Convinced that Deal or No Deal can't get any better? Well think again. Not only will the show still have models and suitcases full of imaginary money, but now it will be filmed... in Waterford, Connecticut! Yes, because of tax incentives the show has switched production locations (from Culver City, CA), along with Jerry Springer, Maury, and something called the Steve Wilkos Show (which will all film in the same studio complex in beautiful downtown Stamford.) I can't wait until they start shooting Gossip Girl in Bridgeport! [Variety]

An American book made into a French movie will now become an American movie. Tell No One, based on Harlan Coben's best-selling mystery novel, was an international hit last year, so now America wants in on the action. [Variety]

Dusty old codger Bruce Willis will work until he can't stand up anymore. He's in talks to star in three new action movies, despite recently turning the unthinkably ancient age of 54. One's about a detective doggedly chasing a moiderer, another's about a grizzled retired Special Ops dude, and the third is about an FBI agent going undercover into the mob (though he's probably not going to do this one). So good for him. He's tapped into that same alchemy that Harrison Ford did about ten or fifteen years ago. [THR]

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Rainn Wilson, maestros of quirk in their own ways, have joined Natalie Portman in the quirky sounding Hesher, about a wayward dude (Gordon-Levitt) who befriends a 13-year-old kid who's in love with a supermarket checkout girl (Portman), and who's dad (Wilson) is going through some tough times. How much you wanna bet the score involves a glockenspiel? [THR]

Hope, um, you didn't get too attached. ABC Family's Roommates series will not be picked up for a second season. Better luck next time, Tamera Mowry. In related news, Jackée Harry has been informed by her kid that her show, Jackée, Live!, will not be being performed in the living anymore. It's just too totally embarrassing for everyone. [THR]

Once again, color us unimpressed. James Bond's gone rogue? Um, as we alluded to before the jump, we've already seen that movie. Three times, in fact. Although, we did find it interesting that director Marc Forster (he of Monster's Ball fame) decided to film a scene that recreates this year's most controversial Vanity Fair cover shoot, substituting British babebot Gemma Atherton for the despoiled Miley, in a plot twist that seems on the surface to be more Friedberg and Seltzer than Ian Fleming. If test audiences like what they see and demand that Forster insert a few more pop culture spoofs into his film, then maybe this movie will be worth seeing after all. We've got our fingers crossed for the "I Can Do 200 Of These" guy.

*We're pretty sure it wasn't actually Uno, but like we said, we were asleep.

• Quantum Of Solace [Moviefone]

· The Groundlings, birthers of good comedy thing Kristen Wiig, have struck a deal with Sony to produce digital comedy shorts of their sketches. [Variety]
· George W. Bush appeared on Deal or No Deal last night, and no one gave a shit. [THR]
· Sam Mendes's untitled romcom, written by Dave Eggers and his wife and starring Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski, starts production in Connecticut this week, with the sublime Jeff Daniels and Catherine O'Hara also on board. Can we get this thing a title already? A Heartwarming Love Story with Staggering Credentials? [THR]

On last night's The Insider, Emmy-award-winning investigative reporter Victoria Recaño presented a report on her harrowing journey into the sordid underbelly of the Deal beast, where even the slightest failure to comply with the show's Three S'—Smile, Suck It In, Stand Up Straight—results in vicious reprisals, like having one's suffocating cocktail dress or arch-destroying shoes crazy-glued to one's body, or being spritzed with a pepper-spray-infused self-tanning formula, the near-paralyzing sting from which serves as an effective reminder of one's tragic failings as a briefcase-opener. To watch the video of Recaño's exposé is to immediately become an agent for spokesmodel-abuse reform, so proceed only if you're prepared to make their struggle your own.

• The Insider [theinsideronline.com]
• Previously: Briefcase No. 2 Breaks Her Silence On The Inhumane Working Conditions At 'Deal Or No Deal' [Defamer]

That's right: DeGeneres will be one of the 26 briefcase-toting, elegant, sparkly dress-wearing women who may or may not be holding the million-dollar bag.

Will DeGeneres really wear a dress? "Ellen knows our show and knows the kind of sparkly, sequined dresses our spokesmodels wear, and she's agreed to be [one of them]," Hansen says a bit cryptically. "Ellen won't do anything she's not comfortable with." Then again, Hansen says, "Who doesn't want to see Ellen in a dress?"

We doubt the staunch anti-frockist will conform to the show's thigh-length hem standards; instead, expect a platform adorned with some of the shapeliest velvet tuxedos gameshowdom has ever seen, followed by a torrential waterworks session, as Ellen and her model friends learn the $1 million cash prize awarded the contestant will go towards realizing a lifelong dream of opening a kill-free chicken sanctuary.

• Exclusive: Ellen, Office Accountants Make a Deal [TVGuide.com]

But as Briefcase #2 revealed on today's Yo on E!, the job is more demanding than you've ever imagined: they have to stand on that riser for a really long time, enduring an isolation that allows them to form meaningful relationships only with the consecutively numbered sisters to their immediate left and right. Also, sometimes their dresses wrinkle, a disaster that causes OCD-afflicted host Howie Mandel to fly into production-halting rages that subside only when the garments are steamed back into their pristine, utterly smooth states.

• Yo on E! [Eonline.com]

"In the past six years, the family hour has become even more hostile to children and families," the Parents Television Council said. [...]

The group tagged the Fox network as the "worst offender," saying it counted 20.78 instances of violent, sexual or profane content per hour. And it singled out Fox's American Dad as the most objectionable, with 52 instances per hour.

Parents Television Council said CW was the "cleanest" network overall, with 9.44 instances of objectionable content per hour. It said the only shows with no objectionable content were game shows and reality shows, such as NBC's Deal or No Deal.

Fox's 20.78 instances per hour (the .78 came from a Prison Break episode in which the camera tastefully tilted away moments before a dining hall gang rape) are utterly inexcusable. We can only hope they take a cue from classier networks such as The CW and NBC, who use the 8 p.m. slot for more responsible fare—family-friendly programs such as American's Next Top Model and Deal or No Deal, which manage to entertain audience members of all ages, while inspiring girls to aim higher by pursuing careers as human mannequins who pose for hours on end with hungry alligators and aluminum attaché cases.

• More sex and violence in TV family hour [Reuters]

And while we sympathize with shushing Haggis — even if it is in favor of waiting on tenterhooks for the banker's latest saucy gambit — somebody needs to deliver her a gentle fist-bump back into reality before Ms. Theron's foolhardy obsession totally consumes her, and she refuses to be seen in public without a bald cap and a soul patch. No deal, Charlize. No deal.

• Charlize Theron 'Addicted' To Deal or No Deal [PEOPLE.com]

Among NBC Universal's most significant moves is its decision to stop scheduling expensive dramas and comedies during the 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. slot. That is the first of three prime-time hours that NBC's affiliate stations must carry before their 11 p.m. local newscasts. Jeff Zucker, chief executive of NBC Universal's television group, said NBC won't give back the 8 p.m. hour to affiliate stations, but it will concentrate on lower-cost programming. Mr. Zucker said advertiser interest isn't high enough to justify spending on scripted shows.

For instance, viewers in coming seasons might see a game show such as "Deal or No Deal" at 8 p.m. on Tuesday instead of "Friday Night Lights," a drama that currently occupies the slot. The financial payoff could be significant for the network: Mr. Zucker said "Deal or No Deal" costs $1.1 million an episode, while "Friday Night Lights" costs $2.6 million an episode.

There you have it: More people shouting at briefcases full of money, less programming that requires "writers," "actors," and "stories." There does seem to be some good news: The cost-cutting plans target the 8 p.m. hour, indicating that the network isn't yet abandoning its strategy of allowing 10 p.m. visionaries like Aaron Sorkin to burn off millions of dollars in his budget-busting crackpipe.

• NBC Universal to Slash Costs In News, Prime-Time Programs [WSJ.com, sub. req'd.]
• Previously: Three Rumors About NBC Layoffs We've Read Today: A Round-Up [Defamer]

I need a break...

From these contestants with their constant whining. "That's not enough money, Mr. Banker". "You're so mean, Mr. Banker". Duh. Don't they get it? It's my job to get them off the show with as little money as possible. That's what I do. Seriously.

Don't even start with me about their little stories about their little lives. If I have to hear about another "deserving" teacher, I'll hurl a bucket of bile right out the Bank window onto the stage.

Now that we'd definitely tune in for, especially if the bucket of bile landed on one of the briefcase-toting models, upon which the humiliated part-time dance instructor would seal all the exits with her telekinetic powers and zap terrified audience members to death with gaffer's cables. We fear Banker's bark is worse than his bite, however, and no bodily fluids will be spilling forth from his fake trading room any time soon. Still, the question lingers: Just who is he? A reader wrote in to inform us that a bartender at the Belmont who looks like Dustin Hoffman has been telling customers that he's the Banker. And yet, why do we get the feeling that every bartender in LA is telling their customers the same, nearly impossible-to-verify story? And finally, if you missed this SNL parody in which Antonio Banderas can't seem to grasp the show's basic yet completely counterintuitive rules, you can catch it on NBC.com.

• The Banker's Blog [NBC.com]
• SNL Videos [NBC.com]