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The baristas (baristi?) at a Toluca Lake coffee shop reached their breaking point with frequent customer Miley Cyrus over the weekend. According to one barista who spoke on the condition of anonymity, Cyrus’ frequent abuse of the homey atmosphere of the store may lead to her permanent eviction. They said, “We don’t mind it when people come in and hang out. We encourage it, but you have to buy a drink first. It’s the unspoken rule. She usually doesn’t order a drink until after an hour or two of just hanging out.” Apparently, Cyrus was in the store on Sunday for over forty-five minutes before placing her order for a caramel mocchachino with skim. It was at that point that Steve, the manager, warned her that she had just gotten her second strike.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

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Entourage star Jeremy Piven was all smiles as he was seen exiting a Los Angeles area Coffee Bean. When asked by photographers about his mile long smile, Piven said, "I finally got her number." Then Piven went into great detail about how he had been coming to this particular location for nearly three months straight in an attempt to woo one of the store's employees. The extent of his obsession resulted in his doctor ordering to caffeine and sugar from his diet, but Piven insisted that he wouldn't give up on coffee because he had to get this girl to go out with him. Piven said, "I think part of the attraction for me was the fact that she didn't want anything to do with me. I mean, the past couple of years, it's been like shooting fish in a barrel. But now, having a challenge took me back to the days of when I picking up John Cusack's leftovers and having to be charming... I'll probably text her in a couple of days. Wait the standard amount of days, but I have a good feeling about this one." After Piven left, the paparazzi approached the The Coffee Bean Girl in an attempt to find out if it was, truly, love at first sight. She said, " I didn't know who he was. I don't have HBO or cable, but [co-worker] Kristy was all like, 'Dude, he's so famous. You could be on Pink Is The New Blog if you go out with him.' So Jeremy or, as we like to call him, 'Mr. Large Hazelnut,' just got me on the right day. I hope we go to Teddy's, but not Hyde, cause that's just a block away."

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]