Wisely eschewing unecessary distractions like dialogue, a voice of God announcer, and even a rap-metal soundtrack, masterly blowshituplogist and giantfuckingrobotician Michael Bay opts instead to paint stunning large-scale tableaux of Decepticon-reaped destruction, set to atmospheric metallic/windy/echo sounds.

Before fanboys worldwide crap their size 44 cargo pants in anticipation, we can offer some modest relief with news that the release date has been pushed up two days, to June 24. That's a Wednesday—you don't stop, you don't hide, you run. You hear what we're saying?

• Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Official Site

We've committed entire Munich exchanges to memory ("We can't afford to be that decent anymore." "I don't know if we were ever that decent.") and plan on dedicating our next camping weekend to the brave men and women of Defiance. But after considering the sneak preview evidence, we think Inglourious Basterds has stretched this particular cinematic subgenre past its breaking point, its splinters sent hurtling into the realm of Hebe hate-porn. We're not sure at what point we turned on this ET Exclusive—oh, who are we kidding, yes we do: It was the moment we saw B. J. Novak's face delivering a ferocious "YES SIR!" to Lt. Aldo Raine's SS-mutilating marching orders. Then there's Eli Roth decapitating an Aryan with a baseball bat. No, Jewsploitation fans that we are, we can't muster the will to take this shit seriously, even on an ironic level. Brad's accent sounds too fucking stupid. [ET Online]

The El Superbeasto project (not be confused with this upcoming Rob Zombie film) began in 2006, and though it's still in production, comedians Chris Hardwick and Mike Phirman unveiled the exclusive first footage shown anywhere last night. Way to go with the film nerd exclusives, UCB! Hardwick and Phirman (under their comic nom de guerre Hard & Phirm) have recorded songs for the movie, so Zombie sent them rough footage of two sequences to show the audience.

In the first, buxom blonde Suzi-X (voiced by Sheri Moon Zombie) battles a rampaging horde of zombie Nazis due to the fact that is a Rob Zombie film. There's plenty of blood, gore, and cleavage, but the real R-rated stuff was saved for the second sequence.

That's when Rosario Dawson shows up as the aggressive Velvet Von Black and, after taunting Suzi-X with a series of "broke-down biyatch" comments, leaps after the blonde, engaging in a knock-down, drag-out, eventually topless catfight. As the Hard & Phirm song on the soundtrack reassured the audience that "it's OK to masturbate to cartoons," Zombie provided helpful close-ups of bare T&A, as well as a memorable moment where we're pretty sure a breast-wielding Velvet poked Suzi-X in the eye with her enormous nipple.

Other fun facts: Paul Giamatti voices villain Dr. Satan, Sid Haig reprises his character Captain Spaulding (a Zombie regular), and the cast also includes Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! vixen Tura Santana. Thank you, Rob Zombie; it's good to know that if Wall-E falls short on its quest for Oscar gold, we now have another animated contender.

• The Haunted World of El Superbeasto

Turns out, it's "a little bit Fargo, a little bit Reese Witherspoon in Election," with just a soupçon of her friend Paula's grandma from Joliet, Illinois. Fey downplays her frightening accuracy by claiming it's the easiest impression to do since Billy Bob Thornton mmm-hmmed his way through Sling Blade, but we have to give credit where credit is due. Now, Tina, where the hell is 30 Rock? Can't you pull some strings and get Palin to fire Ben Silverman? [CBS]

It's a look that—stop us if we're way off here—is virtually indistinguishable from the one he wore in Chaplin. Like, right down to the bunched up vest and baggy tweed trousers? Hopefully Downey's considerable gifts will help us shake the looming expectation that at any given moment, the detective might sit down to a hearty meal of a leather boot before heading into the London fog to solve The Problem of the One-Legged Beefeater.

[Photo credit: Bauer Griffin]

• Previously: Robert Downey Jr. Vs. Sacha Baron Cohen: A Tale Of Two Holmes [Defamer]

• Quantum of Solace [007.com]

• Milk [Apple Trailers]

• zackandmiri.com

In the scene, Penn cheerfully offers flyers to passersby, saying, "We'll have smiles around the city. A healthy mouth is a happy mouth!" (a milk-related campaign slogan?), in a Professor Frink-ish voice at least one observer thinks is true to Milk's own. Not long after, Emile Hirsch saunters by in a math club getup, throws his arms around dramatically (we hear the camera takes ten pounds off wild gesticulation), then delivers a line in which he calls Penn's character an "old man." We realize this may be a hastily drawn conclusion, but we smell 2009 Oscar.

• Making Milk [YouTube via GoodAsYou]