Britney Spears please read - m4w - 29 Britney when you want your life back on track and are willing to admit you need help eail me. You have hit rock bottom and only when you realise this will you truley be able to get back on track.

* Location: you know

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

While the provided age and gender might lead you to theorize that the poster is 29-year-old ex-husband Kevin Federline, we suspect those were included to throw us off the trail of the true identity of Spears' Craigslist angel: Lindsay Lohan. All the clues are there: the signature misspellings, the world-weary recognition of another troubled soul's rock-bottom moment from someone who's been there, done that, carjacked the Denali and chased an assistant's mom through the streets of Santa Monica in the early hours of the morning. Should Spears get this message and contact the poster calling out from "location: you know," perhaps Lohan can convince her that even though the first couple of trips through rehab seem like nothing more than an image-salvaging sham forced on you by self-interested handlers, it's during that crucial, eye-opening third stint that one finally realizes the depth of one's problems.

My Lost Boy-Corey Haim - w4m - 25 My name is Sammi and I am a 25 year old girl who lives in LA. I think the song about the girl stuck in 1985 was written about me because I love all thing's 80's especially Corey Haim. Of course I loved Lucas, The Lost Boys and Liscense to Drive but after seeing him in the movie "Blown Away" my infatuation with him became full fledged. His is gorgeous and talented and judging by his performance in "Blown Away" I think he would be fantastic in bed.

As we all know, Corey started in this industry at a very young age and was unable to resist the temptations of drugs and alcohol which as an assistant to a personal publicist who has major clients, I completely understand that this industry is freakin TOUGH and temptation is everywhere. LA is definitely a complete hedonistic lifestyle. Still, even when Corey gained weight, was incoherent and auctioning his teeth on ebay i knew that he would get hot again and make a come back because he is really a great actor. Well now he has an addicting new reality show and...he's hot again.

I don't get star struck. I've hooked up with and dated celebrities, i work as assistant to one of LA's biggest personal publicists and I always go to LA's hottest clubs including Les Deux, Area, Opera, even parties at the Playboy Mansion (where I met Corey Feldman). Well two weeks ago I was told about a party for the new show "The Two Corey's" at Sugar. We got in but didn't want to pay the $20 cover because well, we never pay cover. So as we are walking out I see Corey standing outside smoking a cigarette. He was so beautiful, I wanted to say something, anything, but I was too scared. When I went back later...he was gone.

In the movie "Can't Hardly Wait" the drunk angel stripper talks about a similar situation with her and Scott Baio. I truly believe in Fate. In fact, I even have a tattoo of the word "Fate" on my lower stomach. But like the movie says "Fate can only take you so far because once you are there it is up to you to make it happen." Well, I didn't make it happen.

Now I'd like to be clear. I don't want to marry Corey Haim and I don't even have to date him. I would just like one night of hot animal sex with him.

Please help! If you or someone that you know can help me reach my goal of having sex with Corey Haim I would be eternally grateful. Thanks so much!

Whether or not "Sammi" is real (and we fear she may not be—everyone knows that Feldman was the breakout cocksman of Blown Away) isn't actually important; what will get Haim through this dark night of the soul is the mere possibility that there's someone out there who might finally muster the courage to approach him the next time he's enjoying a smoke break outside of Sugar, overcoming the butterflies fluttering beneath her Fate tattoo long enough to offer him that one, hot, perfect night of animal sex.

• My Lost Boy-Corey Haim - w4m - 25 [Craigslist]
• Previously: Corey Haim's Unemployability Makes Compelling Reality TV [Defamer]

I'M REAL! FILM PRODUCER FOR NSA W/ASPIRING ACTRESS/MODEL NEEDING HELP - m4w - 35 Real Posting! Yes, I am a real motion picture producer with numerous credits of films you've most likely seen. I'm mid 30's, slim and fit, sexy as hell and easy on the eyes! I don't have much time for dating and am looking for a mutually beneficial situation/NSA with an aspiring actress/model who may need to jump start their career.

This is very real and over the last several months I've place 2 actresses and one model with very prestigious agencies and all are now actively auditioning numerous times a week. I know there are numerous actresses/models out there that are doing whatever it takes to make the rent. You just can't seem to land any roles or agents or connect with the right people. For the adventurous and spontaneous type, this could be for you. I will give all my info to the proper candidate once I know you're serious. Pic for Pic! First come first serve!

The producer's three assertions that he and his tantalizing offer are genuine are all the confirmation that we need, as any fraud looking to take advantage of a trusting lady who just can't connect with the right people surely would've offered no more than two "I'm real! Pinky swear! Just ask all the future superstars with top-shelf representation I've nailed!" references. Remember, it's a first come/first served offer, so don't fritter away the precious moments you could be using to launch your career with unnecessary caution.

• I'M REAL! FILM PRODUCER FOR NSA W/ASPIRING ACTRESS/MODEL [Craigslist]

director needs a (fake) date for a (real) movie premiere - m4m - 33 As bizarre as this sounds, I am looking for a date for a movie premiere.

I directed a movie and it's premiering the last week in June. I want to go to the premiere with a date.

Yes, there will be celebrities and industry weirdos at the premiere. Yes, there is a big party afterwards. Yes, I really am the director. Yes, it really is a real movie with real celebrities at a real premiere with a red carpet and everything.

Why am I looking for a date on Craigslist? Because I am new to Los Angeles and I dont know anyone here, and I have been working so hard on the movie I haven't met anyone since I got here (moved from NYC to make the movie). It's hard to meet people in LA. Especially when you're working 14 hours a day 7 days a week.

No, you don't have to sleep with me. Just want a reasonably good looking guy at my side as I walk down the red carpet. It's a once in a lifetime event - why not share it?

I'm laughing out loud as I write this. It seems completely absurd. But - why not?

Here are the requirements. You are:

1. not insane
2. between 25 and 40 (give and take a year or two)
3. reasonably intelligent
4. good looking
5. not an actor who is going to try and use this as a networking opportunity (ok to be an actor - but again, not insane)
6. clean (well groomed) and sober (not a drunk or an addict)
7. willing to go along with the charade for the fun of it
8. not crazy

If you are a fellow ex-pat new yorker who went to a good college and is now living in Los Angeles wondering what the hell you are doing in Los Angeles - all the better.

There are no responsibilities beyond the premiere and the party. If we hit it off - great, we can be friends.

Part of me is hoping to find someone so incredibly good looking that he will bring traffic to a halt. But - that is kind of shallow, isn't it. But - then again, it's a fake date - and this is Hollywood. But - sense of humor trumps looks every time. And - you're going to have to have a good sense of humor to pull this off.

Oh, whatever. Let's see what happens. Please reply with a picture (to weed out crazies and freaks - although you can't always tell).

And I'll get back to you soon

thanks

Again - yes this is real.

The secretive poster's repeated promises that this call for companionship is authentic should be more than enough to convince the city's insane-and-out-of-work actor population (both gay and straight—red-carpet networking is a dirty, deceitful business) to apply for the competitive position, so make sure that you submit your most artfully photographed, full-color headshot for consideration. And while we respect this very real director's privacy, we suppose we can't stop you from pouring over movie release schedules and trying to uncover his identity on your own, potentially ruining his best shot at a night of fake happiness.

• director needs a (fake) date for a (real) movie premiere - m4m - 33 [Craigslist]
• Previously: Defamer Connections: Screenwriter Seeks Non-Embarrassing Oscar Night Companionship [Defamer]

Gangbanged by 300 Spartans - 21 Reply to: pers-297111884@craigslist.org Date: 2007-03-20, 2:11AM PDT

Just saw 300 and had a hardon all through movie...wanted to be gang raped by those fucking hot warriors...want to take Gerard Butlers load on my face first...any one want to help me maje this fantasy a reality? hit me up...

Gentlemen: (sorry, ladies, your services are currently not required, though we may need to cut back to you every 30 minutes as you fend off the rear-entry advances of a traitorous Spartan councilman) we ask that you not force our action-hungry recruit to wait all the way until the West Hollywood Halloween parade to put his double-stuffed Spartan-servicing skills to practical use. We implore you to answer the call to glory-hole now by responding to his request—and yes, hunchback turncoats, there's even space at the gang-rape table for you!

• Gangbanged by 300 Spartans - 21 [Craigslist]

seeking boy 18+ that looks 16 for A-List Oscar party - m4m - 18 This is your chance- seeking hot young white boy to be my date to the hottest party of the year. Must be over 18 but if you look 12 all the better. You will meet the biggest of the big stars. No sex required or expected (though won't be refused). Pictures a must please send ASAP. Limo provided..

We're sure that after a picture proving one's middle-school-quality (note how the desired age dropped four years from the headline to the body of the ad) good looks, the mystery of what "A-list" and "hottest" event is being offered will be revealed, allowing the lucky almost-jailbait to know whether to dress to impress the Vanity Fair post-party or CAA pre-Oscar orgy crowds.

• seeking boy 18+ that looks 16 for A-List Oscar party - m4m - 18 [Craigslist]
• Previously: Defamer Connections: Screenwriter Seeks Non-Embarrassing Oscar Night Companionship [Defamer]

Hello,

It looks like due to a huge screenwriting windfall they want to give me 2 tickets to the Oscars. Being single right now means, yes, I need a date. So I thought I'd try to find a "real" date with someone outside my ususal circle of friends.

I'm 38, successful, I'm told I'm good looking, blondish hair with blue eyes, 185 pounds and 6 feet tall. The only thing I ask is that you can be discrete when staring at celebrities, and of course don't be embarrassing while we are at the after-parties. Drunk is fine (and fun), embarrassing is not.

I'd think we should meet up before for a drink and see if we hit it off. Please send a couple pictures when you reply, not just asking me to send one first. I posted this weeks ago and ended up with someone who flaked.

Thanks!

We can't guarantee that our bachelor's "huge screenwriting windfall" necessarily means he's up for an award, but here's a complete list of this year's screenwriting nominees anyway. Some cursory Googling using the details provided should narrow the field down considerably, so that by the time your sexy photos advance you to the interview rounds, you can dazzle your mystery date with custom-tailored small-talk, such as how "great it is that a 60-page outline still falls well within Academy guidelines of what constitutes a screenplay."

• Extra Oscar ticket - 38 [Craigslist]

Wanted: Shoes Worn by Entourage TV star Jeremy Piven - $300 I'm seeking shoes that have been well worn by Entourage star Jeremy Piven. They can be any type of shoe as long as they have been well worn by him. I will pay $300 or even more for them. If you can help out, please let me know.

We'll readily admit our ignorance of the going rate for such items, but at a handsome $300 bounty, we imagine it might be worth the time and trouble required to stake out the entrance of Hyde, tackle Piven as he's distracted by turning over his keys to the valet, forcibly wrestle the shoes from his feet, then escape into the Hollywood night before TMZ's cameraman gets enough footage to assist the actor in fighting off his attacker.

• Wanted: Shoes Worn by Entourage TV star Jeremy Piven - $300 [Craigslist]

Porsche/Benz/Audi for SAG vouchers!!! I work for a large highline car dealership. Although selling cars is glamourous and easy and not a stressful job (Note the sarcasm) its not why I am in LA. I NEED TO GET SAG! I am willing to risk my standing in my job to get the oh so elusive vouchers. I am willing to cut a killer deal (As in below wholesale in some cases) on any of my cars in exchange for SAG gigs or straight up vouchers.

Call or email
Brandon

All in all, it doesn't sound like such a bad offer. Whoever decides to help the enterprising Brandon ease his way into SAG will drive off in a heavily discounted luxury automobile, instead of ending the transaction in the way that such swaps of personal services for acting gigs usually unfold, with a producer pulling up his pants after an unsatisfying orgasm and yelling, "Now get the hell out of here before I forget to put your headshot on the top of the director's 'consider' pile." Then again, if a respondent is a good negotiator, maybe he can ride away with both the car and the humiliating blowjob.

• Porsche/Benz/Audi for SAG vouchers!!! [Craigslist]

SONY LOT- MASC, DISCRETE, ATHLETIC GUY ISO SAME FOR NSA FUN - 25 25, 5'10, br/br, 160lbs, 31 waist, preppy and athletic

what's up? looking for other white guys who are looking for some NSA fun on the Sony lot. i'd be interested in making this a regular thing. interested in underwear, especially briefs. let me know if you're up for some fun!

totally discrete here, have a gf and don't want her to find out.

REPLY WITH A FACE PIC AND GENERAL LOCATION ON THE LOT TO BE CONSIDERED

Might we suggest the Sony Pictures Plaza building as a place for a potential tryst? We've heard it's got a private bathroom that comes highly recommended to those who don't want to be unpleasantly surprised in the middle of their workday quickies.

• SONY LOT- MASC, DISCRETE, ATHLETIC GUY ISO SAME FOR NSA FUN - 25 [Craigslist]

HUGE star looking for homely companion - 45 I'm a HUGE blockbuster movie star.

All I want is a homely woman that will beat and humiliate me.

I'm soooooo tired of perfect eager starlets. I want the REJECTED chunky girls. The wallflowers.

Former porn stars, strippers, and whores that nobody wants to touch are exactly what I'm looking for. Homeless single mother meth addicts are perfect.

Come and get it.

Of course, parties from either side of this transaction will likely wind up unsatisfied; even in the unlikely event that the "huge star" turns out to be an authentic famous person with a dim view of the opposite sex, he'll probably be disappointed when his ad is answered by a "perfect eager starlet" whose self-esteem is a dangeously low after her agent refuses to send her out on another audition until she loses five pounds and finally gets her weight back into the double-digits.

[Image note: We randomly picked George Clooney from the pool of actors born in 1961, but Michael J. Fox, Steven Weber, or any other of the names would've made fine black-bar models.]

• HUGE star looking for homely companion - 45 [Craigslist]

Unique Touristic Experience for People Visiting Los Angeles Are you visiting Los Angeles this summer with friends and family and looking for a totally unique LA Experience. Well I think I just might have it.

I'd like to invite you to come clean my apartment. Yes thats right a real Los Angeles apartment, in the heart of old Hollywood. Whats even better is that while you work tidying up my tasteful 20's era space you will be regaled with stories of hollywood old and new, as told by a real working Director(me) and my Screenwriter roommate. Wow! But it gets even better. While you and your family clean my place (once occupied by Johnny Depp in his 21 Jump Street days) I'll be photographing the whole thing. Big Beautiful professional photos that you'll be able to take home and show friends. Just think of it, large 8x10 photos of you and the kids cleaning and deodorizing my stainless steel refrigerator.

Who knows what else could happen, maybe one of my up & coming actor friends will stop by for a chat and some autographs. We're talking real b-c list celebrities here people, up close and personal(but no touching beyond a polite handshake)

And when you're all done cleaning and scrubbing we'll treat you and your party to a coffee and donut (or comparably priced snack) at our local koreatown starbucks. After which each visitor will be presented with a personalized t-shirt commemorating the experience.

That's not even the best part. The whole thing; getting to clean my apartment, hollywood stories, photos, coffee,t-shirt and possible celebrity meeting..is FREE.

Now people this is not a scam or some creepy sex thing. Anyone looking to do more than just clean my place and hear some gossip will be promptly thrown out. I would rate this entire experience at PG (G if you don't want me to tell some of our more colorful hollywood stories)..we want to be open to everyone. ALso you may not clean in the nude or anything overtly sexual. Normal tourist attire is required(excluding Day-Glo which has been known to irritate my downstairs neighbors' American Staffordshire Terrier.

Apply soon everyone. Our calendar is already filling up; as we only expect needing to clean our apartment 2-3 times a week this summer.

What are you waiting for People...Come be a part of the dream.

David & Bill
*for more info please free to email us anytime. ;)

p.s. we will provide all cleaning equipment and supplies

Have fun on your trip, but remember: Should the dismembered remains of you and your loved ones wind up taking a tour of Hollywood's most glamorous dumpsters (or perhaps even worse, should the promised B- and C-List celebrities turn out to be Mastersons), don't blame us.

• Unique Touristic Experience for People Visiting Los Angeles [Craigslist]

ANYONE GOING TO VISTA THEATER TO SEE PIRATES? LOOKING TO PLAY W/ A GUY W/ A NICE BIG THICK COCK, WATCH YOU RUBBING N STROKING HOPEFULLY IF ITS NOT TO BUSY MAYBE SNEAK IN TO THE BATHROOM FOR A QUICKIE GIVE YOU A HOT BLOW JOB OR WE CAN HOOK UP AFTER MOVIE. IM 33 LATIN MASCULINE MAN 5'7,165,32W,HAZEL GRN EYES MUSTACHE N GOTEE LOOKING TO PLAY AND SUCK A GUY W/A HOT CLEAN COCK. IM STD N DRUG CLEAN U BE TOO. PLEASE REPLY W/YOUR FULL DESCRIPTION N PIC

Should our treasure seeker fail to find an adequately peg-legged matey, however, he can always focus on the on-screen character of Davy Jones, whose writhing, tentacled face should amply provide the hyperphallic visual stimulus he seems to crave.

• "PIRATES OF TH CARRIBEAN" @VISTA theater today @2:45pm -anyone going? - 33 [Craigslist]

DIRECTOR/SCREENWRITER looking to fool around tonight - m4w - 33 Look, here's the story. I'm a smart enough guy, a professional screenwriter & director. Yep, I actually work, and you may have seen my stuff on TV. You wouldn't have been impressed if you saw it, but there it was. Also, check out the video stores. I'm there. Anyway, I'm not bragging (why should I? I'm not that great), but I just wanted to say that I'm not actually a guy who works at Starbucks.

Like many creative types, I'm a little eccentric. Which is why I'm on this site, I suppose.

Let me guess what you're thinking right now: He must be a really successful director if he needs to post on Craig's List to get a date. :) Actually, I don't need to post on CL for a date. I date pretty regularly, and was in a longish relationship that ended recently.

So why am I here? Because I've got eccentric, funny, Jewish-y issues, that's why. And because it's fun. It's an unexpected kind of fun, but it's fun.

I'm usually described as a cute, intellectual type with glasses. I'm very fit, 5'10", 160-ish pounds. I'm particularly intrigued by smart, creative women who are as screwed up as I am. Takes the pressure off. :)

Hope to hear from you.

A bonus, but not required for consideration: a willingness to occasionally dress up like his mother and ask him when he's finally going to give up on this Hollywood nonsense and go back to medical school.

• DIRECTOR/SCREENWRITER looking to fool around tonight - m4w - 33 [Craigslist]

I NEED A DATE FOR THE SCRUBS RAP PARTY - 34

TALL FIT PRODUCER NEEDS A HOT SEXY BUSTY IN SHAPE FUN LADY TO ENJOY THE FUN AT THE RAP PARTY AND MORE.

What our bachelor is probably referring to is the season-ending Scrubs "wrap" party (as opposed to "rap party"), which isn't to say that hip-hop music and enthusiastic discussion won't play a part in the evening's festivities. And while we'd hesitate to make any assumptions about what he has planned for the "and more" portion of the date, we're all but certain that if our fun lady plays her busty cards right, she'll have ample opportunity to demonstrate what she's learned about playing doctor from her hours of face time with the series regulars.

• I NEED A DATE FOR THE SCRUBS RAP PARTY - 34 [Craigslist]

LOOKING FOR DATE TO MISSION IMPOSSIBLE PARTY -CRUISE WILL BE THERE!

Attention ladies....This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

I am looking for a date to the premiere and after-party for Tom Cruise's latest hit film Mission Impossible 3. It should be an incredible event...whether you like movies or not. A premiere is always exciting...stars, paparazzi galore...

The after party in Hollywood should be spectacular...Tons of stars will be there including Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Jennifer Aniston, Rey Mysterio, Vince Vaughn, Ving Rhames, Keri Russell, Sharon Stone, and the star couple themselves, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

As for me, I am a young entertainment lawyer in the Hollywood area...My career is about to take off (I hope)...I am fun, young, good looking, great body, sexy face, and tons of fun to party with.

I am looking for a girl on Craigs List because I am single and would like to meet someone new and love the variety that CL has to offer...

If you are looking for a sweet, sexy guy with muscles who loves giving massages and making women happy...and as a bonus, can give you legal advice and take you to a great party, I am your guy.

Of course, an overwhelming response is expected...so please send a pic and hopefully a contact number...Many are interested, one will win...It could be you!!

If entering the sweepstakes to "win" a date with our muscular, lady-pleasing legal eagle doesn't appeal to you, don't despair, there are far less unsavory options available to you, like blowing a cater waiter working the event or hanging around the front of the venue as Cruise arrives and bragging that no one—no one!—could possibly detox you of heroin in fewer than five days.

• LOOKING FOR DATE TO MISSION IMPOSSIBLE PARTY -CRUISE WILL BE THERE! [Craigslist]

LOOKING FOR STRAIGHT WHITE HOT ACTORS - 36 I would like to offer some industry contacts and will advise you on your next career steps to advance your acting career — you come meet with me and bring your headshot and resume. All I ask in return is that you let me massage your feet. I really dig rubbing feet on VERY hot white guys 18-35 only. Please have nice feet and if they smell, it's a huge plus. NO SEX! I will offer some help towards your stalling career if you just give me your feet. SERIOUS ONLY — send pic and let's set this up. DISCRETION ASSURED — I am bi, VGL, in shape and on the DL. I just happen to like feet on guys and this is something that will motivate me to help you out. Thanks.

Although the coy poster doesn't specify his place in the industry food chain, the photo/resume solicitation, the DL secrecy, and the submissive fetish itself has us thinking he's an agent. As always, we urge caution when responding, for one never knows if one's dealing with a guy from ICM looking for a little fair trade while the wife takes the kids to soccer practice or a clever clerk from a well-trafficked Kinko's willing to exchange some quality foot-time in exchange for free headshot duplication.

• LOOKING FOR STRAIGHT WHITE HOT ACTORS - 36 [Craigslist]

Wanting to Vent Angry-Sex now that Crash has won Best Picture - 36 Why O Why for the Love of All that is Righteous, Why? I can take Brokeback Mountain losing the Best Picture Oscar but to Crash of all vehicles. Ughhhhhhh! Any one else so upset that they want to vent in a intense bout of rough sex?

WM Powerful Top Athletic Build Nicely Hung
Safe Only - No Drugs

You be an angry Crash-Hatin' bottom.
All races welcomed. HwP

Or alternatively you be a Crash-Lovin' bottom, although an obvious moron, I could still pound your stupid ass with perhaps more angry intent. But, seriously, you must realize that you are a complete fucktard.

Given how many disappointed Brokeback fans there were today, this guy's probably going to have to turn away hundreds of prospective, disconsolate bottoms.

• NSFW: Wanting to Vent Angry-Sex now that Crash has won Best Picture - 36 [Craigslist]
• Previously: Defamer Connections: No Oscar Date? No Problem! [Defamer]