10) Lindsay Lohan Celebrates Sobriety By Dropping Trou For 'NY Mag'

9) Megan Fox As Naked As Allowed By Canadian Film Regulation Law

8) Katie Holmes Marathon Mystery Deepens With New Questions About Unidentified Runner #6074: Updated

7) The Kristin Davis Sex Tape: The Graphic Novel

6) Joan Rivers Ejected From British Talk Show After Calling Russell Crowe A 'F***ing S**t': With Video!

5) DEFAMER EXCLUSIVE: Backstage Elisabeth/Joy Blowup Rocks 'The View'

4) Dolly Parton Threatening To Sue Howard Stern For Tossing Her Lovely Audio Book Into A Filth Salad (NSFW)

3) Mini-Me Sex Tape Conclusive Proof That Our Civilization Is Doomed

2) Paris Hilton's Tear-Drenched Super Bowl Defeat

1) The Tom Cruise Indoctrination Video Scientologists Don't Want You To See

Baldwin vs. Garcia: In which 30 Rock star Alec Baldwin belittled his Thursday night brethren, mocking NBC for running hourlong episodes of My Name is Earl when the show is "done" and "cooked." In response, Earl creator Greg Garcia told Defamer that Baldwin was a"psychotic narcissist" who can't do math. Burn?
Olsen vs. Pratt: In which Mary-Kate Olsen ragged on former high school classmate Spencer Pratt while on Letterman (left). Why? Because Pratt sold a photo of Olsen to the tabloids back when they were teenagers. Publicity-whoring kids—they start so early these days!

Fanning vs. Woods: In which Dakota Fanning's attempt to portray herself as a normal cheerleader was thwarted by her Winged Creatures director Rowan Woods, who called her a "disaster" on set. One steely glance from the 14-year-old, however, and he took it all back in an email to Defamer.
Emanuel vs. Silverman: In which Endeavor head honcho Ari Emanuel told "high as a kite" NBC playboy Ben Silverman to tone down his carousing and meeting-missing. He did no such thing (Beijing Ben answers to no one!) and was summarily ripped a new one by Emanuel in the executive dining room at Universal.
Blonsky vs. Golden: In which Hairspray star Nikki Blonsky threw down with Top Model castoff Bianca Golden at an airport in Turks and Caicos. Instead of learning lessons of racial harmony through song and dance, Blonsky kicked Golden's mom in the vagina. No amount of pudenda glitter is going to cover that bruise.


Letterman vs. McCain: In which also-ran presidential candidate incurred the awesome wrath of David Letterman by ditching his guest appearance to chat with Katie Couric down the street. Lesson learned: don't mess with Letterman. Also: maybe the McCain/Palin ticket shouldn't do interviews with Katie Couric.
The, uh...let's not use the word "Retarded" vs. Tropic Thunder: In which DreamWorks was forced to yank a Tropic Thunder tie-in website for insensitivity to the mentally handicapped. Literally dozens protested the film's Westwood premiere, dressed in "Retardbusters" t-shirts that went ironically on sale at the Y-Que the very next day.

Piven vs. Mamet: In which a bored Jeremy Piven attempted to escape his Broadway duties by fishing around for an excuse to explain away his "fatigue," eventually settling on a reality TV doctor/bodybuilder who would diagnose his problems as the symptoms of an "avid sushi eater." David Mamet spoke for all of the Great White Way when he suggested that Piven undertake a new career.
Rudin vs. Weinstein: In which a cash-strapped, hit-deficient Harvey Weinstein bumped The Reader up to a 2008 slot, which left director Stephen Daldry little time to finish the film, put Kate Winslet in a difficult promotional jam, and induced tyrannical superproducer Scott Rudin to yank his name off the picture. Still waiting on that $1 million donation, Harve!


Hasselbeck vs. Behar & Defamer: In which the on-air arguments by professional shrieker Elisabeth Hasselbeck spilled backstage, where several Defamer operatives lay in wait. This led to a through-the-looking-glass moment where, after years of covering The View's hot topics, Defamer itself became the hot topic. It also led to the banning of poorly designed campaign t-shirts on ABC, forcing Hasselbeck to find refuge in pirate blouses and a spiked mug filled with coffee and everclear. We'll have what she's having—in 2009, we're gonna need it.

For example, few of you are probably old enough to remember 1970's The Paul Lynde Halloween Special, starring Uncle Arthur and a galaxy of stars—including Margaret Hamilton in full Wicked Witch of the West garb, Billie "Witchiepoo" Hayes...and KISS, for crying out loud! If that's not enough to make your inner-gay explode and ooze down your insides, we also found a clip from The Halloween That Almost Wasn't, the discoriffic 1979 TV movie starring Judd Hirsch as a Count Dracula hellbent on putting the bite back into the scariest holiday. As always, notable omissions are welcome in the comments...if you dare!!! Ah ah ah ah ah!!!

• Previously: The Top 8 Women Who Changed the Face of 'SNL' [Defamer]

• Previously: The Top 10 TV Characters Men Want To Be Like And Women Want To Be With [Defamer]

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