Baldwin had been trying to reach his daughter, then 11, but "she was off for spring break with her mother and her phone was turned off for 10 consecutive days ... This had gone on for years now and ... when the beep came, I snapped. [Levin] seemed to be that breed of tabloid creature that realized an almost sexual level of pleasure from ruining other people's lives."

"He has created TMZ as the updated receptacle of ... trash," Baldwin writes. "He leads a cadre of self-satisfied twentysomethings who jump like rats from public relations sinking ship to sinking ship."

The release of the tape caused Baldwin to become suicidal, as he and the agoraphobic actress had been fighting in court over their daughter for six years.

"Driving up the Taconic Parkway, heading to an inn in the Berkshire Mountains, I began to think about what little town I would repair to in order to commit suicide. What semi-remote Massachusetts state park could I hike deep into and overdose there? When I returned to New York, the thought of jumping out the window of my apartment was with me every night for weeks."

Needless to say, thank God Baldwin resisted that destructive impulse, and in doing so saved the life of not just one of America's most gifted actors, but also that of the hapless doorman he'd have all-but-certainly crushed beneath his fleshy, plunging frame.

• Why Alec Baldwin's all the rage [nydailynews]

In it, they spied a blurb for the upcoming July 13th episode in which "Haim arrives on set visibly under the influence, and Corey Feldman can only watch in horror as things progress from bad to worse." It sounded like a doozy, but the reality, which we share now in the leaked clip above, is way rougher than anything we imagined. On the set of Lost Boys: The Tribe for reshoots, Haim had a crisis of confidence and flatly refuses to leave his trailer. Questionably motivated assistant Nelle then fetches him his bag of scrips, and the audio continues to run as he can be heard rummaging through bottles, followed by coughing. The editors then deftly weave Haim's line-flubbings into a chilling monologue delivered by Susie Feldman: "That's what happens when you don't care...you never try...a single pill has ruined his life, every relationship, his career, his health, his teeth, from one pill." Yeah. While you watch that, we're going to pour ourselves a glass of beer and notice the ripples our tears make across its surface.

• The Two Coreys [A&E]