<![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, dadagers]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, dadagers]]> http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/dadagers http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/dadagers <![CDATA[Papa Joe Simpson: Hollywood's Least Valuable Player]]> We have a feeling that, were there a group of deadbeat dads out in Glendale (a la those Dina Lohan-lovin' freaks out East) who got drunk enough one day to form a Totally Awesome Dads Association (TADA!), they would most likely celebrate their first-year anniversary by handing out their Bud Light-drenched award for Father Of The Year to Papa Joe Simpson. Why? Well, as we already know, the former minister-turned-dadager managed to pimp out a few mind-numbingly boring exclusive wedding pictures featuring most annoyingly faux-punk new marrieds on the planet, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, to People a few weeks back. But what we didn’t know was that, at the same time, Simpson was allegedly attempting to sell off his other daughter Jessica — not to the tabloids, but to then-boyfriend Tony Romo. See the astonishing managing skills this guy has? But he reportedly wasn’t stopping at selling off his daughter — he was also said to be pressuring the quarterback to sign a client/manager agreement and become one of the magically successful Simpson Family Players:

In a move we simply cannot fathom, Papa Joe actually attempted to steal Romo away from his longtime sports agent and agree to sign a contract with him for a reported $67.5 million. As every single character on Lost has said myriad times..."WHAT?" This guy used to be a Texas minister, realized his daughters had great racks and decent smiles, threw out his Jesus Fish stickers, and marketed them to the pop industry. A few reality shows and plastic surgery sessions later, the Simpson girls are still wallowing dangerously close to the D-List. And simply because he's a Cowboys fan, Joe hand-selects his favorite player to date his pouty daughter by luring him in with her push-up bras and even poutier lips. Inevitably, Romo realizes the great rack only goes so far when all Jessica really does is screw him over on Game Day (and not in the good way), so Joe has the nerve to, essentially, ask Tony to pay him money for the pleasure of schtupping his daughter? We think there's a word for this, and that word is gall.

[Photo credit: Popcrunch]

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5013512&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Papa Joe Simpson Officially More Ruinous To Daughters' Lives Than Dina Lohan]]> Has Joe Simpson gone from a pimpy fame-hungry Dadager to a bonafide nutcase? Not that we're surprised or anything, but his recent interferences with daughter Jessica's "relationship" with quarterback Tony Romo suggest there may be a few gurney-riding trips in his future. As OK! reports this week, Joe's intrusive behavior has Romo's family feeling like their son is being used and, even more disturbing, he showed up uninvited to a private Mexico vacation Jess and Tony took earlier this year. According to OK's source, "Whatever hopes Tony had of his relationship with Jessica turning into something real pretty much ended with Joe's stunt. According to his friends, they're pretty much just friends with benefits." But judging from Jess's romantic past, isn't Friend With Benefits pretty much her primary career these days?

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When Tony and Jess first got together back in November, rumors abounded that Joe was the mastermind behind the set-up. Jess didn't have a whole lot to do, what with that whole acting attempt disaster weakening any Oscar dreams and, well, Joe was like totally a fan of the Cowboys quarterback! So he pimped her out, just like he'd pimped out boy toy Ryan Cabrera to Ashlee. Making matters worse, ever since Jess's divorce from Nick Lachey, all of her so-called boyfriends tend to appear completely embarrassed around the booby blonde. John Mayer denied their relationship for months, while Bam Margera chose to take the classier route and say all they did was do the deed. It seems that once her boyfriends bed her, Papa Joe enters the picture and frightens them away. We call for a Lynne/Britney-style separation, stat.

[Photo credit: Wireimage]

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