Final numbers will be in later this afternoon, and we're not going to bore you with all the ratings mumbo jumbo, but the 10pm show was up 70% compared to Conan O'Brien's premiere and 38% from Jay Leno's exit from The Tonight Show. Though it's not fair to compare an 11:35 and a 10 pm show, that's not a bad showing, and many a weekly drama would be happy with such a debut, but considering Leno is expected to do this every night of the week from now until nuclear winter, it's going to be a long road. Let's see how he does once the novelty has worn off and the universal chilliness from critics has sunken in.

The short version goes like this: while in Germany filming Inglorious Bastards, Novak and some of the other cast members learned of a bar in the area called "Tarantino's," a Quentin Tarantino-themed bar filled with memorabilia commemorating the director's film career. So, naturally, the cast thought it'd be a hilarious idea to actually walk into the bar and drink with the man so glorified there. Now, so as to not spoil the ending of the story, I'll stop here, but let's just say that Germans apparently aren't nearly as impressed by celebrity as Americans. Well, with the exception of David Hasselhoff that is.

Oh, and there's also an interesting Brad Pitt anecdote just prior to the Tarantino story, so enjoy...

Celebrity: David Hasselhoff and Gary Coleman
Car: K.I.T.T.
Why So Embarrassing: It's the creepy thumbs up that makes this picture awesome to everyone not in it.
Suggested By: F1Morgan, Scandanavian Flick

Celebrity: 50 Cent
Car: Pontiac G8 GXP
Why So Embarrassing: Though we love the car, it doesn't particularly do it any good to get tarted up by 50 Cent on what seems to be the down-slope of his career. We bet Kanye could have sold more G8s.
Suggested By: BuickBoy92

Celebrity: Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, John Travolta, William H. Macy
Car: Harley Davidson Bikes
Why So Embarrassing: The four of them look like a gay biker gang, but not in the good way. We do give them props for their realistic portrayal of the typical lame Harley owner in this shot from the film Wild Hogs.
Suggested By: Golferal

Celebrity: Michael Johnson
Car: C4 Corvette
Why So Embarrassing: Oh so 1990s. You may be fast, but you'll never outrun this Glamour Shot.
Photo Credit: Mike Powell /Allsport

Celebrity: Mila Kunis
Car: Lexus SC430
Why So Embarrassing: We're not big fans of the Lexus SC430, but it's not particularly embarrassing. Parking it in a handicapped spot to grab a coffee is.

Celebrity: Michael Phelps
Car: Mazda6/Atenza
Why So Embarrassing: Immediately following his pot bust/gold medal marathon Phelps was tasked with pushing the Mazda brand in China. We'd probably start using drugs as well.

Celebrity: Andre Agassi
Car: Vector W8
Why So Embarrassing: Posing near a Vector W8 is only cool in a semi-ironic sort of way. In this case, Agassi is trying to show off all he has: big hair, awkward car, soon-to-be-ex girlfriend.

Photo Credit: John Russell/Getty Images

Celebrity: Danica Patrick
Car: Chevrolet Bel Air
Why So Embarrassing: Danica Patrick is talented, but she also understands the connection between her sex appeal and her ability to get sponsors. Unfortunately, this photo is just awkward. It's supposed to be enticing and seductive but the strange outfit and uncomfortable look makes us wish we'd never seen this photo.
Suggested By: PowerMatic

Photo Credit: FHM/George Holz/JEGPhoto

Celebrity: Adam West
Car: Chrysler 300C
Why So Embarrassing: Adam West, Batman, drives an old man car. Whatever, he's hilarious. He gets away with it. What he doesn't get away with is the "NBR1BAT" license plate. Holy Vanity Plate Batman!
Suggested By: 57sweptside

Celebrity: Conan O'Brien
Car: Ford Taurus SHO
Why So Embarrassing: Yes, Conan O'Brien is trying to look ridiculous. Yes, we love the Ford Taurus SHO. This is embarrassing for Conan because his attempts at appearing silly fail. You look awesome Conan.
Suggested By: Nerdwa

Celebrity: Sting
Car: Toyota Prius
Why So Embarrassing: Really, the guy who wrote Outlandos d'Amour is suddenly out cruising town in a Prius. We thought tantric sex was about extending the pleasure. Hybrids cut it way short, Gordy.
Suggested By: JamesMarino

Celebrity: Michael Schumacher
Car: Fiat Work Van
Why So Embarrassing: Schumacher looks the part too well. Also, "the quick gardner" sounds like a bad German translation of a man who fires quickly in bed.
Suggested By: Mr_Sives_Remotoc.

James Hibberd of The Hollywood Reporter says that Leno, who's lost 10-12 pounds running four miles each day, will present a "fast-paced hour" with a monologue and interviews with one or two celebrity guests. There will be wacky bits where celebrities race each other in vehicles powered by alternative fuels, as well as pre-taped segments featuring celebrities. For instance, D.L. Hughley will be the show's Washington correspondent and Brian Williams will do a "Stories Not Good Enough For Nightly News" segment. Musical segments which will occasionally feature multiple acts performing together.

Regarding his deep, hard screwing of Conan O'Brien, Leno says that he and O'Brien are a couple of swell pals looking forward to a "healthy rivalry."

"There was never any tension between Conan and I," he said. "Will we fight like cats and dogs to get the guest? Yes ... but that doesn't mean you don't like each other. It's a game. You tease and trash talk, that's the fun part."

Yes, it's all fun. Just like Leno would've loved it and thought that it was great fun had Johnny Carson moved into a primetime with a talk show taped in the same city as the Tonight Show when he took over. Ugh, why couldn't he just take his pile of cash and go off to work on old cars in between stand-up gigs in Branson?

But seriously, which is a more revolting thought — that Obama actually gave his digits to Jeremy Piven, or that Piven never even bothered to write the numbers down or save them into his phone?

But hey, what can you expect—he's a Hollywood actor who lives on a farm in Kentucky! And Heidi Klum looked sort of traumatized by him. God bless Steve Zahn.

Vid via NBC.com

The question with Cohen's 'Bruno' act is how much longer is this sort of act funny, if it even is any longer? How much longer can he go around acting as the embodiment of every awful stereotype of gay men before he wears out his welcome with both straights and gays? Personally, each time I see a 'Bruno' press appearance, typically filled with furniture humping and crotch thrusts to someone's face, the less enthusiasm I have for seeing the film. It's just not as funny to me anymore. Certainly I'm not the only straight feeling this way?

Shatner's dirty old man act started when he used hand gestures to demonstrate how he has to pee in the woods, hand gestures that sort of insinuated he's packing a big dong. Then he moved on to a story about seeing a pretty girl on a train, a pretty girl he remembers so fondly that he moved his hand back and forth in front of his crotch in a masturbatory motion for emphasis. And then at the end of the interview Shatner, playfully agitated at Conan making fun of him for his inability to make the Vulcan "live long and prosper" salute, gave Conan the finger and the whole place just erupted.

All told, the entire segment is amazing. Definitely the most memorable moment to come out of the new Tonight Show so far, and something that may be remembered for a long time to come.

Video via The Tonight Show/NBC

It's only been a week since Conan took over Jay Leno's old gig, and he's already losing. Letterman was up 13% in the ratings this past week vs. the week before—and last night he passed the Tonight Show, which has been steadily losing viewer every night since Conan started:

The ratings gap between the hosts has been narrowing nearly ever night since O'Brien took control of the "Tonight" franchise. The last time "Late Show" topped Jay Leno's "Tonight" was eight months ago.

Jay Leno, who was determined to never be funnier than the average American idiot, beat Letterman consistently. Now that Leno's moving to 10 pm, it may be that Letterman's time to be king has finally arrived. Conan O'Brien will be fine. But for years, Letterman's been losing out to a guy who was clearly less funny and consciously dumber than he is.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Now, America's in a strange situation: two funny late night hosts at once. No cheating, middle Americans! Larry the Cable Guy specials won't be on Comedy Central every night, for you to run to! Now, Letterman's the old established guy and Conan's the young upstart. Leno will be on earlier, and he'll bring an audience with him. But the people who used to stay up late watching Jay will now watch Letterman, because he's familiar and not quite as weird as Harvard boy Conan.

Which is just a long way of saying that David Letterman's time is, indeed, here at last. Sarah Palin calling him "pathetic" because he called her "slutty" is just gravy. Because the Palins are exactly the type of people who are going to be watching Dave all the time.

"That's great," Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime said as he looked at it for the first time during his interview with Kotaku.

"We know that he is a fan of what we do, and we're thrilled to have him as a passionate Nintendo fan. Maybe we'll have to go play some Wii Sports Resort as well as Super Mario Bros Wii."

So, no cease and desist, Reggie?

"No. For Conan, we'll let that one slide."

Credit to SeriousLunch.com for first spotting the Conan-Mario connection and enhancing it.

O'Brien's 7.1 rating was a full 173& higher than his February Late Night goodbye episode, though in Tonight terms, it still came in lower than old guard Jay Leno's Friday night sign-off. Perhaps people prefer a goodbye to a hello.

The important thing that remains to be seen is whether Conan can hold onto any of the old Leno fans. He's sure to bring his rabid Late Night fan base to the earlier slot, but judging by certain fussy old people's "We miss Leno... :(" reactions, his caustic absurdism may not play well with the watching-in-bed-til-the-Gas-X-kicks-in set.

So even the show airs in about an hour on the East Coast, we couldn't resist sharing some of these with you:

Well, I've timed this moment perfectly. I'm on a last place network, I moved to a state that's bankrupt, and tonight's show is sponsored by General Motors.

A lot of people have been asking me, "Will your show be any different now that you've moved to Los Angeles?" I tell them all, "No. Mi programa no va a cambiar porque estoy en la ciudad de Los Angeles."

This is a huge night for me. I remember watching Johnny Carson when I was a kid and thinking, "That's what I want to be when I grow up." And I'm sure right now somewhere in America, there's a little kid watching me and thinking, "What is wrong with that man's hair?

I think they've built us a beautiful studio here in Los Angeles. This studio holds 380 people. It's exactly like being at a Clippers game.

We're here at Universal Studios. It's exciting to tape the show on the Universal lot because we're just around the corner from Wisteria Lane where they film "Desperate Housewives". In fact, in a lot of recent scenes you can see me playing the "Creepy Guy in the Bushes."

Good God he's so much better than Leno—-We can hardly wait! And come back at 11:35 because we're going to liveblog this badboy!

An absolute staple of his show. Stupid costumes with cheesy lighting, a celebrity to join him, and La Bamba going falsetto in between each joke. They were all amazing, and this one is no exception. Who knew that Duchovny meant syphilis in Russian? People in the year 2000 did, that's who.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.One of a number of 'Conan's Field Trips'. There are a lot to choose from here. Conan and Mr. T go apple picking was one of the oddest pairings, but this one was Conan on his game. All of his talents seem to come together perfectly. Charming, self-deprecating, brilliant use of props, quick wit. And the men on the vineyard play great straight men to make him seem even more absurd.

Another one of his brilliant recurring sketches. And even though it's on Conan, this sketch owed its brilliance to Robert Smigel. There were almost too many of these to choose from, but I settled on Arnold because his voice was by far the most ridiculous.

Just a great moment with a great reaction from Conan. His sheer enthusiasm is what makes it classic.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Making fun of a league in Long Island that plays baseball as it was meant to be played in the 19th century. As usual, he joins in on the fun.

Recurring characters like vomiting Kermit and Pimpbot 5000 added a certain richness to the show. But none quite had the staying power like The Masturbating Bear. On his last Late Night, Conan retired The Masturbating Bear, as it would simply not fly in his new time slot. He had it encased in Carbonite.

He does not pander to celebrities. And getting someone like Martha Stewart to eat a cold Taco Bell bean burrito and wash it down with a refreshing bottle of OE 800 is part of his genius. Martha obviously enjoyed this as much as viewers, and later on Conan took a field trip to Martha's estate

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Randomly bluritng out a non-existent website on the air forced NBC to buy the rights to HornyManatee.com. The site still exists to this day, and from the looks of it is still regularly updated.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Late night hosts have always taken shots at their networks, but O'Brien figured out a way to make fun of NBC without coming off as bitter. When NBC bought Universal and became the owner of Walker: Texas Ranger, he introduced a lever that played Chuck Norris clips. It was so simple in its brilliance.

The most consistently funny aspect of Conan's show. Only hoping he continues on The Tonight Show.

That's a question we've been asking ourselves a lot over the last few days. We love Letterman. We also love Conan. We've never really been forced to confront this sort of dilemma previously. In the past the question of who to watch at 11:35 was a no-brainer—-Johnny Carson was the only show in town during his era, and Letterman was always matched up against Leno, his comedic antithesis in just about every way, so usually we watched Letterman on CBS at 11:35 and then switched over NBC to catch Conan at 12:37. It was all so fantastically fine.

But now there's this new thing and we don't know quite what to do. This is like that time Hulk Hogan squared off against Andre The Giant for the WWF title when we were kids—-We didn't know who the hell to pull for!

We can, however, take solace in knowing that we aren't the only ones confused by all this. New York has a feature in their new issue by Sam Anderson addressing the same subject.

Now we have to adjust to a new binary: Letterman versus Conan. (Leno will take his show to prime time, where he enters into a new binary with a bunch of sausage-grinder franchises like Law & Order and CSI.) On the surface, Letterman-Conan is infinitely less dramatic than Letterman-Leno; the intensities have all dropped out of the equation. They are not peers-when Letterman started his first late-night show, O'Brien was at Harvard studying Faulkner and writing Lettermanesque humor for the Lampoon. There's no obvious bad blood-Letterman was an early Conan supporter, and, just as Letterman once paid tribute to the retiring Carson ("Thanks for my career"), Conan spent much of his recent Late Night farewell speech gushing over Dave ("David Letterman invented this Late Night show … He set the bar absurdly high for everybody in my generation who does this"). Their stylistic differences will create very few rifts between friends and neighbors. Conan speaks fluently in the late-night language Letterman invented: cerebral non sequiturs; field trips in search of real-world absurdities; forays through the bowels of the studio to interrupt other shows. Both hosts morph into clingy nerds when faced with beautiful actresses. (Conan once screamed like a linebacker and threw his chair after Rebecca Romijn kissed him.) Conan is in many ways a mini-Letterman: tall, lanky, red-haired, stunty, smart. If Letterman-Leno felt like a decades-long slow-motion death match, Letterman-Conan threatens to be its opposite: sweet, cute, possibly even boring.

The most tantalizing possible outcome of the Letterman-Conan binary is that it will force Letterman, at this late stage in the game, to get better. To stand out against the background of Jay, Dave just had to be Dave. To compete with a younger, hungrier version of himself, he might have to do more than that, for the first time in years. The similarities might turn out to be a blessing: Their stunts will cross-pollinate, their jokes will play against each other. To differentiate themselves, they may even have to launch an arms race of total absurdity.

We'd like to just state here and now that we have no issue whatsoever in "an arms race of total absurdity." In fact, we encourage it. Please fellas, indulge us. And as for who to watch, we suppose that we can just DVR one or both shows and watch one at 11:35 and the other at 12:37, because we usually have to be kinda stoned to get into Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Fallon's show just, you know, fucking sucks.

Letterman vs. Mini-Letterman [New York]

Most notable was the clip of a jittery Conan O'Brien - who was Leno's final guest on the show - coming out on NBC for the first time in 1993, when they announced that O'Brien would have his own show. Watch as Jay Leno screws with "the kid" way back in the day.

The rest of the interview was Conan discussing the strageness of being hunted by TMZ cameras, and Jay being encouraging and supportive of his efforts. Which is boring! Why didn't they roast each other? It probably would've been more fun, and they've had all this time to glad hand each other in the press. It was nice, however, and Leno's never really been known for his bombast. But his bad one-liners, we'll always carry with us. Like this one, for the road:

Finally, Leno took to the children, for sentimental effect: after naming a few staffers who've hooked up over the years from jobs on The Tonight Show, Leno's grand finale was busting out the kids of all the staffers who've been born over the course of Leno's tenure on the show. It was sweet, cute, and kind of inspired. Credit where credit's due: to not be a grandstanding, pompous asshole after years of being a proficient late-night host, might be an accomplishment in it of itself. Or maybe Johnny Carson just set the precedent.

Also worth noting: Billy Crystal (with help from Hairspray remake director Marc Shaiman) doing a hammy musical tribute to Leno Thursday night.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

My favorite Tonight Show moment - tough between the "Hugh Grant/prostitute" saga, but Michael Jackson jokes (so old school!) win out: Leno can't tell any because he's a witness in the 2005 Michael Jackson trials, so he brings out a bunch of other comedians to do it for him. Later, a judge cleared him to tell the jokes. Anybody else? You find 'em, throw 'em in the comments, please.

Now, it'd be easy and cheap to make a bunch of "Jay Leno sucks" jokes here because the internet hates Jay Leno, mainly because he's liked by the olds and people who live in red states, and the internet collectively tends to shit on anything liked by the olds and people who live in red states, but the question begs to be pondered—-Why is there no outpouring of emotion for Jay Leno leaving as host of The Tonight Show? In a country that adores and worships it's television icons, here's a guy who has exhibited longevity and ratings dominance, and there just doesn't seem to be any palpable sense of loss anywhere in the culture for his stepping down, which is, well, sort of odd. Now, we have no statistical data to back that up, it's just a feeling, a strong hunch if you will, that we have deep down inside, but we're usually pretty good at gauging these sorts of things, and our gut is telling us that no one really gives a shit about Jay Leno leaving.

Think back to when Carson stepped down from The Tonight Show, or when Seinfeld or the Sopranos went off the air, or hell just think back to last week's finale of American Idol—-These were times when people felt true hurt, an actual sense of loss, over these people, characters and shows going away. I've been there and I know how these endings can feel almost as if a piece of your soul has been stolen away.

Now, we suppose an argument can be made for the fact that Leno's not really going away altogether. He is, after all, returning later in the year to host a new nightly show in the 10pm time slot, so it stands to reason that Jay Leno fans aren't weeping because he's not truly going away. But in response to that argument we would simply ask—-What about Conan?

When Conan O'Brien stepped down from his show earlier in the year, people were acting as if he was slowly dying, despite the fact that he was set to be back on the air in June as host of the Tonight Show. So why aren't people doing the same for Leno?

About a half hour ago, we went out to the 24 hour deli around the corner for a cup of coffee as our mind had begun to drift into a fog. On the walk to and from the deli, we were thinking about Jay Leno. We thought about how he seems like a super nice guy, like he'd make a great neighbor, someone you could trust your kid or your dog with if you had to in an emergency. Just an overall swell guy, especially for someone in Hollywood. We were beginning to almost feel guilty for not liking him more. We sort of found ourselves asking—-"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why don't you like this guy more?" And then it hit us that this is exactly the reason no one is crying for Jay Leno.

You see, Jay Leno is sort of like a wife or a husband or a lover that you just sort of settle for. He's a serviceable, but utterly passionless flame. He's nice. Jay Leno is the nice guy. He's safe. And despite all the harping and preaching about how much we love nice people in America, we don't truly let ourselves get too emotionally involved with them. The rebels and the bitches are the ones that we fall for, in every possible way, and there is nothing rebellious or bitchy about Jay Leno, despite the fact that he collects hot rod cars and rides motorbikes, which sort of makes it even all the more pathetic that we're not crazy in love with him.

With all of that said, we're really looking forward to watching Leno's final show tonight, but not out of any sense of nostalgia or overwhelming love for Leno mind you. No, we're just so looking forward to seeing Conan as his guest for his final show. We get excited each time we see those promos with him running on the beach in his suit and we just can't wait for him to get back on the air regularly. You see, Conan, buried deep inside that outwardly geeky aura, is a rebel. And that's why millions of people just like us hold passionate feelings for him, something that just can't be said for Jay Leno.

UPDATE:Our friend Gabe at Videogum felt sorry for nobody loving Jay Leno and made a fan montage for him. It needed to be done.

Why Is Everyone Acting Like Conan Died? [Videogum]
Will No One Make Jay Leno a Ridiculous YouTube Fan Montage? [Videogum]

Of particular interest was how Leno, unwilling to go quietly off to Vegas or Branson to peddle corny jokes to the olds, grew disenchanted over time with the network's decision to appoint O'Brien as his successor in 2004, eventually forcing NBC head Jeff Zucker into offering him the nightly 10pm slot over fears that he might jump to ABC or FOX.

"Five years ago," Leno continued, "I think they thought we wouldn't still be on top. Back then, I said, ‘Whatever you want.' I don't have an agent. I don't have a manager. If the girl doesn't want to sleep with you, that's O.K. I'm not one of those guys who says, ‘Why don't you want to sleep with me?' I say, ‘O.K., great - let's be friends.' You want to make a change? That's great - we'll make a change."

As he became increasingly disgruntled, Leno began entertaining offers from other networks. Although viewership on network TV is shrinking and advertising is migrating to cable and (to a lesser degree) to the Web, topical shows with comedy and celebrity guests are inexpensive to produce and maintain a consistent appeal. Leno is a name brand - he could easily move to ABC or Fox and become O'Brien's competition, which is what NBC feared. "It became clear that Jay wanted to continue telling jokes on television at 11:30," Zucker said. To entice him to stay at NBC, Zucker offered Leno a daytime show, a cable show, a series of specials. When Leno turned all those down, Zucker proposed a half-hour show, five nights a week at 8 p.m. The idea was that Leno would just do his monologue, riffing off the events of the day. "Eight p.m. doesn't work," Leno explained to me. "I never assume anyone is watching because I'm good-looking. You're selling a product. In my particular instance, the product, hopefully, is jokes. With ‘The Tonight Show,' you have the jokes plus Angelina Jolie, and that's a little more enticement. A half-hour monologue every night doesn't seem like enough enticement."

Zucker made his final plea: an hourlong show at 10 p.m., five nights a week. To Zucker's surprise, Leno agreed. "I have believed, for a long time, that there should be a daily prime-time program with a topical format," Zucker told me. "I've never said this publicly before, but I approached Oprah Winfrey about her doing a daily hourlong show in prime time. She turned me down, but I rekindled the idea with Jay. The advantage of a show like that is it's easy to join, DVR-proof due to its topicality and different. Too much on television is the same show recycled. This will be a show that can provide an answer for the changing times we live in."

And then this paragraph near the end of the piece where O'Brien reflects back on the early struggles of his Late Night show is just fucking funny.

Critics attacked him (Tom Shales suggested in The Washington Post that "the host resume his previous identity, Conan O'Blivion"), and the NBC executives were anxious to replace him with Greg Kinnear, who was on the network at 1:30 a.m. "One executive," O'Brien recalled, "particularly despised Andy [Richter]. He told me I'd never succeed until I ‘got rid of that big fat dildo.' That was the tone of the conversations between us and the network."

Yes Andy Richter is a big fat dildo, and we can't wait to see him back on a show with Conan.

Heeere's...Conan!!! [New York Times]

Fine by us! And we're sure future Tonight Show successor O'Brien and the NBC Entertainment co-chairman Silverman are both relieved to have Leno back on his feet. Although it's safe to say only one of them has been waking up in cold sweats, praying to a new-found God for Leno's good health.

Poor Mr. Richter left Late Night some ten years ago to pursue solo fame, but found very little. His three short-lived TV series—Andy Richter Controls the Universe, Quintuplets, and Andy Barker, P.I.—were critical successes (well, OK, not Quintuplets), but the audiences never showed up. He also made a couple of sad appearances in movies, like playing the Ching-Chong-Chinese-accented Bernie Bang in the Olsen Twins' wide release flop, New York Minute.

But don't worry. He won't just be yelling Conan's name at the top of each evening. He'll appear in skits, much like Joel Goddard did on Late Night we imagine. And, on the more optimistic side, maybe this was an idea all along, Conan just needed to move to LA! Richter said before he appeared on Late Night's last broadcast on Friday:

The best thing about Conan taking over the ‘Tonight' show is that he's coming to Los Angeles, where I already live. So I'm getting my friends back.

So that's nice, I guess. Maybe it's not actually the saddest, "most reminiscent of that Simpsons episode where Homer quits the nuclear power plant to work at the bowling alley, but then has to go back when Marge gets pregnant and crawl through a little tunnel and get the plague plaque" bit of TV news in recent memory.

To give you a refresher, here are some old Richter clips. Oh, and, at press time, LaBamba is still sitting by the phone... waiting.