• The View [ABC]

As egregious and anti-funny as nearly every beat in the trailer is (we were especially partial to Gary Coleman's slave-talkin'), they all pale in comparison to this scene, teased by Reason:

In a clip we saw, Washington takes Malone to St. Paul's Cathedral to lecture him on freedom of religion and "freedom of speech, which you abuse." Malone is grossed out by dust in the priest's box, so the doors open onto the smoldering ruins of the World Trade Center. "This is the dust of 3000 innocent human beings!" bellows Washington. Malone whimpers that he's just making movies. Washington won't have it. "Is that what you plan to say on Judgment Day?"

As enticing as that scene sounds, we can't wait for Zucker's own Judgment Day explanation of My Boss's Daughter and BASEketball. Forced to plead his case after a spiritual journey led by Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow, will Zucker see the light?

• "This is the Dust of 3000 Innocent Human Beings!" [Reason]

D: So did you actually call Sir Ben Kingsley "Sir Ben" on set?

DH: I did. Absolutely. With pleasure.

D: Yet the viewer gets the sense you have the mandate to continually bust his balls, even off-camera. You also share a fairly shocking moment near the end of the film. What was your relationship like?

DH: It was all written, really. It was a wonderful relationship that seems very real and honest; you can tell the two men really loved each other and respected each other. I think that my character realized that as professors at the university, Sir Ben was probably a little smarter, a little brighter, a little more removed — but certainly not as worldly as my character, who is advising him on having an affair with a younger woman. My character has had many affairs. It's the one moment my character has an up on him. In my career I never had a part that was really seemed like a real person — the emotion, the give and take between Sir Ben and myself were very honest, I thought.

D: Your career is endlessly fascinating: You acted alongside James Dean twice; obviously there's Easy Rider; you've appeared opposite three Oscar-winners in as many films this year alone. Do you ever take stock of how many Hollywood storylines your work intersects?

DH: Yeah, sort of. But not really. I think of my career as a disappointment most of the time. After Easy Rider and The Last Movie, not directing anymore was a really devastating affair for me. And for the last 16 years, trying to direct movies and not getting financing has really been very hard on me. I really want to direct. I know that through the years I've been very fortunate to act; Blue Velvet was wonderful. Apocalypse Now. But if you still always think about directing movies, it's a chore. And I had to take a lot of bad movies at times. Out of 150 movies that I've been in, there are maybe 20 that are really good movies.

D: You've also got TV behind you and in front of you, including an cable adaptation of Crash. It's obviously a pretty polarizing film; will the series follow that same vein?

DH: Well, you'll remember that that was three different stories that sort of all come together in Los Angeles. Los Angeles is still the basis of where it's all happening, though we're shooting in Albuquerque. The writers are the same — Bobby Moresco and Paul Haggis — but the characters are all different. I play a Phil Spector-type music mogul whose always trying to look for the next big move. He's hired a 22-year-old driver from Watts who wants to be a rap star. Their relationship is totally bizarre. But it's wonderfully written and I'm having a good time.

D: But does the world really need 13 more hours of Crash?

DH: These are different characters. But why do they need it? Why does the world need entertainment at all? Do we need TV? We have it. And we do have series, and they're usually 13 in the first run. This is going to be a good 13. I love it because I've never seen such incredible language, and the things you can do on cable television now you can't even get away with in movies. We had an orgy the other day. For me it's a joy.

Though Jack Nicholson and Dennis Hopper may have dropped LSD together and smoked a reported 155 joints in a row for just one Easy Rider scene, pictures of the legends puffing on cigars still pop up on the internets to this day. Along with Keith Richards, who continued to prove his immortality by walking this year's Shine A Light red carpet in NY with an ever-present cigarette, Hollywood's most infamous chimneys have been replaced by even heavier habit-afflicted youngsters. Mary-Kate Olsen is so addicted to her Marlboro Reds that she regularly lights up in gala bathrooms, while Shia LaBeouf recently set off security alarms at the Smithsonian in between shooting scenes for Transformers 2 because the bitch-slapper lit up in the john. And we're all well aware that chain-smoker Sam Ronson appears to have gotten lesbionic BFF Lindsay Lohan hooked — though all the straight edge forces within not-so-straight bestie T.R. Knight still haven't done much to come between Heigl and her American Spirits. Which is actually fine with us — the "throatier" her laugh, the weaker her chances of becoming the next Julia Roberts become!

[Photo credits: Wireimage, That Computer Guy, Skinny Celebrities, Extra TV, Just Jared]

• JACK BLACK KICKS HE NICOTINE HABIT [Snarkerati]

In today's installment: Britney Spears, Jeremy Piven, Paris Hilton, Vince Vaughn, Jack Black, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Luke Wilson, David Beckham, Dennis Hopper, Gwen Stefani, Cuba Gooding Jr., Jeff Goldblum, Zooey Deschanel, Rainn Wilson, Giovanni Ribisi, Judy Greer, Phil Spector, Kevin Federline, Morgan Spurlock, Kristen Chenoweth, Judy Greer, Cloris Leachman, John Slattery, Emma Stone, Bijou Philips, Jane Lynch, Dean Cain, John Corbett, Paul Scheer, and more.

SATURDAY, MAY 24
While surrounded by Brody Jenner-looking date
rapists at Happy Endings, I spotted a welcomed sight: Seth Morris, Owen Burke, and Paul Scheer. Joined by a bunch of other UCB comic types upstairs in the corner and looking almost as out of place as me.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4
Saw Cloris Leachman at the Aqua Lounge watching Jeff Goldblum and his band play some jazz standards. Jeff's pretty talented on the keyboard, but the group as a whole made me feel like I was at someone's wedding.

Wednesday afternoon, my friend and I are having our usually mid-week lunch time phone conversation. In mid-conversation he gasps and tells me that he is at Chipotle in BH and David Beckham has just walked in. No f''ing way! David F'ing Beckham in Chipotle! BTW - what's up with that family and Mexican food? Just wish I could get shot in person of David's burrito! hehe

FRIDAY, JUNE 6
Vince Vaughn at the Greek Theatre for A Prairie Home Companion on June 6. Thinking he's a Garrison Keillor fan definitely makes me like him a little more.

Driving on Ledgewood in Hollywoodland today, I saw Phil Spector driving a Mercedes convertible, wearing that crazy giant curly fright wig he dropped in favor of the lesbian pageboy thing he wore in court. He wears it while driving a convertible! How the hell do you bolt that on?

Cuba Gooding Jr. with 2 friends eating sushi at Hana Sushi in Brentwood. He was a lot smaller than I thought he would be and was definately enjoying his wine. He was nice to everyone that came up and talked with him. He was abnormally excited about going to Q's (the pool bar next door). Oh wait, it was beer pong night. I'd be excited too!

SUNDAY, JUNE 8
Judy Greer (aka Kitty from Arrested Development) spotted Friday night at St Nick's Pub on 3rd st, sitting in a booth with friends. Had to stop myself from making a George Bluth reference.

MONDAY, JUNE 9
I love the show Mad Men, so what a thrill to spot Sterling Cooper honcho John Slattery getting his caffeine on at the Starbucks on Main Street in Santa Monica.

TUESDAY, JUNE 10
Former TV Superman Dean Cain swooping down into Beverly Hills for some shopping at Tom's Toys on Beverly Drive.

THURSDAY, JUNE 12
Saw John Corbett at LAX on Thursday. T-shirt, jeans, boots, with tinted Ray-Bans at the Hudson Books. Tall with a paunch that looks just right on him. Looks like a very hip carpenter. No one seemed to notice him even though he's a pretty big dude.

At the Palms in Vegas for a little work and a little fun, CineVegas is happening. I caught the opening night film, The Rocker, and went to the after party at Moon and the cast was there. Emma Stone is stunning in person, her waist is teeny and her skin is all Hollywood teen glow, she was hanging out with who I think was her mom. Jane Lynch was in a cool 50's style dress with pockets, lady is tall and very animated when she talks. Open bar here is a dangerous thing.

I was having dinner at the Mel's on Sunset Blvd. across from Ketchup. As me and my boyfriend got up to leave, I heard an easily recognizable voice. I look down and sitting at a booth with a couple of her friends was the star of Broadway's Wicked and ABC's Pushing Daisies, Kristin Chenoweth. She looked adorable as ever!

FRIDAY, JUNE 13
Around 8 am, I passed the front desk at The Palms and saw Dennis Hopper talking to who I assume was his assistant. He looks good for an older guy, white hair, sharply dressed, short and holding onto a bottle of water. I then head to the elevator and walk past Rainn Wilson in red wayfarers and a golf shirt, he's tall and funny looking, the same as one would imagine. Seemed like he had a long night and was asking where the Coffee Bean was. Later in the day, Bill Pullman came through the casino in a navy blazer, he stopped and took photos with people. There was a CineVegas anniversary party at the Palms Place pool. Hopper, George Maloof and tons of people were there including some guy with a cat perched on his shoulder and Britney Spears. She was seated in a cabana with a velvet rope in front of it where two HUGE security guys minded her and a few friends. She was in a black cocktail dress and sat sipping her drink and was surprisingly pretty. The fake tan didn't look so fake and she looked like she had been styled for the night. I wouldn't have noticed her had it not been for the rope. The whole thing was weird. Like walking past a diorama in the Natural History Museum...The Britney Exhibit. She sat watching the party happen and the party peered at her like she was some kind endangered species....and of course, Prince Paul kept interrupting his set to play her music. Tres surreal.

Jeremy Piven looking very chubby at Zen Zoo, on Vine.

Lunchtime in Beverly Hills near the Chipotle, I THINK I saw Jack Black coming down the sidewalk. He was carrying a bag of fast food, unlike other Bev Hills denizens, who carry bags of ugly empire-waisted dresses. I wasn't super certain it was him...but then I saw that belly, that belly that practically got second billing on Nacho Libre. I hope it was him as I said "Hello, awesome!" as we passed each other on the sidewalk. If it was just another chubby dude, then THAT was terribly embarrassing...

Luke Wilson looking extremely hot at my local pavillion supermarket in Santa Monica. Drove off in his illegally tinted silver porsche and while at the red light, kept raising and lowering his window like he couldn't decide if he wanted to be noticed. Looking very sexy tho.

SATURDAY, JUNE 14
Britney at Palms Place in Vegas. There with one of her enablers and a Russian bodyguard. She was chain smoking cigarettes and eating chicken fingers as she sat by the pool. It's true — she's all class.

Saw Giovanni Ribisi at the carwash on Vermont and Prospect. He smoked a cigarette and read a script while he waited for his car. He kept to himself and was completely unassuming so much so I almost feel guilty sending in this sighting. I wasn't able to see what type of car he drives as my car was finished before his.

At the valet stand at Planet Hollywood, I waited for my keys and looked to my left, there standing beside me was Kevin Federline. He's a little guy, wearing his requisite white t-shirt and baggy shorts. Wasn't impressed. Probably not a coincidence that Britney is in town too. Later that night at the Palms, I saw Bijou Philips perform at another CineVegas party. She sang for a little while and hung out by the pool, her voice wasn't half bad. Spotted Traci Lords waiting for an elevator in stilettos and a tight black dress, she has aged insanely well.

SUNDAY, JUNE 15
In Planet Hollywood, I saw Dwayne Johnson tan, lean and HOT coming down the main escalator going to a screening of Get Smart. He's tall and surprisingly good looking, not bulky or wrestler-esque. He stopped and signed autographs in the casino and had a seriously huge entourage.

Back at the Palms, I saw a sunburned Morgan Spurlock by the pool, handlebar moustache in full effect. Passed by Beastie Boy MCA (Adam Yauch) on the casino floor.

MONDAY, JUNE 16
I saw Vincent Kartheiser of Mad Men on the Continental redeye from Newark to LAX. He was dressed just like Pete Campbell in a brown suit and vintage skinny tie, and bopping around the terminal to whatever was on his iPod. Staying in his character's groove I guess, he was only slightly more subdued once on board (first class of course). Much better looking in person than on the show, but an occasional burger wouldn't kill him - the guy is rail thin.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18
Last night I saw doe-eyed indie goddess/ingenue Zooey Deschanel at the Rilo Kiley Show at the Greek. Looked absolutely stunning (and happy), wearing a gorgeous green dress.

THURSDAY, JUNE 19
As we were leaving Juvenex Spa in Manhattan at 9pm, Paris Hilton was just coming in. She was all dressed up and decked out. I guess with the stress of being Paris she needed a massage.

Saw Gwen Stefani and family (including her dad) enjoying dinner at Buddha's Belly on Beverly last night (6/19). Aside from the few annoying paparazzi outside, they were pretty much left alone. Gwen looked gorgeous without all of that caked on makeup!

In today's jam-packed episode: Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart; Steven Spielberg, Heather Locklear, Kobe Bryant, and Andy Garcia; Jennie Garth and Peter Facinelli; Meg Ryan, Matthew Perry and Kevin Pollak; Dennis Hopper and Adrian Grenier; Melanie Griffith; Emmanuelle Chriqui; Seal and Heidi Klum; Janeane Garofalo; Sean "Puffy" Combs, Dennis Haysbert, Michael Rapaport, and Tom Arnold; Cheryl Tiegs; Andy Samberg, Maya Rudolph, and Rivers Cuomo; Dominic Monaghan; Rufus Sewell and Mary-Kate Olsen; Katherine Heigl, T.R. Knight, and Josh Kelley; John Waters; Eddie Izzard; Adam Scott; Jamie Gertz; Peter Bogdanovich; Fisher Stevens; Peter Guber; Brian Posehn; and Gloria Allred.

· Nov. 12 - Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford having lunch with mom at Panini Cafe in Newport Beach near the John Wayne airport. Ultra-casual dress and Calista has a severe case of bed head. Perhaps just got off of a flight?

· ridiculous week...

wednesday, 11/7, saw steven spielberg, heather locklear, kobe bryant, and andy garcia at the hannah montana concert (staples center) - yeah, they were all with their kids. later that night pretty sure i saw nora zehetner at the architecture in helsinki show at the troubador!

tuesday, 11/8, ran into jennie garth and peter facinelli at the 'kraft-a-palooza' (!!!) cheetah girls show at the house of blues.

· 11/10 Saturday at the Swell Season show at the Wiltern: A special section was roped off just for the celebs... looked more like a velvet rope cage in the middle of the floor that all the plebes had to walk around to get out, giving maximum exposure to matthew perry chatting up kevin pollak while meg ryan and her duck lips stared off into oblivion. we all commented that we wished she was still the "you've got mail" version of herself. rumor has it jenna fisher was also there but i didn't see her. weird crowd, amazing show.

· Nov 6 - 2 Studly Bohunks Swanking It Up at the AFI Fest at the Arclight....and that would be Dennis Hopper, pacing about like a jolly mad professor, and Adrian Grenier, tall as the dickens, just every bit as charming as you'd imagine ole Vinnie Chase to be. Both mirthful, both indicative of Greater Star Wattage to Come; but guess what? It never came.

· So I went to Cabo for a wedding this past weekend. On the flight down, Melanie Griffith was seated in first class acting and being treated as if she's turned in a great performance since Working Girl (1988 kids!) She looks like she's been dragged behind a horse one too many times.

In marked contrast was Emmanuelle Chriqui on the return flight. She stood in line like a normal person, smiled and chatted with fellow passengers, waited for her own bags and generally gave off a "really sweet person" vibe. I half expected her to jump on the Lot C bus to get her car!

· 11/4 - This one's a bit late. Seal and Heidi Klum stopping by my Starbucks in Beverly Hills most Sundays is old news, but this time they brought their two older kids. Cutest. Family. Ever. The little girl was very sociable saying hi to people, and the boy had to touch everything — he even tried to take off with an old man's dog. Cutest. Family. Ever.

· 11/9 - After catching a show at UCB Friday night, I caught Janeane Garofalo (who practically stole the show with her recounting of sex with a sweet but slow-witted fireman) exiting with Matthew 'Yeah, It's Retired Must See TV Me, Please Look Away' Perry and an unidentified yet somewhat cute nerd in tow.

· Odd batch of celebrity sightings for this East Coaster...

Monday, Nov. 5 - Cheryl Tiegs at Urth Cafe on Melrose
Tuesday, Nov. 6 - At Wolfgang Puck's CUT at the Reg Bev Wil - Dennis Haysbert, Sean "Puffy" Combs (and entourage of 20 or so sloppily dressed hangers-on), Michael Rapaport, Dog, the Bounty Hunter and his wife Beth, and Tom Arnold in jeans, a green shirt and cap.

Good times indeed!

· Sat Nov 10 - While sitting during the intermission at the Joanna Newsom concert, stewing in my own pseudo-hippy heaven, I got up to allow some people into my row. They were SNL's Andy Samberg and Maya Rudolph. He is an attractive hobbit; disappointed because he looks so tall on TV. She was beautiful and had a really cute sweater on and a few minutes later another guy joined them and my friend wondered when the Rivers Cuomo look was going to fade...but I think it might have actually been Rivers Cuomo.
It was an amazing show, by the way.

· Saturday 10 November, around 5ish - Dominic Monaghan at Amoeba, dressed like an adorable little Unabomer.

· While sitting in the nose bleed section last night at the Spoon/Feist concert (Nov. 12) in the Universal Gibson Theater, caught Rufus Sewell ambling his way up and down the aisle. Then some random guy, thanks again Adam, gave my friend and I two orchestra tickets he couldn't sell because we looked cool. We moved to the awesome new seats, close enough to see Feist's catbag! The only snag of the night was having to tell Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen (honestly, I don't know which one, I guess the really blonde one) to put out her cigarette. She complied for about 20 minutes then asked for permission to light another one. I relented only because I knew that the couples in front of me would object, which they did, vehemently. Despite being a smurf, she was, much to my surprise, normal body size (or maybe I've been in LA too long), though I suspect that illusion was created by boho chic layers.

· saw Katherine Heigl dining with an older woman (her mother?) at Figaro in Los Feliz Friday night (11/9). I would have yelled, "Hey, Katherine Hi-jel! It's i before e except after c," but I didn't want to cause a ruckus at my favorite restaurant. Another tip for Katherine: If you would prefer that civilians not notice you, don't eat outside facing the street on the busiest block in the neighborhood looking so gorgeous that you GLOW.

· I saw Katherine Heigl, T.R. Knight, Josh Kelley, and some fourth guy (whom I didn't recognize) at 7:30 am at the Rose Bowl swap meet. Heigl was wearing a baggy grey sweatshirt, baggy jeans, a baseball cap, and glasses (not sunglasses). She looked really skinny. The men looked pretty normal. Heigl was looking at some awful threadbare reddish sofa, but I walked off too soon to see if she bought it.

· Director John Waters yesterday (11/8/7) shortly after noon at the baggage carousel for AA #1 in from New York. He was reportedly talking non-stop on cell from the time the plane landed. He was wearing low-top sneakers, rather faded red pants and a plaid shirt. His chauffeur stood by as he paced back and forth looking for his luggage. Coincidence? The in-flight movie was "Hair Spray."

· 11-7—-
Last night after crossing the picket lines here at Disney after getting my pink slip, I went to the Rock-n-Roll Ralphs on Sunset and Eddie Izzard walked in, very serious and in his THE RICHES swag sweat shirt that he was spotted on the picket line wearing. He's so hot yet short in person. Love the man!!!

· Nov 10 Just saw Adam Scott from TELL ME YOU LOVE ME at the Apple Store at the Grove. He was pushing a stroller and had a huge grin on his face, so it's nice to know he doesn't share Palek's views on parenting. He's really adorable but I couldn't look at him without thinking "stunt ejaculation" and laughing, so I quickly turned the other way.

· Nov 12 - Saw Jamie Gertz at Sherman Oaks Castle hosting a kids birthday. I did not realize she is turning into Teri Hatcher! Overheard Jamie say, "I worked out this morning, so I can have something" as she eyed a pizza.

· AFI Fest, Arclight, Friday night, November 2. Was exiting the ladies room when I noticed a somewhat fish-faced, bespectacled older gentleman pass me in the hallway. I frantically wracked my brain, thinking "I know who that is..." when the ascot hit me! Peter Bogdanovich! Looking somewhat like an older, saggier version of Huckleberry Hound. He walked into the Q&A of our movie, "Margot at the Wedding" and took a seat. Why, I'm not sure.

· Nov 8 - bizarre one — fisher stevens hanging out by the brentwood country mart, having clearly just got out of yoga, sweating and swinging his mat around in a heated conversation.

· Thursday night (11/8) at La Scala, spotted telegenic mogul Peter Guber having dinner with a similarly-aged gentleman I couldn't identify (since his back was to me). Guber looked pretty relaxed, probably because that remake of The Birds he's producing doesn't require an actual script.

· The food-court at the century City mall was taken over by WGA Strikers today (Nov 9). Through the mayhem I had a sighting of Sarah Silverman's dungeons and dragons, heavy metal loving, gay neighbor from the "The Sarah Silverman Program", Brian Posehn. He was chowing down on a fuddrucker's burger (I'm guessing Jay Leno did not stop by with some snacks...) and chatting with some Writer Strikers. He was decked out in a red comic book t-shirt showing he is obviously down with the cause. I hope this strike ends soon so I don't have to wait in the Panda Express line for a 1/2 hour on my lunch break.

· spotted Gloria Allred in Von's Market, Sunset Blvd. and PCH last Saturday night 11/2. It was about 10:30 PM and even though she was the only customer in the store besides myself, she was wearing huge dark sunglasses as if trying not to be noticed. Every time I see her on television she seems to be looking for attention. She was grabbing herself a roasted chicken. YAWN!