In any case, we managed to stumble upon a curious casting call on Craigslist which tipped us off to the Russert biopic. The headline reads: "Casting Older Caucasian Woman for Major TV Network Movie." The ad goes on to explain that a "small independent New York based film company is searching for the role of Maureen Orth, the wife of the late Tim Russert. The film will explore the last 24 hours of Russert's life and Golden Globe winner Randy Quaid is set to play the role of Tim Russert."

Well, we certainly can't argue with the choice of Randy Quaid. The two men look as though they were raised in the same womb. But what aspiring actress will tackle the role of Russert's wife? Here's what the producers want: "We're looking to cast an emotionally versatile actress for the role. Should be thin, 40-55, and able to cry on cue." That narrows it down, but don't forward them your resume just yet, Debra Winger. "The network is only interested in working with an unknown, so we will consider any and all women who look the part." Finally an un-famous middle-aged actress is gonna get a break in this town. And all it took was the death of a great newsman.

• Casting Older Caucasian Woman for Major TV Network Movie [Craigslist]

My Lost Boy-Corey Haim - w4m - 25 My name is Sammi and I am a 25 year old girl who lives in LA. I think the song about the girl stuck in 1985 was written about me because I love all thing's 80's especially Corey Haim. Of course I loved Lucas, The Lost Boys and Liscense to Drive but after seeing him in the movie "Blown Away" my infatuation with him became full fledged. His is gorgeous and talented and judging by his performance in "Blown Away" I think he would be fantastic in bed.

As we all know, Corey started in this industry at a very young age and was unable to resist the temptations of drugs and alcohol which as an assistant to a personal publicist who has major clients, I completely understand that this industry is freakin TOUGH and temptation is everywhere. LA is definitely a complete hedonistic lifestyle. Still, even when Corey gained weight, was incoherent and auctioning his teeth on ebay i knew that he would get hot again and make a come back because he is really a great actor. Well now he has an addicting new reality show and...he's hot again.

I don't get star struck. I've hooked up with and dated celebrities, i work as assistant to one of LA's biggest personal publicists and I always go to LA's hottest clubs including Les Deux, Area, Opera, even parties at the Playboy Mansion (where I met Corey Feldman). Well two weeks ago I was told about a party for the new show "The Two Corey's" at Sugar. We got in but didn't want to pay the $20 cover because well, we never pay cover. So as we are walking out I see Corey standing outside smoking a cigarette. He was so beautiful, I wanted to say something, anything, but I was too scared. When I went back later...he was gone.

In the movie "Can't Hardly Wait" the drunk angel stripper talks about a similar situation with her and Scott Baio. I truly believe in Fate. In fact, I even have a tattoo of the word "Fate" on my lower stomach. But like the movie says "Fate can only take you so far because once you are there it is up to you to make it happen." Well, I didn't make it happen.

Now I'd like to be clear. I don't want to marry Corey Haim and I don't even have to date him. I would just like one night of hot animal sex with him.

Please help! If you or someone that you know can help me reach my goal of having sex with Corey Haim I would be eternally grateful. Thanks so much!

Whether or not "Sammi" is real (and we fear she may not be—everyone knows that Feldman was the breakout cocksman of Blown Away) isn't actually important; what will get Haim through this dark night of the soul is the mere possibility that there's someone out there who might finally muster the courage to approach him the next time he's enjoying a smoke break outside of Sugar, overcoming the butterflies fluttering beneath her Fate tattoo long enough to offer him that one, hot, perfect night of animal sex.

• My Lost Boy-Corey Haim - w4m - 25 [Craigslist]
• Previously: Corey Haim's Unemployability Makes Compelling Reality TV [Defamer]

working at idol...need a sex break - 32 any guys in the area who can host...don't mind traveling a little b4 the show. sexy, athletic, and passionate guy looking for hot sex. i don't live here and was hoping to have a hot time while i'm on break. italian-spanish, ht/wt prop, nice cock, and face. looking for good looking sexy guys who are oral tops. if you are oral its all good either way. send over face pic please

Hurry! Once things get underway, our anonymous pleasure-seeker may be too overcome with grief over Blake's crushing defeat to properly perform, a libido-hampering condition which not even Jordin's stirring rendition of her victory single may be able to reverse.

• working at idol...need a sex break - 32 [Craigslist]
• Previously: Drunk Fox Employee Issues Late Night Call For Designated Driver [Defamer]

Looking for Contestants for FOX "Are you smarter than a 5th Grader?" We are looking for people with amazing personalities....looks ...and brains~! Answering a few simple questions could make you a millionaire and change your life!

You must be over 25 yrs old, live in southern california.

Send your name, contact #, picture, Your availability Feb 5th- Feb 10th, what you do for a living, and a brief description of why we should choose you for the show to...

Respond ASAP as we have limited audition times available.

Their urgency is real, as Fox put the series on an "extreme fast track" back in December. Also note that when asked about the similarity between his series and one being developed at CBS, 5th Grader producer Mark Burnett bragged, "Ours, quite frankly, is [about] how dumb are you," so if you're serious about being considered for the show, make sure that your initial communication with their casting personnel at least hints at the kind of diminished intellectual capacity they're hoping to showcase, perhaps by addressing your all-caps e-mail to Santa Claus and mentioning you've recently been fired from your reality TV development job.

• Looking for Contestants for FOX "Are you smarter than a 5th Grader?" [Craigslist]