The biggest lesson is that there isn't much out there that is as great as Mad Men. It's going to be a long wait until the show returns next summer, but until then, maybe we can all keep ourselves warm with one of these substitues, but it's doubtful.

The Prisoner
Similarities to Mad Men: Mining '60s culture for a modern day story.
Differences from Mad Men: This remake seems to be scared of its heritage, avoiding the pseudo-psychedelic, swinging London vibe of the original.
Reasons to Watch: AMC thinks it's a worthy replacement to Mad Men, placing The Prisoner in Mad Men's time slot cage for its six-episode run. Ian McKellen is pretty awesome in everything, espeically when he plays the villain.
Reasons to Avoid: We were underwhelmed with the first installment, and it's only six episodes long. That will barely get us through the first month of MM withdrawl.
Replacement Analogy: The Prisoner is to a Rolling Stones cover band as Mad Men is to Mick Jagger live in concert.

Dexter
Similarities to Mad Men: An intelligent drama with a dark mood and characters with questionable morality that every so often has some grisly blood spray.
Differences from Mad Men: Showtime's serial killer drama doesn't have the subtlety that we get from Draper and company.
Reasons to Watch: It is an interesting and suspenseful take with a very distinct point of view. This season John Lithgow is doing a knock-out job playing the calm but crazy Trinity Killer.
Reasons to Avoid: There's lots of back story to catch up on, and if you don't like blood, guts, and murders, you're better off cracking open a book.
Replacement Analogy: Dexter is to a bludgeoning as Mad Men is to a slow death by poison.

Brothers and Sisters
Similarities to Mad Men: Lots of family drama and intrigue in the work place.
Differences from Mad Men: Ojai Foods is a far cry from Sterling Cooper, and Betty Draper couldn't care less about her kids where as meddlesome Nora Walker can't go 10 minutes without calling them on the phone.
Reasons to Watch: ABC's ensemble drama has a look inside some fun and wacky family dynamics. Also, Nora has a hot new boyfriend.
Reasons to Avoid: This season has the two story lines that make all TV shows boring: cancer and pregnancy. Every episode is kind of the same: there's a secret, the family has a dinner party, the secret comes out at the party, everyone fights, then they make up. Yawn.
Replacement Analogy: Brothers and Sisters is to a family funeral as Mad Men is to an Irish wake.

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Similarities to Mad Men: A wealthy, creative, annoying man driving everyone crazy.
Differences from Mad Men: Larry David only dreams he could be as handsome as Don Draper, and when Mad Men makes you cringe, it's from finely crafted emotional storytelling, not wacky embarrassing stunts.
Reasons to Watch: Haven't you heard, there's a Seinfeld Reunion and it's only on HBO.
Reasons to Avoid: Larry David.
Replacement Analogy: Curb Your Enthusiasm is to Bruno as Mad Men is to Borat.

Family Guy
Similarities to Mad Men: Um...
Differences from Mad Men: This ubiquitous, animated Fox comedy that is a string of non sequiturs, absurdest rants, and silly ditties is about as far away from the '60s advertising drama as you're going to get.
Reasons to Watch: In case you need to have a conversation with a straight boy between the ages of 16 and 28.
Reasons to Avoid: It's Family Guy.
Replacement Analogy: Family Guy is to beer bongs as Mad Men is to scotch.

60 Minutes
Similarities to Mad Men: CBS' news magazine also features bunch of people who have been working since the early '60s.
Differences from Mad Men: The people are old now (and don't dress as sharply) and think they still know what goes on in the world.
Reasons to Watch: Inappropriate crushes on Leslie Stahl and nostalgia for the ticking watch.
Reasons to Avoid: Andy Rooney.
Replacement Analogy: 60 Minutes is to Parade as Mad Men is to vintage Esquire.

Going to the Movies
Similarities to Mad Men: Decadent and at times either serious or comedic, depending on the mood.
Differences from Mad Men: It's the movies, not TV, so every time it's different. This week we went to see Fantastic Mr. Fox, which was smooth, sylish, and visually interesting, like Mad Men, but its overwrought hipster vibe couldn't be different from the show's cool detachment.
Reasons to Watch: Going to the movies every week will keep you culturally relevant. If you catch the late show on Sunday night when MM is usually on, the cineplex is also less crowded than the rest of the weekend
Reasons to Avoid: Leaving the house on Sunday night, $12.50 a pop, and the empty calories from all that pop corn.
Replacement Analogy: Going to the movies is to Twizzlers as Mad Men is to Betty's meatloaf.

Mad Men on DVD
Similarities to Mad Men: Well, it's Mad Men, just all the ones you've seen already.
Differences from Mad Men: No commercials, watch as many as you want whenever you want, bonus material.
Reasons to Watch: With a show as difficult as this, you can't catch everything the first time around, so a rewatch is definitely rewarding. Knowing what happens in season three puts everything in seasons one and two in a different context.
Reasons to Avoid: There are no surprises.
Replacement Analogy: Mad Men on DVD is to your wedding day as Mad Men on TV is to your first date with your future spouse.

The AP reports:

Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter are husband and wife.

Hall's spokesman, Craig Bankey, said on Friday that the couple eloped in California on New Year's Eve. They'll walk the red carpet together at the Golden Globe Awards on Sunday — the first time publicly acknowledging their relationship. [...] They've been quietly dating for about a year and a half.

At their wedding, Carpenter's grandfather's wedding band was attached to her bouquet of white roses.

All joking aside, we couldn't be happier for the couple. Romantically speaking, it's been a great week for unintuitive forensics cops with psychopathic brothers, and a terrible one for busty psychics. Oh well—c'est la vie!

• 'Dexter' siblings get married [USA Today/AP]

Dexter, Friday Night Lights, Lost, Mad Men and The Wire occupy this year's dramatic category, with Lost filling in for 2008 retiree The Sopranos. (Dexter was the only one of the nominees to earn an episode nod as well.) In comedy, 30 Rock, Entourage, The Office, The Simpsons and Weeds earned nods, with the latter two filling in for HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm and Flight of the Conchords, which return to the network next year. Emmy surprise Breaking Bad drew three nominations, including one for Best New Series, for which it'll compete against Fringe, In Treatment, Life on Mars and True Blood.

Pretty much all the late-night shows that get nominated for everything else were recognized today as well, with Conan, Letterman, Real Time, SNL, The Colbert Report and The Daily Show vying for Best Comedy/Variety Series. The awards will be announced Feb. 7; the full listing is available at the WGA's site. Good luck to all, and enjoy it while you can, Weeds.

• 2009 Writers Guild Awards [WGA]

Some background: An Edmonton local named Johnny Brian Altinger went mysteriously missing early in October after setting up an internet date with a woman he had never met. Cops seized a screenplay by filmmaker Twitchell in which a male killer who works in a forensics unit (just like Dex) lures "a cheating husband to his death through an Internet dating scam in which he pretends to be a woman." In the story, the husband is decapitated with a power saw.

Twitchell was arrested on Halloween night, on suspicion of having enacted out his murderous fantasies on Altinger in his garage (pictured). Told of the development, Dexter EP Melissa Rosenberg admitted the gruesome crime confirmed her worst, "our lovable leading serial killer has finally reaped what he's sown!" fears:

Melissa Rosenberg, the show's executive producer, was visibly shocked on the weekend when she learned about the first-degree murder charges laid against Edmonton filmmaker Peter [sic] Twitchell, an avid Dexter fan.

"Oh Jesus!" she exclaimed. She saw this as a "worst fears" situation — something which had worried the show's creators from the beginning.

"This is a tragic and horrible thing to hear."

"Every time you think you're identifying with Dexter and rooting for him, for us it's about turning that back on you and saying: 'You may think that he's doing good, but he's a monster. He's killing because he's a monster.'"

We suppose this will reignite the TV-violence-begetting-violence debate that has raged since the dawn of Quincy. But really, now— if a deranged murderer is going to lure an innocent to their death, you can't really blame their favorite serial-killer-glorifying show that just happens to fetishize the finer points of blood-spatter physics and scalpel-technique every week. Can you?

• Alleged copycat killing is nightmare come true for Dexter producer [Vancouver Sun]
• 'Killer' garage lures curious [TheStar.com]

Some of us here at HQ are sick of Rita's scrunchy-faced whining. The baby/marriage plotline was sort of inevitable, as they couldn't really have had Dex skulking around an only semi-serious relationship forever. The whole Prado business is... well, it's whatever. We're not really sure where Jimmy Smits' character arc is headed, but we hope it's surprisingly gruesome. Because, you know, that's what this show does best. And, once again, Jennifer Carpenter steals the show as sister Deb, who is getting tangled up not only in an Internal Affairs investigation, but with a sultry guitar-playing CI as well. She sure knows how to pick 'em!

So what say you? Is two more seasons a good thing, or should this show be Saran Wrapped to a table and cruelly put out of its misery?

SUNDAY

Desperate Housewives Time Travels
The big surprise in last season's finale was a series of short scenes showing the characters five years in the future. The new season picked up where that left off, with everyone older and not necessarily wiser. It's a bit gimmicky, yes, but it's allowed them to jettison tiresome plotlines and create brand new ones (Lynette's rambunctious twin boys are now rambunctious twin young men!). While some of us here at HQ still find the show to be a bit of a whiny bore, others are digging the series like it was the first season all over again. B+

Entourage's Cameoverload
The HBO boyfest LA answer to girl business New Yorkfest Sex and the City has been overdoing it with the celebrity guest appearances, yes. But its arc has also been pat and frustrating. Drama has reached Inspector Clouseau levels of idiocy, Turtle has been given little to do, E continues to rankle in his snappy-short-guy-who's-kinda-earnest way, Adrien Grenier still cannot act, and poor Jeremy Piven is going to drive himself to an early grave with all his senseless bellowing. Credit to the underused Debi Mazar and Rex Lee for keeping their characters fresh and fun, though. C-

Dexter Is Still Killer
Showtime's gory character study about a Miami forensics expert cum justice-seeking serial killer (Michael C. Hall, steamy as ever) and the people who orbit him is still as thrilling as ever. Good grades go to Jennifer Carpenter's sassy new haircut, the always-dependable Lauren Vélez and David Zayas as Dexter's weary partners in crime fighting, and to the softly heartbreaking Julie Benz who brings a quiet dignity to every tiny scene she's in. This season's chief storyline (so far), concerning Dexter's accidental murder of an ADA's (Jimmy Smits) brother, is tense and ominous. You know, as the show should be. A-

True Blood, Truly
It's campy and silly at times, yes, but with the ever-increasing mysterious death toll, we're hooked now. Anna Paquin-factor be damned. B

Mad Men
Oh you know it's good. A

MONDAY

Gossip Girl & The Hills: Hurt So Good
The Upper East Side teen soap (fiction) and the Los Angeles post-teen soap (reality!) are both dumb and gut-churning sometimes, yes, but both have mostly been hitting on as many cylinders as they can so far this season. GG has tempered the silly melodrama of last season with more groan-inducing witty New Yorky references and word play, while The Hills has mined some sneakily affecting emotional depths. (Well, not really that affecting, but you know, relatively.) It's what the kids are watching and really, they could be doing worse. GG: B+, Hills: B-

Two and a Half Men Apparently Exists
Yeah, apparently it does. And lots of people watch it. Sigh. D

TUESDAY

Greek Is The Best Show You're Probably Not Watching
Well the third season of this terrific little confection of a college series is almost over, but I'm told the entire first season is available for your ears and eyeballs to consume online. It's a funny, sweet, nice-but-not-too-nice dramedy about a college in Ohio (where it's always sunny and warm!), that has soared these past couple of months. That Greek (heh!) guy from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is on it, and, well, swoon. The various romantic polygons have remarkably not gotten tired, and the sore-thumb single gay plotline has been treated calmly and evenly. Go watch! A-

Please Do Not Watch 90210
This excreble misery of a remake is a sloppily-made, boring piece of drivel that mind-bogglingly managed to even underestimate the taste level of squealing teenage girls. With seemingly no feel for plot structure, continuity, character, or humor, the writers have blundered along, serving us tepid little piles of gruel that—despite the presence of o.g. stars Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth (plus a hilarious Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez line)—woefully pale in comparison to the original teen whine and cheese party. Ugh. F-

Fringe: WTF?
OK, we admit we only watched the first episode of this sci-fi CSI meets X-Files pastiche. And we admit to sort of enjoying it. But nothing really pulled us back in. Joshua Jackson, way late of Dawson's Creek, is as wannabe suave and charming as ever, Anna Torv is sort of hard to pin down, and Lance Reddick is left to lurk in the shadows, reminding of us better work like The Wire and Lost. Who has kept up with this? How's it doing? We guess right now we'll give it a C

WEDNESDAY

Goodbye Forever, Project Runway
So it ends tonight, whatever. This season has been kind of unbearable, save for a few highlights (Leanne! Sort of!), with its annoying catchphrases, untalented contestants, and uninspired challenges. When the show comes back as a sad Pontiac Phoenix rising from the ashes on Lifetime (or, um, maybe not), we're pretty sure we're not going to watch it. Which is sad, because it used to be so damn good. Ah well. To everything a season and blah blah. C-

I Suppose There Have Been Other Things Airing On Wednesday Nights?
Um, let's see here.. Lipstick Jungle? No thanks. Knight Rider? Certainly not. America's Next Top Model? Never in a million years. Oh here we go. Top Design. Wait. Wait, nope. Not that either.

THURSDAY

Clocking In At The Office
We've only had two episodes, but they've been squirmy, swoony delights thanks mostly to the rainy day engagement between floppy old Jim and frizzy old Pam—though, it'd be nice to have her back in the actual office, rather than flirting it up with that teddy bear dude from Mad Men—and to the pitch-perfect Amy Ryan as a strange, nerdy, cautious love interest for ever-bumbling Michael Scott. Kudos also to the show's writers for giving lesser-seen characters like Meredith their chances to shine. A-

Kath & Kim
Sad. Just sad. Such high hopes for the usually likable Molly Shannon and Selma Blair, but this Australian import just didn't connect. D

Live From New York It's... Thursday Night?
Because of some sort of political and economic foofaraw going on these days, Lorne Michaels and co. have decided to add a special Thursday version of their Saturday Night Live Weekend Update segment to the NBC lineup. You know, to stay current and all. We've only had one so far (they'll run up to the election), and it was funny in parts and strained and awkward in others. The thing is, SNL is so skimpy on the funny as is, it seems a bit foolish to stretch out their best material to two nights a week. But, we'll keep watching for now and give it a tentative B.

It Really Is Always Sunny In Philadelphia
FX's hilarious, filthy, swear-filled, low-budget comedy It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia continues to blow the brain with out-there yet somehow completely salient themes like the gas crisis and how to fake one's own death. A

(Note: Please come back, '30 Rock.' Pleeeassse??)

THOSE OTHER TWO NIGHTS NORMAL PEOPLE SPEND DRUNK

Friday and Saturday... I dunno. I guess there's new stuff on, but who really watches. So instead let's take a moment to discuss the real TV this fall, which of course has been news and various humorous reportings on said news. As we said above, there seems to be some sort of election happening as well as some coverage of the large and troubling black hole that recently opened up here in New York, south of Worth Street. The "news" programs, as they were, have been of course loud and shouty and irksome and saturated with the kind of editorializing and conjecture that has somehow slunk its way to the top of the heap. It's so rare, like really honestly rare, these days to see any reporting that's not loaded with opinions and speculation and all manner of rabid fame-clawing by correspondents desperate to earn the next truckload of sweet ass O'Reilly or Olbermann cash. Fuck who's in the tank for who, let's toss out both tanks and start from scratch. And yes, though I like her, I'm willing to throw the Maddow out with the bathwater. F+

The parody shows, chiefly The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, have fared far better because, duh, there's just so. much. to make fun of. It's no surprise that these arch hosts (Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert) are performing ably, but all of their correspondents, writers, and editors have also been more on top of their game than we've seen in a long time. Wherever you fall on the issues (crazy, nonsensical shortsightedness vs. Barack Obama), the back-to-back lineup is always worth watching. A+

So that's that! Tell us what else you've been watching and if you've enjoyed it in the comments. And, you know, disagree with me. Because really I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Boston Legal - James Spader
Breaking Bad - Bryan Cranston
Dexter - Michael C. Hall
House - Hugh Laurie
In Treatment - Gabriel Byrne
Mad Men - Jon Hamm

Don't even bother, House fans. Though Hugh Laurie turned in the compelling, two-hour season finale as his submission, Emmy voters love three-time winner James Spader, and his submission (which finds him passionately arguing a case before the Supreme Court) provides Spader with his biggest tour-de-force yet. If he's ever to lose, it won't be this year.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Brothers & Sisters - Sally Field
The Closer - Kyra Sedgwick
Damages - Glenn Close
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - Mariska Hargitay
Saving Grace - Holly Hunter

A toss-up! In a category filled with film refugees deigning to do TV (which Emmy loves), Sally Field won last year and notoriously gave a bleeped speech that will only solidify her as the incumbent in voters' memories. Her biggest threat is the cool, nefarious Close, but we'll side with inertia and predict Field as the winner once more.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Boston Legal - William Shatner
Damages - Ted Danson
Damages - Zeljko Ivanek
Lost - Michael Emerson
Mad Men - John Slattery

All but two of the nominees are newcomers to this category, and last year's winner Terry O'Quinn is nowhere to be found. We think voters will reward his co-star, Lost MVP Michael Emerson, whose blockbuster episode submission included horse-riding, piano playing, action scenes, foreign languages, and a juicy scene grieving the death of his daughter. Plus, Emerson is no Emmy novice: he won the award in 2001 for guest-starring on The Practice.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Boston Legal - Candice Bergen
Brothers & Sisters - Rachel Griffiths
Grey's Anatomy - Sandra Oh
Grey's Anatomy - Chandra Wilson
In Treatment - Dianne Wiest

If the category seems oddly mild this year, it's because of 2007 winner Katherine Heigl's infamous decision to pull her name out of consideration. As a reward to the co-stars who bit their lips and suffered in silence, we expect either Oh or Wilson to pull through as the winner, with a slight edge to Oh (after all, she once had to deal with Isaiah Washington, too).

Outstanding Drama Series
Boston Legal
Damages
Dexter
House
Lost
Mad Men

For party crashers Damages and Dexter, it's an honor just to be nominated. Like them, Mad Men is little-seen, but the difference is that it's watched by all the right people (and heavily appeals to older Emmy voters), so we expect a first-season surge to victory. What Would Don Draper Do if he had to go home empty-handed?

To summarize, the town of Agrestic is burning. Relocation means somehow entering Andy’s mother’s old house equipped with a barking doorbell, the charm of which is entirely lost on the Botwins and their smiling-through-gritted-teeth realization that an imaginary attack dog has been freaking them out for years. Though the presence of the dead grandmother is revealed eerily by little public masturbator Shane, our favorite moment occurs when Nancy, the epitome of how a jaded suburban adulthood spent in Southern California renders the smart ones barely conscious, lists the 10-year old Rad’s many accomplishments: “He’s read the whole Narnia series, and now he’s moved on to His Dark Materials which he likes, his favorite dragon is the komodo dragon and he thinks dodgeball is gay.” Dibs on Rad ten years from now.

• 'WEEDS' SETS SHOWTIME RATINGS RECORD [THR]
• WEEDS [Showtime]

"What could possibly lead them to determine that a show about a pathological serial killer 'hero' could be appropriate for 14-year old children? The only reason is corporate greed."

The only problem with the PTC's anti-Dexter statement is their examples of oh-so-gruesomeness, which only make us want to watch more and more. And, since we can still perfectly remember that Kelly Gets Raped episode of 90210 our parents wouldn't let us watch, kids are just gonna hear these rants and wanna see the gore more than ever: "the show featured Dexter cutting [a] man with a scalpel and then approaching his head with an electric saw...lining up severed body parts on a table, and driving his car while the severed head of a woman hits the car and rolls into the street." We've been waiting for a more comedic take on severed body parts ever since the stench of I Know Who Killed Me gave us the slightest distaste for them.

• CBS DEEMS SERIAL KILLER TV SHOW TO BE APPROPRIATE FOR 14-YEAR OLD CHILDREN [PTC]
• PTC CALLS FOR 'DEXTER' AD BOYCOTT [THR]

· Focus Features is in a great mood, everyone! [THR]
· Always at the cutting edge of internet marketing content, Showtime has set up a hybrid video player/chat room for serial killer drama Dexter, allowing fans to learn cutting-edge knifing techniques visually as they swap mass-murder tips. [THR]

BONUS PROMOTIONAL FUN! Hurty Elbow notes that Showtime has made it murderously easy to send your best friends (or the guy who keeps taking your spot in front of the Chinese Theatre) a lighthearted death threat.

[Photo: Sonny/LAist]

• Showtime's Fountain of Smelly Blood [LAist]<</p>

If your kids don't sleep for months because they're seeing something that's not there, blame their crazy little imaginations, says a defensive marketing exec:

"We're not out there to frighten people," said George DeBolt, vp media and promotions at Showtime. "Red is an important color for the network. It's our corporate color. Whatever people take away from this is what they take away, but we're using the color red so that it's noticed.

"'Dexter' is not a horror series," he added. "It's a series about a serial killer who happens to be in forensic police work. There is blood in the show, but we're not doing this to convey the notion of blood or horror because that would be off strategy with how we promote the show."

According to a press release, the Hollywood and Highland stunt runs through 7 p.m., but we recommend you hurry over there before the bloody-apron-clad Showtime street team handing out sets of kitchen knives—for cooking, not the flaying of your human quarry, you incorrigible psychopaths!—runs out of their limited cutlery supplies. But if you miss today's promotion, we're sure they'll stage an equally edgy event for another one of their shows shortly, just as soon as they can work out the logistical issues involved in setting up a waterbed at the Beverly Center upon which David Duchovny can "californicate" with a succession of women with low self esteem.

• 'Dexter' promo to dye for [THR]