NYT: You’ve been married three times before?
DL: Yeah, it’s real great.
NYT: Why would someone who feels so generally blissed out marry so many times?
DL: Well, we live in the field of relativity. Things change.

Well. OK! Congrats and many years of happiness to the happy couple!

• Questions For David Lynch [NYT]

But the Lynch/Alejandro Jodorowsky film? With Asia Argento, Marilyn Manson and reportedly "enough sex and violence to guarantee an NC-17 rating"? Fine, Hollywood Reporter, we're listening:

Herzog and his longtime assistant director Herbert Golder co-wrote [My Son, My Son], loosely based on the true story of a San Diego man who acts out a Sophocles play in his mind and kills his mother with a sword. The low-budget feature will flash back and forth from the murder scene to the disturbed man's story. A guerrilla-style digital video shoot on Coronado Island is tentatively set for March. ...

In a separate development, Lynch's Absurda production company has attached Asia Argento and Udo Kier to star with Nick Nolte in Alejandro Jodorowsky's metaphysical gangster movie King Shot. Marilyn Manson is touted to appear as a prophet in the Sin City-style film.

Having essentially gone DIY since his own unwatchable digital epic Inland Empire, Lynch will executive produce both films and handle their sales at Cannes, hitting the Croisette with his cow and selling Herzog impersonations to foreign buyers for $100 apiece. We hear Herzog, meanwhile, had to be forcibly removed from the Kung Fu Panda press conference after pitching a Grizzly Man remake to Jack Black.

• Directors team for 'My Son' [THR]

1. Alfonso Cuaron. Del Toro's close friend and (with del Toro and Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu) one of the "Three Amigos" conveniently packaged by American press in 2006, Cuaron was Warner Bros.' surprising pick to helm 2004's Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. But his indie chops came in handy in both humanizing the franchise and positioning it more dynamically against Chris Columbus and Mike Newell's entries that sandwiched it. He's a versatile guy who gets the marketplace but isn't beholden to genre interests; in that way, his similarities to Jackson, who jumped from graphic B-horror comedies like Bad Taste to Heavenly Creatures to LOTR, are almost uncanny. Also, he's just a better director than del Toro; Cuaron could have made Pan's Labyrinth in his sleep, but del Toro couldn't have touched Children of Men.

2. Neil Jordan. Another guy with tons of range, the Crying Game/Michael Collins filmmaker is also a grossly underrated craftsman who could save everyone a lot of time and money by shooting both Hobbit films over about four months in Ireland. Alas, Jackson would likely object to the requisite IRA subplot in which Bilbo Baggins is sidelined indefinitely by injuries sustained in a car bombing.

3. David Lynch. A natural short-lister for any film involving midgets. Plus we all know how well his previous would-be fantasy franchise went.

4. Woody Allen. While it's true that Allen has returned from his four-year European exile with a new project featuring Larry David and Evan Rachel Wood, he has made little secret of his availability to the highest overseas bidder. With this in mind, and seeing as Middle Earth's brow-furrowed humorlessness is perhaps its most annoying attribute, we'd like to see Allen invited to New Zealand for a comic run through Baggins' deeply embedded neuroses — not the least of which is his underage shiksa love interest, played by saucy new Disney cast-off Miley Cyrus.

5. Uwe Boll. Why not? He is the only genius in the whole fucking business.

Steven Spielberg, meanwhile, dislikes putting TV and films on laptops, fearing that viewers will get used to actually watching things when they want to. Lynch and Spielberg's sentiments seem noble, but so did United Artists co-founder Mary Pickford's famous declaration, "Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo."

Lynch, 61, will direct the next Gucci commercial for its latest eponymous perfume. Gucci's parent company Procter & Gamble released a statement which indicated why the man who forever immortalized a severed ear in "Blue Velvet" should tackle the task: "Lynch was selected for his holistic ability as an artist, his professional experience and knowledge, his never-ending research for beautiful images, his use of music and his modernity."

It remains to be seen how the director's qualifications will manifest themselves into a thirty-second spot: Gucci executives could wind up extremely dissatisfied, having hoped he'd return to them with something more akin to Nicole Kidman in a gauzy gown scampering across a moonlit roof into her lover's arms, as opposed to the director's somewhat less romantic vision of a naked dwarf sitting at the head of a conference table, dabbing his nether regions seductively with the new scent to a dark, jazzy tune by Angelo Badalamenti.

• David Lynch LOVES Chanel & Gucci [thestylephile.com]

david lynch is on sunset and holloway right now, sitting on a corner in a director's chair with a cow next to him. he's apparently shooting something for his new Inland Empire movie with Laura Dern, and doesn't mind a bunch of people taking pictures.

Video and/or photographs of the director and cow's latest appearance are still welcome, especially if they reveal a level of weirdness exceeding that of last week's visitation.

UPDATE: We've already received photos, and think it's safe to say that Tower Record's GOING OUT OF BUSINESS sign looming behind Lynch and the cow does add an appropriate touch of surreality to the scene. Pics after the jump:

[Photo: Warren Tabutol]

In what we hope completes our multimedia coverage of yesterday's publicity stunt, in which David Lynch mysteriously appeared on the corner of Hollywood and La Brea with a cow and copious promotional signage for Inland Empire, we pass along this clip, submitted by two guys who claim to have been driving by the site and who were so delighted by the bovine/auteur tableaux that they took a moment to talk to the infamously quirky director, capturing on video some Lynchian (really, how do you avoid that word in this context?) wisdom about the provenance of cheese.

• David Lynch And His Favorite Cow Team Up To Drum Up Interest In 'Inland Empire' [Defamer]

This excited (though secondhand) report just landed in our inbox:

David Lynch RIGHT NOW is sitting on the corner of Hollywood and La Brea with a cow on a leash and a picture of Laura Dern that says For Your Consideration. He also has a sign that says "without cows there would be no cheese in the Inland Empire". This is one of those things that a person needs to see. I wish I wasn't chained to a desk.

Surely there are readers out there who can either chew through their shackled limbs and head on down to have a look, or who at least have chains long enough to reach a window, enabling them to either send in a cameraphone shot or a painstakingly detailed, first-person narration of the suitably surreal publicity stunt unfolding in Hollywood. You know where to find us.

UPDATE: You really never let us down. Yup, the scene pretty much looks exactly as Lynchian as previously described.

David Lynch has started his own foundation dedicated to raising $7 billion so he can make transcendental meditation (TM) available for students, and help build in Washington, D.C. a university for world peace. [...]

Last night’s event went like this: David Lynch appeared with the caveat that he doesn’t like to speak in public (a fact that proved completely untrue as the night wore on), and then proceeded to solicit questions from the audience for a presentation that on paper should have been meticulously planned out. Well, guess what? It was meticulously planned out. People were stationed in the audience to ask the man specific questions (the first one, about his personal feeling about the “light in in Los Angeles”).

He then went on to construct numerous circular sentences that didn’t answer any specific questions about how to meditate. Terms and phrases he threw out over and over without further clarification were “diving in,” “pure consciousness,” “bliss consciousness,” “being,” etc. It was like speaking to my yoga teacher in Topanga Canyon. Which is fine. But it didn’t answer questions, and it didn’t explain what his plans are for the $7 billion, or why he was organizing a presentation that felt like a first date at the Scientology Celebrity Center, or how he met the “scientists” (including a self-described super-string theorist) he works with, or anything about ayurvedic medicine, or how he came to partner with all these “doctors,” or, or. It was also obviously being filmed and photographed by Lynch’s own staff who focused on numerous audience members for large amounts of time as the man spoke. Was this all a stunt? Part of a forthcoming film? A giant performance art project he will continue to perform until the very end?

Unfortunately, Lynch's big finish to the lecture, in which the director scaled a 20 foot tall model of the human brain, dropped his trousers, and thrust his manhood into a pulsing convolution while yelping "Look at how I fuck your brain! Look!" did little to dispel some audience members' suspicions that the whole event was some kind of artsy put-on.

• Lynch Mob [*glassShallot]
• [David Lynch Foundation]
• Daily Report [David Lynch.com]