry, Frank. Later, I looked up from my book and noticed that Frankie was sitting in the row in front of mine on the flight to ATL — in coach. The flight attendant took special time to tell his very special passenger that he adored "My Dog Skip." A few passengers talked to him, too. Muniz was kind and gracious, and was became animated talking about racing cars.

Fri. Dec. 22: Waiting for the elevator with an armful of bottled gifts at the BevMo in WeHo, I saw Kirsten Dunst (in shades, of course) come out of the elevator.

· I saw Damon Wayans at Plaza Sports Wear in Tarzana doing some last minute Xmas shopping. He was with a really attractive woman and they were all over each other in the shoe section. Thought they were going to do it on top of the Ugg display.

· Yesterday (12/22) saw Michael Rapaport and his son outside of Newsroom Cafe. He's taller than I thought, and has a large bald spot that he isn't trying to hide. Inside, saw Channel 9's Pat Harvey having lunch with what looked to be her daughter. FYI, she wears anchor woman clothes even when not on the air.

· Walking on Main Street when Minnie Driver walking towards us. She looked pretty, in great shape, and a bit sad (looked right through us when my five year old and I smiled hello at her). It was at that moment I realized it's been so long since I've seen her work I couldn't remember what her name actually was. I spent the rest of the block thinking Mimi? Minnie? Mimi? Minnie? What the hell has she done lately? I can't remember...it's too bad. Let's call it the Curse of the Streisand.

· 12/22 - Going thru the surprisingly short security line at LAX thinking, why don't I ever see anyone like everyone seems to?, I look behind me to find actor (New Adventures of Old Christine) / writer (What Lies Beneath) Clark Gregg with his wife Jennifer Grey and their brood. Not as exciting as spotting a hot new A-list couple not yet discovered, but satisfying enough at the time.

· Melissa Gilbert at LAX Saturday 6am in the Delta terminal. She was with a bunch of people, looked like family perhaps, who were waiting in the terminal for a flight but then were escorted away by an airline representative to the lounge where us lowly coach-flyers aren't allowed to venture. Not an overly exciting sighting, I know but i'm bored and it kept me occupied here in.the terminal for a few minutes writing this to you guys.