Bronze, silver and gold medals awarded after the jump:

On the dais accepting his bronze medal is actor Leo Fitzpatrick, best known for his work in Kids and The Wire. As our tipster Alexis said, "Leo Fitzpatrick as Michael Phelps FTW. Down to the lisp."

No stranger to death-defying feats is our silver medalist, Jackass participant Steve-O (suggested by StylusPictures). However, we think drug testing would disqualify him.

Cue up the National Anthem and follow it with Emmy fanfare, because our gold medalist is none other than Saved By The Bell alum Dustin Diamond. An unconventional choice to be sure, but at least we know he likes getting nearly naked in front of a camera (and that he's probably into water sports). Congratulations to his very own Bela Karolyi, commenter everfade!

• PREVIOUSLY: help Us Cast the Michael Phelps Story [Defamer]

Sure, there are advocates for McSwimmin', but how about John Krasinski, who plenty of fans of The Office might like to see wearing a hydrodynamic speedo for two hours? However, if producers are willing to take a Todd Haynes-inspired flight of fancy, might we also recommend Will Smith? He's got the ears and the toned body, and we have no trouble imagining him as he mows down a fleet of zombie swimmers, accompanied by nothing but his trusty goldfish (and, of course, his loneliness).

• Olympic stars struggle in showbiz [THR]

Nevertheless, his overall support reminds us what a fertile period it is for the villain in American cinema — and how '80s/'90s-era schlock could stand to benefit from an A-list talent injection. We consulted our own casting department for five ideal remakes, and the stars who might push them over the top:

Leprechaun, featuring Tom Cruise as Leprechaun. Both a post-Tropic Thunder capitalization for the resurgent star and a perfect UA palate cleanser after the ordeal of Valkyrie.

Child's Play, featuring Clay Aiken as Chucky. A natural crossover for the Man Who Wouldn't Be Idol. A savvy agent could package this with Aiken's new son as the male lead and Kelly Clarkson as the mother who squares off Aiken's homicidal doll in a fight to the death. The producers couldn't likely tell him about the "homicidal doll" part until after the shoot, but whatever; it's not like he needs a script or anything.

Friday the 13th, featuring Corey Feldman as Jason Voorhees. Feldman broke through in 1984 as young Jason-slayer Tommy Jarvis, but with the franchise having exhausted Tommy's psychosis and The Two Coreys essentially confirming Feldman's own, this match makes itself. Scrap the remake in the works, Paramount — or at least order some reshoots.

Candyman, featuring Eddie Murphy as Candyman. In a PG-rated romp directed by Brian Robbins, Murphy's fat-suited Candyman really does do a number on the sweets shops in town, trailed by swarms of plump CGI bumblebees and playing kiddie snicker-snack with his candy-cane hook.

Halloween, featuring Mike Myers as Michael Myers. Tagline: "Still stroppy."

• Billy Bob On Elm Street [JoBlo]

"F. Gary Gray - director of The Italian (Sub) Job." Ladies and gentlemen: thank you for playing. We have our winner. Now if we can only coax Mr. Gray out from behind the cameras to step into the starring role in Crazy Sauce: The Reginald Petersen Story that he was born to play, our work here will be done.

• Previously: Help Us Cast The Subway Sandwich 911-Caller MOW [Defamer]

We threw it open to you to cast the Thelma Dennis TNT Movie of the Week, Naughty Urges: Thelma Dennis's Undeadly Deception, and you gave us Brian Posehn—producing one of the greatest side-by-sides of all time. We turn to your casting prowess once more for Crazy Sauce: The Reginald Petersen Story. Let the casting commence!

• Meet Mr. Subway 2008 [The Smoking Gun]
• Man calls 911 after Subway left sauce off sandwich [AP]

Lou Adler, exec producer of the original film, is partnering with BermanBraun and Fox Television Studios on the new rendition. Two-hour remake will use the original screenplay by Jim Sharman and Richard O'Brien but may also include music not featured in the original.
"I'd like to see it shown a year from this coming Halloween, but that's up to MTV," Adler said.

Our casting ideas after the jump!

Keeping mindful of MTV's youth-skewed, pop-star-friendly demographic, we did some brainstorming and came up with the following suggestions for all the principal roles. No need to thank us; we do it only for the joy it brings you, in addition to our regular industry-standard casting fees and contingencies, due in full upon delivery.

Frank N Furter: Seth Green. Excels at every genre; has the drag and dismemberment experience from Disco Bloodbath.
Brad: Zac Efron. Kind or a no-brainer. Just give him a pair of Buddy Hollys and a silk robe and let him do his thing.
Janet: Miley Cyrus. She can convincingly convey Ms. Weiss's journey from churchgoing virgin to touch-a touch-a touch-a slutbag.
Magenta: Pink. Same color family—close enough.
Riff Raff: Pete Wentz. Just creepily calculated enough. Will likely be bald in the next few years if he keeps relaxing his hair.
Columbia: Kelly Osbourne. Suitably Betty Boopish.
Eddie: Jack Black. He's our Meatloaf. There is no one else.
Dr. Everett Von Scott: James Lipton. We know he has fishnets on underneath that Inside the Actor's Studio desk.
Rocky: Madonna. Bruce Vilanch. Levi Alves McConaughey. Or anyone besides Mario Lopez, who's currently doing gravity-boot crunches and demanding over speaker phone that his agent get him an audition.

• MTV readies 'Rocky Horror' redux [Variety]

What? You haven't heard of it? Where have you been?

I AM TRUMPETING THE MOTHER OF ALL TALENT CASTING CALLS!!!!.

My movie is called :COLIN FARRELL : A DARK TWISTED PUPPY - THE MOVIE

I will be shooting this fall - WAKE UP THIS IS NOT A DREAM.

For those that haven't been updated, I have adapted my book "COLIN FARRELL: A DARK TWISTED PUPPY," into to a laugh a minute romantic comedy that will be shooting this fall 2008 and will be out next year FEB 2009. ...

What makes this movie unique is that all it takes for anyone 18 years or older to be in my movie is for them to join my fan club , and stay a current member for about two months and you are in my movie.

And all it takes to join Bradford's fan club, of course, is $20. (But the 1,000th member wins $5,000 and a speaking part, so don't rush!) It's a small price to pay for access to a breakthrough like A Dark Twisted Puppy, Bradford's tale of dealing with a "voided lonely soul" who, per her book-jacket copy, "shared his innermost fantasies with me, and also told the tales of his tawdry affairs with such female leading actresses as Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Angeline Jolie, and Rosario Dawson to no end, leaving no graphic detail out."

We're not sure where the psychosis ends and the "laugh a minute romantic comedy" kicks in, but in any event, Bradford promises considerable media attention at the Kodak Theater on July 28, likely accompanied by a process server and perhaps even a lawyer casting Farrell v. Bradford: The Civil Suit. That's one we'd pay at least $20 to see.

• 'Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy' [Dessarae Bradford]

CASTING Hamster for short film (los angeles)

I am looking for a hamster.

I know I could buy one, but then I would own it. So , I was hoping to just rent one for 50 bucks for a couple hours.

The Hamster will be work in a studio shoot on a greenscreen. He is playing Rocky, the captain of a boat.

please send a picture

We are shooting for a couple hours on saturday, that is this coming saturday the 28th in Hollywood.

This coming Saturday? Fuck! Our hamster already made plans. Whatever — his headshots haven't arrived yet anyway.

• CASTING Hamster for short film (los angeles) [Craigslist]

[Photo Credit: Splash]

• Matt Damon no longer the Sexiest Man Alive? [telegraph.co.uk]

W didn't just make studios nervous; the script gave lots of movie stars cold feet, too. Stone denies rumors that Robert Duvall turned down Cheney. And he won't comment on reports that he's talking to Paul Giamatti about the part. But casting has clearly been challenging. ''You'd be amazed how many male stars of a certain age in Hollywood are Republicans,'' says Bill Block, CEO of QED, one of the film's producers. ''I'm not going to name names, but a lot of them just didn't want to have anything to do with it.''

According to Stone, even some of the town's young Democrats couldn't be persuaded. ''They hate Bush so much, they can't understand why I'd want to make a movie about him,'' he says. ''They hate him so much, they can't even imagine themselves playing him or playing anybody around him.''

We agree Giamatti would make a decent Cheney, but we're for a little more adventuresome casting to wash out the flat taste of the script (the recently distributed version of which, EW also notes, is at least a couple of drafts old). On one hand, Woody Harrelson would seem to fit the bill with just enough irony to hold us over to the closing credits, but a Stone/Val Kilmer reunion would be truly Earth-shattering. Or, no! Get Javier Bardem, who conveniently just quit Rob Marshall's Nine and is Brolin's BFF anyway. Maybe Robert Downey Jr? Cate Blanchett? Hurry!

[Photo Credit: Entertainment Weekly]

• First Look: 'W,' Oliver Stone's Bush Biopic [EW]

Looking for SURGEON perf 1st surgery of kind or VERY FIRST SURGERY (Los Angeles)

Production Company in Los Angeles is working on a pilot reel for a television series for a major cable network.

We are looking for SURGEONS who will be performing the VERY FIRST SURGERY of its kind or his/her VERY FIRST SURGERY. You must be located in southern California. If this is you, please e-mail us your contact number and the best time to call you.

We are under a tight deadline, so if you are interested and met the above qualifications we need your submissions ASAP!

Virgin-Surgeon Island provides virtually limitless potential for steamy hookups, dramatic conflict, and nail-biting invasive medical procedures, as a dozen telegenic med school grads find themselves sequestered on a remote, tropical locale. There they'll be forced to compete in a series of increasingly demanding tasks—-from the Body-Shot Suturing Challenge, to the 3M Angioplasty-Off and Celebrity Liver-Transplant Finale—using nothing but their textbooks and keen wits to guide them.

• Looking for SURGEON perf 1st surgery of kind or VERY FIRST SURGERY (Los Angeles) [Craigslist]

Longtime Singleton cohort Ice Cube is the natural choice for the job, but at 38, is he too old? Woody Harrelson has likewise been rumored to sign on as Baracus' fool nemesis Howlin' Mad Murdock; that'll never happen. We'd rather see the races and roles reversed, actually, perhaps with an especially loco Tracy Morgan taunting Ryan Gosling's brooding, post-traumatic-stress-addled Murdock, with their nurturing mentor Hannibal Smith, played by a begloved Alec Baldwin, philosophizing over cheap cigars and the glory days of the first Iraq War. Surely Luke Wilson can clear space in his schedule for a postmodern turn as smooth operator Faceman. The short-lived journalist Amy Allen could stand to make a revival as well — perhaps Winona Ryder can bring her refurbished CVS Drama School gifts to the formidable boy's club, assuming she can avoid community service.

• 'A-Team' on Fox's slate [Variety]

Dylan McKay: Zac Efron, because he's a pretty boy with great hair.
Kelly Taylor: Ashley Tisdale, because she's used to playing the bitchy popular girl. Too bad she already got a nosejob, though — that could've been a revolutionary episode.

Brandon Walsh: Tom Welling, because he could save the day with a smile.
David Silver: Kevin Federline, because he's a wannabe rapper in need of a gig.

Donna Martin: Jamie Lynn Spears, because it would be a cinch playing the dumb blonde who preaches celibacy (only to get knocked up this time around, 'cuz it's the Millenium!).
Brenda Walsh: Miley Cyrus, because we still can't figure out whether or not we love or hate her.

Steve Sanders: Cody Lohan, because he's blonde and annoying.
Andrea Zuckerman: Gabrielle Carteris, because, well, she needs a job.

Did we miss anything? Leave your suggestions in the comments, that's what they're there for!

• RICH KIDS ARE BACK: CW PLOTS '90210' SPINOFF [THR]

We've settled upon Stanley Tucci as Spitzer, who beyond bearing more than a passing physical resemblance to the Governor, is a formidable actor who will bring the necessary gravitas to the part of the crusading politician caught with his hand in the high-class call-girl cookie jar. And as the forgiving Silda, nothing less than Battlestar Galactica's President Mary McDonnell will do.

• In Which Eliot Spitzer Does Something He Shouldn't — With a Lady! [Gawker]

So here is a little casting that my agency has posted! Proof that nothing is as it seems in Hollywood:

Photo double / Female / Caucasian / 18 - 25 /

We are casting for a Britney Spears body double for her Blender Magazine photoshoot. You must have shoulder to medium length blonde hair.

This person must also be in shape! 5'2" to 5'5". This will be a take off of a Bert Stern photograph of Marilyn Monroe in bed, from the last shoot before her death. Your face will not be shown in the final photograph/cover. You will just be her toned-fit body"

Now that we read it again, we're really beginning to have doubts: The implication that Blender would somehow further exploit the tattered pop princess by having her face grafted onto someone else's body for a photoshoot recreating the last days of Marilyn seems almost too outrageous to be true, as any art director would be perfectly happy using Spears's current frame to effectively evoke the iconic, full-figured blonde bombshell tumbling helplessly down a dark well paved in self-destruction.

The project is in such an early phase of development that the script won't even be written until after the conclusion of the WGA strike, but we've already picked out a pivotal moment from Namath's life that will become the centerpiece of the biopic's eventual trailer, proving beyond the shadow of a doubt that even if the football scenes end up a little unconvincing, the unselfconscious Gyllenhaal was the perfect choice to portray Broadway Joe:

*** $25,000.00 commission *** I am doing a 90 minute motivational DVD I need someone to bring one of the names below to participate for a day to read a 3 page speech in front of the camera, pay to the actor is $30,000.00 and your commission is $25,000.00 cash.

the shoot needs to take place before NOV 9th.http://www.musicplus.com/ Karim Karim movies [address redacted] Malibu,ca.90265 [phone number redacted]

Adam Sandler
Denzel Washington
Leonardo DiCaprio
Brad Pitt
George Clooney
Ben Affleck
Will Smith
Robert DiNero
Kate Winslet
Jim Carey
Steve Carell
Clive Owen
Felicity Huffman
Cameron Diaz
Drew Barrymore
Kiera Knightly
Ellen DeGenergous
Rachael McAdams
Naomi Watts
Angelina Jolie
Mischa Barton
Ashley Olsen
Mary Kate Olsen
Bruce Willis
Diane Keaton
Paul Walker
Mark Wahlberg
Ashton Kutcher
Penelope Cruz
Jane Fonda
Meryl Streep
Ryan Gosling
Shia LeBouf
Reese Witherspoon
Eva Mendes
Charlize Theron
Jennifer Aniston
Heidi Klum
Kate Bosworth
Lucy Lui
Mathew McConaughey
Sandra Bullock
Morgan Freeman
Tom Hanks
Christian Bale
Jennifer Garner
Russel Crow
Mel Gibson
Whoopi Golberg
Ben Foster
Jeremy Pivon
Diane Lane
Kevin Spacey
Harrison Ford
Hilary Swank
Jessica Biel
jessica Alba

* Location: Hollywood
* Compensation: $25,000.00 Cash
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

A quick background check seems to reveal that the poster's pitch might be slightly less shady than it sounds; at least there's a website and some sample work to reference. [Ed.note—It's a trap!] And, truth be told, there are enough names on that wishlist who probably wouldn't turn up their nose at the prospect of an easy paycheck—we're looking at you, Jeremy Pivon and Robert DiNero—that they might be able to generate enough competition to haggle the talent down from that original offer.

• *** $25,000.00 commission *** [Craigslist]

AMERICAN GLADIATORS IS BACK!

The NO-HOLDS-BARRED hit competition series returns to prime-time television!

NBC is relaunching the classic competition series "American Gladiators" and is currently auditioning CONTENDERS and GLADIATORS for our upcoming premiere season.

We are looking for weekend warrior types that are BIG, bad, and athletic. If you think you have the heart, skills, and desire to COMPETE then we want to see you at THE GLADIATOR ARENA!

*You must come dressed in workout attire and appropriate footwear to be considered. You will be tested on your physical ability in areas such as strength, speed, balance and agility. We recommend bringing a workout towel and water with you to the audition.

WE'RE HOLDING OPEN CALLS AT THESE LOCATIONS:

# Please bring a non-returnable photo of yourself along with a completed application to the open call.
# Open Call Lines will begin forming 2 hours before the start time. Please do not line up prior to that.
# Time is limited and there is no guarantee that everyone will be seen-so please arrive early.

LOS ANGELES, CA - Saturday, September 8th
9:00am - 5:00pm
Gold's Gym
360 Hampton Drive
Venice, CA
www.goldsgym.com

We're not sure what the Gladiator hopefuls should expect tomorrow, but they should probably be prepared for anything—we wouldn't even be that surprised to discover that NBC rock star Ben Silverman, the series-recycling mastermind behind the show's resurrection, is turning up to do a few shifts behind the tennis ball cannon and get a firsthand look at the local talent he hopes will deliver him a Deal or No Deal-level hit of his own.

• Casting: American Gladiators [NBC.com]
• Previously: NBC Resurrecting American Gladiators [Defamer]

• Weirdest Thing I have ever seen (WW) [Club RSX.com]