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The rest of the HARD Festival performers are heavy on the penis: Pharrell and Chad's pet project N*E*R*D headlines (they have a new CD called "Seeing Sounds"); along with Kill the Noise, described as having "angry distorted synth lines," (Seriously, it's as if someone snorted a line of meth and shot themselves full with steroids before sitting down to write the copy for this festival.) Seriously tough: the Bloody Beetroots, which sounds like something from 1990 acid house, except even more fierce.

Thankfully, MSTRKRFT (Master Craft) and Baltimore boys in Spank Rock lighten the load—(the former's gotta a track that just repeats, "All I do is party!").

For those too bored to rave-on the Hard way, there's a skate park hosted by Terry Kennedy. There's exactly one lady on the bill, Kid Sister, and we send her all the luck she can get.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• HARD Summer Music Festival [LAT]

In today's episode: Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson; Warren Beatty; Nancy O'Dell; Samuel L. Jackson and Tyler Mane; Bill Paxton; Adam Levine, Bob Newhart, and Frankie Muniz; Nicole Richie; Vincent Gallo; Tara Reid; Jamie Kennedy; Jay Chandrasekhar; Matt Long; James Murphy. In Montreal: Dennis Quaid.

· 6/14/2007 - 3:45pm Just saw Ashton Kutcher & Danny Masterson at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Sunset/Argyle. Both were sporting the typically disheveled look, wearing jeans and white shirts. Danny with a fedora and sunglasses & Ashton with a Union Jack on his ass pockets. Both could use a trip to Super Cuts. They rolled out in a black on black Range Rover.

As a side note, Ashton is immensely more tall in person than you would think and looms over the average male in his own stratosphere.

· Sorry, sightings several weeks old: Cedars-Sinai doctor's office - it's crowded in the waiting room and it's a long wait to see the doctor .. but not if you're on some crappy tv show! The door opens and pregnant Nancy O'Dell arrogantly waltzes in like she owns the place. She doesn't even stop to check in, but opens the door and goes right back to her appointment. She looks worried like she's going to be deluged with autograph requests or something. Pretty pathetic. God forbid 3rd rate tv personalities have to wait like everyone else with busy important lives, and pressing medical needs.

Sunset Medical Tower - got on to elevator with another woman, and an old guy. The old guy blocked the panel of buttons so we couldn't press our floor numbers. He didn't offer to press our floors for us, so we had to work around him to press the buttons. He looked vaguely familiar, and as he got off on the 6th floor, I realized it was Warren Beatty. After he got off, the other woman rolled her eyes at his rudeness. I told her it was Warren Beatty. She said it's hard to recognize people when they've gotten so old.

· 6/12: Getting coffee in Westwood, we notice a really tall familiar looking (kinda scary) guy heading toward us. I recognized Sabretooth as he got closer, turns out Tyler Mane is 6/10" (thanks imdb, aka "The Oracle"). Lots of limos heading down the street too, so we decided to head back the other way to see what was up. Turns out it was the premiere of "1408". Couldn't get that close to the theater, but we did see Sam Jackson (no screams of "motherfucking ghosts") and my BF swears that he saw Harvey Weinstein. I told him he should go hit up Harvey and see if he could help him get out of the mailroom...

· Bill Paxton sighting! Crossing Rodeo Dr. in BH on Little Santa Monica. 9:20am, Friday 6/15. Nattily dressed in a green sport-coat and jeans, Ray-Bans. Newspaper under his arm in a professorial kind of way. Hot. No wives in tow!

· June 10th: Sat by Frankie Muniz on a plane from Portland to LAX, mostly surprised by the fact that he was not only in coach, but also stuck in a middle seat, sucks to be him. Getting off the plane I saw Adam Levine, one of the few celebrities I actually expected to have some height on me, sadly, I was wrong. Lastly, waiting outside for a ride, a rude limo driver pushed me out of the way, when I turned to scoff at him I noticed he was making way for Mr. Bob Newhart himself... glad to know he's still alive.

· Yesterday afternoon (6/12) around 6:30 or a little after I was out walking with my girl and our three dogs and we see Nicole Richie driving on Orlando heading from 3rd to Beverly with the obligatory giant bug sunglasses. Seeing as how it's a two way street she couldn't be going the wrong way, BUT she was driving on the wrong side of the road. I guess when you have a big, expensive, gas guzzling SUV you can drive how ever you want, the rest of us be damned. We didn't check to see if/which way she turned on Beverly. My girlfriend was too busy on her soapbox to care, and me being the wonderful boyfriend that I am, I kept my attention on her and nodded my head in agreement with everything she said.

· 6/12/07 - Maybe this belongs in Gawker, but Vinny Black Magic Gallo was up front in 5A on a CO flight from LAX to EWR wearing Judge Smails' hat from Caddyshack. He was two rows back so I couldn't tell the midget his hat didn't match his ubiquitous Prada boots. He actually had to wait for a bag, then out and into a cab, car service for me. Suck THAT Gallo.

· 6/14 - around 6pm, saw Tara Reid at Bay Cities Deli in Santa Monica, using the entry driveway to the parking lot as an exit. Noticeable because I normally don't have to worry about traffic coming out of their parking lot when I walk by. She stopped though, and didn't give me the typical it's-LA-get-a-car-loser look. White Porsche convertible and standard bugeye sunglasses; non-standard absence of cleavage or sideboob.

· Last Sunday (6/10) around 1pm, saw semi-celebrity Jamie Kennedy park in front of an obviously red curb on the corner next to Kings Road Cafe, stumble out of the car looking all hung over, trip on the sidewalk and then plop down across from his buddy to have some lunch/brunch.

· Fri 6/15 11am: Mr. Beerfest himself, Jay Chandrasekhar, at the West Hollywood Starbucks on Santa Monica Blvd. & Robertson, looking very out of place as the only straight guy there.

· Last night (6/12) I spotted former Jack & Bobby cutie Matt Long in the Burbank Best Buy checkout line. He totally busted me checking him out, but I couldn't help but stare as he asked the clerk to point him in the direction of the DVD display for his movie Ghost Rider. I left before I got a chance to see if he actually bought a copy or not. Boy, I sure hope not.

· 6/12 Just saw James Murphy (LCD Soundsystem) driving up Beverly Glen at Sunset today at 1:30 in what looks like one of those Mustangs you rent at the airport when you come to LA and it is sunny. He was with two other people I didn't recognize.

Special Montreal Edition:

· Montreal - Formula 1 weekend (June 10)- On the way into Moishes steakhouse I noticed a guy sitting by himself at the maitre de station. Dude looked straight out of GQ (expensive suit of a bon vivant rather than a banker). I was dressed from the Kevin Smith collection and took a second look to check out the fancy threads when I noticed it was Dennis Quaid. Most guys look like a cake eater in a suit that fancy bit he pulled it off. I've switched from Team Meg to Team Cap Rooney.
I also saw the new Honda robot-child at the track. Both beat seeing Frankie Muniz tooling around in his souped up golf cart last year.

First sighting contributed by someone from Prince Edward Island!

Our tipster reveals:

1. This guy loves his Scientology. Nearly every room had a plaque of affirmations (or whatever they call them), books on the subject, etc.

2. This guy loves himself. A good 25% of the pop art in the house are drawings and photos and sketches of himself. Oh, and all the mail comes to his inside "joke" names of "D. Punch." Clever self-reference.

3. This guy loves his surveillance. Forget exterior cameras (par for the course in celeb-owned Hollywood Hills houses), there are 17 INTERIOR cameras, planted club-style (in those smoked glass orbs) in EVERY room. Danny can watch the comings and goings all over the house from the control grid in his Master closet/safe room.

While the property's OT-friendly, video surveillance, and Mastersoncentric features may not be the highest ranked items on your home buyer's wish-lists, they nevertheless are attractive amenities to help ease the sting of its $1.59 million asking price. If nothing else, they will provide an excellent conversation starter, leading first time guests to inevitably ask who the giant, smiling guy with the afro and mutton chops is on the dining room's sponge-painted fresco.

• A Look Inside Danny Masterson's Home [CurbedLA]

Danny Masterson rocked the fashion shows today at Smashbox Studios, but when we bumped into him at Ashley Paige's swimsuit show, the conversation quickly turned to nightlife and Kid's Cotton Club, his glamorous jazz night at Guy's on Sundays. He told us he started the night to pay homage to New York City's jazz scene and to help inject LA with culture and class. "It's a night to pretend we're sophisticated when really everyone's a douche bag," he said. He also gave us some tips for getting past his velvet rope. First and foremost, Danny demands to see your pearly whites. If you're not smiling at the door, you're not getting in. He also says guys must wear a suit for entrance and that he'd rather rowdy frat dudes look for another venue to party in. Girls can show up in whatever they'd like, but he finds that those in casual duds act introverted all night and then come back the next week wearing a dress.

Hear that, uncultured douchebags? Danny's running a classy joint.You'd better break your best weddings-and-funerals duds out of mothballs if you want to spend a night watching his pal Fez pretend that he likes jazz so that he can bag two groupies whose parents own a Miles Davis record.

• Clubbing with Danny Masterson [LA.comfidential]