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Guess The Celebrity Kids!

Seth — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 14:00:00 EDT

They grow up so fast, don't they? But whose are they? That's the question we're posing on today's Defamer Celebrity SpawnWatch brain teaser. The answer is after the jump!

No, that isn't a still from the upcoming popcorn flick, The Mummy: Tomb Of The Wheelie-Popping Pop Emperor. Rather, it's Michael Jackson, being helpfully piloted by an attendant into a Las Vegas Barnes & Noble, accompanied by his three fashionable kids—Prince, 11, Paris, 10, and 6-year-old Prince II, aka Blanket. From the NY Daily News:

Jackson, 49, showed up wearing pajamas and slippers and spent about two hours Monday inside a Barnes & Noble store in Sin City, where he lives. He browsed through children's books and CDs while the kids sat separately at a reading table.
The one-time chart-topping star wore a black scarf to cover most of his face, a surgical-style mask and a Marines baseball cap.

After serenading the family with a slightly modified, all-sung version of their favorite bedtime story ("Goodnight Moon—HEE Hee!"), all four ventured back into the Las Vegas heat only for as long as it took to caravan to the local Wet 'n Wild. There, the proud father was parked beneath a wavepoolside canopy, clapping and giggling gleefully as he cheered on Team Jackson in an epic Chicken Fight tournament with Team Underprivileged Day Camp Kids.

[Photo credit: NationalPhotoGroup.com]

Pics show frail Michael Jackson pushed around Vegas store in wheelchair [NY Daily News]

Finish Off What's Left Of Corey Haim With 'Corey Vs. Corey' Virtual Bloodsport

Seth — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:30:00 EDT

As your mind has likely already checked out for the long weekend, and is far away gnawing on a corndog and oohing and aahing the dazzling detonations dancing across your TV screen courtesy of XBox 360's Fireworks Tycoon, we thought we'd tax it as little as possible today. Perfect solution: A&E's Corey Vs. Corey, an online game in which the original bromance partners—now mortal enemies—fight each other in a sort of Mortal-Flameout Kombat.

Choose which Corey you'd like to be—we took the Corey upon whom we've already inflicted more pain than our conscience can handle—then punch and kick your way through each round, earning special moves at every level. There's the pungent "Stinker," the "Wooden Stake Attack," and the particularly cruel "Dreamt of Success Smackdown," but thankfully, the sadistic web developers stopped short of a "Molestation Guilt-Trip Roundhouse Kick." OK—enough talk. Get to Corey-bashing!

Corey Vs. Corey [A&E]

Where's Affleck?

Seth — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:35:00 EDT

Panic broke out at the OneXOne gala Saturday night in Calgary, when a group of African schoolchildren wearing traditional garb and posing sweetly for the cameras were sent fleeing for their lives as charity-spokesperson Ben Affleck plunged his face—"Like nothing I have ever seen!" one was later quoted as saying, "It was the size of five regular-man's heads!"—into the shot. Once order had been restored, the frightened boys were reintroduced to the star, whose work they were unfamiliar with ("Gone Baby Gone? National Board of Review winner for best director? No? What about Armageddon? They must have that one at Africa Blockbuster?").

It was only once he explained that he had once been engaged to Jennifer Lopez ("You mean the actress from Money Train?" a young voice intoned) that a wave of recognition washed over the children, with one shyly fishing out a half-finished screenplay—"It's like Cheaper By The Dozen, but with an ecological, global-village message"—and humbly requesting Ben pass it along to his brother Casey for consideration.

GOODWILL HUNTING [People]