Danny Bonaduce, Dennis Rodman and Dustin "Screech" Diamond are heading into the ring to compete in CMT's upcoming reality series Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling.

Also on board are Todd Bridges (Diff'rent Strokes), super-heavyweight boxer ButterBean, Trishelle Cannatella (The Real World), Erin Murphy (Tabitha Stephens on Bewitched), Frank Stallone, '80s pop star Tiffany and Playboy playmate Nikki Ziering.

We're not planning to watch it anyway, but we'd just like to say: If this experiment doesn't end with a Darwinist death-match between ButterBean and the notorious amateur pugilist Diamond, then it wasn't worth doing in the first place. Place your bets now.

• CMT sets wrestling lineup [THR]

These kid pimps (usually mothers) push their tiny tots into the limelight, despite the tragedies that have befallen so many who came before them. This list of the "Top 25 Child Stars" is more a gallery of sadness than the tribute to talent we all wish it was. Sure, you've got your few who managed not to lose their marbles (Christian Bale, Elijah Wood), but they are few and far between. Out of 25 kid actors, two were married EIGHT times each, four became addicted to coke in their teens (though technically Drew Barrymore was only 12 when she started snorting what she may have actually thought was nose candy), four were married or pregnant by 20, and the rest are just a grab bag of crazy. Heroin addicts and a manic depressive make the list, as does one who was well on her way to normalcy ... until her stalker shot the President.

Not making the list of great child stars? Robert Blake, the Little Rascal who shot his wife. Carl Switzer, the Little Rascal who got shot by his bookie. The whole cast of Diff'rent Strokes.... And, more importantly, all the child actors who never became stars, but lived through all the same traumatic experiences as their more successful counterparts. But don't bother telling this to a mom with dollar signs in her eyes, as Danny Bonaduce tried to recently when he took a busload of bad parents down the Sunset Strip and heartfully told them the painful stories of many young stars. Right after pointing out the spot where River Phoenix OD'd and died as his teenage brother Joaquin watched, Bonaduce says, "Show hands if you still want stardom for your kid, and you think you can handle it for sure." And they all do, without a single moment of hesitation.

Here's the complete list:
25. Kirsten Dunst
24. Lindsay Lohan
23. Sean Astin
22. Keisha Castle-Hughes
21. Natalie Wood
20. Christian Bale
19. Abigail Breslin
18. Elijah Wood
17. Jodie Foster
16. Haylie Mills
15. Freddie Highmore
14. Freddie Bartholomew
13. Anna Paquin
12. Christina Ricci
11. Tatum O'Neal
10. Haley Joel Osment
9. Elizabeth Taylor
8. Patty Duke
7. Jackie Cooper
6. Dakota Fanning
5. Drew Barrymore
4. Mickey Rooney
3. Judy Garland
2. Macaulay Culkin
1. Shirley Temple

• Top 25 Child Stars [Moviefone]

We're all but certain that under the proper, thermal-controlled conditions, maintained by a staff of round-the-clock fluffing professionals, that Bonaduce's member would expand to far less humiliating dimensions. Still, something about this latest, less-than-stellar chapter in the the radio host's steady, downward trajectory has led us to wonder if the problem is less Bonaduce's, but rather attributable to something we'll call The Other Half Curse, in which the stars of the short-lived male answer to The View all eventually succumbed to some kind of massive, career-eviscerating misfortune, whether stroke, addiction, medical malpractice, or just a failure to outgrow one's natural, moronic tendencies.

• Danny Bonaduce Wants a Better Package Pic Out There [Radar]

• VIDEO: Danny Bonaduce's Rumble with Jonny Fairplay [Extra]
• Previously: Bonaduce Vs. Fairplay Fight Just As Lopsided As You'd Imagine [Defamer]

• Bonaduce Bloodies "Survivor" Star [TMZ]