In an historic breakthrough bringing us one step closer to the moment when all media folds in on itself and swallows the universe, Fox TV has announced plans to develop the website, "Texts From Last Night" into a TV series.

The website invites people to share "the text messages you shouldn't have sent last night," streaming classics of modern literature such as, "Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?" — which will no doubt form the basis of the pilot episode's B-plot.

The Variety story reveals the writer, "will loosely base the show's characters and plot on the whole idea of racy — and sometimes embarrassing — communication, particularly among the twentysomething set."

The sale amount hasn't been disclosed. Penske, the son of car-racer-businessman Roger Penske, fancies himself an emerging new-media mogul—his company MMC recently revived Movieline.com and also owns Hollywoodlife.com and OnCars.com. With Finke added to his stable, he now has three partially overlapping entertainment-oriented sites as part of his "large and rapidly growing portal."

Penske was the co-founder of Firefly Mobile, which markets cell phones to kids. He also runs a rare and used bookstore, Dragon Books, and has followed in dad's footsteps with a racing team he co-owns with Seagate Technologies chairman Steve Luczo.

Finke told All Things D's Peter Kafka that she hadn't been looking to sell the site, which had been run by LA Weekly:

"I was not anxious to sell. I was not looking to sell," she says. "This was sort of a process where various people kind of wore me down…I'm very pleased with what happened. What wound up happening was nothing like the offers I was getting a year ago."

How demure! We wonder, though, why someone who wasn't looking to sell their web site would say she can't discuss Variety's attempt to purchase said web site "because of non-disclosure agreements I have with other interested parties," as she put it in March. And Jill Stewart, her editor at the LA Weekly, said Finke had been discussing the deal with Penske for at least two months. The terms of the deal haven't been disclosed, but Stewart says Finke characterized it as "so much money" while she was deciding whether to make the jump.

In any case, more power to Finke for capitalizing on something she's worked extremely hard on over the years. And for keeping control of the site during her tenure at Village Voice Media's LA Weekly, which ought to be apoplectic over the fact that it let her develop a sale-able online property while she was in their employ without, it would seem, owning a piece of it.

Finke will have some new colleagues now in the MMC empire, including MovieLine's Stu VanAirsdale and Kyle Buchanan, neither of whom she seems to like very much. When the pair was at Gawker Media's Defamer, Finke took them to task for allegedly repeating bullshit rumors. When Gawker Media folded Defamer into Gawker and they decamped for MovieLine, she wrote, sympathetically: "Neither of those guys are journalists."

We wish Finke the best in this new phase of her career, and look forward to her expansion into her old stomping ground, New York. As for any potential complications that may arise from her new role as a general manager and editor in chief of a web site with staffers other than herself, we'll just quote Kafka, who approached the matter with just the right amount of delicacy:

That will be a tricky expansion to navigate: Recent history shows that blogs produced by dedicated/obsessive proprietors often stumble when they expand, in part because dedicated/obsessive proprietors may not be the best managers, and in part because it's tough to find people who want to, or are able to, work for dedicated/obsessive proprietors.

Letterman's contract was originally through 2010, but the new deal will both extend his contract by two years and lower his Worldwide Pants licensing fees, because of the economy and all. As Letterman outright owns his own show, it's basically on rent to CBS. Letterman had been receiving some $30 million a year, but there's no word on what the new, lower figure will be. Still gonna be a lot, though.

So, good news Dave! The gap between his and Conan's numbers has been steadily narrowing since Conan debuted high, which means the time could be ripe for Letterman to once again take the top spot. Or not.

[THR]

EW mentioned the whispers this afternoon, including the security measures surrounding yesterday's circulation of the script (co-authored by Hill's partner Max Winkler): A handful of studio bosses received the comedy printed on "red, watermarked paper" that couldn't be copied, lest anyone know anything about the tale of "four 20-something guys who, inspired by a book of the same name, set out overseas in search of a mysterious location described in the book."

In other words, Uni bought an R-rated Goonies update with a surfeit of dick jokes and probably loose commitments from Hill, Michael Cera, James Franco and Seth Rogen to star. But don't tell anybody! Jay Baruchel will get his hopes up that someone has a scheduling conflict or something. Remember: Top. Secret.

• Jonah Hill script sells for seven figures to Universal [EW]

"I don't know anything about next season—I don't even know if it's happening," he told us ominously at the InStyle Golden Globes afterparty, adding that the show's fate right now is "unknowable." [...]

"You know me, I'm very forthcoming," Weiner said when asked why negotiations have taken so long. "And I don't even know what to tell you. I don't know what to say…I've done everything I can. That's all I can tell you."

So when might it be sorted out? "I have no idea. I'm surprised we don't know already."

Fortunately, Weiner has a secret, fleshy weapon: Christina Hendricks, who tells E! that there's no show without him. Melissa George, this is your chance! Pad your bra and call your agent!

• Mad Men Boss Says Show's Fate Is "Unknowable" [E!]

Nikki Finke passes along word that Viacom boss Phillipe Dauman "wanted to get a jump" on retaining Grey, whose current contract expires at the end of the year but whose tenure — however much money he spent and partners he deported to India — has been distinguished enough to ask back for another five-year run. We salute his longevity/survival against the odds and hope he'll return our meek waves of support should our paths ever cross his daily executive motorcade down Melrose.

• Viacom Extends Brad Grey's Contract [DHD]

Relativity paid $150 million for the specialty arm and its library, a nifty pick-up featuring acquisitions like Shaun of the Dead and in-house productions including Assault on Precinct 13; Rogue has manufactured roughly three low-budget projects since 2004, led last year by the sleeper hit The Strangers. But Universal has bigger, literally better things to do in these depressive times — namely, keep its art-house label Focus Features in fighting trim for 2009 and get the hell away from Rogue's forthcoming Castlevania adaptation. Uni will, however, continue to release Rogue films for a discounted distribution fee of 10%, starting Friday with The Unborn.

One forecast says this kind of New Economy horse-trading that could actually make films better, and we totally agree: Less money, more accountability, better movies. Not to mention, it's great fun to watch brassy Relativity boss Ryan Kavanaugh at the wheel of his various entrepreneurial toys. Figuratively speaking, of course.

• Relativity Snaps Up Rouge [Variety]

That's the general flavor of Anne Thompson's survey, which points to credit shortfalls, equity holdups and steep bills coming due for Steven Spielberg and Stacey Snider as they finish the last of their packing at Paramount en route to Universal. If Universal will even open its gate, that is, considering that the 'Works has yet to close on $750 million in loans making up the majority of its $1.5 billion, 36-film war chest at Uni.

While the banks hash it out, and Indian equity financier Reliance Big Entertainment wait to drop in its own $500 million, Spielberg himself may be on the hook for a bill due next month: $20 million to acquire the 17 films the 'Works had in development at Paramount. Nikki Finke, meanwhile, blows off Thompson's version of the DreamWorks story for her own, which implies that funding had been delayed — to all parties' satisfaction — until the end of first quarter '09.

Which doesn't change the question posed today: Would Spielberg have launched a Paramount exodus had he known the economy would implode within a year? Answer: Of course he would have, probably even seeking the same terms, just for dick-swinging's sake. And not just his dick, but David Geffen's as well. The real question is who will actually pay for that impudence: Not Reliance, which is locked in for its own half-billion. Not JP Morgan, which readily admits it will be happy just to reach $300 million in loans by the end of March. And not Universal, which already has $150 million more than it wants pledged to DW, and only after the 'Works has already spent the first $1.25 billion. If it can raise that much.

So. Either someone at DreamWorks will be deferring a lot of salaries, Indiana Jones-style, or The Soloist had better gross about $250 million domestic when it opens next spring. We know how we'd bet, but that's just us.

• Is DreamWorks' deal stalling? [Variety]

• The REAL DreamWorks Financing Story... [DHD]

From Broadcasting & Cable: "Oprah Winfrey’s Harpo Films and HBO have inked a multiyear deal to develop and produce scripted programming for the pay cable network. Potential projects include series, miniseries, movies and documentaries."

We can't wait for Dr. Oz to bare more than just his upper arms, or for Nate to respond to a homeowner's query, "Isn't that taupe-colored living room kind of boring?" with a terse "Fuck no." [Broadcasting & Cable]

We looked into it, and apparently "Alec Greven" is someone who actually exists — a Colorado elementary-school student who first sold the self-help guide to his classmates as a $3 pamphlet. HarperCollins picked it up for release as a 46-page hardcover late last month, after which time corporate cousin Fox confirmed it had acquired the option for a film we're sure Greven is attached to adapt, direct, and probably star in as himself.

What could go wrong? Or at least any more wrong than Meet Dave? After alll, Greven is a little too young and sincere to hate on in a Neil Strauss-ian monster-cad kind of way, and even critics who say Girls amounts to little more than a "gag gift" acknowledge we could all learn from the child's seductive stylings — such as:

On relationships: "Sometimes, you get a girl to like you, then she ditches you. Life is hard, move on! Or sometimes it just doesn't work out. I had a crush on a girl in preschool. Then my family had to move, so I had to let her wash out of my mind."

On having a crush: "Many boys get crushes on girls. But it can be very hard to get a girl to like you. Sometimes it takes years! Whatever happens, just don't act desperate. [...] Wait until middle school to try to get her to love you. Otherwise, you have to hold on to her for a long time and that would be very hard. Tip: Most boys in elementary school can hold on to a girl for only 30 days."

We smell franchise! And wait until all those Reader critics gets a hold of this one.

• Fox learns 'How to Talk to Girls' [Variety]

• 'How to Talk to Girls' [Time]

And not just because TWC picked it up for roughly $500 and a tank of gas to San Diego, where the film will shoot next March. That won't hurt, but compared to the rest of the Weinstein slate — most notably the high-end gambles Inglourious Basterds [sic] and Nine— the The Cheech and Chong Concert Movie is the only place the Weinsteins make money these days: Cheaply acquired genre-cult junk. And we mean that as a good thing; the comedians' manager told Variety that the tour has "already grossed in eight figures, and a licensing deal has netted roughly $9 per concertgoer" — rock concert numbers, not 70-year-old burnout numbers.

Roll that over to the DVD/cable/streaming markets where both the audience that pushed them to equally strong numbers in the '70s and '80s and their stoner kids are watching? Back up the Brinks truck! Who needs Fergie's labia, anyway?

• TWC high on Cheech & Chong [Variety]

NBCU has been plotting a Battlestar prop auction since the summer, trickling out such must-sorta-haves as Cylon War-era flight suits and War Room chalkboards on a Web site ranking right below asthma inhalers among fanboy essentials. The network has hosted such events before, previously cashing in at last year's Heroes/Office/30 Rock sale. But the international interest in Battlestar sparked a recent run on hotel rooms in and around the Pasadena Convention Center, we hear, with the artifacts' online clearing house now offering a handy guide to making the most of that slavering southern pilgrimage.

Which, in the end, is fine with us; anything that helps pay off NBC's Olympics debt and keeps us in Jeff Zucker profiles is a true public service in the long run.

• 'Battlestar Galactica' Props and Costumes [Propworx via TLF]

Naturally this crimps our hope that richer-than-ever Lionsgate might buy the WWII action drama for Tyler Perry to star and direct, but we figure it's nothing an 11th-hour appeal can't resolve in our favor. Either that, or maybe Spike Jonze takes a mulligan with Warner Bros. and tries his whimsical wares in the war genre. We'd take anything at this point if it came with a green light and an actual, filmed movie at the end of it.

• Universal eyes Tarantino's 'Bastards' [Variety via /Film]