Gawker: defamer, coachella

Coachella Shocker: Amy Winehouse Allowed Into Country, Apparently

Seth — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 12:15:35 EST

The real Coachella lineup was announced last night. It features many of the acts on the fake list Ryan Seacrest was selling (along with blowjobs) for five bucks in an alley off Yucca all week.

Namely, Paul McCartney will indeed be headlining, on Friday night, the same night Morrissey will be playing. Paul fucking McCartney and Morri fucking ssey. Same stage, same day. Amy Winehouse was a nice surprise—we thought she wasn't allowed on U.S. shores ever since she freebased her visa—as was The Cure (though they kind of put us to sleep the year Radiohead blew our brains out our ears) and My Bloody Valentine.

Other acts of note: Leonard Cohen, Conor Oberst, TV on the Radio, MSTRKRFT, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Antony & the Johnsons, and X. We lost Katy Perry, but gained a Steve Aoki. Death-cheating TRAV$DJ-AM are on the Saturday bill.

And the rumored Britney Spears appearance never panned out.

Coachella

Paul McCartney, Neil Young Usher In Coachella's Year Of The Geezer: HOAX

Seth — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 15:23:59 EST

Well, The Smiths aren't reuniting. But Morrissey will be there! So will a Beatle (and it's not Ringo).

UPDATE: Ryan Seacrest lied to you, possibly.

Oh, and every other band you've ever heard of, ever. Basically we're in for Friday and Sunday, which means we're in for the whole shebang, even though Saturday is really not doing it for us. Will you be at Coachella '09?

PS. We freely admit we've never heard of about 50% of these acts. Uh Huh Her? Floater? The Knux? Snailhouse? Ugh, we feel old.

PPS. Also, Katy Perry sucks. What is she doing there?

UPDATE: Our ex-cousins at Idolator tell us Ryan Seacrest is a closet aerosol-computer-cleaner addict and this list is not trustworthy and may be completely bogus. Further, our pal in the music industry also tells us Katy Perry has a show in Florida that night. So we've all been had, and we blame Seacrest. Who can suck it.

UPDATE 2: The page has now disappeared from RyanSeacrest.com.

FRIDAY

Nine Inch Nails
Morrissey
Orbital
Franz Ferdinand
Puscifer
Katy Perry
Digitalism (live)
The Presets
K's Choice
Conor Oberst & the Mystic Valley Band
X
Metric
The Black Keys
Shpongle
Turbonegro
Bassnectar
Fair To Midland
Ladytron
Cage
Brian Jonestown Massacre
Hercules & Love Affair
Mickey Avalon
The Gaslight Anthem
Laura Marling
The Whip
The Bloody Beetroots
Kristina Sky
The Airborne Toxic Event
Friendly Fires
Straight Line Stitch
Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly.
Shadrach Kabango
Los Campesinos
O'Death
The Wishing Tree
Floater
Alias Westlord
Snailhouse
Asteroids Galaxy Tour
Miyavi
Kevin Rudolf
TINARIWEN
Heartless Bastards
Drop The Lime
Lucent Dossier

SATURDAY

The Killers
Neil Young
Primus
Basement Jaxx
TV on the Radio
Mike Patton Rahzel
Adele
Immortal Technique
Atmosphere
One Day as a Lion
Girl Talk
Primal Scream
Coolof (of The Knife) (DJ set)
KT Tunstall
Crystal Castles
Amon Tobin
M.A.N.D.Y.
She & Him
Roni Size
Kimya Dawson
Glasvegas
The Black Marquee
Jade Everett
Jamie T
Foals
Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
No Age
Late of the Pier
Sebastian Tellier
Peanut Butter Wolf
The Flobots
Radio Luxembourg
Ice Cream Floats
Flying Lotus
Kitty, Daisy & Lewis
The Bug
White Lies
The Knux
The Captains Intangible
Mad Marge & The Stonecutters
N.A.S.A.
Mexican Institute of Sound
Eric Mcfadden Trio
Soniko
Kira Willey
Lucent Dossier
KIM H & DANNY R

SUNDAY

Paul McCartney
Foo Fighters
Public Enemy
Chemical Brothers
Keane
Poe
MSTRKRFT
Fleet Foxes
Band of Horses
Lupe Fiasco
Skunk Anansie
Planet of the Drums
Jenny Lewis
Imogen Heap
The Heavy
The Shins
Black Mountain
Asobi Seksu
Gus Black
Alabama 3
The Faint
The Sounds
The Ting Tings
Yeasayer
Conjure One
The Bees
Bizarre
Surkin
The Greencards
The Hold Steady
Uh Huh Her
Christopher Lawrence
a place to bury strangers
Carolina Chocolate Drops
The Death Set
Florence & The Machine
Anna Ternheim
Weston Boys
Tommy Mills & The Jade Amenity
Gutevolk
Buraka Som Sistema
Lucent Dossier

Coachella 2009 Lineup Announced! [RyanSeacrest.com]

Stop Us If You Think You've Heard This One...

Seth — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 12:34:30 EDT

Stop Us If You Think You've Heard This One Before. It seems every year there's a rumor that Morrissey and Johnny Marr are setting aside their differences for a once-in-a-lifetime The Smiths reunion at Coachella. And every time, we run directly to our bed, jump up and down on it and sing "Panic" at the top of our lungs. (Then Morrissey usually comes out with a denial statement, and we sit on the edge of our bed and cry and sing "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now.") Well, guess what! The rumor's back again! The Sun is reporting that the band is “closer than ever” to reforming for a "ludicrous amount of money." We don't care what it costs! Pay it! (As long as ticket prices don't go up.) [The Sun]

Did National Debate on Pigs in Politics Start at Coachella?

STV — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 21:00:00 EDT

No sooner did Barack Obama's PorcineLipstickGate scandal reared it head here moments ago than we had an epic acid flashback to a far worse drama that unfolded this year at Coachella: That of the "Obama Pig" set aloft and eventually untethered during Roger Waters's set. "That's my pig!" Waters shouted, watching its inflated girth and pro-Obama checkmark rise over the valley and drift out of sight. It was soon found and replaced anyway by another anti-gravity oinker, this one bearing its own Obama endorsement and contained to the Q2 Arena in London. And suddenly, the vortex of American politics slowed, stilled and became the crystalline rabbit hole we always knew it was. We'll stick to beer next time. [via Flickr/NachoFoto]

The Force Is Strong In This Nerd Screaming At Briefcases

Seth — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 21:00:19 EDT

· We think we have a worthy successor to the Star Wars Holiday Special for the most blasphemous use of the property, like, ever. That said, that Darth Banker's a hard-ass, isn't he? $49,000? But there's five large amounts still left in play—including the million! [Deal or No Deal]
· "Organizers of a major California music festival are offering a $10,000 reward and four festival tickets for life in exchange for ex-Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters' two-story inflatable pig." [Reuters]
· David Blaine will try to break the 17-minute world record for breath holding on The Oprah Winfrey Show, which is fine and all, but it's no Criss Angel mindfreaking her brains out. [AP]
· Her new six-hour-a-day workout regimen sometimes requires that Britney Spears walk around the gym wearing nothing but a towel. [Daily Mail]
· Paramount takes a heavy swig of the Blu-Ray Kool-Aid (which, oddly enough, tastes like raspberry with a slightly bitter after-taste). [THR]

Fear And Loathing In Palm Springs With Former 'CSI' Star Gary Dourdan

Seth — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:22:00 EDT

As we write this, recent CSI casualty Gary Dourdan is likely recovering from an even gnarlier Coachella hangover than most: TMZ reports the actor was discovered by Palm Springs police asleep in his car at 5:21 a.m., upon which he was arrested on "suspicion of possession of heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and prescription drugs," otherwise known as the bare minimum required to make a Jack Johnson set seem remotely exciting. His genuinely pained mugshot—we seriously can't stare at it for more than a few seconds—is pictured above. Developing...

"CSI" Star Popped for Heroin, Coke, Ecstasy [TMZ]

Sean Penn Thrills Crowd With Incoherent Spoken-Word Jam And Other Tales Of Coachella Celebrity

Seth — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 15:10:00 EDT

What would any Coachella festival be without stars of every letter-caste wandering the VIP sections, and perhaps getting mouthy with a security guard who "doesn't care if you're the Queen of England, Mr. Hasselhoff, you're not on Prince's backstage guest list!" A round-up of the celebrity goings on:
· We finally have an answer to the burning question of last week: Hey—what's Sean Penn doing on the Coachella bill? As it turns out, he was not there to shoot some low-budget crowd scenes for Milk, nor was he there, as he joked from the Main Stage yesterday, for an "a cappella cover act of Celine Dion." [Sound of polite audience laughter.] No, he was there for something called the Dirty Hands Caravan, a "biodiesel cross-country bus trip" starting from the concert site and ending in New Orleans on Sunday. The speech, in its entirety, is above—make sure to stick around for the YouTube documentarians' pithy assessment of Penn's oratorical skills. [YouTube, AP]

· Is it just Shia LaBeouf, or is it hotter than Hades around here? Ahhh, that's better. [imnotobsessed.com]
· Nicole Richie and the Good Charlotte brother who Paris Hilton is not fucking brought their baby to the festivities! We know: Best Coachers ever! [E! Online]
· David Hasselhoff sported a black eye and bruised arm, for unknown reasons, though we've heard rumors that someone may have gotten a little too enthusiastic in the Mark Ronson dance pit. Says the Hoff: "That guy is really hot. I wouldn't miss him." [Mirror.co.uk]
· "Carmen Electra, Paris Hilton Frolic At Coachella Afterparty." Yup, that's it. [AP]
· As always, we encourage you to send in your own Coachella PrivacyWatches. Here's one to get you rolling: Dita von Teese, behind us at will call, in a red and white sun dress and matching hat, skin the color of a marshmallow. [bumpshack.com]

The Wet-Nosed Sycophants Of The GE Board

Seth — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:44:30 EDT

· 30 Rock's GE CEO Don Geiss sure knows how to stack a board, doesn't he? Wave a little bacon over their noses, they're putty in your hands. [30 Rock]
· This is it! One more night before your appointment with the Demonshlonged One in the desert. We thought we'd put together a little Coachella Survival Kit for you. First, LA.com offers a pretty handy cheat sheet, packing list included. Next, your forecast (hot as a Satan's taint). And finally, a Trip Advisory, of sorts, offering reviews of every strain of ecstasy pill currently found in Southern California. You wouldn't want your Coachella experience to turn into a twin-demonshlong-headed nightmare! [LA.com, Weather.com, Pillreports.com]
· The new The Dark Knight one sheet is cool and all, but we would have gone in a different direction with it. There! That's better! [firstshowing.net]
· We almost completely forgot—it's Daddy Fridays at the Faultline tonight! Thanks, John Travolta at Michael Eisner's Walk of Fame ceremony! [DListed]
· Prince Caspian is a Cylon. [Photoshop Disaster]

Hey—What's Sean Penn Doing On The Coachella Bill?

Seth — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:25:00 EDT

As you attend to last-minute arrangements and packing for this weekend's Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival (Off! brand Andy Dick Repellent? Check...Sarah Jessica Parker inflatable love doll? Check...), we guide you to these handy timetables of set times, paying particular attention to an artist scheduled to appear shortly after 2 p.m. Sunday.

While we have yet to receive any confirmation on this, we have every reason to believe it will be the actual Sean Penn who appears on the emerging-talent Gobi Tent stage, and not just some Brooklyn-based, post-klezmer-dance-punk outfit with an ironic name. Hollywood Elsewhere even goes so far as to wonder if they might be shooting an outdoor rally scene for Gus Van Sant's Milk. It's certainly possible, what with the seamless confluence of that film's end-of-a-disco-era costume requirements and the obnoxiously self-aware hipsterwear already on display at the Empire Polo Fields. But if that is the case, the filmmakers will have to pray that the hot, drunk crowd cooperates, and doesn't spoil the solemnity of a great moment in gay rights by holding aloft their iPhones and screaming, "Spicoooooooooollllliiiiiiiii. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Coachella Set Times
Sunday Afternoon [Hollywood-Elsewhere.com]

Husky Voiced Scarlett Johansson Set To Cover Husky Voiced Tom Waits

Molly Friedman — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:50:00 EDT

It took long enough, but the release date of Scarlett Johansson's highly anticipated debut album is near. The LP, titled Anywhere I Lay My Head, features album cover art of Scarlett looking like an introspective earth mother and showcases her trademark fiery red lips and oft-victimized bosom. And what are we to expect from the music itself? As People reports, her long-awaited covers of famous Tom Waits tunes will include vocals from David Bowie and one original track by Scarlett herself, which sounds like it could be promising. But we took a look back at some of her past performances to get a better sense of what Scarlett's presumably sexy vocals sound like, and aren't entirely convinced Grammys lie in her future.

The first time we remember hearing ScarJo's vocal talents was during that pink-wigged karaoke scene in Lost In Translation. And while she certainly managed to tighten a few thousand male viewers' trousers with her shimmying, the actual audio itself is, dare we say, subpar. Instead of the bold, jazzy acoustics we'd expect from such a deep-voiced actress, all we hear is a whisper-y, high-pitched whine. Then there was last year's dreadful performance at Coachella, where she sang back-up for The Jesus and Mary Chain. While we'll withold judgement until we actually hear the record, we're thinking that Scarlett's talents are probably best suited to fling-based video cameos and grinding with the Pussycat Dolls.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON'S ALBUM COVER ART REVEALED [People]

Coachella Lineup Announced: Prepare Yourself For The Anticlimax

Maura Johnston — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 18:36:51 EST

The long-awaited announcement regarding this year's Coachella Festival has finally taken place, and apparently the big name the organizers got this year was ... Roger Waters? Who will be recreating Dark Side Of The Moon on the festival's main stage? Yeah, really. (What was that I said about festivals being totally over in '08 again?) Tickets go on sale this Friday at 10 a.m. PT; other names on the 125-act bill, via the Los Angeles Times' Soundboard blog and URB, after the jump. (For those of you who think that Roger Waters is a little too old for Coachella: Don't worry, Love and Rockets are on the bill, too!)

Raconteurs
The Verve
Jack Johnson
Kraftwerk
Portishead^*
Death Cab for Cutie
My Morning Jacket
Love and Rockets
Justice
M.I.A.
The Breeders
Rilo Kiley
Sasha & Digweed
Café Tacuba
Fatboy Slim
Spritualized
Tegan and Sara
Madness
The National
Animal Collective
Mum
Pendulum
Sharon Jones
Stars
Battles
Aesop Rock
Midnight Juggernauts
Does It Offend You, Yeah?
Spank Rock
Minus the Bear
Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip
Diplo
Adam Freeland
Santogold
Vampire Weekend
Dan Deacon
Hot Chip
Cold War Kids
Stephen Malkmus
Gogol Bordello
Chromeo
Metric
Danny Tenaglia
Booka Shade
Murs
Cool Kids
Sia
Les Savy Fav
Holy Fuck
Black Kids
Black Mountain
Man Man
I'm from Barcelona
Kid Sister
The Horrors
Austin TV
Shout Out Louds
Luckyiam
Autolux
Modeselektor
The Bees
Professor Murder
Cut Copy
Busy P
VHS or Beta

Coachella 2008 Lineup Announced [The Guide/latimes.com]
Kraftweerk, Roger Waters headline Coachella [URB]
[Poster via ONTD]

^* Please please please let them be playing other Stateside shows. Please.

Coachella: The Rumormongering Rages On!

mjohnston — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 17:49:50 EST

Kevin Bronson at the Los Angeles Times has a sort of update on the heatstroke-inducing desert jam that is Coachella Festival, the lineup of which is being announced next week. According to Bronson, not only is the above poster totally off, My Bloody Valentine will not be one of the "surprising veteran act[s]" on the show's roster—but who cares, because apparently Portishead is going to be there! Maybe I should brave the desert, although I'd need to stock up on some SPF 150 and a gigantic floppy hat before doing so. A list of bands who are, so far, totally definitely 100% rumored to be appearing according to the Internets and blog boards and such after the jump. Can you say "yay, '90s"?

Death Cab for Cutie
The Breeders
Justice
Jens Lekman
Junkie XL
The Verve
UNKLE
Cold War Kids
Chromeo
Autolux
Spiritualized
Portishead
VHS or Beta
Dan Deacon
Brett Dennen
The Cinematic Orchestra
Battles
Kid Sister
Crystal Castles
Louis XIV

Also, some commenter at Brooklyn Vegan is claiming that Led Zeppelin is playing but how many times have we heard that old song and dance lately.

Coachella roster slowly takes shape (and getting misshapen) [Buzz Bands via BV]

Finally, A Star Whose Disappointing Performance Can Genuinely Be Blamed On Dehydration

Mark — Tue, 01 May 2007 13:01:59 EDT

Because we are contractually obligated to pass along all shaky video footage involving actors publicly indulging their frustrated dreams of rock stardom, we spotlight this clip of Scarlett Johansson singing back-up for The Jesus and Mary Chain at this past weekend's Coachella festival, a performance that satisfied the Lost in Translation star's longtime wish to sing a single, off-key phrase in front of thousands of music fans so delirious from a day spent baking in triple-digit heat that her presence on stage would barely be noticed.

The Jesus and Marychain w/ scarlett johansson at Coachella [YouTube via Egotastic]

Coachella Rumormongering: Cruise At The Turntable

Mark — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 19:27:06 EDT

It's merely a subject line in the Coachella message board's gossip thread, so we're not sure it qualifies as anything more substantial than total hearsay, but CityRag points us to five little words that we feel compelled to share: Tom Cruise DJ Set Rumor.

A batshit insane idea? You bet. But Kanye West, Cruise's M:i:III soundtrack buddy, was just added to the lineup, and we all know that Cruise loves nothing more than publicity stunts. So...

Nah. The guy's way too busy practicing for the big finish to his Manhattan-crossing premiere specatcular on Wednesday, in which Impossible villain Philip Seymour Hoffman will dangle both the lone print of the film and Cruise's newborn daughter from the top of the Empire State Building, making Cruise choose which one drops to its doom. Spoiler alert: Our hero's final line of dialogue is, "Sorry, Suri, but I've got a movie to open."

[Image: Cruise DJ by CityRag]

Tom Cruise DJ Set Rumor [Coachella Message Board via CityRag]