The most obvious of those realities is that Dame Elizabeth Taylor, now 77, isn't going to be with us forever, and that is a sad thought indeed.

Dear Friends, I would like to let you know before it gets in the papers that I am going into the hospital to have a procedure on my heart...It's very new and involves repairing my leaky valve using a clip device, without open heart surgery, so that my heart will function better...Any prayers you happen to have lying around I would dearly appreciate. I'll let you know when it's all over. Love you, Elizabeth

Taylor rose to fame in an age when stars images were handled by the iron hand of the studio system's publicity machine. Now she is sending out statements of her hospitalization in 160 character bursts. While we applaud Taylor for keeping up with technology enough to twitter (or at least savvy enough to hire someone to do it for her), that the old guard has fallen under its sway means that we are going to be stuck with oversharing celebrities assaulting us with their private thoughts and personal details until the end of time.

If Dame E is in on the game, it means that Ashton, Demi, and the rest of the entertainers with over active thumbs and a healthy sense of narcissism aren't going to be the end of the craze, but that new stars who we haven't even imagined yet will be even worse. In 50 years, we'll be following AnnaLynne McCord via real-time streaming 3-D webcam feed as she is rushed to the hospital for her fourth surgery for carpal tunnel syndrome. You can't stop the march of progress, but today we're shedding a tear for when celebrities knew the best thing for their image was often to keep a bit of distance.

Demi says he pushes kiddie porn. Perez says she's a bad mother and he's gonna sue her. All the fuss is over some pictures that Perez linked to some pictures on his Twitter account of Tallulah Willis (also daughter of actor, Bruce) partying in a very revealing blouse. If you really need to see it, it's here.

Demi opened with a salvo that failed to explain just what her 15-year-old daughter was doing at a Cobrasnake-documented party in the first place:

Clearly Perez Hilton isn't taking violating child pornography laws very seriously. He might not but there are alot of people who do!...Anyone who advertises follows or supports Perez supports violating child pornography laws!...Let me ask all of you, what is it called when someone is telling people to look and focus on a child's "boobs & ass" while providing photos?

Perez responded by taking the moral highground, a dubious tactic for a fellow who made a name for himself by drawing cum on celebrity pictures:

And thanks for drawing MORE attention to your daughter's behavior and your parenting skills (or lack thereof). U r real smart!...Still waiting for you to retract your incorrect, libelous and defamatory statements...I would not let my 15 year old daughter dress like that under ANY context. You are delusional and slightly senile!

Yes, it was in bad taste to post them, Perez, but it's hard to take Demi's sanctimonious claims seriously (her last tweet reads, "This is not a game . Children should not be exploited. They must be protected.") when she allowed her daughter to go to the party in the first place. And Perez just keeps baiting her. Even moral compass Heidi Montag has weighed in! So, why don't you two put down the smart phones, pick up some common sense, and give it a rest. You're making Tallulah look like the sane one here!

We hack the pages of In Touch, Star, Ok!, Us and Life& Style, in the gallery below.

Ok!
"Engaged!"
This story is ridiculous, because the "proposal" being referred to "on set" is the one happening as part of the plot of Eclipse when Edward asks Bella to marry him. But! The magazine prints the sentence: "Life might just imitate art." Kristen Stewart apparently jokes around with Robert Pattinson on set, saying things like, "Has anyone seen my husband?" Next: Halle Berry is obviously pregnant because she went to Nobu with boyfriend Gabriel Aubry, held her bag in front of her stomach, wouldn't eat any raw fish and refused to drink the complimentary wine sent to the table. Lastly: Rihanna still has feelings for Chris Brown, according to a friend. "She gets missing Chris and the shit starts all over. A kiss and a slap, a kiss and a slap. Right now she's feeling strong, but she's switched gears in the past and taken him back."
Grade: F (hard drive corrupted)

Life & Style
"Inside Shiloh's World"
Angelina Jolie took Shiloh to Corsica for the day and they split a panini. Shiloh's taste buds are becoming more sophisticated, blah blah blah. She told her parents, "I want to do what mommy and daddy do for a living," so expect her to be taking over Hollywood any day now. Moving along: The Spears family had a reunion when Britney flew her mom, sister and the baby to Miami to spend time with her, her dad and her kids. Michael Lohan says he now accepts Lindsay and Sam's relationship and apologizes for anything bad he might have said about Sam in the past. Next, a source says Michael Jackson told his doctors that he couldn't have children because he'd been kicked in the groin during his youth. Was it Joe? Lastly, Holly Madison says, "Plastic surgery changed my life." She had a nose job and breast implants and says surgery "made it easier to get things I wanted in my career. Without it I wouldn't be where I am today. Living with Hef brought down my self-esteem a lot. I was comparing myself to the other girls. Hef always said he didn't want me to get anything done." If you're interested in her old nose, you're in luck (Image 6).
Grade: D- (Gmail down)

Us
"Their Exes Speak Out"
Lots of pictures of LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian frolicking on the beach in Mexico together! The two went on a four-day trip to celebrate LeAnn's 27th birthday. Sources claim that Dean Sheremet and Brandi Glanville — the respective spouses — are becoming friends. Now, there's nothing in here about Dean being gay, but he "broke his silence" and talked to Us at an August 29th performance of Wicked on Broadway. Dean and LeAnn "talk every day" says a friend. "He's trying to date, but it's hard, because she's so controlling. She was like the man of the house." Moving on: Is Britney "smarter in glasses"? 83% say No (Image 7). Despite his ongoing flirtation with Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler is "pretty much dating every girl in New York City," says a source. Lastly: Us calls out Demi Moore for claiming never to have had plastic surgery. Maybe she doesn't consider Botox or facial fillers to be "surgery," but what about the implants (Image 8)?
Grade: D- (AIM worm)

Star
"Loveless Marriage"
Apparently when Tori and Dean first met, they were working on a TV movie together, and Dean thought Tori "looked like a horse" and joked that she'd need a paper bag over her head for him to kiss her. But he planned on making friends with her because she'd be a good contact. So the gist of this is that he only married her for money and fame and doesn't care about her. Yawn. Moving on: Stephanie Pratt's new lips "look natural" according to Dr. Paul Jarrod Frank, who does not treat her (Image 9). Britney Spears has been begging Jason Trawick to come back, texting and emailing constantly, and asking, "Don't you miss me?" Blind item! "Which hunky actor and his equally hot actress wife were recently seen snorting lines of cocaine at the Chateau Marmont? When spotted, they took the party back to their room." Renée Zellweger and Bradley Cooper are "playing house." They're both off promoting things now, but when she gets back to LA she's going to live with him at his place; he's set up a bathroom she can call her own! He may pop the question by the end of the year. Pregnant Nicole Richie "almost collapsed with grief" when she heard about DJ AM, says an insider. Now Joel Madden and her parents are worried because she's not really eating; a doctor has put her on bed rest. Lastly: A story claims that Ashlee Simpson "kicked Pete Wentz out" because she discovered evidence of him cheating on her, but never says what the evidence was, and also claims that she left the house in a fury and checked into a hotel. So how is that kicking him out? Oh, she did call him and say, "Don't bother coming home." Anyway, she is now on the Pete Diet; he gets her so upset, she can't eat.
Grade: D- (iPhone frozen)

In Touch
"Separated!"
A house divided! Angelina and Brad are "not only sleeping in separate beds, they are sleeping on opposite ends of the property." According to a "friend." Brad used to be "happy, gregarious and social," but Angelina "picks holes in his personality" and "belittles him on every subject possible from his parenting to his lack of knowledge about current affairs." An insider says Brad is really shy now and uses booze as a crutch to socialize now. He drinks to escape his inner turmoil! Plus, Brad purchased Chateau Miraval's winery, and the mag asks: "Is it really A good idea for Brad to buy a vineyard?" Because Brad and Angie feel "guilty" about their "crumbling relationship," they're spoiling the kids: They have theme days! Everyone dresses up as characters from movies or books, like James Bond or Harry Potter. "They had a Wizard Day, with magic potion punch to drink, and they had to solve clues to go to wizard college," spills a source. Next: Ever since Jason Trawick broke up with Britney Spears, her dad Jamie Spears has been trying to keep her busy so she doesn't go crazy again. Apparently Jason made Britney feel "beautiful and sane." Jermaine Dupri has been seen with other women since breaking up with Janet Jackson, and now her "baby dreams are shattered." A doctor had encouraged her to freeze her eggs, but this story doesn't say whether she did or not. But, the mag helpfully points out, "at least she has Michael's kids." A friend of Madonna's says she's casually dating Jesus but still considers Sean Penn her soul mate and it's "highly possible" that she and Sean will get back together now that he's getting divorced, even though Sean and Madonna got married TWENTY FIVE YEARS AGO. Lastly: "Was Lindsay Really Robbed?" Looking closely at the surveillance video images of the alleged burglar, it seems like maybe Lindsay Lohan robbed herself (Image 10). Was it so she wouldn't have to give the jewelry back? Was it so she could break her lease? Michael Lohan says it was an inside job and that the person "tried to make themselves look like Lindsay." But did Lindsay try to look like a burglar looking like Lindsay? Because that would be meta. Anyway: Lindsay has also maybe been cutting herself again (Image 11), which the mag calls a cry for help.
Grade: D (Facebook firewall)

Click "full size" to enlarge.

Click "full size" to enlarge.

Click "full size" to enlarge.

He posted it yesterday, saying 'shh don't tell wifey', but seeing as she is also Twitter-obsessed and whatnot, she was hip to his moves. And she doesn't care because she's 60 years old and looks fabulous and her ruffle-topped 19-year-old husband is taking pictures of her can and it's springtime so everything's fabulous anyway.

[via GrrlPlanet]

And so we fall back on a goofy B-story, in which Ashton makes it his life's purpose to bring back a fashion affectation that has already made about five ironic comebacks in the past decade. And because behind every great, paisley-kerchief-wearing man stands the woman who bought that man the accessory for his birthday, we also get tireless Kutcher devotee Demi's cheerleading from the Twitter bleachers.

We don't know—if anyone could bring back the ascot, it's Ashton. Did you see what he did for trucker hats? Please excuse us as we return now to his stream to monitor what else he plans on bringing back. The last thing we'd want is to show up to Les Deux to find everyone dressed to the nines in wallet chains and clogs and realize we'd missed the tweeted memo.

• aplusk [Twitter]
• mrskutcher [Twitter via Malis in Wonderland]

Sensing that the narrative required a redemptive climax—perhaps set to a soul-stirring Peter Gabriel classic—Kutcher took a clue from the Cusackian playbook, and held aloft a sign for the besmirched construction workers next door as "In Your Eyes" blasted through his deck speakers. (It's unfortunately illegible, but we like to imagine it reads, "IM SORRY I CALLED YOU OWL FECES.") Then he and Demi throw them Vitamin Waters, the camera cutting off seconds after a Power-C Dragonfruit bonks one on the head and sends him tumbling three floors to a gruesome death. Oh well. It's the thought that counts.

• Previously: Ashton Kutcher Tweets Olive Branch In Escalating Neighbor Stand-Off

Watch now as Ashton has a cooler-head moment, only to be interrupted by a phone call from Demi, who's simultaneously tweeting her phoning of Ashton while he Twitters his treaty. That veil of celebrity mystique? They wipe their asses with it. Then they Twitter that.

• Ashton [Qik]

Loud construction on a new home next door—for "screenwriter Bruce Goldsmith," TMZ reports, who we could not locate on IMDb—drove both of them to their laptops to Twitter out their frustrations this morning. And like that, the good-vibrations of sweet Demi observations like "has anyone seen the incredible fingernail moon we have tonight?" were replaced with angry battletweets of the "neighbor doing consruction with 6 guys pounding hammers against steel at 7am is no way to wake up!"-variety.

Which, mind you, verged on polite compared to Ashton's thoughts on the matter:

this SOB owl feces cougar placenta jack bone dick! about 3 hours ago from web

Jack ass 7am building a god damn fort next to my house f'in up my view and noise polluting the entire f'in nieghborhood with pounding steal about 3 hours ago from web

holy moly I'm gonna lose it! about 3 hours ago from web

this ass clown has another thing coming! about 3 hours ago from web

I'm gonna kill my neighbor! about 3 hours ago from web

To underscore the severity of the cub-rousing racket next door, the endlessly tech-savvy Ashton then took to his Qik mobile-video-broadcasting account to give us a balcony view of his "fucking jackass neighbor...This is where my dickweed neighbor is building a house at 7 a.m., pounding on steel and welding right next to my frickin house." Unfortunately for Kutcher, however, Qik's stringently democratic commenting policies couldn't censor the reaction of unsympathetic user YouAreAMoron.

• mrskutcher [Twitter]
• aplusk [Twitter]
• Ashton [Qik]

Boomp3.com

Famed offspring Rumer Willis was spotted in ultra luxurious Bev Hills over the weekend sporting new crimson colored locks. When asked why she made the decision to embrace her inner big red, Willis explained it was for a string of upcoming Halloween parties. Wilis said, “This season, I’m going to go as two different people —Joan from Mad Men and Pam from The Office— and I didn’t want to wear a wig. So, I just dyed my hair and now I’ll alternate between the outfits from party to party.” Willis felt that she would go with the Pam costume when attending spooky shindigs associated with her family and the more vivacious Joan Holloway costume at other events. Willis added, “I assume that if I was dressed like Joan at my dad’s party, a lot of his friends would hit on me and I’m not sure if I’m fully comfortable with that just yet.” Also before jetting away, Willis practiced her Facebook & MySpace profile photo in the rearview mirror.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

While Mr. Kutcher said he fared well, he proved, at least in an interview with a reporter, that he was capable of being stumped. Asked, for purposes of fact checking, to spell the name of Ms. Moore’s youngest daughter with Bruce Willis, Mr. Kutcher confessed he was suddenly drawing a blank.

For the record, it is T-a-l-l-u-l-a-h.

Silly reporter: Kutcher is a former teen male model! Asking such a creature to spell is like asking him to do math or stop poisoning his friends with Hepatitis A. It can't be done, and it shouldn't; let the pretty man scrawl his birthday cards to "Demmy," "Roomer," and "Broos" in peace!

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Know Dad’s Turf Builder, You’ll Win $250,000 [NY Times]

More wholesome sequel news, after the jump:

As excitedly noted by PopWrap, the seminal dance troupe sleeper Center Stage is also getting a sequel, Center Stage: Turn It Up. No Paul Reubens or Demi Moore here, but there are two casting notices that should make many a former teen girl's heart jete: Peter Gallagher is returning as company director Jonathan, and OMG OMG OMG Ethan Stiefel is returning as the positively dreamy Cooper Nielsen OMG. The sequel is set to premiere on Oxygen before making its debut on DVD; no word yet on whether network buddies Tori & Dean will cameo.

• Solondz off to Werc Werk Works [Variety]
• "Center Stage 2?" Yes, You Heard Me Right! [PopWrap]

RUMER Willis used to hate her name. The daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis tells this Sunday's Page Six Magazine that when she was 12, she realized she "got screwed."

My sisters, Scout and Talullah, had cute nicknames," she says. "When I was 12 and had crushes on guys, I'd put my first name with their last name, but it never sounded right. Rumer Depp? Nope. In school, kids would sing, 'Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumor.' " She also says she was shocked to be named one of People's 100 Most Beautiful People this year: "After being compared to Jay Leno for so long, you don't think of yourself in that way."

Let this be a cautionary tale to all you expecting celebrity parents. We realize children can be cruel, but really now: "Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumor?" And as if that weren't enough, Willis had to withstand comparisons to Jay Leno, the late night talk show equivalent of a benign, hirsute growth. Talullah didn't know how easy she had it, with a name almost impossible to rhyme with anything suitably humiliating. ("Talullah, Talullah, with all that Die Hard 2 Moolah!")

• BLAME MY NAME [Page Six]

Loni Anderson: As the Internet Movie Database describes her, Loni, 63, is a “buxom, bedimpled, pert-nosed knockout.” And since her first appearance in the late 70s comedy, WKRP in Cincinnati, she has become another timeless beauty who continues to wow on the red carpet.

Susan Lucci: The well-known “Queen of Daytime” Susan Lucci is a big fan of Pilates, which clearly helps keep all her curves in all the right places.

Gayle King: Can we call Gayle Oprah's bosom buddy? At 53, Oprah's best friend turns heads on the red carpet.

Michelle Pfeiffer: [O]ne of the most timeless beauties in movies. From her gravity-defying bustline to her big blue-green eyes, Michelle Pfeiffer doesn't seem to age.

Rene Russo: Rene Russo, whose smoldering beauty made her so unforgettable in movies such as The Thomas Crown Affair, Major League and Lethal Weapon 3 and 4, still has what it takes on top.

Demi Moore, Goldie Hawn and Oprah herself are included as well. Alas, no Dolly Parton, who we hear was disqualified for slightly aberrant sexual tastes that we're hoping will have faded in the judges' minds by this time next year.

• The Best Breast List: wowOwow’s Peek Down Dazzling 40+ Décolletage [WOWOWOW]

What's the difference? It's a little complicated, but let's start with "volumizing" — the part where you jam your own fat into your face:

[Pat] Wexler, who opened her practice 22 years ago, gets credit as a New New Face pioneer because she intuited that volumizing was the future: injecting and filling the face with either fat from the patient’s own body, collagen, or synthetic fillers, instead of stretching the skin tight over all that sagging infrastructure.

“That’s what I call the Beetlejuice phenomenon,” she says when we meet. “You keep pulling and pulling, and your head gets smaller, and your body gets bigger as you age, and so you wind up with this little head on this big body. But we now know that you need volume to keep a face looking young. Volume means a face that goes out. And it’s all about the cheeks and the jawline.”

When I tell her that making the face bigger or “fatter” seems counterintuitive, she says, “I know, that’s why no one was doing it twenty years ago. ... I was doing lipo and I don’t like to throw anything away.”

Another doctor uses the examples of Ryan ("Meg may think she looks beautiful") and Demi Moore ("What I see with Demi is more of an operation") to relate the old and the new, though the accompanying photographic evidence of Angelina Jolie's nose filing has us nervously wondering its eventual impact on her handsome, helpless young twins. Whatever — just as long as they don't inherit Grandpa Jon's "New New Teeth," everything else is resolvable.

• The New New Face [NYM]

Star
Jamie Lynn's "baby joy turns to tears…" because her shotgun wedding to Casey Aldridge is allegedly off! Despite frequent, happy looking trips to Wal-Mart, the two teens fight all the time. Even worse, Casey is reportedly two-timing Jamie Lynn! "Casey is acting like a dog," a local yokel notes. And Casey's not the only "celebrity" behaving badly. The Hills Whitney Port is acting like a diva, showing up late to appearances and demanding trips to 7-Eleven. Even more shocking: a Whitney Port personal appearance commands $14,000. New moms Melissa Joan Hart and Jaime Pressly are gabbing about their new baby boys. Jaime ate cabbage soup six days a week and worked out two hours a day to lose her baby weight. Sounds…farty and ill-advised. Lilo hates Mary-Kate Olsen because of her friendship with Samantha Ronson, although MK is really scared of people thinking she's a lezebel. John Mayer has a touch of the OCD: since moving in with Jennifer Aniston at her hotel in Florida while she shoots Marley and Me, he has been cleaning up after her cleaning lady. Jen, who is 9 years older than John, is also featured in a spread called "Cougar Season" alongside Mariah, Ellen DeGeneres, and ur-Cougar Demi Moore. Ladies sometimes date younger men: this is not news. We are officially over the term "cougar."
Grade: D (falling asleep outside and having someone write "Dick" on your stomach in sunblock)
Us
Former jilted Bachelor star Andrew Firestone has a "Second Chance At Love," the Us cover blares. Even though ex-fiancée Jen Schefft dumped him on his keister after the show aired, Firestone has found love with a leggy blonde Serbian model named Ivana Bozilovic. You guys, it's so hard to rebound from a break-up when you're a ridiculously good-looking heir to a tire fortune. Firestone has been through so much! Not as much as breakup postergirl Jennifer Aniston. But things seem to be looking up for our formerly depressed diva! Her friends all love new boyfriend John Mayer, even notoriously tough Courteney Cox. Several preggers stars are just about ready to "pop": Gwen Stefani, Nicole Kidman, Jamie Lynn Spears, Luciana Damon (Matt's wife) and Ryan Shawhughes (Ethan Hawke's gf) are among the super pregs. Patrick Swayze has gone back to work on the forthcoming A&E series The Beast even though he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. No cancer puts Patrick in a corner! Kim Cattrall signed on to executive produce and star in a new HBO comedy, Sensitive Skin, which is about a woman rediscovering her sexuality. "Even though it's my name, and the word skin is there, it's a very subtle show," she assures Us. Mmmkay.
Grade: D- (subway smells on a 99 degree day)
In Touch
Angelina is "Pushing Brad Away!" Nooooes! Apparently Ange has violent mood swings because of all the pregnancy hormones and Brad can't deal with it. He took Maddox to the MotoGP motorcycling championship just to get the eff away from Angie. At least she's not back to her Billy Bob humping days, but allegedly Nicole Richie is back to her old bad habits, namely not eating. She's down to 95 pounds, only ten pounds heavier than her scary looking lowest point. Also back to bad habits: Brit Brit. She's back on the sauce, but still not doing drugs, though some fear that Britney's cocktail swilling might lead back down the road to cocaine corner. Also: there's some sidebar saying that Britney's boozing is causing her to have acne. WTF? Did a boob job come between George Clooney and Sarah Larson? Apparently Larson got her tatas done in May, and George wasn't happy about it. Sarah, however, is so thrilled with her new bod that she is considering posing for Playboy. Sigh.
Grade: F+ (second degree sunburn)
OK!
Aw, Shiloh is excited about Angelina's new babies! Apparently SO excited that OK! felt the need to devote four pages to the minutia of Shiloh's very existence. She has "pull-up diapers and tells Mom and Dad when she has to go to the bathroom"! She is learning to sleep alone! She puts her hands on Angie's stomach to feel the twins kick! Um, just like ANY OTHER TWO-YEAR-OLD EVER IN THE HISTORY OF LIFE. Brad Pitt might be making babies these days, but according to a "friend" of John Mayer's, Brad doesn't stack up to John in the sack. John is "Not just good, but sensational" at the sex." Jen is so appreciative that she's started glowing and wearing dresses. Or something like that. Mutiny in The Hills! Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge are brawling. There's a photo shoot with Audrina at her pool house, behind the main house where Lauren and Lo live, and apparently L.C. was pissed about it. "She was very, very mad." Audrina says. "She said it's her house. But this is my room…No she thinks I'm sneaky and shady for doing this photo shoot, yet she and her team knew about it." Dramz!
Grade: F (boob sweat on a date)
Life & Style
Katie is Tom's Prisoner. Again. Katie went to New York for four days to rehearse for her new play, All My Sons, and she never went anywhere but the hotel and the theater. She looked annoyed at a party, according to an "insider" and it's because she feels suffocated. Is John Mayer ready to be a dad? Life & Style ponders. Jen started talking about a friend's fertility treatment over dinner and John "swiftly" changed the subject. "This spinach is awesome…It's very garlicky," Mayer reportedly said. Heh. Maybe that's why Jennifer Aniston has been feuding with He's Just Not That Into You co-star, Jennifer Connelly. The cast of the film, which includes Drew Barrymore and Ginnifer Goodwin, got together for a Marie Claire photoshoot, and Aniston threatened to pull out if Connelly was included. Janet Jackson looks to be "up 20 pounds" since October, and she needs to lose weight before her Rock Wichu tour in September. She plans to eat healthier and exercise more and blah blah blah.

Grade: F- (heatstroke)

boomp3.com


Demi Moore attempted to kiss her husband, Ashton Kutcher, outside of LAX on Thursday night, but the Punk'd star pulled away. According to spies on the scene, Kutcher told Moore that she had some fairly lethal breath. Moore checked her purse for mints, but she was fresh out. Kutcher explained that she would have to wait until they got home to kiss him. Moore stared a hole into her husband who attempted to hold back his laughter, but Kutcher shouted, "Ha! You got Pop Fiction'ed!"

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

The latest celebrity said to be jumping on the nudie pregnant pictures bandwagon is Nicole Kidman, who was seen yesterday attending a “top secret” modeling session for a potential cover shoot with Frenchy photographer extraordinaire Patrick Demarchelier. While he’s no Annie Leibovitz, and it’s unknown which magazine this shoot was for, Demarchelier is a monthly contributor for Allure, Vogue, and Demi Moore’s old knocked-up-while-nude stomping grounds, Vanity Fair. So whether or not Nicole is looking to appear on an upcoming cover of VF as Demi’s successor is still unknown, but we took a look back at some classic big-bellied celebrity appearances in the past to see some glossy examples of what Kidman will be competing with in the Nude And Pregnant Hall of Fame:

[Warning: What follows is NSFW, and in the case of one Lisa Rinna shot, NSFLunch.]

Lisa Rinna posed much more naked than most in, oddly enough, Playboy for all those guys out there who just can't get off unless their centerfold is very knocked up, and Milla Jovovich posed behind a transparent sheet for Jane's body issue. Monica Belluci has taken it all off for VF before, but it was the Italian edition, which really isn't that big a deal. It's European!

Though she was nowhere near naked, the then-prim Gwyneth Paltrow did bare her pregnant belly for a W cover, while Heidi Klum might as well have been nude for the cover of Vitals while carrying Seal's spawn. And Cindy Crawford looked very Demi indeed, but in a more model-y way, on an older W cover.

Most recently, Christina Aguilera shimmied around a bed for a Marie Claire cover shoot. And of course, Demi Moore initiated the trend on her landmark 1991 Vanity Fair cover. But our favorite (if we really had to pick one) nudie pregnant shoot of all time goes to Britney Spears in Harper's Bazaar, mainly because the 2006 shoot was ironically seen as a surefire way to "come back." If only she'd known there was simply no "way to come back," she wouldn't have had to pose for those drag queeny photos at all.

• NICOLE KIDMAN TO POSE PREGNANT AND NUDE? [Just Jared]

boomp3.com


Celebrity offspring Rumer Willis attempted to cause a scene on the mean streets on Winnipeg, Canada. Willis coughed and hacked her way through cigarette after cigarette, hoping that one of her near by handlers/assistants would inform her parents about her new and disgusting habit. After getting dizzy and nearly passing out, Willis gave up on smoking as an attention grabber. Then she briefly considered taking embarrassing and scandalous photos of herself and posting them onto the internet, but Willis then realized that it still wouldn't get her parents attention.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

In one of the most memorable comebacks in celebrity history, Demi and her new bikini body leaped onto the screen in the Charlie's Angels sequel, rousing a collective "Yowza!" heard and seen 'round the world (and, most likely, in Ashton Kutcher's drawers). And while Jennifer was definitely adorable throughout all her many "looks" on Friends, from The Rachel to The Bob, and even The Post-Divorce Weight Loss stage, we've never seen her look better than she does now. And thanks to an itty bitty pink bikini, showcasing Bond Girl tits (reminiscent of the fembots in Austin Powers), that tan, that hair, she's pulled off the same tactic perfectly. For the first time in our lives, we're actually thinking the previously unthinkable phrase, "What was Brad thinking?"

[Photo credits: X17, Splash]

• JENNIFER ANISTON IS BACK IN HER BIKINI AND BACK WITH JOHN MAYER [Egotastic]
• JENNIFER ANISTON GETS FRIENDLY IN THE POOL WITH HER TATTOOED NEW BEAU JOHN MAYER [Daily Mail]